What the Spring Does
by pansyass
Summary: Picks up from where the series left off and completes the school year. Angela and Jordan drive away in his car and the snow is melting...
1. Chapter 1

**So, I'm really sorry to have posted, removed and re-posted Chapter One, but...my scene separations weren't transferring and I hated it. And i forgot to say I don't own the characters, and that LuvJordan helped me with this a long time ago, which i am so grateful for. Then I went and rewrote the whole first scene, which I'm still not thrilled with...but the other ones are as they were. This is pretty much my first fiction ever and I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who enjoys it. And constructive criticism is welcome too.**

Chapter One

"_So, I just sat there in Jordan's car while we drove away from Brian and didn't say a word. I mean what was there to say? Brian Krackow, the nerdiest guy in the whole world, wrote me the letter that melted my heart when I thought it was from Jordan Catalano. I mean, how surreal is that anyway? And as for the fact that Brian has liked me all this time ...really liked me? I mean how could I have managed not to know that?...this is such a total disaster..."_

Jordan looks over at her. "Angela, " he says, and his voice is soft and concerned, "Is somethin wrong?"

She looks up and feels herself coming back to him. When she gives her head a little shake no he takes her hand and holds it as he drives, and she forgets completely about Brian Krackow.

Jordan's face is as soft as his voice, and she can't help noticing that it's been like this since she kissed him in the hall this morning. He seems, like, honestly, happy to be with her. And when he looks over at her again, smiling softly, Angela smiles back, and just rests in the quietness of being with him.

"About the letter," she says gently, after a minute. She needs to hear what he has to say about it.

"_Oh shit" _he thinks, the letter –" _was she talking to Brian about that?" _And he's been wanting to tell her, trying..."Look, I've been trying to tell you...you know...all day that, um... I sort of, uh, didn't write it myself.."

She doesn't seem mad, and he steals a look at her, hoping she's really not. She's looking down at her lap. "I know." she says in a whisper.

"I was kind of upset when Ricky told me. For a little while I thought maybe it was some kind of bad joke" Angela says softly.

"_And right then I had this like... I got that I didn't have to be mad at all, almost as if, you know, being angry at him was an easy habit, but I didn't need that anymore, I could just _be_ with him instead, in the quiet, because that was more, like, __honest__" _.

Jordan is still holding onto her hand and now he holds it a little tighter. "Angela" he says, sounding kind of anguished "it wasn't a joke. I, like, really wanted to say how much I, um, like, _regretted,_ what I'd done. I like, hated it.

"And Brian wrote it for you?"

"I wanted to tell you myself... I just couldn't figure out, you know, how to say it. I asked Brian to help me..."

"I'm sorry is good" she interrupts him softly. "I'm sorry usually will work.. . but I think I'm starting to understand how it happened." It had more than a little to do with how Brian felt about her, she's pretty sure about that. She wonders if Jordan understands that part of how it really happened. She nestles into his side and he puts his arm around her.

"I didn't know what to do." His voice is husky. "I couldn't stand to have you hate me."

She reaches up and kisses his cheek. "So do you have anything else you need to tell me?"

Jordan doesn't answer for a minute while he pulls the car over next to a neighborhood park and shuts off the engine.

"Well yeah" he sighs finally, and then he turns to look at her carefully "but, um, how much do you want to hear right now?.. cause we're still, you know, having a nice time, I think. "

He really does seem to be taking this all seriously, Angela thinks, and she touches his arm encouragingly.

"Just what you think is important then, I guess" she tells him.

"Okay" he takes a deep breath and rests his head back on the seat, closing his eyes for a minute before he says "The prison thing and the wish thing that I said in the hall, and that, uh, undefendable thing too."

Angela's face turns red "Brian's?" she says. This is all starting to be too much. She tilts her head back to the same angle as Jordan's and tries to focus because this is even weirder than she could have imagined. Brian Krackow had been coaching Jordan on what to say to her? And how had she ever believed that Jordan had come up with those sentences in the first place?_ I must have been desperate to believe him,_ she thinks. And even stranger than all that is the fact that Angela thinks she is about to giggle.

"What?.." he opens his eyes and looks puzzled when a strangled sort of giggly sound comes out of her throat "You think it's funny?"

"No...I mean...I don't, ..not exactly..I think I'm just like, overwhelmed" "_it is funny though_" Angela thinks in some not so far off part of her brain "_actually it's hysterical_."

But when she sees Jordan looking perplexed and a little lost, something shifts again inside her and she's out of her brain and back to just _being_ with him, wanting him to lose that worried look.

"I'm glad" she tells him, looking at him seriously "that you told me that."

And then, because that look hasn't totally gone away she reaches up and kisses him as sweetly as she can, trying to tell him all the things she can't say, and it seems to be working cause he's kissing her back and it feels like he's trying to tell her something too, the way his mouth lingers on hers, how he cradles her head so carefully in his hands.

"Angela?" he pulls back a little and whispers.

"Ummmum?"

"I thought...this is important..." he pauses for a second and she can tell how difficult for him this is "when I saw you with that guy Corey.. I thought I'd lost you...and I thought it was because, you know, he's smart, and maybe he wouldn't push you, like I did, about sex."

"You're smart" she says, turning to look straight into him so that he knows she means it.

"Yeah" he says in a low voice, brushing her cheek with the back of his finger, and then he's quiet for a minute, looking down. "Anyhow" he continues "that's how it happened with Graf,..me thinking I'd lost you and both of us drunk."

There's a minute where neither of them says anything, but something is waiting to be said and Angela just kind of stares out the window at the park like maybe whatever it is could be out there somewhere.

"I guess I don't want to talk about that anymore, okay?" she says finally, still looking out the window, "I mean, I can't even stand to think about it. And I know you're sorry about it, and that we can't, like, change what's already happened... But the sex thing.." she s turns back and looks at him, hoping she's not about to spoil everything, "well, I haven't changed about that...I don't think I'm any more ready for it now than I was before."

But Jordan just looks back at her and shakes his head.

"That's not the most important thing to me anymore" he says, taking her chin in his hand and running his thumb softly around her mouth. "I mean, of course I, like, want to, but being with you is more important" He bends in to kiss her and she can feel herself wanting to melt into him, when he stops and says "I don't want to push you about it...Angela,.. I just want... can we just be together?"

"Together like?"

"like you're with me and nobody else?"

"Doesn't that usually work both ways?"

"Well, yeah."

"And you won't push me about sex?"

"I'll try not to...I won't."

"Okay" she whispers. She buries her head in his chest and he wraps both arms around her and she can't remember ever being so happy. For a while she rests in his arms and then her brain kicks in and starts to process the previous information.

Jordan can feel her thinking "What?" he says, giving her a little squeeze.

"The Corey thing – that hurt you?"

He doesn't answer and she knows that's because the answer is yes.

"I did it...well, a part of it...on purpose...not to hurt you...I didn't think...I just wanted you to notice, to maybe be jealous."

He's stroking her hair now. "It worked" he murmurs.

"It made a huge mess."

"You had help."

"_And then I got something really important that I can't even explain really, like how people, even Jordan, are so tender somehow, and how easy it is to hurt someone, and it kind of just broke my heart open, but in a good way, you know?"_

"Jordan?"

"Um?"

"We need to try to talk about stuff, you know, when it happens.."

"You mean like, try to figure it out together?" he ducks his head down and kisses her. "yeah, I guess that makes sense."

Angela feels her heart lift. "You amaze me." she says,

He tucks his finger under her chin and turns her face up to look at him.

"Yeah?" he says, "just wait" his voice is flirty now and he's looking at her with that really cute sexy smile of his.

"Just wait what?" she's laughing again.

"Cause I'm gonna really amaze you" he says, pulling her up and kissing her.

* * *

Graham pulls his car up into the driveway and sits in it for a moment. It's been a couple weeks now since Halle told him that her engagement was off and he still somehow hasn't mentioned it to Patti. He just doesn't want her to be more uncomfortable with the situation than is necessary, he tells himself, and it's true. He has to admit there's an attraction there, that's been innocent so far. But tonight's hug – well, Halle would have let it be more, maybe even wanted it to be. "I'm skating on thin ice," he thinks. An understanding wife, a combustible and possibly too available business partner – and his restaurant, his chance to make something of his own. He has to make this work. He's going to make this work.

He walks into the kitchen looking happy and grabs Patti from behind at the dishwasher.

"Graham" she turns and faces him "congratulations"

"Yup" he says, kissing her " it's for sure now...we'll be opening in a month."

"Oh my god."

"So there's a thousand details to take care of...Halle can deal with a lot of them, but I'll have to take care of the menu, food, kitchen supplies, equipment...I know we can't afford a sous-chef at first but am I going to get some kind of kitchen help, maybe prep? ... it's going to be crazy, but I'm up for it."

"It's really happening." Patti is beaming.

"Yeah, what a night ... so Tony Poole, huh?" Graham asks "any restaurant wisdom there?"

"Well, as it turned out" Patti frowns "he didn't make it."

"Wait...I thought you said he was just the same."

"I know... but what I meant was, I finally met Jordan Catalano...your close personal friend...he came by for Angela and while he was waiting for her to get back we ended up talking and I gave him something to eat...so it was a lot like being with a seventeen year old Tony."

"Wait a minute..Jordan was here waiting for Angela?"

"Yes and, for the moment, I think it's safe to say they're an item again." Patti smiles. "We had a pretty serious conversation and he really does seem to care about her."

Graham isn't smiling though. "I hope so...what did you think of him anyway? I have to say he didn't strike me as too trustworthy... or too bright either."

"Really?" she's surprised "maybe it was the three adult to one kid ratio when you met him then...he seemed pretty sweet to me...bright enough...and hungry...mainly hungry."

They laugh.

"So Angela's out with Jordan for a while?

"Yes"

"And Danielle's asleep?"

Patti nods with a big smile on her face - "race you upstairs" she says.

* * *

"I have to help with the stage sets after school" Angela tells Jordan , as she puts their English books back into her locker, "just one more time, for an hour...but if you could wait for me or pick me up after, we could go to my house. "

"You _have_ to help out?" he looks a little hurt.

"I promised Ricky,.. I shouldn't not show up... Is is cause of Corey?"

"Um," he says, looking down "kinda"

"You shouldn't...I mean ..you know who I care about." _He has the sweetest smile in the world_, she thinks. "You could come help.. it would be more fun for me if you were there. You might actually like it."

Jordan thinks about it. It's nothing he would normally do, and he doesn't care about the play. Plus he's not sure if he can be in the same room with Corey. But maybe he'd rather be there than think of her there without him...even if there are going to be other people around. "Maybe" he says, leaning in and kissing her "or see you after."

Twenty minutes into trying to study he's given up, leaves the library and walks onto the back stage where Ricky and Corey are leaning over a stack of styrofoam slabs that have been coated with glue and sand.

Ricky looks up "Hi...Angela said you might come."

"You're Jordan?" says Corey, straitening up and turning to look at him.

"Yeah," Jordan nods, hanging back a little and totally poker faced.

"I'm Corey.. want to give us a hand with these gravestones?"

"Yeah, whatever, where do you want them?"

Angela comes around the corner carrying paintbrushes and breaks into a huge smile.

"You came" she says, reaching up to kiss his cheek.

He puts his arm around her and she moves in close to his side. She's making it very clear that they're together, and he knows she's doing it to make him feel secure. Its a little over obvious, but he doesn't care because its working. Ricky and Corey are trying not to stare.

"Good"says Corey "We need all the help we can get. Let's work on these together, try and finish them up" and for the next half hour they're busy painting gravestones.

"You cut these with a jigsaw?" Jordan asks.

Corey nods "Yeah...we're going to bend rebar and then fasten them down to plywood with plumber's tape and screws."

Jordan's impressed. Sitting with Ricky and Corey and Angela, watching and listening as they talk and make stupid little jokes while they work, is a completely odd experience to him, pretty innocent, but kind of all right too. Angela is watching him shyly, almost protectively. They've never really been with other people and she wants him to be comfortable. Mostly he's being pretty quiet but she likes it that he and Corey seem to be interested in the mechanics of things...they're talking now about how they can make some of the tombstones lean at an angle...and they seem to be getting along well together, in a boy sort of way.

"Ricky says you're in a band or something?" Corey asks

"Yeah"

"What do you play?"

"Guitar"

"And he sings" says Angela proudly "and he writes songs too."

"You playing anywhere around?"

"We're supposed to be at Vertigo again in a couple weeks" says Jordan

"I'll check it out" says Corey

Something makes Jordan ask "Do you play?"

"Not really... I fool around on guitar a little...my dad is the real musician."

Jordan doesn't say anything but he's interested.

When the front stage rehearsal breaks and the cast starts coming back, Rayanne waltzes up behind Ricky and wraps her arms around him "Ah, the cold gray styrofoam graveyard, she purrs dramatically, "a metaphor for Liberty High."

Ricky rolls his eyes and smiles and Angela smiles a little, looking down, but Jordan feels sort of uncomfortable...he's thinking of heading outside for a cigarette and turns his head towards the door when he sees something that really surprises him. Corey is looking at Rayanne Graf like she's the sweetest, prettiest, smartest girl in the world. There's no mistaking it, but Jordan seems to be the only one who sees it.

He wonders if Corey knows about him and Graf. He's even more surprised because that kind of worries him. He's feeling pretty friendly towards Corey, who seems like an all right guy. Interesting too. He's not like any of Jordan's friends, but he's not a nerd or a jock or a smart class kid either. He's obviously smart. He paints and makes things, and has a father who is a real musician.

When they start to put things away Angela and Ricky head off with the brushes and Jordan and Corey lay the wet gravestones up against the back wall.

"So I saw how you were looking at Rayanne." Jordan can't believe he just said that.

"Yeah."

"I don't think anyone else noticed." Now he feels really lame.

"She doesn't seem to" Corey says evenly.

They look at each other...a checking it out, acknowledging it, sort of look.

"I've been pretty jealous of you" Corey says.

Jordan really can't believe that they're about to have this conversation. "_Me__ and how many other guys" _is what he thinks, but what he says is "because of her?"

Corey nods. "I don't usually pay attention to gossip" he says "but I kind of had a front row seat for this."

"This is.. ironic" Jordan almost stutters "I've kind of wanted to kill you."

"Angela?"

"Um hum."

They smile confused guy smiles, looking down and away and finish putting the gravestones away in silence.

* * *

"What's he doing here? Being the perfect little boyfriend now?" Rayanne is practically spitting out her words as she and Ricky leave the backstage area.

"Rayanne, I think he came because Angela wanted him to, maybe because he was jealous of Corey... he's always been nice enough to me."

"Oh yeah, nice Jordan Catalano who does after school projects with his girlfriend. He and Corey seem like best buddies now."

Ricky nods "There was definitely some male bonding going on there.. what do you care though?"

"Male bonding, hrmphh" Rayanne snorts contemptuously, "maybe you should be taking notes or something. He's gotten further with Corey than you have at this point."

"My point being, Rayanne" replies Ricky in a chilly voice "what do you care?"

"I don't, not really" she says, looking a little remorseful, "It's just not fair that they go around holding hands but she can't bring herself to talk to me."

"She's not mad at you anymore and that's something...I want you to be friends again too, but you can't force it."

"I can't do anything. That's the problemo. Good thing I've got the play to obsess over...dress rehearsal Thursday and then -" her arms go up in the air and she makes a little imitation ballet spin.

"Are you nervous" Ricky looks at her "Because you don't seem nervous."

"No, for some reason this feels natural...Angelica was right about this one..." she shakes her head and grimaces, "Who's a better liar than me?"


	2. Chapter 2

**special thanks to Luvjordan who went over this with me in the long ago, and helped make it both much better and more fun**

CHAPTER TWO

"Okay, let me get this straight," says Patti, sitting at the breakfast table on Saturday morning "we'll go to the play together, Jordan will meet you there after he finishes practice, and he'll take you to the cast party and bring you home."

"Yes mom, that is correct."_Does she need a written itinerary? _Angela thinks.

"And the party is at Mr. Katimsky's?"

W_ith a map?_"Yes mom, it is"

"Will Rayanne be there?"

"Well I guess so mom, she has one of the leading roles." _A guest list?_

"How are you and Rayanne doing these days?" Patti looks at Angela carefully "we haven't seen her in a long time."

Angela's been trying to contain her annoyance, but really, this is too much. "Mom" she says in an emphatic voice "what is it with all these questions? And I thought you didn't like Rayanne."

"That's not the case at all, Angela." Patti pauses, trying to choose her words carefully, "I just think that, well.., we all make mistakes. And I'm hoping that whatever Rayanne's done..., I just know that she cares about you a lot, and I hope you can be...generous with her."

Angela says nothing. She wonders just what her mother knows and how she could know it.

The doorbell rings.

"That's Jordan" she jumps up happily, "on his way to work." She pours a cup of coffee, stirs in his three sugars and walks to the front door carrying it carefully.

"Hi" she says, handing him the cup.

"That for me?" he smiles "thanks."

They walk out on the porch and settle in to the swing in the corner. Despite a little sun peeking through, its cold and gray outside and she snuggles up next to him with a little shiver.

"I gotta be at work in a few minutes" he says, wishing he didn't have to.

"I know." She leans her head onto his shoulder and for a minute they sit quietly, moving the swing back and forth while Jordan drinks his coffee.

"My mom was just going on about me being _generous_ with Rayanne - like she wants us to be friends now." A scary thought crosses her mind "You didn't tell her about you and Rayanne, did you?"

"Angela," Jordan laughs..." no...course not" he stops and his forehead wrinkles ... "but that night I was talking to your mom it seemed like maybe she knew something."

"Ohhh," Angela moans "this is too creepy...God knows what else she knows... how does she know?"

"Listen" Jordan interrupts her, "About her..Graf...I think your mom is right" He's on shaky ground, but he plunges on " I know we both messed up.. both of us.. but it was drunk and stupid,"

"Don't" she puts a finger up to his mouth. She still can't stand to think of them together that way.

"Look" he continues, taking her hand "we're good now..right?"

She feels a little happier at the word "we" meaning her and Jordan again and nods with a faint smile.

"I just think she might be, like, really missing you...Tino says she is.. and , well, you know since I first um, met you, Rayanne always tried to watch out for you… she stood up for you with me, you know, told me to respect you. ."

Jordan looks down, worried that he may have said too much.

"Okay, okay..." _why are Jordan and her mother both going on about this? "_I don't hate her or anything...it's just that I can't be the same with her right now. " _Do they really think she's being selfish?_

"Do you think I'm being ungenerous?" _Because it would really bother her if he did._

"No, Ange, ." He kisses her and tucks her hair back. "Course I don't." He feels her soften back close to him and they rock in the swing for a minute.

"Gotta go"

"Okay"

"See you tonight"

Angela stands on the porch watching him drive away and then she sees Brian Krackow on his bike, heading onto the street. Well, she's been putting this off...They haven't really talked since that night in the street, and she needs to say something to him. She's not quite sure what, but here goes.

"Brian" she calls, walking towards him, and he brings the bike to a stop.

"Hi" he says

"Hi" She feels really awkward. "So" she starts "about the letter... Jordan and I talked about it of course... He told me you'd written it … I don't think he understands that you..you know, ...we didn't talk about that." She's watching his face, paying attention to him, and he seems his normal, nervous self.

"So every things good for you .." he's nodding, looking away, avoiding her gaze "well, that's good then ..I'm glad."

But now, since the letter, she knows that part of him isn't.

"Brian, I'm really sorry that I didn't understand what was going on ..I guess I was just being selfish, thinking of myself and Jordan and not noticing other people ... I mean.. "

"It's okay Angela," he interrupts her, "we don't need to talk about it." He knows he never really had a chance. "I'm glad I'm tutoring Jordan, getting to know him. He's really not stupid at all...he's a pretty good guy."

"I think tutoring is really helping" she says gratefully, "He feels good about it, I know...he doesn't say much, but I know he does."

"Good" says Brian "that's good to hear...listen, we don't have to be all serious about this...I'm going to go now."

"Okay. Thanks Brian" she feels a little better now.

But Brian, riding away, feels worse. He's still torn between wanting her, being noble, and hating them both. He's tired of being on the outside of everything. Maybe Jordan is right. Maybe he should call that girl in tutoring. Maybe he will. Maybe.

* * *

Jordan leaves the loft after practice feeling really good. He's happy doing vocals and the band is starting to sound better – he likes whats happening with a new song he's been working on. Work at the garage was a little boring but he's got a paycheck and now he's going to get Angela. He smiles to himself, thinking about her bringing him a cup of coffee on the porch this morning.

He makes it to the theater in the middle of the last act and stands up against the back wall watching. It's the part where Rayanne is leaving the graveyard, going back to a day in her life.

He's never really seen a play before, a serious one. There's a kind of magic going on and he can tell that Rayanne is really good. He can see how she's based the character on Angela, how she tucks her hair back like Angela does, the way that she's so earnest, even the way her chin purses when she starts to cry, and when the play is over and the lights go back on he notices that some of the people in the audience have been crying.

He's thinking about what she said, Rayanne's character, about people not realizing life while it's happening, how they said maybe poets and saints do, and he thinks about the Shakespeare poem Katimsky read, how that poem said so much, how it made him think of Angela. He looks around until he sees her, with her parents, coming down the aisle.

"There's Jordan" says Patti – she and Graham smile and wave – but when Angela sees him her smile tells him how happy it makes her, and he stands there looking back at her until she's close enough to come up and take his hand - "Did you see any of it?" she asks.

He nods, looking into her eyes – she's been crying, and he's a little confused by that, but he loves how soft and sweet her face and voice are.

"Hey Jordan" Graham says "How was practice?

"Good – Okay"

"Did you like what you saw of the play?" Patti asks

"Yeah, I was, um, impressed"

Angela is rolling her eyes – _why can't her parents just dissolve quietly ?_

"I'd like to see Rayanne before we go" says Patti "Do you think we could go backstage?"

"I don't know mom," Angela looks anguished. The thought of her mother gushing backstage is not pretty, not to mention the fact that all she really wants now is to be alone with Jordan. "It might be crazy back there."

"We can go back" says Jordan, "if you want." Patti smiles at him gratefully, but Angela is looking incredulous... "w_hy is he doing this? What is it with the two of them anyhow?"_

The politeness of Jordan's offer and the look on Angela's face is enough to give Patti a clue, and she decides to be generous herself - "Go on you two then" she says..."just tell Rayanne how proud of her we are.." She looks at Angela pointedly "and be home by eleven."

"Okay mom, I will"

"Nite Jordan" they're both smiling at him now. He kind of likes it that they're so nice to him. It makes him feel even more connected to Angela, sort of respectable and all.

"Nite"

"Did you see how they were looking at each other?" Patti says to Graham, watching them walk away. "It's heart wrenching. I wonder if I should talk to her about birth control again."

Graham puts his arm around Patti - "Give them a few weeks Patti – I think Angela knows she can come to you – we can at least not push her into it." Heart wrenching is not how he would have described that look – in fact, he thinks, worrisome is probably the kindest he can do._ "Patti is really romanticizing this",_ he thinks to himself.

"Angela likes this kid" he says to her "And I want to like him too"

"Does that mean I should like him less?" Patty laughs.

"Maybe a little...and don't mention the birth control part too often either. "

They're an old married couple. They smile and think that they know each other. They both think that they're safe.

* * *

Backstage is general pandemonium; people are bustling around, small groups are congregated, stage crew is putting things away. Rayanne is standing with Ricky in a corner, holding his hand, looking a little lost. Angela and Jordan see her from across the room.

"Just go tell her what your mother said" he whispers "you don't have to say much else."

She nods. "I won't be long."

" I'll wait." He watches her walk over to them and sees Rayanne's eyes widen when Angela takes hold of her free hand.

"You were so good" Angela tells her, and Rayanne puts an arm up around Angela's neck -

"I'm so sorry Angela" she say with a little catch in her voice "I'm really sorry."

"I know you are." Angela hugs her back. Even though part of her wants to flee right now, doesn't want to be there being hugged at all – another part knows that somehow she has to work through this because both Jordan and her mom are right... Rayanne is her friend.

"I'm sorry too" she says, though she really doesn't know exactly what she's sorry for. Maybe for clinging to being angry, for being so sure she was so right and Rayanne was so wrong. For not being able to move past how hurt she was.

She separates herself from Rayanne and looks to Ricky for support. He moves quickly back to Rayanne's side and for a minute the three of them stand together in a little circle, holding hands.

"So Patti said to tell you how proud of you she was"

Rayanne makes a funny _awww_ sound and gives a little dramatic sniffle, but she's really touched. "Tell Patti thank you" she says rather formally.

"So Angela, are you coming to the party?" Ricky asks.

"No" she says "Jordan is waiting for me."

Ricky smiles at her wistfully - "I figured as much" he says, happy for her.

"That would be the not yet totally domesticated Jordan Catalano then" says Rayanne in one of her more snarky tones. But then she stops herself. "Go have fun" she says softly, "thanks for coming back." She gives Angela a little push off in Jordan's direction and then they look at each other for a second, both of them really hoping that they can be friends again.

Meanwhile Jordan has been trying to stay out of people's way. He sees a big tree being moved and stands back -

"Hey" it's Corey

"Hi" he turns "the sets looked good"

Corey smiles.

"Graf wasn't bad either" Jordan adds, trying to be friendly.

Corey shakes his head in agreement. "You coming to the party?" he asks, "you worked on it too you know."

Jordan frowns. The drama club party is not where he wants to go at all - "It's up to Angela" he says "but I don't think so."

And she's there, holding his arm, feeling so right - "let's get out of here." she says.

* * *

Angela is still holding Jordan's arm when they get to his car, and he loves the feel of her holding on to him. He doesn't quite know what's happening here, why he feels so good with her. He opens the car door for her and then he turns, kisses her softly and holds her, his eyes closed, smelling that orange smell in her hair, feeling her closeness. He wants to say something but he can't find any words, and then for some reason, he can't let go of her either. She brushes his hair back and strokes it, and turns her face up to look up at him.

"What?" she whispers and smiles.

"Don't know" he mutters, touching her hair, smiling back.

* * *

Corey walks back out front onto the stage. He's kind of trying to look like he's checking on something but really he's looking for Rayanne. There she is, sitting in a chair all alone, looking bereft. He knows just whats going on – he's seen it a hundred times.

"Feeling sad?" he asks, sitting down next to her.

Rayanne nods. She kind of wishes he'd go away. There's a big empty feeling inside her right now, and she's afraid that if anyone is too sympathetic she might start to cry.

"My moms done a lot of theater," Corey says, "she's always crying on closing night."

Rayanne is surprised. "I guess I didn't think about it ending" she says, "I was just so into it while it was happening."

They sit for a minute.

"It's like I really was her – and I still am sort of but it's gone."

"Keep a part of her with you"

Rayanne nods. She's confused and still emotional but Corey sitting with her has helped.

"You'll see... at the party" he says, "that's kind of what it's for...to be with people and come back to ordinary life."

"I wasn't going to go" she begins, but Ricky has found them and he says "of course you're going – all of these people worked on the play together Rayanne."

"Come on" says Corey "If you hate it and want to leave early I can give you a ride home ."

She smiles a little smile of defeat and when she links her arm through Ricky's, Corey offers her his arm too. She takes it, and she likes the way it feels, to be arm in arm with them both. She might never admit it, but it makes her feels safe.

* * *

The radio's playing something really sweet as Jordan turns onto his block after taking Angela home. He can't believe how perfect his day has been. Then he sees both cars in the driveway and all of sudden everything isn't so perfect. His parents are almost never home at the same time anymore. When he opens the car door the sound of their shouting is spilling out into the street, and he wonders how long they've been going at it. There's no reason for him to walk into it; his mom's safe and eventually they'll wear each other out. There's a blanket in the back seat and he can just come back in an hour or two. He'll drive around the block, park somewhere, listen to the radio and think about Angela.


	3. Chapter 3

**So, I want to thank everyone who put me on story alert, or favorite story, and especially, who reviewed. And to the people in Saudi Arabia, Japan, Malta, all around the world, it's really exciting to see you reading this. I don't want to beg for reviews, but it is really is motivating to know someone out there is reading it and not thinking how bad it is, so if you feel at all like saying hi, please do. And now, an unbeta'd chapter three...**

CHAPTER THREE

"_So its the first time I've done anything with Rayanne and Ricky – the three of us together – since, well, you know.."_

"Dad, you're baking" yells Angela as they all come in the front door together after school. They stand in the hall for a second, sniffing and laughing and then follow the smell of butter and sugar into the kitchen. Graham is standing at the stove, carefully stirring a pot of something yellow with a wooden spoon.

"Ricky, Rayanne, my daughter" he raises the spoon and waves.

Ricky and Rayanne stare at the pot as Angela kisses Graham on the cheek.

"Lemon curd?" she asks.

"Um hum – pastry day"

"He's working out the desert menu for the restaurant" she explains.

"What is it?" Rayanne asks Graham.

"Butter, egg, sugar, lemon juice and zest – want to stir it for a minute?"

Rayanne nods.

"Like this – careful with it – its going to thicken and the bottom thickens first so you want to keep stirring the bottom and edges." He hands her the spoon and she stirs carefully, trying to do it just the way he did.

"Is there anything we can eat?" asks Angela.

"Warm tart tatin for now"

"French apple tart, cooked upside down" she translates, and Ricky grimaces and moans. He's not going to be able to pass this one up.

"Its starting to get thick" calls Rayanne, and Graham takes the spoon and gives it a stir.

"Perfect" he tells her " you did good." He lifts up the spoon and traces a line down the back of it with his finger. "This is how you see the thickness" he explains to Rayanne. "Just another minute or so now" he says, stirring carefully. He tests it again and takes it off the stove.

Ricky and Angela are heading for the front room with plates of tart and glasses of milk but Rayanne stands and watches Graham as he pours the mixture into a bowl.

"Grab that rubber spatula" he says, and she helps him get it all out.

"You like doing this?" he asks, handing her the spoon to lick.

"It's magic" she's fascinated. "Do you think I could learn?"

"Yes," he answers "of course I do."

In the front room Ricky and Angela are sitting on the couch.

"I think its going pretty well" Ricky says to Angela.

"I agree – I mean I do love her – but part of me still wants to kill her."

"Well, seriously, that never goes away with Rayanne" he says, "This is so good" he adds, eating the last bite of tart.

"How was the cast party anyhow?" Angela asks quietly as Rayanne sits down on the couch. "My parents think I went" she whispers.

"Kind of ...surprising" says Rayanne "I mean I never would have thought eating Doritos and dip at a school function could be bearable – but I actually think I like drama club."

"I think" says Ricky, and then he stops himself -

"You think what?" says Angela.

"I think that Corey _really_ likes Rayanne" he finishes slowly "and that I'm not jealous."

He realizes it's true as it comes out of his mouth. "Thank God."

"Poor Corey" says Rayanne "between the three of us," she makes a dramatically woeful face and they

all laugh.

"Our own drama club." says Angela, and things feel good again. She leans her head on Rayanne's shoulder and squeezes Ricky's hand, and then they all three pick up their tart plates and lick them in unison.

* * *

"I got some paint chips today" Patti says later in the evening, sitting on the bed and flipping through her datebook. "I was wondering what kind of colors you were thinking of for the restaurant."

"Didn't I tell you?" Graham is looking for something in his sock drawer. "We're going to do that sponge effect thing...subtle though, kind of a Tuscan yellow, dappled gold, old world look...Halle's got a lot of pictures."

"Oh."... she looks disappointed. "you've already decided then?"

"Chop chop" he says, turning to face her and making a quick motion with his hands, "well, not all of it yet of course..just the general look. Wood banquettes, a few booths," he pauses and shakes his head, "Halles all over the details. Her obsessiveness is useful sometimes you know...plates and upholstery fabric and all that."

"How the place looks seems pretty important Graham...don't you want to be involved with that?"

There's a scolding tone to Patti's voice suddenly and he can hear the exasperation in his own voice when he answers her.

"Of course I do...I'm just really busy trying to figure out the kitchen." Graham sits down next to her on the bed. "What's wrong?"

"Its just feels so strange to have you making all these plans without me..I guess I thought you would be talking to me about these decisions."

"I know its happening fast..and that its a big change.." He puts his arm around her shoulder, "and Halle's my business partner and we talk about all this, and then I come home and don't repeat it all to you."

Patti sighs and kisses him. "It's hard enough watching the girls have lives without me, and now you're going to have one too."

"I will never have a life without you" he says. "A profession if I'm lucky. And speaking of the girls" he frowns "don't you think it's a little late for Jordan to be over here?"

"It's just for half an hour." She's feeling slightly sensitive to the fact that she's let Angela get away with this tonight. "I told Angela that from now on he can't be here too late on a school night."

"Didn't they just see each other at school today? I don't get it."

"You do too." Patti smiles, "let them eat some desert in the kitchen and be happy for a few minutes."

* * *

"Say the French name again" Jordan says, leaning over the kitchen counter and watching her. There's something musical happening in her voice when those words come out.

"Why?..okay, _tarte tatin_."

"Cause you sound really, you know, good when you say it" he says, watching her get embarrassed and thinking how cute that is.

"Nobody else in Miss Buisson's class seems to have noticed that...Angela says, smiling up at him. "Do you like it?" she points at the tart.

"Um, yeah, ..better than the other one. The lemon one's kind of .."

"Tart?" she grins.

"Yeah...smart ass" he leans forward and gives her hair a little tug.

Angela giggles happily and then tries to remember what she had been thinking about before he came in the door. There had been some plan on her mind, in fact she had been determined that she would talk to him about this tonight. _Why does she forget everything as soon as he walks into the room? s_he asks herself_. Really, she needs to talk to him about this._

She takes a breath.

"So how's it going with Brian?" she asks as casually as possible, "because I was thinking I could still help you too if you want."

She _has_ been thinking about this a lot, because she wants school to be easier for him and she knows it will be when his reading skills improve.

"I don't know Angela...it's going good with Brain...he's pretty organized you know, like, he's got this phonics manual and everything." Jordan's looking down at his plate like he doesn't really want to talk about this.

"Yeah" she says "but what if we just read something together so you would get more practice?" she forges on "something interesting and not so hard...I mean it would be sort of like you helping me practice driving."

Now it seems like his thumbnail is starting to look kind of interesting to him.

Jordan seriously doesn't like this idea, and wishes she would back off. "Could we not talk about this?"he says, and his voice is really quiet.

So is hers.."Why not?"

"Cause I don't like the idea of looking stupid with you, okay... there, that's why."

There's a little tug at her heart, and she knows he wants her to stop, but she's determined.

"Jordan" she says softly as her hand goes up to touch his cheek. "you don't think I'm stupid because I can't drive yet, do you?"

He's not answering her and he's still not looking at her. "_Sometimes she really doesn't know when to stop,"_ he thinks.

"We could read car magazines" she says, making a funny face, trying to make him smile.

"Angela!"..his elbows come off the counter and his palms are turned up in frustration... "you are so..so.."

"Obstinate? Tenacious?"

"Obnoxious" he says, pulling her close and holding her. "What's tenacious?" he whispers after a while.

"Doesn't let go" her arms wrap around his waist and she holds on tight.

"Okay, that too."

For a minute she's quiet... "Say yes" she murmurs, her head buried in his shoulder.

"Maybe" he says, just to shut her up, but he's not annoyed anymore, and there's a little bit of a smile on his face.

* * *

"I've been thinking about something" Graham announces in the midst of the morning kitchen rush.

Angela is looking for a book, Patti is pouring a coffee, Danielle is once again waiting by the toaster, and no one seems to be paying the slightest attention.

But when he says "I'm thinking about training Rayanne to help me in the restaurant with pastry", everyone stops what they are doing and looks at him in surprise. There is actually a moment of complete stillness.

Danielle is the first to respond. "I think its a good idea" she says importantly.

"Oh really?" Angela asks sarcastically, "and why is that?"

"Because Rayanne wants things to happen fast...she told me so, and"

"and things happen fast in restaurants." interrupts Graham. "She's interested in food, she's smart and she likes intensity...perfect kitchen qualifications"

"I agree" says Danielle.

"I'm not sure she'd be dependable" says Angela

"I worry about all the alcohol around" says Patti

The two of them look at each other in surprise, and Angela finds herself both a little thrown off to be lining up with her mom and a little ashamed of criticizing her friend.

"Maybe Dads right" she says, "Rayanne really can think on her feet"

"She certainly has plenty of energy" Patti pauses "do you think it would interfere with her schoolwork?"

Angela looks away quickly, trying not to let them see her laugh "I don't think so"

"Its an idea" says Graham "pastry is my least favorite thing, and she does seem interested. Don't say anything yet, Angela" he adds "I'll think about it and run it by Halle."

"No, of course not" She's a little surprised to feel a bit of jealousy come up...Rayanne in her dad's restaurant? "_But I would never want to do that myself," _she thinks to herself, and the more she thinks about it, the better of an idea it seems. She has a feeling that actually its a great idea. And then a horn honks outside and she smiles because Jordan's out there waiting for her. She's happy, and she wants her friends to be happy too.

* * *

"So let's read it together, and then you can read it alone..we can take it one paragraph at a time" says Brian "just for a few pages"

They're partway through the Odyssey and Jordan pretty much knows his way around the names and the repeated multi-syllable words..he actually has a pretty good feel for the rhythm of it, and his reading is improving. But the story is slow going and after about twenty minutes they close the book. Brian asks him a few questions and it's clear that Jordan is definitely retaining what he's reading, so that's not a problem. And even Brian has to admit the Odyssey is no pleasure read.

"So Angela was asking if I wanted to practice reading something with her" says Jordan "I'm not so sure it's a good idea though." He looks at Brian hoping that he'll agree.

"Well technically speaking...the more you read, the easier it gets..so it is a good idea" he pauses. He wants to ask, but he doesn't want to .. "why wouldn't it be a good idea?"

"With you," Jordan looks down at the desk, "it's official, you know...but Angela.." he looks up, "sometimes she's really, um, _tenacious_, you know, and she's got this idea that it would help and..."

"She gets pushy" Brian says it for him. "You should just try it" he adds.

"You think so?"

"Definitely..and if it doesn't work then don't do it anymore." He wonders how he can possibly be giving Jordan advice on Angela after the last fiasco, but.. "the thing with Angela is that she does get these, like, ideas...and if you don't try them, she'll just keep on pushing. But if you try them and they don't work then she gives them up pretty easy." He feels a little uncomfortable now... "years of playing together and fighting in the sandbox" he adds.

Jordan laughs.. "Thanks" he says, "that helps." He wishes he could ask Brian how long Angela is going to take before they have sex, but, well, he knows that's not a topic for conversation.

"Umm.." Brian is looking embarrassed, and they seem to be on somewhat parallel thought trains because he says "so..that girl..you know, Janet...remember, you got her number for me...do you think I've waited too long to call her?"

"No," Jordan smiles. "just go over and talk to her about something now..and then you can call her tonight...that'll work...You still have the number?"

"Yes" says Brian "I'll go after we're finished here...what can I talk about?"

"Talk about school, Brain...that should be easy enough...just talk, you know?"

"Yeah, okay, well let's get back to this" Brian fidgets nervously with his pencil and then moves his books around as he reaches for the phonics manual. "You're doing really well at this, you know" he adds, looking at Jordan, and then he feels good about having said that.

"Thanks " Jordan says quietly. It's almost the first time in his school life he's heard that outside of shop or gym class, and he thinks to himself that he's really got to help Brain get a girlfriend now.

* * *

"So explain this again to me please...you aren't interested in Corey.." Sharon is saying to Rayanne as they comb their hair in front of the bathroom mirror.. "because he's a nice guy?"

"Well that is part of it...Ricky really liked him , though I guess that's kind of hopeless, huh?...mainly I think he's looking at me like I might..I don't know, be his girlfriend or something." She loops her hair up into yet another barrette, and eyes it critically.

"This is a negative in your book?" Sharon looks exasperated "he might take you seriously?..It's not because of that lowlife Tino guy, is it?"

"Tino? You mean the lowlife who took you to the hospital when your dad was sick?" Rayanne glares at Sharon.

"You're right...I'm sorry...but is it because of him?" Sharon asks again "You guys seemed awfully...familiar, I thought."

Rayanne looks at Sharon carefully. "Are you interested, Cherski? Cause I don't really think he's your type...I mean he could be my type, but it would be, you know, incest?...Tino's the closest thing to a sib I've got...known him from the cradle." She pauses and leans back from the mirror, holding onto the sink for a stretch. "But I can put in a word for you if you are. Interested, that is?"

"Thanks anyway" Sharon tries again.."So, Corey?"

"So, Not. My. Type." Rayanne bites out the words succinctly.

"Couldn't you just give it a chance?" Sharon had seen them at the cast party and she was pretty sure there was something waiting to happen between the two of them.. "maybe he'd be a good friend if nothing else."

Angela and Ricky come in laughing together, and Rayanne says "I have friends again".. she makes an insecure little face"..don't I?"

"Who, you?" Angela grins and hugs her.

"It's the Corey conversation again" Rayanne says by way of explanation.

"We've been through this with her, Sharon" says Ricky. "if she doesn't like him, well.., she doesn't like him"

"Yeah, but I think she just might.." Sharon is pretty sure about what she saw.

When the bell rings Sharon and Ricky head off, but Angela stays put.

"Listen, Rayanne,..I have to get to class, but well..my dad asked me not to mention this, but I have to know something"

Rayanne looks surprised... "Yes Angela, its true" she says "Graham and I are having a mad, passionate.."

"Stop that...but listen..he hasn't figured this out yet so don't be disappointed if nothing happens, but would you want to learn about pastry from my father and maybe help in the restaurant?"

Rayanne's face twists up in an odd way and she doesn't say anything.

"Okay, so its not a good idea" Angela tells her "that's why I wanted to talk to you first."

"Really?" Rayanne looks confused "your dad thinks I could do that?...Angela, I would love to do that...at least I think I would"

Angela is smiling "So you do like the idea?..me too, but it would be work you know.."

"So what else do I have to do now that the play's over?" she shrugs "I mean it's not like I'm going to start going to class or anything drastic."

She's scowling slightly, and when Angela looks at her curiously, Rayanne scowls even harder and points towards the door.

"Go to class" she says "you said you had to."

And then she adds "I'm fine" because Angela has turned and is looking at her with the kind of concerned, questioning look that means "are you all right?"

"Okay" Angela nods, and gives her a little smile.

"Thanks for telling me Angelfood" she says, smiling back.

But when the door closes, Rayanne turns to look at herself in the mirror. "_What is it with all these emotions lately?" _she thinks to herself, because for some stupid reason she feels like crying again. Like just because Angela's father thinks she could learn to cook and Corey looks at her like she's important that means anything. But it does mean something to her, and it's a little frightening, like when Angela believed she could get the part in the play. She hasn't had a drink since rehearsals started and she doesn't quite know what to do with herself right now. She guesses maybe she'll venture out into the hallway and see if there's anything there to see. And if not, maybe she'll be _forced_ to do something drastic, like go to English and surprise Ricky for a change.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

"Wait".. Halle hits the switch and the fountain starts in the entrance to the restaurant dining room as Graham looks around. It's early evening and he's just walked in to the room that now has almost everything in place. The lighting is muted, the natural woodwork is shining softly, the banquettes are upholstered, and it looks..., well, pretty much like the place of his dreams.

"Halle, its beautiful" he says. He'd had no idea that she could manage to make it look like this .. old world and contemporary, elegant and relaxed. "How did you do it?..its perfect."

"I just kept going until I found what I wanted" she says, laughing. But she had known what he wanted too, it had been easy for her to see what made him smile, how he liked things to be. "The table settings aren't here yet, and of course we'll have flowers, and.."

"People" says Graham...lots of people. I hope."

"We're going to have people...I know we are"

"Okay partner" he says and watches her smile. He can't help what he sees, and he sees a Halle who is engaged and happy, full of life. It would seem so natural to just lean over and kiss her, he thinks, here in their restaurant, and a part of him is sorry that he's not going to do that.

"Two weeks until we open" he says instead, shaking his head in disbelief.

"A week from Friday" she reminds him.

"I think I'll call Patti and tell her to bring the girls down to see it" he says, partially to remind them both of his family's existence. He hasn't been home a lot lately and when he has, he's been exhausted. "maybe we can eat dinner here, instead of me hauling food home again."

He likes the idea of his family eating in the dining room together, kind of a pre-opening picnic, and he wants them to see the place. He needs them to feel included in the restaurant, especially Patti.

"Want to stay and eat with us?" he asks Halle.

She shakes her head "Thanks, but I need to get out of here for awhile"

He watches her while she pulls her stuff together, muttering, laughing, spilling things out of her purse and stopping to pick them up again as she heads out, and then he stands and looks around at the dining room again, smiling.

* * *

"Sweetheart, that sounds great" Patti says into the telephone "Do we need to bring anything?" She's so pleased that she's beaming. "We'll leave as soon as Angela gets here. It shouldn't be long." She puts the phone down and stands there for a minute, thinking.

Patti doesn't like to admit it to herself, but she misses seeing Graham at work everyday. She's beginning to realize just how much she had taken for granted his being there all the time, sharing their work world, providing an invisible but real moral support to the day that was gone now...and just to add injury to insult, she hadn't been able to replace him yet professionally. Since the last person hadn't worked out and she'd fired him, she's been without a presentable sales manager. Tom, their pressman for years, was answering phones and filling in some of the gaps when she went out on sales calls, but the simple truth was that they were short-handed and overworked. Her father had taken to stopping by the place a couple of times a week, advising her on what she should be doing, both professionally and personally, and that was even more tiresome. The business had supported them for years, made them independent in a sense, but there were times when she wished she had found something of her own, something not related to her father. It was one of the reasons she had encouraged Graham to find his own way, and she didn't regret it. She just hadn't realized how much she would miss him being part of her work life.

"Danielle, guess what?" she shouts. "We're going to dad's restaurant for dinner."

* * *

"My moms home" Angela says, visibly disappointed as they pull up to her house.

They'd been hoping to have a little more time before Patti got home, to sit close together on the couch and sort of do their English homework, at least when Danielle was around.

Jordan nuzzles her neck. "we could make a quick getaway" he says in that voice that makes Angela melt "go somewhere, you know..."

"We'd better go in" she says "what if she saw us?" She looks resigned and he isn't going to argue but he does pull her in for a kiss first, and then he holds onto her for a bit, sniffing her hair while she plants a tiny kiss on his collarbone. "Let's go" she says "At least there's tons of food in there."

"I'm gonna stop by Brain's for a minute" he tells her, as they get out of the car, "I want to ask him something...about tutoring."_ "It's tutoring_", he thinks, smiling to himself at the fact that in this case he's the tutor_._

"Hey" he says, when Brian opens the door looking surprised "I just wondered..um..if you'd made that phone call yet...I was just bringing Angela home..and, like, thought I'd check." He figures Brian needs all the help he can get in this area.

"No, I, uh, didn't call yet. Maybe later, you know, after dinner would be better, I thought." Brian is looking sheepish "Come on in."

"Just for a minute" Jordan says, gesturing across to Angela's house before he steps in the door.

In the Krackow kitchen they stand at the kitchen counter, next to the telephone, which Brian is nervously trying to avoid looking at. He knows whats coming.

"Go ahead Brain," Jordan tells him, "Do it now."

* * *

When Angela opens the door she's flushed and laughing. She's actually kind of excited about going to see her father's restaurant, and Patti has told her to invite Jordan along.

"I haven't been there since he got the stove hooked up"she tells him, holding onto his hand and looking up at him "do you want to come with us for dinner?"

He looks a little uncomfortable and she leans up next to him "I'm sorry she's home too" she whispers,"don't come if you don't want to...but my dads a really good cook...at least drive me there and see how the place looks?"...there's a little pleading to her voice and when he nods and strokes her neck Angela sighs and smiles. At least she'll be able to stay close to him for another few minutes.

"Are you coming with us, Jordan?" Patti says, coming down the stairs with Danielle.

"Uh, I don't think I have time before practice" he says, "but I can drive Angela down..." he realizes that's a little clumsy " would you like me to drive you all?" he asks

"That might make sense" Patti says "We can come back together with Graham..." she smiles at him "yes, thank you, it's really nice of you to offer" _"and a way of getting Graham home at a decent hour_" she thinks to herself.

"We're going in his car?" Danielle says in a suspicious voice.

Patti laughs, Angela rolls her eyes and Jordan acts like this is perfectly normal. It's a little awkward piling into his car, and Angela insists on her mother sitting in the front seat with Jordan, which is sort of a disappointment to him, while she and Danielle get in back. She doesn't really like the arrangement either, but it would have just been too weird to be sitting up there next to him with her mom behind them. " _How can he be so easy with my mom and yet I never hear anything about his family?"_ she thinks. She knows his parent's names, and what they do and that he has an older sister, married in New Jersey, but they're invisible mystery people to her, and he's sitting in the front seat talking easily to her mother, looking back at her in the rear view mirror while Danielle leans forward, trying to be part of the front seat conversation.

When they pull into the parking lot Patti and Danielle run for the kitchen door, but Jordan seems to be hanging back a little, and Angela turns to look at him.

"What does that mean, Ondine?" he asks, scowling at the name on the door and stumbling over the pronunciation.

"It's French for water sprite...cause of the fountain , you'll see. You say it _Ondeene_...like, long e's" she tells him, and stands there watching him frown.

"Does my father make you nervous?" she asks, wondering why he seems so reluctant to go in.

"Ummm..." he says noncomitally, giving his head a little shake.. "he's okay." Jordan hasn't really forgotten that first time he met Graham at her house, how uncomfortable the whole thing was, how not good he'd felt about it. Saying hello or goodbye was fine, but hanging out in his restaurant or sitting down to dinner...

"My dad's the easy one." She takes his hand.

They're about to go in the back door when Patti and Danielle come back out, followed by Graham.

"Dad says we have to go in the FRONT DOOR" Danielle says.

"Jordan" Graham says, putting a hand on his shoulder, watching Angela slide her arm around Jordan's in an unmistakable gesture of support. He smiles at the idea that he could scare his daughter's boyfriend, and decides to be especially nice to him.

Graham opens the front door with a bow and a flourish and they all gape.

"It's beautiful Daddy" shrieks Danielle as Angela and Patti smile and agree.

"Wow" says Jordan "it's great." He wants to be polite, but the whole thing is starting to feel a little unreal to him. This place is...fancy, not the kind of place he'd be comfortable in. Angela's dad seems really nice, and her family seems perfect... for a minute he feels completely out of place, wondering what he's doing here with a nice girl and her normal family.

"Dad" says Angela, holding on to Jordan's hand "Jordan has to go to practice...can we make him something to take with him?

Towards the back of the dining room there's a table set for five, with candles and lots of food on it.

"Sure you can't stay Jordan?...we'd really like you to." Graham is being super nice.

"Thanks...it smells great.." He's almost tempted but it's just too much for him. Maybe they're just being polite, too. "I..we..the band, have to get ready for next week at Vertigo..we're gonna play a set next Thursday."

Graham heads for the kitchen.. "I'll get you something to take with you."he says

By the time Jordan's back outside and in his car he's feeling overwhelmed...that's a lot more family than he's used to, nice or not. He lights a cigarette and starts the car. For the first time in a while he'll be glad to get to the loft, hang out with the guys, have a beer and act like a normal, seventeen year old fuck-up again. Too bad Tino won't be there.

* * *

"How was the family dinner?" Halle asks Graham cheerfully when he comes in the next morning. It's nine o'clock and she's already been there an hour, signing for deliveries and unpacking flatware. She's surprised to find herself a little bit jealous.

"Great" he says, not elaborating, "really great." He's beginning to realize that he may need to draw pretty clear boundaries around conversations concerning his family. He has a weird sense that right now Halle's actually jealous of Patti and the girls. At first Graham had assumed that what Halle wanted was a business partner she could flirt with. "_Was I completely off?"_ he wonders now.

The family dinner really had been great, the girls and Patti clearly excited by the restaurants reality, and one of the first family meals in a while where everyone seemed genuinely happy to sit down with each other. Patti had been the most relaxed he'd seen her in weeks, and pleased with the new dining room, while Angela was happier than she'd been in a long time, clearly because of Jordan Catalano. Maybe Graham might have preferred his daughter's first boyfriend to be a little younger, less handsome and less experienced , but it was pretty clear that Jordan was a good enough kid, who seemed to really like and respect Angela. Still, even though he would have been happy enough to include him last night, he was glad Jordan had left. Having his family together in the restaurant, feeling their excitement in his new venture and their support had seemed pivotal, meant more than he would have thought. _"I'm not going to let anything hurt this"_ he thinks to himself, and a part of him knows that when he thinks that, he's thinking of himself and Halle Lowenthal.

* * *

"Is he okay?" Brian asks.

"I think so." Angela is shaking Jordan's shoulder.

He's asleep on his English desk, something that hasn't happened in way more than a month, and Angela and Brian are looking at him with concerned faces. Class is over and the room is empty except for Mr Katimsky, who is busy at the board and seems determined not to have noticed.

Brian is watching Angela look at Jordan with a kind of jealous curiosity, while Angela is looking at Jordan as if he's the most precious thing in the world. He looks so sweet asleep that she finds herself overcome with tenderness and starts thinking about what it would be like to wake up with him. Which would involve going to sleep with him, which she thinks about more and more these days, only not so much the sleeping part. When she leans over, kisses his cheek and says his name, he opens his eyes and gives her a drowsy, sweet smile.

"_I could get used to waking up like this _..," he thinks, to Angela, leaning over him, brushing his hair out of his eyes..."_oh shit, I slept through the bell_." He's almost never done that... He wonders if he's lost something, that sixth sense that's always let him sleep through class more or less undetected and wake up when the bell rang, but a part of him isn't very worried about losing it. Staying out with those morons in his band and getting drunk had been nowhere near as acceptable as it used to be, and he doesn't plan on doing it much in the future.

He pulls himself up from his desk , puts an arm around Angela and sees Brian, standing there looking slightly embarrassed.

"Hey Brain" he says, breaking into a slow smile... "got a date?"

Brian's face goes blank and then he kind of giggles... "uh, yeah.." He's totally embarrassed now.

"You okay?" he mumbles.

"Just practiced late last night"

Angela laughs "With who?" She asks, meaning Brians date, but Jordan looks confused, and a really worried look crosses Angela's face.

"I, like, meant, who does Brian have a date with" she explains.

"I'd better get to class." Brian says, making a clumsy bolt for the door.

"Bring her to see us at Vertigo" Jordan yells after him.

"Mr. Catalano," Mr Katimsky says, turning and looking at him, "could I have a word with you?"

* * *

Jordan walks out of Katimsky's classroom with a frown on his face. Katimsky's been nothing but fair with him, and now he's actually been concerned, telling him how much of an improvement he's noticed in Jordan's work, and how he hopes he won't see him sleeping in class again.

"Hey Jordan." Corey Helfrick says.

"Oh, hey," Jordan shuffles his feet for a minute as they both slow up and come to a halt. "I fell asleep in English" he adds by way of explaining the frown. "Katimsky called me on it."

Corey gives him a wry smile "Too much fun, huh?"

"Nah, not really...more like a late practice session, and too much beer"

Corey nods his head in sympathy "I hear your Vertigo gig is coming up"

"Yeah, next Thursday...how'd you know?"

"I was down there yesterday" Corey answers "I put a couple of my paintings up..small ones." he adds "but it felt good to hang them somewhere, you know."

"Yeah" Jordan says looking at him "I can, um, imagine." It's how he feels about playing there. "that's good...so I'll see them there, like, next week."

"Unless somebody buys them first" Corey jokes, and Jordan smiles back.

"Or I get signed first and moved to L.A." he grins. "I gotta get to shop."

"I'm going to gym" says Corey.

They're both headed in the same direction, and with mutual nods they begin to walk together, talking about shop projects and teachers.

* * *

It's been crazy at the Print Shop today, and Patti is really happy to be outside and away from it now, even it it just for a few errands and a quick lunch with Camille. It's cold, but there seems to be some sign of spring in the air, _March coming in like a little lamb, _ she smiles to herself, and hopes that it might just stay that way.

She pulls up to the dry cleaners and fumbles in her purse for meter money when out of the corner of her eye she see someone she knows...what was his name, Halle's fiance? Brent, no..

"Brad" she calls, and he turns and looks at her for a second, not recognizing her.

"Patti Chase" she says, holding out her hand and smiling, "Grahams wife."

"Of course" he says as they shake hands. "How's the restaurant coming along?"

_Funny question_, she thinks "We saw the dining room a few days ago, and it looked beautiful..you must be so proud of Halle" she adds.

He looks uncomfortable, or embarrassed and Patti wonders if they've been fighting or something.

"Graham has been working overtime pulling the kitchen and the menu together" she says.

"That was a great meal he cooked for us at your house" Brad finally says "I'm sure the place is going to be a big success...listen, I've got to run...nice running into you. Say hello to Graham for me."

_This feels so odd_, thinks Patti "We'll see you at the opening next week" she says with a big fake smile, and when she sees him looking down at the sidewalk and shaking his head no, she starts to feel like things are moving in slow motion, like she knows what he's about to say.

"I guess you didn't know" he tells her "Halle and I broke off our engagement a while back."


	5. Chapter 5

**So I seriously anguished over some of this, especially the last scene...I couldn't get it right, was it too mushy or overwritten, and finally I just gave up and posted...If anyone out there feels up to it, I'd be grateful for beta help...and thanks again for the reviews and story alerts, they really mean a lot.**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_Jordan and I have been together for a month now. I know this because I put a little heart on my calender when I got home that first night. Yeah, I know, it's kind of dumb, but I wanted to remember the date, which would formally be one month tomorrow, Friday. I know he has no idea. Jordan doesn't always remember what day of the week it is, and he doesn't think in terms of dates at all. And really that's right. I mean, it's totally contrived and silly, these anniversaries that people insist on celebrating, these made up landmarks. And since he's playing at Vertigo tonight, which is like, a really big deal, and tomorrow night is my father's restaurant opening, there are bigger things to celebrate. The funny thing is that if I mentioned it to him, I know he'd try to do something about it. He's been really sweet that way, he like, tries to figure out being a good boyfriend. But a date on a calender doesn't mean anything real. I just kind of, you know, smile, when I think it's been a month now._

Getting ready for the Vertigo show had consumed all of the past week for Jordan, and Angela had found herself maybe even more excited than he was, and definitely more nervous. Without paying any less attention to her than before, he was focused on the upcoming show in a quiet, intense kind of way. She had been included in almost all of it, and he'd wanted her at rehearsals as much as she could be there. They'd been at the loft a lot after school during the week and he'd played and sung his new songs for her, and gone over the covers they'd be playing. They'd put up posters around town together and plastered the school with them and they didn't seem to have spent any less time than usual making out. But it was the first time she'd seen him so absorbed in something, and it made her wonder what she could possibly be absorbed in herself, why she wasn't absorbed in anything besides him. At home her dad was putting the same kind of single mindedness on Friday's opening. Almost all of the dinner table conversations of the past week had been about the restaurant's opening night party for friends and associates. It made her curious.

"I don't know Ricky..."

They're standing in front of her bedroom mirror, putting on eye make up and getting ready for the show.

"It occurred to me this week that everybody but me has some interest or talent. Maybe I'm just a one dimensional boring person whose life begins and ends with Jordan Catalano and my friends. "

Shes smiling as she says this, because even though it has occurred to her a few times this past week, she's been too busy and happy with Jordan to give it much thought. _"It does seem like something worth considering"_ she thinks. "_But there's the other side of that thought too" _ "On the other hand, maybe it's just really, like, egotistical to think I'm supposed to do something highly _individualistic_...I mean does everybody have to go around finding ways to be _special_?"

"Maybe you're over thinking this Angela..." Ricky says with a tolerant smile.. "Since you're in love" he tells her "and so, it would seem, is Jordan, why worry about dimensions and individualism right now? And besides, you do have interests...its clumping right there" he points at her mascara, " I know you do, you, uh, like to read... See? "

"See what? I told you...not school, not sports, not art or drama or anything creative...I'm truly boring, except for entertaining myself with a book and loving a few people." She pinches at the clump with her fingers "I'm useless."

"You're fifteen Angela... you aren't supposed to have it all figured out...and," he looks at her, "you're good at loving people." He pauses, and says "if you weren't my friend my life would be so much harder."

There's something in his voice that makes Angela stop and look at him. He looks a little sad, and Angela leans over and kisses him on the cheek.

"Well, you're easy to love" she says. "And you have lots of interests, besides."

Ricky hasn't mentioned it to anyone but watching Corey Helfrick not only look at Rayanne the way he does, but strike up a friendship with Jordan, has been a little difficult to observe without at least a twinge of envy. He's not jealous, but he does feel kind of invisible and it makes him wonders if he'll ever meet someone. His new friend, Delia Fisher, is a sweet person, but the truth is, her cheeriness is sometimes a little tiresome._"Right now I'd give up any interests just to be loved like you are" _ he thinks of telling Angela, but decides to keep that to himself.

"Let's get you dressed" he says instead.

* * *

Vertigo is packed. Corey put together a great flier with lino cut guitars and a shadowy silhouette of the band, and her mom had printed up a bunch, and it looks like it's paid off. Now Angela just hopes, for Jordan's sake, that the rest of the band can pull it together. They sounded pretty good at last night's rehearsal.

She's sitting at two tiny tables pushed together in front of the stage with Ricky, Delia, Sharon and Rayanne when Corey walks in by himself.

"Think I can fit in here?" he asks, and everyone squeezes even closer together as he grabs a chair from another table and scoots in casually next to Rayannne, who looks across the room and turns back to the table with her face twisted up, trying hard not to laugh .

"Angela!..Look!.." It's a stage whisper across the table... "Brian Krackow is here with a girl!"

"Where are your manners Rayanne?" says Ricky, with a concerned look at Delia who makes a disgusted face but says nothing, while Angela looks around at Brian, catches his eye and gives a friendly wave. Corey is looking amused and Sharon,the eternal matchmaker, pleased.

"I think it's nice of Brian to come see Jordan play" says Sharon "and I'm glad to see him with a girl.." she looks at Delia sympathetically, "even if he doesn't deserve one."

"Here they come" Angela whispers as Residue start out on the stage. She reaches for Ricky's hand and holds it tightly.

The club manager is walking towards the stage to introduce the band when Rayanne sees a dark haired guy slip in and lean up against the back wall and she jumps up to go back and stand next to him.

"So you came to see Catalano.." she says. "is this curiosity or friendship?"

"Both I guess" Tino answers, slipping an arm around her shoulder. "Could be you or me up there you know."

"Don't remind me...please." They both smile.

"Who's the guy you're sitting with?"

"Corey. From drama club. He's sitting with _us, _not me."

"Well he's looking at _you,... _Tino grins at Rayanne_ "_in a _very_ nice kind of way...don't you like him?"

"Everyone, like, comments on that...but all he does is.. look." She looks slightly perplexed. "I like him, you know, as a person, but nothing more."

Tino stares at her for a minute like he's going to say something but decides not to. There's a very pretty girl coming their way and he musses Rayanne's hair instead. "Go back to your friends" he whispers and she gives him a little jab in the arm before heading back to the table, just as the band is tearing into a Pixies cover.

Angela is so excited and so nervous she can only sit still by holding onto Ricky's hand for dear life. But there doesn't seem to be anything to be nervous about anymore. Jordan sounds good..he looks confident and into it, and the band is hanging in there, actually sounding okay. She looks around the room and people are paying attention and smiling...they seem to be liking it. Brian and the girl he's with are actually looking kind of excited. She looks up at Jordan with a huge grin on her face and he smiles right back at her, and then she relaxes and just goes with the music.

The sound gets a little distorted at one point in the set, but it gets adjusted pretty quickly and everything else goes smoothly. They play Red, and one other original that seems to go over pretty well. There's enough applause at the end to signify that the crowd has enjoyed Residue's set, and when Jordan walks off the stage smiling and saying thank you, Angela sinks back into her chair with a sigh and a smile. At tables around her people are looking pleased and saying that the band was good and everyone at her table is looking pretty happy. She sees Jordan coming towards her from the side entrance, but he's blocked by a little group of people wanting to talk to him. From across the room Tino catches his eye and they grin and nod at each other. He looks back at Angela and gives a bashful shrug as he thanks the people around him, trying to move slowly towards her until he realizes he can't get away and then he calls her name out loud making a come here gesture. She pushes through the little crowd around him and everything else disappears for a minute as he wraps his arms around her and holds her tight, and then they walk through the people together, smiling and holding hands.

In the back of the room a middle aged man is standing with Helen, the Vertigo manager, chatting quietly. When Corey goes up to him the man smiles and nods and they talk for a minute.

"Jordan" Corey calls, as he and Angela walk past.

"Hey" Jordan smiles, looking over at Corey, nodding at Helen and the guy standing with them.

"Good set" she tells him. "and you brought in a good crowd. We'll be wanting you back."

"Um, thanks" he can't stop smiling. "We, um, we'll like that."

"By the way" she adds "I want you to meet David Helfrick, songwriter and studio musician from L.A."

Jordan's looking at Corey.

"My dad" Corey tells him. "Dad this is Jordan Catalano...and Angela Chase" he adds, looking at her.

"Mr Helfrick" says Jordan, shaking his hand.

"David" he corrects him "and you sounded good up there." He smiles at Angela "Nice to meet you."

"Uh, nice to meet you." Jordan says, as Angela smiles politely "I, um wish I could talk but I've got to, um, get back to the band."

"Have Corey bring you around the house some time" he tells him.

They barely have time to talk to each other either because it's a school night. By the time they've helped the guys pack up the drum kit it's already late and he has to drop her off on the way back to the loft in order to get her home on time.

* * *

At school the next day several people come up to Jordan in the hall and say they saw the show. The other members of Residue tell him they want to hold a band meeting to discuss their future, which he thinks is ridiculous. It was one good show, with flaws, and as far as he's concerned, their future is their next gig, date unknown, and rehearsals. He'd felt good after the show but he really doesn't like getting this kind of attention, and aside from the drive to school, he's barely gotten to talk to Angela. And after school he has to work, so they won't even see each other until he gets to the restaurant opening party tonight, and who knows when they'll manage to get away from there. They end up ditching third period and meeting in the boiler room, just to be able to hold each other for a while and talk alone without being interrupted. They sit down on a couple of crates and lean back against the wall, alternately kissing softly, being quiet and talking a little about everything that's happened since last night. They talk about the sound glitch during the set, about Corey's father, about the restaurant opening, about homework for Katimsky's, and for the first time in more than a week, even though they're talking about other things, there's the sense that it's just the two of them in the world, and nothing else matters. When the bell rings they look at each other, shrug and make faces.

"So we can do something Saturday, okay?" he says, kissing her "a movie or like something, alone, okay?" It seems like forever since they've just been together without some detail to take care of.

"Definitely" she smiles "we'll just hang." She almost considers telling him that today is their one month anniversary. But she's both a little embarrassed and then she's afraid too, that if she tells him he'll try to figure out what she wants, when really, this is what she wants, them together, happy.

* * *

Patti hasn't said a word to Graham about running into Halle's ex-fiance. She had gone straight to lunch with Camille after the chance meeting with Brad, telling her the whole story in a state of shock, and Camille, who had distrusted Halle on first sight, had been hard pressed to discuss the situation objectively. Because of that, lunch had ended up with Patti making less of it rather than more, and saying maybe it was just an oversight on Grahams part, while Camille had looked at her friend, zipped her lip and been furious inside at Graham. Since then Patti has tried not to think about it. She trusts her husband. And she's determined not to bring up the subject herself.

But tonight is the opening, and since Patti knows that Brad won't be there, she figures that someone will have to say something eventually. Meanwhile she's given a fair amount of attention to her appearance, more than usual, more even than when she thought Tony Poole was coming over, and she's looking very pretty in her white suit. Danielle is as combed and dressed up as she'll allow herself to be and Angela is wearing her red dress, the same dress she wore to the world happiness dance months ago, looking beautiful, even though Patti knows that she doesn't realize it. It's a great relief to Patti that at least her family will be well dressed in front of Halle Lowenthal and when they meet the restaurant investors.

They get to the restaurant early with the idea of helping in any way they can and being there when the first guests arrive, and find everything done in the dining room and Halle looking professional and perfect, chatting with the two waiters. In the kitchen it's another story. It feels like carefully contained chaos back there. Graham has every burner on the stove going, and Rayanne is angling around and underneath him, taking sheet pans of appetizers out of the oven, carrying them to the baking racks to cool, and then putting more into the oven .

"Can we do anything?" Patti asks in concern.

"It's under control Patti" Graham tells her "you'll need to be out front to schmooze prettily...Angela, I might need you back here later if we get slammed. And Danielle, you need to stay out from underfoot, away from the stove, okay?...you all look beautiful by the way"

"_Wow...it's dad in command." _Angela thinks. "Sure, dad" she says.

"Yes sir" says Patti.

"Can't I help you daddy?" says Danielle.

Rayanne looks up happily. Organized chaos suits her. "Maybe you could pull more cilantro leaves off the stems for us" she says to Danielle, and looks to Graham for approval."

"Good idea" he tells her "Set her up in the corner over there" He looks serious and adds "Danielle, you can't leave that corner, if you want to stay in the kitchen, okay?"

Rayanne has been in the kitchen, for a couple of hours after school, every day this week. She's starting out as a total kitchen flunky, fetching this, doing that, and is the only kitchen help they're planning to have for a while. The menu's been carefully constructed to allow Graham to do all the cooking at first, and Rayanne's been learning her way around the kitchen, both of them figuring out what she can do to help. Graham has promised to start teaching her pastry if things work out, and she is really hoping they will, but right now it's all about opening week. Since tonight's a party there's no menu service, just a series of small plates of the menu dishes being circulated until deserts and champagne later in the evening.

Angela stands in the kitchen entrance, watching the whirl of movement, but Patti goes back into the dining room where there's no one to schmooze yet except Halle.

"We're so impressed with the way you put the dining room together" she tells her.

"That was the fun part" Halle smiles, "shopping for stuff, spending money...from here on out it's all about the business end for me...Though I'll be hostessing until we can hire someone, so I guess that might be fun for a while"

"I'm glad you decided to hire Rayanne."

"Rayanne, and then Paolo to stay and clean up at night after he finishes the dishes. I insisted" says Halle "Graham thought they were both luxuries but I think not being completely overwhelmed with work doesn't quite count as a luxury."

"Good for you" says Patti, thinking that although everything they're saying sounds normal there's a sense of it being totally contrived. She's feeling less and less comfortable with Halle. She decides to spit it out. "I ran into Brad last week...I'm so sorry to hear you've broken your engagement." "_There. It's out."_

Halle looks down. "It's for the best" she says slowly "but that didn't make it easy. The weird thing is that I've been so caught up in the restaurant that I haven't given it a lot of thought. It just seems like one more strange thing that's happened since this crazy idea took over my life. "

"_That seems real" _Patti thinks. "It's taken over all our lives" she says sympathetically, as the door opens and people start walking in.

* * *

Patti is a natural in this situation. She smiles, she welcomes, she greets, and she pours glasses of wine while Halle does just the same, but for Angela it's a strange sort of ordeal to be endured. She knows some of the people, but a lot of them she's never met before. Adult people she doesn't know, smiling, with drinks in their hands, are expecting some kind of interaction with her, and it's baffling, to say the least. She's been complimented on her dress and asked what year of school she's in more times than she can count when Ricky walks in the door and she launches herself at him with true love and gratitude. And when Brian walks in with his parents a few minutes later she realizes how desperate she must have been feeling, because she is totally relieved to see him there as well. The three of them slide into a corner booth and she buries her head in her arms.

"This is hell" she moans.

"Really? I think it's kind of exciting" says Ricky, looking around. "The room looks great."

"Well, yes it does, but she's,um, right" says Brian "Purgatory at least. Not that I'm Catholic of course, but I, um, understand the concept. It's, like, what adults call a party."

"Maybe we can hide out at the kiddie table for a while" says Angela. "No wonder people drink at these functions" she adds "they have to be like, _anesthetized_."

She sees her mother approaching and shudders.

"Ricky and Brian, Hi..." Patti gushes, "Thank you for coming." She's in full out hostess mode. "Angela, could you come with me please?..I need to introduce you to some people."

Angela makes a mock face of despair as she follows Patti. _"Please, Dad, need me in the kitchen soon,"_ she prays.

"So what are these?" Ricky says to Brian, sipping his sparkling cider and looking down at a plate of cheese flavored pastry puffs, wondering if they're super highly caloric.

"Some cheese thing" says Brian, watching Angela walk off and sounding a little distracted "They're pretty good." He wonders how they'll affect his stomach.

"So how's it going with Janet?.. that's her name, right?...you guys looked like you were having a good time last night at Vertigo."

"It was only like the second time we've done anything together, but yeah" says Brian "she's really nice. And...like we have a lot in common, it seems. We're like, both in calculus, so, she can relate. To like, how hard it is." _Actually he thinks the whole thing is a miracle. He's gone out with a girl. To a normal, like, non-school, event. And she seems to like him. SHE KISSED HIM! _

He's smiling to himself a little smugly, and Ricky can't help thinking that even Brian will have a girlfriend before he meets anyone.

"So how's Delia Fisher?" Brian asks.

"Nice" he says noncommittally.. "very nice...do you think we could stick our heads in the kitchen for just a minute and see Rayanne?"

* * *

The room is full and the two waiters have finished circulating the first courses when Angela's prayer is answered and she's called back to the kitchen.

Rayanne throws her an apron and they start helping unload one end of the dishwasher, as Paolo fills up the other end. And as soon as that's under control she's helping Rayanne plate warm slices of white sausage with a dab of black truffle flecked cream sauce, the two of them working together intensely. And from there she's doing whatever comes next, whatever she's told to do, moving as fast as she can until she has no idea how long she's been there and turns to see Jordan in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at her with a puzzled smile, and runs over to kiss his cheek.

"Jordan's here dad" she calls "how are we doing?...can I get a break?"

"Jordan" Graham calls, and waves in his direction "We need her in here for ten, fifteen minutes more and then we're done...can you wait? ..or better yet, maybe you can give Paolo a hand?

"Dad!" She practically shrieks at him, mortified, "you can't ask him to work...he's been working all evening already...and he doesn't want to wash dishes."

"It's fine Angela" Jordan tells her with an amused smile, wishing he could wrap his arms around her right now "really, it's okay." He finds it incredibly sweet that she would yell at her father for asking him to help. If the kitchen is where she is then that's where he wants to be, he thinks. And maybe it will get him some points with her father, and that would be a good thing too.

"Catalano, put this on" yells Rayanne, throwing him an apron, as Angela puts his jacket on the pantry door, and then she's back at Rayanne's side, along with her dad, in an assembly line putting together a mini-after dinner salad, Graham tossing the greens in a vinagrette and placing them in little mounds, Angela juggling the plates and adding a piece of roasted pear to each mound before handing them on to Rayanne, who is scattering blue cheese and a few toasted pecans over them as though the precision of each plate is a matter of life and death.

"How are my girls?" Angela's grandfather is in the kitchen now too, and her dad doesn't even turn around, he's so busy, but Angela can tell just by looking at Graham's back that he wants her grandfather out of there.

"We're just fine grandpa..." she says with a quick smile "this is my friend Rayanne."

"Nice to meet you young lady" he booms.

"Likewise."

"Grandpa, hi!" Danielle is still tucked into her corner of the kitchen, sitting on an upturned milk crate.

He goes over to kiss her, and looks over at Jordan curiously.

And who's this?" he asks

"That's Jordan Catalano, Angela's boyfriend" Danielle pipes up, before Jordan can even open his mouth.

"Is that so?...are you working here too?" Grandpa sounds a little gruff, but Jordan grins at him.

Yes sir" he replies to the first question. "Um, I mean yes that's so, and no, just helping out." He holds his hand out to Angela's grandfather and they shake hands like two grown up men, and Angela and Rayanne glance at each other like this is the funniest thing they've ever seen but they don't have time to stop and laugh.

They keep going at full speed until, suddenly, all the food is plated and gone and the desserts are done too, looking pretty on their plates and ready to go. She hears her father say "We're done" and Rayanne give a huge sigh of relief. She looks over at Jordan opening the dishwasher, stacking dishes, and watches him, how perfect he is, until he sees her looking at him and smiles back. Her dad is standing with his back to the stove, looking pretty happy, and in the doorway, where they shouldn't be at all, Patti and Camille are peeking in, laughing with drinks in their hands.

In the dining room there are toasts, desserts, her dad with his arm around her mother, Danielle standing with Rayanne and Ricky and laughing, Sharon with her parents, Halle with the investors, people all around, but mainly there's Jordan holding on to her hand, and how it feels to have him close to her in the middle of her family and friends and this sea of friendly strangers, how right now she loves everyone, even maybe Brian Krackow, who is looking at her from across the room.

* * *

"Thank you for helping" she says to him, as they walk out to his car.

"Its nuthin, you know" He looks at her and clears his throat. "I, uh, wanted to thank you too...for everything with the Vertigo gig, you know...you did everything with me, like...and I.."

"Jordan" she interrupts him, resting her head back on his shoulder, "You don't have to thank me. I um, loved doing everything with you. I did, really."

"Me too" he says "I uh,"... He can't bring himself to use that word... "I liked doing all that stuff together too. It made it, you know, better, doing it with you."

Angela is so content right now that the fact that Jordan's stumbling over his words somehow makes everything even sweeter. Right now she doesn't need words to tell her that every feeling she has for Jordan (and there are a lot of them even though they could all fall under one heading) is returned, and that she means as much to him as he does to her.

So when he says "I remember this dress" while he's opening her car door, it isn't even a surprise, it's just more like something that unfolds in a dream, something that has it's own mysterious reason, something that maybe you'll understand later.

"You do?" she almost whispers.

"Yeah...you wore it to that, umm, happiness dance thing."

"You actually remember that?"

She thinks maybe this really is a dream because the night air seems so dense and soft that she can feel the texture of it around her, the current of it in between them, and because all at once everything is both totally unpredictable and just as it's supposed to be.

His hand reaches out, stroking her neck with the back of his finger.

"Yeah" he says, and his voice is low and soft, like the air around them "I remember how you looked, so, you know, pretty and..."

"And what?" she's looking up at him almost dizzily

"and I really wanted to kiss you" he says" while his hand slides around her neck in slow motion to cradle her head into his shoulder so that he can nuzzle her hair.

"Well maybe, we can, you know, make up for it now" she murmurs into his shoulder, and then she buries her head a little deeper, not believing that she just said that. But she can feel Jordan smiling and when he strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head, she feels pretty sure that she's ready for at least a little something more than kissing.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

"So Catalano...Who's this Corey dude that you and Rayanne are both friends with now?" Tino asks, falling into step with Jordan on their way to the parking lot. "I mean, like, what do you know about him?"

"Um, I dunno, he's a good guy" Jordan tells him "moved here from California a few months ago. His moms from here. He paints and stuff. Why?"

"I think he's got my girl Graf a little confused is all. You know anything about that?"

Jordan shrugs and glances over at him. Tino may be unpredictable, but he is loyal to the few people he considers his friends, and Graf is definitely in that category.

"I think he's, like, seriously into her" he tells Tino now "but I'm not sure he'd want that broadcast, you know. Especially since she doesn't seem to be, um, interested."

"I don't think she'd want people knowing this either,... but I see her dancing around this one in a whole 'nother way." Tino pauses. "Maybe your friend should make a move" he says.

Jordan turns and looks at him "Maybe he should...but that's kinda up to him." Jordan may have helped Brian get a date, but he's not exactly an expert in complicated stuff himself.

"Yeah, well.." They're standing by Jordan's car now. "You waiting for Angela?" he asks.

Jordan nods, and Tino smiles. "Okay, whupped one" he says "Later."

"Later." He stands there, leaning up against his car and thinking about saying something to Corey. Jordan doesn't really like the idea of interfering in people's private lives. He knows he doesn't want anybody in his. Still, he knows how Corey feels about Rayanne, and he's also starting to realize that everybody seems confused about this stuff, not just him. He lights a cigarette and continues thinking about it until he sees Angela heading towards him, and then he lets it go.

* * *

"Okay, now fold the egg whites into the rest of the stuff...gently, remember, don't deflate." Graham tells Rayanne from across the kitchen. She's making a flourless chocolate cake for the first time, and he's walking her through it step by step while he stands at the stove, finishing a soup and reducing a lobster stock for sauce.

She's concentrating on her folding pretty carefully, and when he glances over at her, Graham is pleased. Having Rayanne in the kitchen is working out really well so far. Not only is she starting to be a big help, but she is so excited by, and interested in, the whole process of cooking real food that it's been fun and stimulating to have her around. Halle likes her too. The three of them have gotten into the habit of sitting down together and eating something every day when Halle gets there, at the end of Rayanne's shift, before they open for dinner.

The cake is in the oven, and the lobster sauce almost finished when Halle comes in.

"Grab some soup and get started" Graham tells them "I'll finish this and be out in a minute with something else."

They sit down in the back booth, taste the soup carefully and look at each other smiling. It's unusual that it's just the two of them.

"So you were like, engaged before, huh?" Rayanne looks at Halle curiously "What happened there?"

"I guess I don't really know.." Halle makes a face "It seemed so sort of...here I was about to try to spend my life with someone and it all felt so...pedestrian..."

This makes total sense to Rayanne. "Yeah, I get that" she says. "Pedestrian is like kiss of death... did he feel bad?"

"I don't think feeling was very much what he was about...maybe that was part of the problem." Halle laughs. "There's probably more feeling in this restaurant than there was in my fiance."

"Well, that's probably not a fair comparison, since there's like, a lot of feeling in this place. ..I mean it feels good in here...like someone really cares about it."

"Thank you Rayanne" Halle says, feeling highly complimented.

For a minute they eat their soup in silence, Halle relaxing and Rayanne trying to decide whether this would be an all right place to bring up her personal life. Halle seems like a woman of the world, she thinks, an entrepreneurial type business woman who's not afraid to be single, and maybe talking to her might even help.

"I have this, you know, thing, I don't understand, going on right now" she says, looking at her soup bowl "There's this guy like..." she looks up at Halle to see if it's okay to go on, and she's listening to her, taking her seriously it seems.

"Go on" Halle says.

"He acts like he likes me... I mean everyone comments on how he looks at me...and I think he does.., like me that is..., but he doesn't do anything about it."

Halle nods seriously. "Any obvious reason why he doesn't?"

Rayanne looks puzzled.

"I mean, maybe he thinks you aren't interested? Or he has other commitments?" Halle finds herself slightly embarrassed as Graham slides a dish on the table and sits down with them.

"Girl talk?" he asks.

"People talk" Rayanne says "It's okay...if it's not boring for you, that is"

"Spice of life." he says, smiling and putting cold lamb and salad onto a plate for her.

"Someone seems to like Rayanne...clearly" Halle recapitulates "but he doesn't do anything about it."

"And you would like him to?..you like him?"

"Well, really, I don't know...but at least if he did, we could just..." All of a sudden she remembers she's talking to Angela's dad, and that saying they could at least just have sex and get it over with may not be so smart.

"You could just…..?"

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea" she tells him. "I mean you being my friend's dad and all..."

"Rayanne, go on" he tells her "You could just?"

"Well, just do it and get it over with."

"Maybe he doesn't want to get it over with...maybe he wants to get to know you. People have different agendas, you know." Graham looks at her with real curiosity._ "This girl, so smart and full of life, what's her agenda?"_ he wonders. "What do you want?" he asks.

"About this? Mainly, not to be confused." She's never been so honest about this with anyone, not even herself, and she looks at the two of them with concern, wondering what they think of her.

Halle and Graham glance at each other with serious faces, and then they both look at her and sigh.

"Well, I guess the wise thing here would be to say that sometimes other people are just confusing." Halle tells her. "You just don't know what's going on inside them." She can't help thinking about the person sitting next to her when she says this.

"So it helps" Graham says "if you can be pretty clear about what you want and need, for yourself." He feels like he's somehow talking to Halle.

The silence that follows feels serious, and for a minute they all seem very interested in their food..

But then Halle perks back up."Then again," she says, turning to Rayanne "maybe you should just give him some _really_ obvious encouragement."

"That might work" says Graham.

* * *

"Angela!" Patti yells from the porch, waving a lunch bag, just as Angela is opening the door to Jordan's car the next morning.

"Oh, ...I forgot." Angela runs back to the porch and returns carrying a very full bag. "I've got leftovers from the restaurant." she says sliding into the front seat and peeking inside. "I have no idea what it all is. Maybe Rayanne will know. She sees my dad more than I do these days."

She scoots up close to Jordan and kisses his cheek, grins to herself and sighs. Ever since the night after the restaurant opening, when her bra had somehow come off in his back seat, there's been an audible hum of sexual energy between them, and it's funny cause he's been the one who's been putting the brakes on most often lately. Even though nothings been said, Jordan knows she's not really ready yet, and even though it's been pretty difficult to keep from pushing her, he also knows that no one else has ever touched her before, maybe even kissed her before, and he's feeling incredibly protective. Now he reaches for her hand like he always does when he's driving, and smiles as he feels her lean her head against his shoulder. For a while neither of them says anything because they don't need to. .

Pulling into the parking lot Jordan remembers Tino asking him about Corey.

"Ange" he says hesitantly, reluctant to bring up Graf at all "Tino told me yesterday that he thinks Graf maybe likes Corey"

"Sharon said that once too" she says thoughtfully, unbuckling her seat belt. "but Rayanne's never liked anyone for more than a minute as far as I know"

"He was acting like I should mention it to Corey or something...It feels kinda weird tho...like it's not my business you know"

"Umhum" she says, reaching over and touching his hair. "I know...are you gonna though? Mention it?" she mutters, looking at him. Right now she really doesn't care, she just wants to kiss him before they get out of the car.

Her mouth is so pretty, Jordan thinks, so...full, so... "Dunno" he says, leaning into her, and they don't say another word until the second bell for homeroom rings.

* * *

"Of course you _can_ do it Patti," Graham tells her as he stands in the restaurant kitchen, shaping gnocchi dough into long sausage shapes before cutting them into bite sized pieces, "it's just not optimal...or sustainable in the long run. I mean, you already know this. You need a salesperson, preferably a male."

"Yes, well, I just don't have one now, do I?" She's standing up and eating a salad he's just made her. "I'm going to have to do it myself until I find someone, and that's all there is to it."

"I think you'd do better to just take someone on and train them...and in the meantime .. could Tom make some of the calls?"

"Toms incredibly shy" she reminds him "and running the presses is a full time job. As for training someone" Patti says, "I think you can probably train kitchen help easier than a salesperson..." She looks at him and smiles,. "though you shaped up pretty nice, I have to admit."

"Trial by fire" Graham smiles back "Seems to be a pattern with me."

He'd gone into selling printing with no experience, out of sheer necessity, and learned about it by doing it. Managing a restaurant kitchen was being figured out pretty much the same way.

"I'm liking cooking better so far" he says, dusting the gnocchi with flour and picking up a fork.

"_He looks so happy"_, Patti thinks, and she's about to ask what he thinks about her dad maybe temporarily coming back to work at the press a couple of days a week, an idea she's tried to avoid even considering, when Halle comes in the door.

"Surprise" she calls out, and Patti can't help but notice how her enthusiasm fills up the room, "I just came in to look at the reservation book...sorry to interrupt and all, but someone at the bank just asked me if they could bring in a large party tonight, sixteen to twenty people at eight o'clock, and I thought we shouldn't pass it up."

Graham thinks for a minute. "You're right" he says "where are you going to put them though? We're about half reserved as it is."

"I'll figure that out... maybe all the banquettes on the left? I just wanted to make sure you could handle it in the kitchen... maybe Rayanne can stay a little late today? I'll call them back right now" Halle says walking out into the dining room.

"That's great" Patti says, and Graham nods, running the tines of the fork against the gnocchi pieces as he's mentally running through the menu and figuring out what he needs to prep more of.

"Probably be home late" he says, looking a little distracted.

Patti puts her salad plate down and leans over to kiss him. "Thanks for lunch" she tells him. She hadn't planned to leave yet, but he obviously needs to switch gears.

"Take a piece of cake with you?" he looks over at her and she can't quite decide. "Rayanne made it" he tells her and she laughs and nods, taking a sliver of it on a napkin and heading out.

She sticks her head into the dining room and waves good bye to Halle, and as she's walking out the back door and getting into her car she remembers that she didn't get a chance to bring up the subject of her father and the business. "_Maybe tonight_" she thinks.

* * *

"There they are." Corey lets his chin point over towards a mound of grass up by the chain link fence where Angela and Rayanne have laid out the contents of Angela's lunch bag in front of an impressed Ricky.

Jordan nods "Yeah...she brought a lot of food in from the restaurant this morning...and it looks like they've got some take out too...c'mon, let's go see."

He figures that getting Corey and Rayanne in proximity is probably easier than trying to say anything to either of them.

"Maybe I barge in on them more that I should already" Corey answers carefully, and Jordan looks at him with a frown.

"You're with me" he tells him, "while I'm talking to Angela at lunch, huh?...that's not exactly barging in."

"Yeah"

"C'mon"

Angela looks up and sees them walking towards her and feels her face turning up into a smile that won't stop. It seems like all she wants to do right now is be pressed up next to Jordan, and she's pretty sure that's what he wants too.

"Hey" she says, standing up and feeling lightheaded, leaning up against him as his arm wraps around her.

"So what was in the bag?"

"Lots of food...Hi Corey" she says, peeking out from under Jordan's shoulder "are you guys hungry? Tino brought Chinese and we've got all this stuff from my dad."

"Come on down" Rayanne smiles up "...it's a feast, complete with chocolate cake"

Corey drops down on the ground next to her and Ricky hands him a half sandwich and a plastic fork. "For _zee_ _French_ potato salad, and the Chinese too" he says, laying on the accent.

"Thanks"

The three of them all bite into their sandwiches and grin.

"What is this?" Corey asks "cause I've definitely never had it before."

"Roast pork loin with aioli and romesco sauce" Rayanne tells him "do you like it?"

"It's amazing" he tells her and she nods, smiling.

"Angela's dad is a great cook" Ricky adds, taking a bite of salad and passing the container to Rayanne.

"What about those two?" Corey wonders, because Jordan and Angela are still standing, leaning up against the fence with their fingers laced together, looking at each other like nothing else could possibly matter.

"They're living on love." Ricky remarks.

"Pretty soon they're going to be talking baby talk and feeding each other" Rayanne says, "I mean sometimes I look back at the good old days of Angela's simple unrequited obsession and think it was more fun."

"Not for them" Corey says with a smirk.

"We _can_ hear you guys, you know" Angela says, her face a little pink.

"No more from the, uh, peanut gallery, okay?" Jordan says sitting down and pulling Angela down next to him. "So what have we got here?"

Ricky passes food in their direction and, as Rayanne enthusiastically describes every ingredient and cooking technique at all related, Corey asks her questions, smiles at her answers and seems genuinely interested in what she has to say.

Rayanne is happy in a way she hasn't been for a long time. She's sitting with her friends, who are her friends again, eating something that Tino brought cause they're friends too, plus stuff that she helped make at the restaurant and is excited about, while Corey, who seems really easy and sweet and appreciative, is talking and laughing with her and Ricky. It's not often that Rayanne feels that things are actually, well, good, but now is one of those times, and Ricky, watching her, is noticing something about her smile. It's softer and sweeter and she seems to be both relaxed and having fun at the same time, which is sort of a contradiction in Rayanne terms. Even Jordan and Angela, sitting up close to each other, notice what's happening and smile at each other knowingly.

Ricky, despite being included in the conversation, is beginning to feel invisible in couple land. It's pretty clear who Corey is really interested in, and for the first time he's starting to think that Rayanne maybe isn't as neutral about Corey as she's pretended to be. He's almost relieved when he sees Delia coming their way along with Sharon Cherski. At least someone will be interested in him.

"Hi" It's the typical Delia bounce and smile, and for once Rayanne is in such a good mood that she says "Hi" back, and everyone else smiles and says hi too.

Sharon, of course, has her own greeting."I can't believe you guys are sitting on the ground" she says in an aggrieved tone of voice, looking at them like they're crazy. "It's freezing down there...I mean the groundhog hasn't even come out yet."

"Try to untwist those pantalettas of yours just a little huh, Cherski." Rayanne laughs, and even Ricky and Jordan's mouths turn up at that.

"Oh, right" Sharon is just about to rip into Rayanne with some comment about the wide open state, rather country, of Rayanne's own panties when she registers Corey sitting there and makes a split second decision to be a little more discrete. "That really hurts." she says instead, scowling as she plops herself down next to Ricky and Delia.

"Is it true" she says, turning to Ricky "that Mr. Katimsky's thinking of doing a musical for the spring drama production?"

"I don't think he's really decided yet, but he is thinking something lighter than Our Town this time..maybe a comedy or a musical."

"If it's a musical, maybe we could have a dance number" Delia says cheerfully to Ricky "Maybe we could all be in it if it's a musical" she adds, smiling around brightly.

"Sure" Rayanne smirks, thinking how absolutely inane Delia is, "I can see it all now...we've got Catalano on guitar and vocals" as Jordan rolls his eyes, "me on vocals,but it has to be Sesame Street, that's my big number" Ricky and Angela say "YES' in unison, "Sharon on clarinet, right-o?...the lovely Angela Chase on piano, playing twinkle twinkle...and turning pretty colors" she adds when Angela blushes, "and what about you Corey?"she asks looking at him playfully "any hidden talents?" and Corey, instead of answering, just holds her gaze with a smile that is cocky enough to make everyone laugh.

"Okay, okay,.. guess I asked for that ", she looks down at the ground and finds herself in the surprising position of almost being embarrassed.

"He plays guitar" Jordan says, coming to the rescue.

"Kind of like you paint gravestones" Corey laughs "but I could play rhythm in a pinch, I guess."

Jordan looks at Corey for a minute, taking that information in, and Angela looks at Jordan with an understanding smile on her face.

"Hey Ray" she says, happy to see her boyfriend comfortable with her friends, "bring on that chocolate cake."

* * *

"Corey" Rayanne grabs his arm in the hallway "where are you off to? I've got something I want to show you"

"Oh yeah?" he grins indulgently "what's that?"

"There's a little room off the stairs here.."

"You mean the boiler room?" He's still grinning but now he's looking a little puzzled.

She tugs his arm and leads him through the door and they stand at the top of the stairs looking at each other.

"So," she says seductively, laying her hand on his chest "I thought maybe we should get to know each other a little better."

He looks at her for a minute and then he takes her hand off his chest and holds onto it. "Umhum" he says, looking her straight in the eye, "How about we do something together?.. Saturday night?"

"I've got to work...besides, I, um, was thinking more of .. something now" Rayanne says in a low voice, leaning up against him, turning her face up to be kissed.

He's not a guy to be pushed. He is a guy though, who likes her, so he leans forward and lets his mouth touch hers softly.

Rayanne presses her body up against him and feels, among other things, her confidence returning. It's clear now that he's not immune to her. She needs to be in control of this situation, to know that he's like any other guy and that she knows where this is going. In fact she's going to be the one to take it there. She leans in for a deeper kiss and is surprised to feel Corey moving away from her. He stands back and looks at her seriously.

"How about Sunday?" he says.

"Sunday what?" Now she's actually confused.

"Sunday we hang together, .. have lunch maybe... like I'll pick you up around one?" He's looking just very slightly pleased, and serious at the same time.

"Okay" she whispers in her best Jade phone sex voice, "but don't you want to go downstairs .." she gestures down the boiler room steps "for a little while?"

"Maybe" he tells her "but I'm going to class." He opens the boiler room door and holds it open for her like some kind of perfect gentleman. "So..see you Sunday?" he says.

"Yeah." She can't believe he's turned her down. And held the boiler room door open for her. And asked her out. To lunch? She's never been so, okay, admit it, confused by a guy in her life.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven **Sunday Take Out **

"Angela, honey" Patti calls, knocking on the bedroom door, "it's time to wake up. Pancakes."

"Okay mom" Angela lies in bed for a few more minutes, looking at the clock, stretching and procrastinating, and then she floats downstairs in her pajamas to the smell of bacon and coffee and the sight of her family sitting around the breakfast table with the paper.

"Dad" she kisses him on the cheek "it's nice to see you."

"Who are you?"

"I know" she laughs.

Angela pours herself a glass of orange juice and notices that her mom, still in her bathrobe, is looking relaxed and happy, and that Danielle seems content to flip through the comic section without her usual fretting. _S_unday mornings feel really special now that it's one of the only mornings her dad is in the kitchen with them. It feels almost like a holiday to just slide into the table and watch him while he makes them pancakes and eggs.

Later, luxuriating in both the satisfaction of a large and delicious breakfast and the fact that she finally has a life, Angela lolls out onto the front porch, carrying a cup of coffee. There's a car in the street, in front of Brians, and she watches Brian comes out of his door. He sees Angela immediately and waves self consciously before closing the door behind him and getting into the car with Janet. It looks like Brian finally has a life too, she thinks to herself, and is glad for him. She sits down on the swing, happy to have a morning with not a lot to do until Jordan comes over.

* * *

While Angela luxuriates on the porch, Jordan opens the refrigerator in an empty kitchen and pours himself a glass of milk. The coffee in the pot is from yesterday and his mom's still asleep. She's been working the night shift at the hospital for a few years now and since his father started working out of the home office in West Virginia more than a year ago, it's been practically like living alone, which suits him just fine. Sometimes on Sundays he ends up in the kitchen with his mom, and if she's in an okay mood then it's kind of nice to drink coffee with her, but today he'll probably be gone by the time she gets up. He puts a frozen waffle in the toaster and decides to try and work on his history assignment before he heads over to Angela's.

* * *

"Enrique" yells Mr. Katimsky "are you sure you don't want to come along"

"How many times does he have to say no" Paul tells him with a smile "You sure?" he asks Ricky himself, just for good measure.

"I'm sure" Ricky tells them "enjoy the big city. I'm going to meet Delia when she gets off at Big Guy and we're going to the movies." He waves them out the door happily. For him it's a special treat to just be alone in the apartment, with the Sunday paper and the television. He turns to the style section and settles into the couch contentedly.

* * *

It's one o'clock and she's just blinking her eyes open, looking at the clock, not wanting to deal and putting it off, when the doorbell rings and Rayanne knows she can't put it off any more.

She opens her door in her bathrobe and looks up at Corey with bleary eyes.. "Top of the morning" she says, without a smile. "I'm just waking up and my mom's still asleep. Can you give me a few minutes and I'll be out?"

"I'll be in the truck" he tells her, and walks down the steps wondering if he's read this wrong. She doesn't look very happy to see him.

Rayanne closes the door and groans. This is so not what she wants to be doing, she thinks. She looks in the mirror, makes a face, throws some clothes on, practically the grubbiest things she can find, and grabs her bag. _"I don't have to make myself pretty for him"_ she tells herself rebelliously.

As she crosses the street to the truck she pulls the flask out of her purse and takes a few swallows. "Hair of the dog" she says to Corey as she shuts the door, "want some?"

Corey shakes his head no. This is definitely not off to a good start. "You hungry?" he asks "want some breakfast?.. brunch or something? Got any idea what you'd like to do?"

"Maybe get a coke" she tells him._ She isn't going to make this easy for him._

"Big Guy?"

"Yeah, fine"

She takes another nip from the flask and starts going through her bag, and he can't help but feel perplexed. _"She wanted to get to know me?"_ he thinks.

Rayanne reaches out and flips the radio on and a classical station comes across the airwaves.

"My mom's been driving it" he tells her, grinning at the look on her face, and when she forgets herself and smiles too he feels a little better.

"_What am I doing here?"_ she thinks, liking him despite herself... _"I don't want a boyfriend. I don't get emotionally involved, and that's what getting to know someone is."_ She flips the radio dial and tells herself, for the hundredth time, that this is really stupid.

* * *

"Graham" Patti calls softly, walking in the back door. There's no answer, but he has to be here. His car is in the driveway and she's only been gone for the fifteen minutes it took to drive Danielle to her birthday party.

She walks upstairs quietly, hoping he hasn't gone back to sleep, and finds him, flat out in their bed, snoring softly. She doesn't have the heart to wake him, but she can't help being disappointed. Danielle's party is for three hours, Angela is out for the afternoon and she had really hoped to have some time alone with her husband. Awake time, that is. She needs to talk to him about the print shop, about the house, about anything really. The two of them seem to be sailing past each other on their ways to work these days, and if she had missed him before the restaurant opened, now those days seem relaxed and companionable compared to the past couple weeks. This morning, waking up and not having to be anywhere, there had been just a few minutes when they had been able to laugh and talk in bed before Danielle had gotten up.

Well, she thinks, it would probably be a good time to go over the presses quarterly tax forms. She can work on that for an hour and then maybe crawl into bed with him.

* * *

At Big Guy, Delia Fisher pulls down her red visor and adjusts her matching apron. Her Sunday morning early shift, ten to two, tends to start out slow, and the first hour is usually spent filling napkin cases and straw dispensers, setting things up, turning on heat lamps and machines, talking to the cook, who she likes, and taking orders from her boss, a twenty year old guy with an adenoidal voice and bad skin, who is, well, her boss and never forgets it. At ten thirty they open the doors to a trickle of customers and by noon it's grand central, and there are two other people working the counter with her.

"Uh, hi"

"_You'd think he'd at least have the common courtesy to get in another line" _thinks Delia. "_And with that Janet girl he was with at Vertigo. I wonder if she has a clue what a jerk he is."_

"Welcome to Big Guy" Delia says flatly. "Can I take your order." It's not even a question.

"Uh, well, two cheeseburgers and a coke and a vanilla shake, please? _"I don't know why she has to hate me"_ Brian thinks _"I said I was sorry, and I apologized again at the dance, and I've tried to be friendly."_

"Wonder what her problem was" Janet says as they walk away with their order, and when Brian doesn't answer, she asks "Do you know her?"

"Sort of" he replies, flushing red and with a bit of evasion in his voice. "She, um, works on yearbook" he adds "and we, um, have, like, mutual friends."

Janet registers the blush and the tone of voice and says nothing.

"_So he actually has a girlfriend now."_ Delia thinks. The two of them sit down, unfortunately, directly in her line of sight and every time she finishes with a customer they're what she sees. _"It's not like I'm jealous of him" _the thought continues,_ "and I know he stood me up because he has this, like, hopeless crush on Angela Chase...that's what Sharon said anyhow...so I should probably feel sorry for him, but..." _

The next customer steps up to the counter, blocking out Brian and Janet, and Delia's train of thought is forgotten..."Welcome to Big Guy" she smiles.

Brian is describing the latest chess club meeting to Janet, who is actually interested. There had been a really exciting discussion which included some speculation on the possible future of computers in chess tournaments.

"Maybe I should join chess club" Janet tells Brian. "that _is_ the kind of thing that looks good on a science major." She's talking about colleges again, one of their favorite topics of conversation. She's aiming for MIT, and Brian, who hasn't quite decided where he wants to aim, is always interested in discussing schools.

"Hi Bri" An evil little smile is lighting up Rayannes face as she steps up to their table, "Who's your friend?" She turns to Janet without waiting to be introduced "Brian and I slept together once" she tells her "Just so you know."

She turns back to Corey who is looking sort of nonplussed and flounces off into the line.

"You put your thing in that." Janet looks at him, disgusted.

Brian isn't red this time, he's scarlet. "Uh, no, not at all..slept, Janet, slept...that was the um, operative word there...like with our clothes on...like didn't even kiss...I think she lives to like, torment me. We're not even friends. We, um, got locked in the school together at Halloween and had to sleep in the boiler room."

"Oh" He probably couldn't make that up, she thinks. "Is that guy her boyfriend?" she wonders.

"I really hope not, for his sake" Brian sighs.

From the counter Delia catches sight of a brilliantly red Brian and the look on Corey's face and wonders what Rayanne Graff could have done now. "_I know she can barely stand me" _she thinks, wishing it was otherwise because of Sharon and Ricky_._

"Why'd you do that?" Corey asks her as they get in line.

"Sleep with him? We got locked into school together overnight...nothing happened."

"No, mess with him, you know, try to embarrass him." Corey says, trying not to smile at the explanation.

"I can't help myself" Rayanne laughs "it's just too easy..like the universe created him for that, you know, specific purpose or something " Corey trying not to smile makes her happy. "You jealous?" she jokes.

"Maybe" he answers, bumping her with his shoulder and biting his lip in an effort to keep his smile from growing..

"_Corey Helfrick really does seem to like her though..just look at how he's looking at her..." _Delia finds herself wishing someone would look at her that way.

"Deliakins, how about a coke"

"Welcome to Big Guy" Delia smiles at Rayanne, wishing the manager wasn't such a tyrant and she could just act like a normal person. "Anything for you Corey?"

As Delia turns to get their drink glasses she hears Rayanne.

"I don't know how anyone can be so nauseatingly _cheery_ about smelling like hamburger grease...maybe it takes minimum IQ to get paid minimum wage or something."

Delia knows she was meant to hear that.

"Thanks Delia...see ya around" Corey looks directly at her as she hands him the glasses. She can tell he didn't like Rayanne doing that and she tries to smile, but she can't help feeling a little hurt by Rayanne's comment.

"That was mean" he says to her as they walk out to the car.

"Oh, boo hoo..sue me" She pulls out the flask and pours a healthy shot into her coke.

He just doesn't get it. She's clearly on her worst possible behavior and yet there are moments when he could swear she's happy to be with him, that she likes him despite herself.

"Do you need to do that?" he asks, looking at the glass.

"Nope" she answers "just like to...does it bother you?" she looks at him like she's daring him to say something.

He shrugs, and looks away. He's about ready to give up and take her home.

"How about we go up to the lake?" she says, sounding a lot tougher than she feels, which is a lot more conflicted over this than she's comfortable with. She actually might like Corey, who seems to be both a real guy and an interesting, appealing one, who on top of that seems to be into her. But it's not going to stay that way she knows, and part of it is her own stupid fault, pulling him into the boiler room and now this stupid...date, or whatever.

"It's probably still pretty muddy up there." Corey says. He's half way to pissed off now.

"Let's go see" There's a note of apology in her voice.

"_Why does he like her so much anyhow? What is it about her"_ he wonders.

"Okay" he says.

* * *

"Hi Brian"

The first thing Janet notices about Sharon Cherski is her chest. It's just impossible not to since it's at eye level right now, and with her standing at this angle, talking to Brian, it's directly in front of her eyes. Brian's too, she observes. Kyle seems oblivious, standing there looking bored while Sharon chatters on for a minute, and then Brian looks embarrassed for the tenth time today and remembers to introduce her.

"Uh, Janet this is Sharon...Sharon, Janet...his voice trails off. "and, uh, Kyle" he mutters.

"Oh, yeah, hi" Kyle mutters; he couldn't look more bored, and then they head off into the line.

"Is there anyone here you don't know?" she asks him in a kind of annoyed tone. _"Let's see" _she thinks_ "counter girl, slutty girl, big chested cheerleader girl..."_

"Actually" he tells her "they're kind of just acquaintances, you know, except for Sharon, who's been friends with my neighbor and me since we were five...I mean"

"Hey Brain"

Jordan nods and Angela gives a little smile as they pass by, hand in hand, on their way to the counter, and Brian pauses for a second, looking after them.

"My neighbor" he tells her "Angela, and her uh, you know, Jordan, you know, from tutoring."

"_Oh yeah," _Janet thinks "_one more girl" _ and she registers the forlorn look on Brian's face._ " The one he really likes." _

* * *

Delia watches Brian Krackow look at Angela, and at Janet watching Brian Krackow, and then Janet's eyes meet Delia's and there's the tiniest flicker of a glance between the two girls, as though they both know exactly what they're seeing. And as Brian and his girlfriend get up to go, he's looking a little bewildered and she's looking a little miffed. Delia wonders what kind of asshole thing he's done now, and if it has to do with Angela Chase.

"_Does she even know that she wreaks havoc in people's lives?" _Delia thinks, looking at Angela laughing in the aisle with Sharon while Jordan waits in line "_I mean, she probably doesn't care...after all, she's got everything,...great hair, green eyes, ivory skin and the perfect skinny body. Boys have crushes on her, her boyfriend dotes on her and her friends love her. Some people just have all the luck." _

Just to illustrate Delia's point of view, Angela, who never in a million years could imagine someone thinking of her that way, finishes talking to Sharon and turns her attention back to Jordan who ceases staring off into space blankly and loops an arm around her neck, pulling her closer with his elbow and nuzzling her hair, while a contented smile makes its way across Angela's face. And even though Delia isn't envious by nature she can't help feeling a little tug of longing at seeing two people so happy together.

* * *

"What a relief!" Delia smiles at Ricky, waiting outside for her at a little past two.

"Was it a rough shift? He smiles back. "Nice earrings" he tells her, as they start to walk.

"In a weird way...thanks" she pauses and asks "Do I smell like hamburger grease?"

"Maybe a little...it's not bad. Why?"

"I just wondered. .Somebody mentioned it...I think everyone we knew was in their today...Corey and Rayanne came in together and..."

Ricky looks at her in surprise.

"Do you mind?" she asks, looking concerned.

"No, I don't, really" he tells her "It's just surprising... I mean, it's like, wow, almost revolutionary"

"Why do you say that?" Delia says "I see her with guys all the time."

"This would be more like a date, or something...with someone from school...it's different" he tries to explain "she's never really done this before" he adds, almost to himself..

"They were laughing together" Delia tells him "It looked nice" She waits a minute and then she says "It kinda made me wish I had a boyfriend. And then Brian Krackow was there with his girlfriend and while Sharon and Kyle were getting take out, Jordan and Angela came in holding hands and I felt, for a minute, like the only person in the world who doesn't have a boyfriend."

"Except for me" Ricky says. He likes Delia so much better without the bounce. She's really a sweet person."I think there's more of a chance for you though" he tells her, and it's the truth. He can't possibly be the only gay guy in high school, but it sure seems like it.

"I mean, I know you didn't want to open up to anybody after that stupid thing with Brian" he continues, "but maybe you should now. Maybe it's time to."

"Well" she nods "we'll see...you're probably right."

At the stoplight, across the street, Frank Repnicki, captain of the football team is standing on the other corner, and as they begin walking towards each other in opposite directions, Ricky moves closer to Delia, trying to make as much space between them as possible.

"Hey" It's kind of a mumble, but it doesn't sound hostile, and Ricky can't help looking up.

"Hi" he and Delia both say, surprised to see something resembling a shy smile on the jocks face.

"Do you know him?" Ricky asks Delia when they get a safe distance away.

"No," says Delia, looking like the cat who swallowed the cream "and Ricky, in case you didn't notice, he was smiling at _you_."

"Yeah sure...the football captain smiling at me"

"That's pretty much what it looked like"

"Doesn't he go out with Judy Winters?"

"It was a nice smile...he's really kind of handsome" Delia says seriously "do you think maybe he's..?"

"It was just a smile" Ricky interrupts her "I'm sure it didn't have a whole agenda around it."

"_Impossible"_ is what he tells himself.

* * *

"Do you think the grounds too wet to walk around it?" Rayanne says, sitting in the truck, looking out at the lake.

"Definitely" he tells her "we'd wind up covered in mud."

"Maybe that would be kind of, you know, erotic" she says, slipping back into her Jade voice and leaning up against him.

He can smell the alcohol coming off of her, and that, along with the fake sexy voice, makes him kind of sad.

"I wanted to take you somewhere nice" he tells her, letting his hand reach out to touch her hair, wishing things were different.

Rayanne leans into him and lets her head rest on his chest, and for just a minute things are different. She feels safe and quiet here, and even maybe real. "This is nice" she says, turning her face up to be kissed, and when he kisses her, for a minute she just feels that too, a sort of overwhelming sweetness. When he pauses, and folds both arms around her and holds her, just holds her, for another moment Rayanne lets herself feel really being held. And then she starts to panic, because for all her experience and bravado, what really scares her is intimacy.

She pulls away from him and reaches for her purse, finds the flask and takes a drink.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" she says, putting the flask away and unbuttoning her shirt, before she straddles him and starts kissing him kind of ferociously.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks, putting his hands on her arms, holding her back. It seems like most of her has disappeared and the part that's left is ….putting on a show or something.

"Duh... what do you mean?"

"Attacking me...like you're pissed or something."

"Most guys like it" she says sulkily.

"Maybe I'm not most guys. Maybe I'd want to be with _you_ when _you_ really wanted to, not when you're drinking and acting mean."

"Whatever" Rayanne snorts at him like he's being ridiculous, slides away from him and pulls her shirt closed.

"I'd better get you home" he says, not looking at her, and starts the truck back up.

Rayanne opens her mouth to say something, and then she stops. "_Why bother?_" she thinks. Right now she doesn't even care about having the last word.

* * *

Patti really had wanted to talk to Graham, but given the choice between afternoon sex and a conversation, she'd jumped at the former. Graham had fallen back to sleep almost immediately after, his arm still around her and Patti was still smiling to herself as she rounded the corner to pick up Danielle. After all there was still the chance they'd manage a conversation sometime today.

"Sweetheart, how was Suzy's party?" she asks as Danielle opens the car door, and then she almost gawks. Those two little girls standing on the lawn really are wearing make up. And one of them is wearing leopard print tights and baby high heels.

"Okay... we had a karaoke player...I sang like a virgin"

"What?" Patti asks, shocked again

"You know, that Madonna song"

"Oh"

"It's okay mom. I'm still one too. A virgin I mean. Are we going to have the talk soon?"

"Danielle!" Patti laughs "do you want to have the talk?"

"Well everyone else's moms are doing it"

"Well, sure then. We'll have it soon."

* * *

"Where's the entertainment section?" Angela says, reaching down from where she's lying in the back seat to fish around on the floor for the paper.

"I'm not entertaining enough for you?" he laughs, pulling her back and kissing her "since when?"

She hugs him for a minute, laughs and then reaches back down and continues her search.

"There's something in here about that **Pulp Fiction** movie everybody's been talking about.." she says sitting up and opening the paper and Jordan makes a little groaning sound that's a joke. It's obviously time for a break in their back seat make out session, and, while he'd never admit it, reading has turned into something he really likes doing with her.

She's been carrying sections of the paper around with her regularly for the past couple of weeks now, and getting him to read it with her. Ability wise it's over his head, but when they read out loud together he can follow along and make sense out of it and it's starting to get easier. For the first time in his life he's reading the automobile section, the sports page, some music and movie reviews, and the cartoons, and he's surprised to find himself enjoying it. Of course a big part of that is because of how Angela sits up close to him, sometimes touching his arm, stroking his hair, because of how sweet it's become to just be next to her, doing something together. And of course sometimes, like today, they forget all about the paper for awhile too, and pick it up later, off the floor of the car, and they both really like that part too.

But she'd been right; it was helping a lot. Between tutoring with Brian, and reading with her, and trying to study by himself, he can see his reading ability starting to improve. With their help he's getting all of his homework done, and he thinks he'll be able to pass most of his classes if he can just do okay with the written tests.

When Jordan leans back into the corner of the back seat, Angela snuggles in close to him and reaches up smiling to kiss his cheek, happy to have his arm wrapped around her and to feel his chin touching the side of her head while she opens up the paper.

"Here it is" she says, and starts to read the header "**Pulp Fiction Indisputably Great Film Noir**."

"What's film noir?...is that French?"

"Yeah...black, dark...you have a really good ear you know?" she smiles.

"You know I really like it when you speak French" he says huskily.

"Come on, _read_ ..." she tells him, pointing at the beginning of the paragraph.

"Yeah, yeah"

He tugs gently at a strand of her hair and starts to read along.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi, this is the same chapter I posted a few days ago with a small change in a scene with Angela and Jordan. Sorry, I had to remove and repost in order to make the change, but it works better this way, both for the storyline, and the chapter.**

**So thanks again for reading...lots of you...and reviewing...not lots of you. I know that's how it is for everyone, a small percentage of readers review,... but I am kind of dying for some feedback here, and would really appreciate anything you have to say. unless you just really don't like it of course. If you're shy about reviewing, there's personal messages...anyhow, here is**...

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

"They're off" Patti announces to Graham, kicking off her shoes and laying down on the bed despite being fully clothed and ready for work. It's Monday morning, just minutes after the girls have left for school and she'd been about to go out the door when she'd remembered the conversation that had never happened.

"So, you calling in sick?" he asks her, rolling on to his side to face her and propping his head up on his elbow. "Going to play hookey on my day off?" he smiles at her encouragingly.

The restaurant is closed on Sunday and Monday, and though Graham will go in later and start organizing for the week ahead, he's in no hurry this morning.

"Hardly" Patti says "actually, I've been wanting to talk to you, about work" she pauses and adds " if you don't mind."

"Talk away" he tells her, rolling onto his back and pulling her up next to him "I'm all ears."

"This is harder than it should be" Patty tells him, realizing that she really doesn't even know where to start, "because there are just so many piled up pieces of things I've wanted to talk to you about. But mainly, I guess, the most important thing, is that I'm confused about the press. You know the salesman dilemma. And that I want to move to digital offset." She pauses and he squeezes her shoulder. "My father's been coming around a lot lately, a couple of times a week. He doesn't want me to get rid of the old letter presses. He thinks we should start using them again. And he could be right. It could be the luxury printing for wedding invitations and announcements. If we want to go for that market. If Tom wants to do it. And if we can sell it. But we have to do both then. The letterpress alone won't support the shop in the long run."

"Do you want to do it?" Graham asks her. "It seems kind of like a dying profession."

"Well, a sentimental part of me does" Patti says "I grew up with those noisy machines that smell like ink, and they represent printing to me in a way. But print has never been a passion for me, so the sentiment doesn't have a big pull. I'm trying to see it from a business perspective."

"You could keep one of them at least" he says thinking "The Heildelberg probably. Even if you do start with digital soon, you don't have to get rid of the old clunker. You could think about it. "He kisses her on the cheek. "You need a business partner too" he tells her. "Someone to bounce all this stuff off of."

"A salesman would do. But I think my father has an idea that he could fix it all, be everything. I'm pretty sure that he's trying out the idea of himself somehow being a part of the press again...perish the thought. "

"He's in no condition to do that Patti" Graham tells her "he's only been out of the hospital for a few months now. It could kill him"

"If it didn't kill me first" Patti says ruefully "but I need a salesman and he seems to need something to do. I'm actually thinking about it."

"Do _**not**_ do this" he tells her, patting her shoulder "hear me? Do _**not**_ do this, it will drive you crazy."

"I know...I know... you're right" she says " but that still doesn't solve anything. What _am_ I going to do?"

"Keep your mind open. Keep your options open. Keep moving and don't agree to things that you don't want. I don't know." He sighs. "I wish I could really help."

So does she. It's good to have a minute with Graham, and she does appreciate his listening. But somehow this conversation, bright and sympathetic as it was, isn't what she really needs. It doesn't make up for the lack of day to day shared information, of being able to talk to him about things as they happen. She has the feeling of being in this alone now. She lies there with her head on his chest, and then she sighs and picks herself up, wondering how it will all work out.

* * *

"Come on, just tell us" Sharon says to Rayanne in the girl's bathroom "how was your, you know, _date_, with Corey?"

An annoyed look comes onto Rayanne's face and she's quiet for a minute. "Well, let's just say it was the first, the last and the only and leave it at that, huh."

"You know we aren't going to leave it at that" Ricky tells her "we are dying of curiosity here, aren't we Angela?"

The bathroom empties out as everyone else goes to class, and the three of them stare at Rayanne.

"Sorry, but yes, he's right" Angela says, looking at her in the mirror with an apologetic smile "what happened?" She can see how uncomfortable this is making her friend and moves behind her to wrap her arms around her in a hug.

"I was drinking a little, okay.." Rayanne stares at them in the mirror, and no one actually says anything, though the way they all look down does say something, "and we were kind of getting along, and when I tried to, you know, move things along, _physically_, so to speak, he pushed me off and drove me home." She looks down into the sink. "It was like, total rejection."

"Oh...ouch" says Sharon "_very_ not good."

"Precisamente" Rayanne says, looking grim, and Ricky touches her arm in sympathy. "Not that I like, care, or anything," she continues, "but no one's ever pushed me off before."

"Well, there was that horrible moment a couple of months ago when I tried to attack him backstage, and he pushed me off too, you know" Angela says, trying to make her feel better "do you think he maybe doesn't like girls?" she looks at Ricky with a question in her eyes.

"I don't think that's it" he tells her, looking serious, "unfortunately for me."

""I'm pretty sure he likes girls," Rayanne says to Angela. "and back when you did that it was like, a hundred percent clear that it had next to nothing to do with liking him and everything to do with trying to prove something..."

"I really don't think most guys would care about that normally" Angela says, puzzled.

"Maybe he's not most guys" Sharon says, and Rayanne freezes.

"That's exactly what he said" she tells them.

"Huh?" They all look at her, puzzled.

"I told him most guys like it when I do that and he said maybe he's not most guys"

"Uh, Rayanne" Sharon says, feeling like a first grade teacher, "If some guy came on stronger than you liked and then told you that most girls liked it, what do you think you'd say?"

"Try a little lower maybe?...I don't know" she's starting to get uncomfortable now.

"It wasn't exactly very romantic is her point, Rayanne" Ricky says.

"Well who ordered romantic, you know. That's not what I do." She looks at them defiantly and for a minute no one says a word.

"Well, maybe you should consider it." Sharon tells her, breaking the silence, "as a little experiment... you know, sex with someone you actually know and like for a change?"

"I have to say, that does sound like a good idea" says Ricky

Rayanne glares at them. "Well, wasn't that what I was trying to do, kind of?.. Like you all know so much about it" she mutters. Maybe that does work for Sharon Cherski, or as some kind of dream for Angela or Ricky, but so far nothing has really worked for her and it scares her, that maybe there's something really wrong with her, that maybe she's really like, messed up sexually or something.

She stares in the mirror angrily and when she sees three pairs of eyes looking back at her with sympathy and friendship, her face crumples and she just looks sad.

"Nobody knows much here, Rayanne" Angela tells her comfortingly "we're just talking."

"Yeah" they all nod, and Rayanne nods back in acceptance.

But when she meets Angela's eyes it feels like complete understanding, like maybe Angela really does understand, and Rayanne isn't even sure she really wants that. Because Angela's starting to understand that there are some areas where Rayanne is just as inexperienced as she is, and that maybe her code of not getting emotionally involved isn't exactly a matter of choice. Maybe it's a matter of survival.

* * *

"Saw you and Rayanne pulling out of Big Guy on Sunday" Jordan says to Corey as they're climbing the stairs towards the shop buildings and the gym.

"It was a total disaster" Corey says, looking down at the ground.

"Oh. Shit. Sorry"

"Yeah...you there with Angela?"

"Uhuh.." Jordan smiles to himself.

"That good huh?" Corey asks.

"Yeah, except..." He doesn't know why he wants to talk about this. Well, actually, he does sort of know why, it's just that it's something he's never done it before.

"What?" Cory scoffs and chuckles "Trouble in paradise?"

"No, not really, just...I've never been with a nice girl before,...it's kind of , um"

"frustrating?" Corey says. Rayanne pretty much let it drop that they haven't had sex yet.

"Yeah, I guess...sort of"

Corey laughs "Yeah, I remember that..." he drops his voice and looks around to make sure no one can hear them "my first girlfriend, in California, held onto it for a year, you know, before we, ahem, formally did it."

"A year?" _"fuck me, a year?" _He feels kind of like he's been punched in the stomach.

"It was a couple years ago...we were fourteen when we started being together."

"Oh"

Jordan was kissing assertive little girls back before he or the girls even knew quite what they were doing, and had finally been tumbled by a girl a year older than him when he was thirteen. There had never been a shortage of girls interested in him, and he had never, ever, expected to be with someone who didn't put out. The way he felt about Angela made him willing to wait but he just hadn't seriously thought about how long it might take before things, well, moved along to beyond the point of torture. If a couple of months already felt like a lot sometimes he couldn't imagine what waiting a year..._or even more..? _would be like.

"A year huh?" he repeats dully.

"Well, we kind of worked up to it gradually. There was, I mean, we did different things you know, hand jobs and uh, well, I really liked her, you know.." Corey says, a little embarrassed.

Jordan nods, a little embarrassed himself. "Did you break up cause you moved?" He hasn't ever had a conversation quite like this before, mainly because he's never really cared about a girl before, but also because he's never had a friend like Corey before either.

"A little before, it turned out... before we knew I was going to move. It was just time. It was okay. Weird but okay...Neither of us were hurt...we just changed."

"Yeah" _Could that possibly happen with Angela ? _Jordan thinks. Even though he doesn't really think about what's in their future he knows he doesn't much like the idea of them not being together.

"So, it was a disaster, huh?" It's not like he wants to know, but it seems like he should give Corey a chance to talk about it if he wants to. "What happened?" He knows it can't be about sex. Rayanne wouldn't make him wait around for that. "I mean, what's the problem?" he asks.

"She was drinking when I picked her up" he looks at Jordan and frowns "and then she kept acting kind of mean and tough..." he shrugs "finally I just gave up and took her home" he shakes his head at Jordan's sympathetic look. "It's okay...I'm okay with it."

"Yeah." Jordan nods thoughtfully. "Too bad though."... they're standing where their paths diverge, near the gym "Later" he adds, going off in the direction of shop. It's kind of weird, he thinks, talking about stuff like that, but he's glad to have talked about it with Corey. It's funny that Corey could be wanting more than sex with Rayanne Graff while he's wanting more than how he feels with Angela. Maybe getting everything together with the same person isn't all that easy, he thinks. In his heart, he's pretty sure he'll end up having it all with Angela. He just hopes he doesn't explode first.

* * *

"Hi" Brian looks at Janet warily as he walks into tutoring. She's been distinctly unfriendly with him ever since they left Big Guy last Sunday and he still doesn't know what happened.

"Hi" she says back to him a little sarcastically and looks away as he walks past and sits down next to Jordan, who is busy trying to figure out a homework sheet.

"Hey Brain" Jordan says "here's that history essay I've been working on"

He hands the paper to Brian, who takes it and looks at if for a minute, before looking back at Jordan with a totally pained expression on his face.

"Somethin wrong?" Jordan looks confused.

"No. I mean not with your homework. Everything's fine there." Brian fidgets with his pencil and lines up his books, looking down. "It's just.." he frowns and drops his voice down low "Janet like, seems to be mad at me, well not exactly mad, but like she doesn't like me anymore or something. Ever since she drove me home Sunday she acts like I did something wrong and doesn't want to talk to me."

"Oh. That kinda sucks." Jordan shakes his head in sympathy.

"Yeah. Like, when girls get mad or something and they do the silent thing..." Brian frowns. "Delia Fisher did the same thing" he remembers "just kept tossing her head and not talking to me. But at least I could figure that one out...it was more, you know, obvious, uh, what I'd done."

"Girls are complicated sometimes" Jordan offers. It's all he's really got at the moment. He's good at getting girls but Angela's the only one he's ever cared about keeping and he's as new at that as Brian is.

"I'd like it better if she just yelled or something" Brian says "it would be like, more honest or something." he thinks about arguing with Angela, how as annoying as it is, it's also alive.

"Yeah" Jordan agrees, thinking about Angela too, about how she gets all excited and her voice goes up when she's annoyed.

"Course that's not always fun either, you know...the yelling, I mean" He wonders if it really is more honest, because when they argue he's the one who doesn't talk, and it makes Angela crazy. He thinks back to when she was too mad at him to talk and how horrible it was for him, and thinks maybe Brian has a point.

"So you really don't know what she's mad about?" he says, looking over at Janet.

"I haven't got the like, foggiest idea" Brian tells him.

"You really like her? Cause there are lots of girls, you know, if you don't."

Brian blinks. There may be lots of girls for Jordan Catalano, but he's still surprised that he's managed to sit next to a girl and get himself kissed at this point.

"I don't know. I mean I like her... she's smart and we have stuff to like, talk about." _Not first choice in wall paper, but well..._" at this point he's pretty much resigned to not having Angela, and being with Janet made that a lot easier.

"Hey" Jordan says "maybe you should try a letter...I mean if she won't talk to you and all."

They look at each other, trying out the idea.

"We'll figure something out" Jordan tells him "after all, you know, I owe you like, big time."

* * *

"What's Judy Winters like?" Ricky says to Sharon Cherski.

Delia, leaning back against her locker, smiles, and the three of them glance in the direction of Frank Repniki walking down the hall with his cheerleader girlfriend.

"Nice I guess" Sharon says "I've only been around her once...and she talked about Frank and the team all the time I was sitting there, so I guess she really likes him...why?"

"Just wondered...she's, um, pretty" Ricky looks at the floor thoughtfully and Sharon looks at him curiously.

"Really?"

"You don't think she's pretty?" he asks innocently.

"I do" Delia says enthusiastically, turning slightly and holding her fingers crossed behind her back so he can see them " I think she's really pretty."

"Really" Sharon says flatly, a note of disbelief evident in her voice. Sometimes she can't figure these two out at all.

* * *

"How was tutoring?" Angela says, as Jordan puts his books in her locker.

"Brain's having girl problems...the rest is okay"

Angela grins. The fact that Brian has a girlfriend is just proof that anything is possible, as far as she's concerned.

"What's so funny?"

Angela makes a "duh" kind of face and laughs "...nothing" she says, hugging him, and then tugs him towards the door.

He's quiet while they're walking out to the car, and she's happy enough to just wrap her arm around his and enjoy the sunshine, but by the time they get to the car she has the feeling that something's bothering him.

"Jordan?"

"Yeah?"

"Is everything okay?..you seem kind of serious."

"Yeah...I'm uh, fine, okay?" "_still kind of in shock, but okay_" "let's just get out of here" he says, opening the car door.

She feels a little serious herself as they pull out of the parking lot, but when he reaches over and takes her hand, she relaxes and smiles up at him, and by the time they get to her house he has his arm wrapped around her and everything seems back to normal.

* * *

"So I talked him into going with the sepia on ivory bond, letterpress. A classic presentation."

Patti feels trapped, and like she might have a headache as her father continues to talk. She'd come in a few minutes ago from a sales call and found him answering the phone, talking to a client, making recommendations, quoting prices and closing a sale he had no authority to make.

"Good thing I was here to take the call, since you weren't." he tells her.

"Tom takes the phone when I'm not here dad, or people leave messages...you really shouldn't be answering the phone...let alone closing sales."

"I know this business inside out" her father blusters, indignant. "I built this business."

"But I run it now, Dad" Patti tells him, praying for patience "and I'm the one who knows how we price and schedule, I'm the one who's here every day."

"You're running it short handed" he pushes back "since your husband is in the money losing business, and taking a vacation from reality."

"You can't talk about Graham that way" Patti tells him, "not to me." She shouldn't have let it get this far. She should never have let herself entertain the notion of him working at the press. "You are retired. You have health issues. _And this is my company now_." she says with a hint of anger in her voice.

"That's right. It is your company now." He stops angrily. "But you're still my daughter, and your children are still my grandchildren, and I can't let you lose everything just because your husband..."

"Dad, please." Patti doesn't think she can keep a lid on it much longer. She'll have to either yell or cry soon, and she really doesn't want to do either. "Please just stop now, before we say things we'll both regret."

He looks at her, that long unhappy look of disappointment and frustration that she knows way too well.

"Okay missy" he tells her quietly, and starts to walk out. "you know where I am if you need me."

Patti sits down at her desk and buries her head in her hands. She really hopes she won't need _him_, but she does seriously does need help and she has no idea where or how she's going to get it.


	9. Chapter 9

**I want to thank everyone for the reviews and feedback on chapter eight and for subscribing or putting me on favorite stories. I'm especially grateful for the constructive criticism, and the thought put into it, because it gives me something to work with. We're pretty much in the middle of the story, and I know where it's going, though not everything about how it's going to arrive there.. I know a lot of the story kind of lurches along in not the most exciting way, but it is going somewhere, so thanks for hanging in...  
**

_**NINE**_

Jordan hands Angela back the coffee cup that has become a Saturday morning ritual and musses up her hair affectionately while she leans back and giggles.

"I need to get there early tonight, okay" he reminds her, leaning in and nibbling at her ear playfully "Tell Ricky to meet you there so you won't have to hang around alone."

"Uh huh" she turns her face up to be kissed, and he flashes to what it would be like to just push her back onto the porch swing, unzip her jeans and...whoa, yeah, right. Ever since the possibility of a long wait for Angela has entered his mind, his imagination has been working overtime in an equal and opposite direction.

Instead he blinks and pauses for a minute before he kisses her softly and walks down the steps half backwards, looking at her and waving goodbye when he gets to the bottom. Okay, it's official now, he thinks, shaking his head as he opens the car door. This is making him crazy.

* * *

Halle looks at the reservation book and sighs. Of course it could be worse, and of course no one had really expected the restaurant to become an overnight sensation, but it had also been totally natural for them to secretly dream of just that. Meanwhile, almost one month in, it's time to be realistic. The restaurant is half booked for tonight, and though they can count on some walk ins, that's half full on the busiest night of the week. Maybe they should take out one of the tables, and pull some of the others in from the walls a little. Maybe comp some meals to family and friends. People don't like to go out to half empty restaurants. They were right on track with their business plan, and both she and Graham were confident that the quality of the restaurant would soon become common knowledge but Three Rivers was just a little burb, not exactly a dining destination They had set out to be the best restaurant in town, which, Halle was pretty certain, they already were. It was just going to take a while for that to become an established fact and for their customer base to be established.

"Hello there" a cheery Graham calls, sticking his head out from the kitchen and waving. "How's it look for tonight?" He comes out and stands in the dining room, looking at the book over her shoulder.

"Not bad for going into week four" she says, running her finger down the column and shrugging. "We won't break even this month, but we won't lose a lot either."

"Not far off from what we projected then.." He looks at her carefully "You okay?" he asks, "or has the cold grim reality of being in the restaurant business finally set in?" Graham makes a little cowering motion and raises his eyebrows in question. He's starting to know that the brash, confident Halle he saw at first has her own fair share of insecurities.

Halle laughs and tosses her chin up. She just likes being around him and now she feels better already.

"Have I ever told you how much I appreciate a sense of humor in a man?" She grins.

"Supposedly a very sexy quality" Graham says, over his shoulder, heading back to the kitchen. "I read those polls in GQ." He loves the friendly flirty banter they have at work. How could there be anything wrong with that.

* * *

Angela sits down on the porch step after Jordan drives off and wonders what happened there. One second they'd been laughing and kissing and then he had blinked and looked at her like she'd slapped him across the face or something. And then he'd partially disappeared and that blank look had come over his face for a minute._ "I guess he's probably getting really frustrated with me..._." she thinks. Sometimes she walks into the house after making out and feels her whole body still yearning towards him, like actually aching._ "So if it's kind of agonizing for me, and he's a guy and it's supposed to be worse, well._.." Somehow, despite their talk about talking, they haven't quite managed to talk about _this_; Angela because she's embarrassed and doesn't know how to, and Jordan because the last thing he wants to do is to seem like he's complaining, or trying to push.

When she sees Brian ride up on his bike, she waves and smiles.

"_Brian has finally, since that whole humiliating letter mess, given up his weird habit of showing up on my doorstep and going on about his stuff that I like, supposedly have. I mean I guess I understand now why he used to do that, but it makes it a lot easier to like him now that he's stopped, and since he stopped being so mean about Jordan, too. And then, seeing him with a girl, even though I can't imagine what any girl in her right mind could want with Brian Krackow, has at least eased my conscience over his, you know, liking me.. I'm actually feeling kind of remotely fond of Brian these days."_

"Hey Chase"

"Hey...what's up?"

She's glad when he sits down on the step. They've finally made it past that awkward time.

"Just riding around for a few minutes before I go back in and start studying...Latin first, I guess"

"Do you actually like Latin, Brian?"

"Well, it's an academic choice...you know, liking doesn't have much to do with it. It might be like, very slightly useful in the sciences and all." He chances a quick glance at her and she seems for once not to be disgusted by his explanation " And it's all very organized" he continues "...at least you don't have to waste a huge effort on accents and speaking." He's glad that things are easier with her now, that she doesn't seem so eager to put him down, and he wonders if that's because she feels sorry for him or what.

Angela nods. "It's funny" she says "for me it's the opposite...I mean, what I like best about French is the way it sounds, the way like a whole other world comes out of a spoken language." She makes a face "I'm not very good at it though...especially the grammar."

"I'll probably start it next year. Colleges like two languages now you know."

"I don't think we'll be applying to the same colleges Brian.." she says, shaking her head with a little smile.

For a minute he doesn't want to admit it. But it's true of course. There probably will be a life after Angela Chase, even if he doesn't like the idea at all.

"Are you going to go see Jordan's band tonight?" she asks him, turning the coffee cup around in her hands.

"Yeah...I figured I could take a break for an hour, just to see his set...ride my bike over, you know."

"You're not going with Janet?"

"I think she, um, dumped me." He says, looking down.

"You _think_?..Brian, maybe you should find out." Angela snorts and her face turns red. She doesn't want to laugh, but this is just so...so...Brian like.

"She hasn't talked to me in a week...she acts like I did something wrong...is that dumped?" He kind of laughs in embarrassment, while he looks at Angela questioningly.

"Oh God Brian" she giggles and shakes her head "I think you have to ask _her_ about that..._did you_ do something wrong?"

"Not on purpose, I mean if I did I don't know what it was" he giggles a bit himself, just because Angela's laugh is contagious and it's so much fun to giggle with her, and the whole social mess is well, funny on some level.

"Anyhow...I think I'll just ride my bike over and catch Jordan's set, you know."

"It's so strange huh" she says, "the whole social, romantic thing" and he's surprised because that 's so exactly what he was thinking. And then, suddenly, he knows that she's serious, that she wants to talk to him about something.

"It seems to be going pretty well for you" he says carefully.

"It is.." she says "really, really well, but still...I just don't always know what's going on..with like, Jordan, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't talk about sex anymore.." she says quietly, a little blush coming up on her cheeks "and he never pushes me...but"

"It's pretty obvious that he really likes you" Brian says, feeling more disgustingly noble than ever.

"But we don't talk about it, and I don't know...so many things, and I'm afraid he's like getting," Angela blushes even deeper and drops her voice down "really frustrated?...I'm not sure...what I should do."

Brian hates the way he feels right now. Because it feels so right to be talking to her, to feel close to her, even in this moment, to be _needed_ by her, and at the same time she's talking to him about Jordan Catalano and sex and the whole idea makes him just really miserable. He could just get up and leave now, but he wants to help Angela however he can, and he can't stand the idea of cutting her off when she actually wants to talk to him.

"I, uh, he hasn't said anything to me, like, of course..." he mumbles.

"No" she says "of course not, but"

"And I'm kind of, you know, behind the curve, and I guess he's definitely kind of ahead of it, so I don't know, but," he looks at Angela, who is looking serious and a little pensive and he just wishes with all his heart that she felt this way about him "I think you just better try and talk to him about it. I mean what else can you do?" he looks away and adds "if you really like him, that is."

"Yeah, you're right I know..." "_If I really like him?_" she thinks, smiling to herself. "_My whole like, life revolves around him_" "Thanks Brian" she says, getting up and heading inside "Maybe you should talk to Janet too." she adds.

"See you at Vertigo maybe" he tells her.

* * *

"Hi" Jordan's looking for a part in the garage when he hears a female voice.

"Can I help you?...you really shouldn't be back here" he tells the girl who is standing a lot closer to him than she needs to be and smiling at him in a pretty seductive way. He looks over at one of the other mechanics who grins at him and shrugs.

"You're in that band...Residue?..my name's Tessy" she tells him.

"Yeah, I mean I am...but you shouldn't be back here." This kind of thing is nothing new to Jordan but it's the first time someone has actually followed him into the back of the garage. He walks towards the front door knowing that's the way to get her back outside, and she walks with him.

"I was wondering what you might be doing after the show tonight?" Tessy is pretty cute, Jordan thinks, in an obvious kind of way.

"I'll be there with my girlfriend"

"Well, maybe after you take your girlfriend home, we could do something...together"

"I don't think so, but uh, thanks. ..." he looks at her and notices that not only is she very cute, but that she has really nice breasts, "I need to get back to work now...I could get into trouble over people coming in to where I work." That seems pretty clear, he thinks.

"Look" she smiles up at him, knowing that he's just looked at her chest, "I don't care about you having a girlfriend. I'd just like to um, be with you, maybe tonight" she moves in very close to him and when she slides her hand up the front of his thigh, Jordan steps back.

"Just keep it in mind" she tells him with a confident look on her face.

He shakes his head, turns and walks back into the garage without a word. Nobody has been that forward with him in a while, and he's never liked that kind of approach anyhow. But somehow, as the afternoon passes, he finds himself thinking about it. What if he just took her up on it?...Angela would never have to know, and maybe it would keep him from getting so crazy. And as soon as he thinks that, he knows that it's wrong, that he doesn't want things to be like that, that it would be more trouble than it would be worth. But a little later the thought crosses his mind again. She's cute. She wants him. It would be easy. It wouldn't mean anything.

_But it would be lying._

_Shit. _

_Nice breasts._

_It would help keep me from pressuring Angela._

_Shit... _

_Maybe. _

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

* * *

He's walking out the front door with his guitar that evening, when his father pulls up, and as he walks down the front stairs his dad is heading up the sidewalk with his suitcase.

"Hey" he mutters as they pass, and his dad stares at the guitar case pointedly.

"This is what I support ?" he says in a sarcastic voice.

Jordan looks at him warily, says nothing and keeps walking.

"_Asshole."_

It's hard to shake off the shitty, angry feeling he gets from his father, and it only fades when he gets to Angela's, when she gets into the car and smiles at him with so much warmth. And then the anger is replaced by something resembling guilt when he remembers the girl at the garage that afternoon. _"Okay, so it was just an idea" _ he thinks to himself. He knows he could lose Angela over something like that, and the idea's only saving grace had been to take the pressure off, so that he wouldn't .

"Nervous?" she asks, touching his cheek and kissing him softly, and just the softness of her and her smell makes him ache for more of her.

"Um, Nah.." he buries his face in her neck for just a minute, "maybe a little, worried, you know, about the band." he mutters into her hair. He takes her hand and laces his fingers though hers and then holds onto it, placing it on the gearshift so that they shift the car together, and Angela laughs a soft low laugh of being happy with him.

"_A really bad idea"_ he thinks, and decides that it's never going to happen.

They walk into a pretty densely packed Vertigo, Jordan carrying his guitar in one hand and holding Angela's in the other and there she is, smiling at him. _Oh shit._

"Hi Jordan"

"Hey" he nods without a pause.

"Who's that?" Angela hadn't liked the way she was looking at him. Or the way she stuck her chest up in the direction of his face either. It was, like totally predatory or something.

"She comes into the garage" he tells her.

"There's Ricky" Angela says, spotting him at a table across the room He's waving and pointing emphatically at an empty chair and Angela smiles and nods.

"Okay," she turns and kisses him softly "go get em."

"See you after" he says, heading backstage, feeling a lot more nervous than he usually does. They've been fighting again at rehearsals, and Kevin and Joey both have been really full of themselves lately.

"Jordan" Shane's waiting in the hallway, leaning up against the wall "we're in trouble.. they're messed up."

"How bad?"

"You'll see..." Shane shakes his head "maybe we should bail."

"At the last minute? They'll never let us come back if we do that. Shit"

He opens the backstage door with a sick feeling. "Hey guys" he says, and the smell of both alcohol and weed hits him in the face even before he sees the bottles and whats left of a joint.

"Are you crazy? drinking _and_ smoking back here?"_"f*ckin shit" _Jordan looks at an obviously sloppy drunk and stoned stupid Kevin and Joey, while he tries to not melt down totally. "We're on next...get rid of that and try to pull it together."

He can't believe this is happening, but when they walk out on stage it gets even worse, unbelievably bad, because Joey is missing beats and whatever beat there is, Kevin is playing behind it, and while this is going on he's trying to play and sing and adjust to their fuck ups. And he's the one in front, the one people are seeing in this mess. It's like that bug story in English, like an unbelievable nightmare. At least Shane is there, solid on keyboard and Jordan tries to play with him, tune the other two out and soldier through, but after the second song he looks at Shane and gets a grim shake of the head back. There's no way they can get through a set.

"Thanks " he mutters into the mic, to a bit of scattered applause and walks off the stage.

* * *

*Angela buries her face in Ricky's arm and lets out a long low "oohhh.." and Ricky can't think of anything to say back. For a minute they just sit there with Corey, Brian and Sharon, and look at each other with distressed expressions.

"His voice sounded good" Ricky says finally, trying to cheer them up a bit, "and he and Shane played well..." his voice hushes "it was pretty clear who the problem was."

"This kind of stuff happens with bands all the time" Corey says, nodding, "my dads got a million stories... still, Jordan's probably feeling like shit right now...maybe we should go backstage...walk out with him, show some support, you know?"

"Yeah" Angela says breathlessly, standing up. Her heart is aching for Jordan and she doesn't know what she should be doing. She's so grateful that Corey seems to have some sense of what could be the right thing.

"You go on" Ricky tells them "Rayanne still might show up – We'll be out here for awhile" he adds, looking at and Corey and registering his look of concern.

Jordan's face is set and grim, and he tilts his head up in recognition when he sees, them without moving towards them or saying anything, before he turns back to Shane. They continue silently unplugging things and winding up cords, while Corey, without a word, walks over and starts helping Joey break the drum kit down.

Angela stands quietly against the backdrop, wondering if she should offer to help, or just leave, or what she can possibly do. It's clear that Jordan is furious, and it's stupid she knows, because none of it has anything to do with her, but a part of her needs him to come to her now, to not stay away from her. She stares at the floor, embarrassed, hating herself for being so needy.

Jordan's shoulders straighten and he stands for a minute thinking, before walking over to Corey and talking to him briefly, and then he crosses the room and stands in front of her.

"Ange look" he almost whispers, laying a hand on her shoulder.

"umhum"

"I need to take care of this..." his other hand waves vaguely towards Kevin and Joey to illustrate what "this" is, "like, now" he looks at her seriously and pauses, "could you, you know, go with Corey or Ricky for right now ? I'll try to get away before too long, but I don't know...if I can't I'll, like, see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure" She moves into him for a minute and he softens and moves his hand up to her neck, and that's enough for her, that he hasn't shut her out.

Angela nods into Jordan's shoulder. She lets her forehead rest there for just a second and then reaches up to touch his cheek before turning away and walking out with Corey. And even when they stop and talk to Ricky again, and wonder where Rayanne could have gone, she's still kind of distracted, worrying about Jordan. That's probably why she doesn't notice Tessy watching her from across the room, or the smug little smile on her face when she sees her walking towards the door with Corey.


	10. Chapter 10

**Picking up from where we left off... **

**CHAPTER TEN**

"Thanks for babysitting me" Angela says to Corey, as they sit in the booth of a diner an hour later, drinking hot chocolate.

"Come on," he tells her "it's really better than television alone at home, you know."

"That's a sad little statement, Corey" she smiles at him. It's funny how easy it is to be with him, she thinks, considering how embarrassing it could be if they let it.

"Well, it's kind of a sad little night." he smiles back wryly.

"Yeah. I wonder what happened with Rayanne. I was expecting her to show up...I mean she said she was coming."

She looks at him to see how he responds and watches curiously while he looks down at the table and gives a little shrug.

"Do you think she's drinking much now?"

"No, I don't" Angela tells him, surprised "I mean, I don't know, but... I haven't seen her drinking for a long time. Why?" "_So her drinking bothers him?_" she thinks "_maybe that's what happened that day...maybe he really does like her._"

"Don't know. Maybe I just thought about it cause of Kevin and Joey, you know." Corey doesn't really see any point in giving her a description of Rayanne's behavior a few weeks ago. And while he's glad to hear that Rayanne's not drinking all the time, it makes him wonder why she had to drink around him then. He sits there quietly.

"You know she's really happy about doing pastry at my dad's restaurant right now, and I know he wouldn't let her be there at all if she was drinking. So I'm pretty sure she's not..."

She wants to say something subtle, something slightly encouraging, that could move Corey back in Rayanne's direction, but at the same time, Rayanne is so prickly on the subject that she can't be sure of what's really going on, what she might really want.

"Why would they mess up so bad? I mean you'd think they'd want to do good...I could kill them for ruining things...poor Jordan... and Shane.." she adds instead, her voice trailing off.

"They probably weren't thinking...just being guys, and probably nervous too, you know..." it occurs to him for the first time that maybe being nervous had something to do with Rayanne drinking around him, and he wonders about it for a second, but that seems just, really improbable.

"Thank God your dad wasn't there...Jordan would have hated that."

"Well, he would have understood...and he knew anyway that Jordan was the really talented one in the group as soon as he heard him."

"Really?" Angela's face lights up. " I mean of course that's what I think too, but it's not quite the same coming from me. Did you tell him your dad said that? He's never mentioned it."

"No, I didn't tell him that exactly...not while his band was together, you know...it seemed kind of, rude or something. He smiles at Angela quietly. "You should tell him when you talk to him now though. It might make him feel better."

"That's really nice...you're really nice" Angela says impulsively. She can see why Corey and Jordan are friends now, and why Ricky had liked him too. She doesn't have a particularly high opinion of Jordan's other friends, the ones who aren't around much anymore, the ones who always acted like they were way too cool for her.

"Yeah?" Corey looks at her and smiles "you too."

"Thanks... I've got an hour left on my curfew" she smiles back at him hopefully "maybe we could just drive by the loft?"

"Sure" he tells her.

* * *

"Hi Rayanne" Patti says, closing the car door.

"Pattykins...how ya doin?"

"Do you usually work this late? I would have thought you'd be at Vertigo with everyone."

They're standing out in front of the restaurant in the dark. "Yeah, I would have been ..but it got really busy around seven and Graham asked me to stay. I'm just waiting for Tino, my friend, to pick me up."

"You must be dead" Patti smiles sympathetically, "Danielle's spending the night with a friend and Angela's out. I thought I might actually get to spend a little time with Graham. Everyone's gone, right?"

"Paolo just left. Halle's still there, trying to get wine off her blouse and doing something with the reservation book."

"Well don't wait out here alone too long. If Dino doesn't show up soon, we'll get you home."

Patti walks through the parking lot around to the back door and Rayanne stands there smiling as she pictures Tino in a suit, palling around with Frank Sinatra.

"Graham, honey" she calls, opening the door and then she sees the two of them, pressed up together against the counter. It's like a silent movie before her eyes, jerking from frame to frame. She notices that Halle's blouse is off and then how they break apart the minute they hear her, and then the looks on their faces. There's another second after that when no one moves or says anything, and then Patti breaks the silence.

"Oh" she turns and leaves, shutting the door carefully behind her for some incomprehensible reason, and then she's running for her car, blinking back tears.

* * *

"Oh no" Rayanne says, getting into the front seat with Tino. She's wants to do something but she feels paralyzed. They watch as Graham comes running after her, as Patti pulls her car away from the curb, and as she drives right up the block, onto the sidewalk, into a mailbox. Even that doesn't stop Patti, and Rayanne watches in fascination as she backs the car out onto the street and continues on her way.

"I think we'd better follow her" she tells Tino.

* * *

"Just go. I'll lock up."

Halle's blouse is back on and buttoned up and Graham is grabbing his jacket and looking for his car keys.

"Halle, I'm sorry" he looks at her in confusion "obviously we'll have to talk about this, but I .."

"Shh, don't explain" She reaches up onto the shelf overhead where his keys always are and hands them to him. "It was an accident, that's all."

He looks at her again, worried and speechless. "I'm really sorry" he says as he takes the keys and goes running out the door.

Halle watches him drive off and can't believe their bad luck. For all of their flirting and friendly sparring and her growing attraction to him this was never really supposed to happen, not the kissing part or the getting caught part. Especially the getting caught part. She can't imagine Patti being able to believe that this has never happened before, and Halle certainly can't blame her. She wouldn't be able to believe it either if she was Patti. It does take two to tango, as she's well aware, but letting Graham try to get the wine off her blouse was maybe going to turn into one of the stupidest things she's ever done.

* * *

It's almost eleven when Jordan pulls up in front of Angela's house, and even though his arm is around her and she's snuggled into his side they haven't said a word, except for hey, since she got into the car.

"No one's home" she says in surprise, and he kind of nods and turns off the ignition.

"Jordan" she begins hesitantly, turning towards him, but he interrupts her with an urgent kiss that in just a few seconds turns fierce enough to knock every thought or fear she's had all evening out of her mind, and then they just melt together and her knees open up to let him close to her as they fall back across the length of the front seat.

* * *

Patti is not even sure where she's going. She'd started out towards home, decided that wasn't right, turned in the direction of the Cherskis, and then, tears still pouring down her face, decided against it. She pulls the car abruptly over to the side of the road, trying to get a hold of herself, and leans her head up against the steering wheel.

"Patti." Someone is saying her name and knocking on the window, and when she looks up Rayanne Graff is there, outside her car.

Rayanne walks over to the passenger side and gets into the front seat and for a second neither of them can say anything.

"Did you know...?" Patti asks her finally, "for a long time?"

"No" Rayanne tells her "I can guess what you're talking about, but I've never seen anything, ever. Seriously, girl scout's honor..." She wonders why it matters so much to her that Patti believes her. But after that awful mess with Angela, that's mended but not the same, she knows she doesn't want to be in the position of being considered a traitor to the Chase family.

"I kept telling myself that I was making it up, that everything was all right" Patti stutters "I trusted him."she says in a small voice.

"That's because it was the right thing to do..." Somehow Rayanne knows that as annoying as she can be, Patti will always try to do the right thing, that it's a part of who she is.

Patti nods, and starts to cry again. "I'm not sure where to go right now. If I go home..." she looks at Rayanne, who nods understandingly.

"You could ask him to go somewhere, maybe?..or stay at a friends? "

"Danielle's sleeping over, but Angela..."

Patti doesn't need to finish the sentence.

"Angela's a big girl" Rayanne tells her "and one of you will be there."

Patti's not saying anything.

"You maybe shouldn't be driving around right now... I mean that mailbox .." Rayanne looks at her and watches Patti's chin quiver, just like Angela's does. "let's sit here for awhile. Let me just explain to Tino and ask him to wait a little longer."

* * *

As Graham drives towards home in a state of shock and confusion his mind races, trying to think of what to say... "_it was an accident, it didn't mean anything_" sounds pretty lame even to him, and "_there's really nothing going on, it's never happened before and it will never happen again_" sounds both unbelievable and pathetic, even though he's pretty sure it's true. He pulls up in the driveway and when he doesn't see Patti's car he really panics. He doesn't know what he'll do if she's not there. But she must be. She wouldn't have taken Danielle somewhere, would she? He jumps out and runs up the front steps into the house, calling Patti's name, and when there's no answer he bolts up the stairs to check the bedrooms.

"My dad's here...oh my god" Angela, jolted back into reality, can't believe she's lying on the front seat of Jordan's car with him on top of her right in front of her house. She would never have let this happen normally, visible to Brian Krackow and all the neighbors, but she had pretty much lost track of everything and melted as soon as Jordan had kissed her like that.

"Huh?..fuck" Jordan is in no condition to talk, let alone think or sit up, but he'd better figure something out quick.

He and Angela both pop up together and look around dizzily. There's headlights and cars pulling up and stopping, the sounds of doors opening and closing and of someone crossing the street. Angela sees someone standing outside the driver's side window and thinks that maybe her life is over. She clutches at Jordans arm in panic.

"Catalano...dude...her parents are home..."

"It's Tino" Jordan whispers and she nods silently and relaxes. The two of them look around wide eyed at the street and see Patti and Rayanne walking together towards the house.

Jordan rolls down his window and tries to act nonchalant. "Hey" he says.

"Yeah.." Tino says, and looks over at Angela with a troubled expression. "Hey baby girl" he tells her gently "your parents are sort of, like, having a fight or something...you might want to get out of the line of fire, like both of you..."

Angela nods and tries to smooth her hair down. She looks at Jordan with a confused expression and squeezes his hand before she opens the car door and turns to face an approaching Rayanne and Patti.

Rayanne takes one look at Angela, for a second it's all she can do to not giggle, because from the messiness of her hair and the dazed way that she's just staggered out of Jordan's car it's crystal clear that something more than a good night kiss has just been interrupted. And then, as she realizes it would be better for all concerned if Patti _doesn't_ notice Angela's condition, Brian Krackow rides up on his bike and Graham runs down the front steps, and suddenly everyone, except Jordan who is kind of slumped against his car door, is looking at Patti and Graham moving closer to each other.

"I can't talk to you right now" Patti says quietly when they're within a few feet of each other. "I don't even want to be here."

There's no emotion in her voice for once, not even anger. She sounds totally flat and it scares Graham more than he could have imagined.

"Patti" he tells her "I'm so sorry. I know this sounds wrong, but it didn't mean anything...it's not, _I'm_ not having an affair.."

"I can't talk," Patti repeats, walking past him into the house "about it now."

He turns and follows her inside.

"What happened?" Angela asks Rayanne, her voice shaking.

"Your mom didn't exactly say...I'm pretty sure she walked in on your dad and Halle doing something..." Rayanne says, smoothing Angela's hair. "I don't know what...but she's pretty upset"

Angela feels nauseous. Her face turns red, her chin purses up and she almost can't talk "you don't know what, really?" she asks.

"No. She didn't say. I didn't ask." Rayanne pauses "whatever it was it was enough to make her run out of the restaurant, and then Tino and I followed her, cause it was pretty clear she was really upset, and well, not driving very well."

"Did you know something? Rayanne?" Angela's voice is high and accusing, and Rayanne for the second time tonight feels like she has to defend herself.

"No, Angela, I promise you, I didn't even suspect anything...they're always friendly and sometimes, well, flirty, but it never felt, like out there, and I never saw a thing that seemed like, hidden".

Angela starts to cry quietly. "I'm sorry" she says to Rayanne, who shakes her head, telling her there's nothing to be sorry for. She leads Angela over to the front steps and they sink down together, holding hands.

"What's going on?" Jordan asks Tino and Brian, getting out of the car and leaning up against the door.

"Domestic issues" Tino says with a sigh.

"Okay" Jordan shuffles in his pocket and comes up with cigarettes and a lighter.

"Great night, huh?" Tino says with a distinct touch of sarcasm.

"Fuck, man" Jordan shakes his head "Were you at Vertigo?" he asks quietly.

"I was there." Tino nods.

"Me too" Brian says. For a minute no one says anything, and even Brian realizes it's no time for speech, the silence is so male and thick. He almost feels like a _guy_, he realizes. It's strange, he thinks...and kind of good. There's just the click of Jordan's lighter, and the smell of lighter fluid along with the sound of him inhaling.

"How'd you end up here?" Jordan asks Tino.

"I was picking Rayanne up from work, and we like, saw Angela's mom come running out of the restaurant crying, so we followed her. Seems she walked in and saw something she wasn't supposed to."

Brian and Jordan look at each other in sudden understanding, and then they both look over to where Angela and Rayanne are sitting on the steps.

"Shit" says Jordan quietly, and starts walking towards her. He can tell she's freaked. So can Brian, but he knows who Angela wants. He stands there with Tino, feeling like a character in some kind of macho guy movie, watching his friend move towards the girl they both love, seeing him sit down next to her and fold her in his arms.

* * *

What are you doing" Graham asks Patti as drawers open and close and Patti grabs her toothbrush from the bathroom.

"I'm not staying here tonight. At least if you are, I'm not."

"Patti, it's not what you think...it's nothing."

Patti turns and looks at him. She doesn't need to say a word.

"What you saw" Graham grabs her arm "was a freak accident. It's never happened before and it will never happen again..."

Patti won't look at him now. She turns her head away, even while he's standing there, holding onto her arm, and Graham lets go of her and steps back.

" It shouldn't have happened at all," he says in a low voice "and I'm sorry. " He stands there, unable to believe that she is considering walking out the door. "Patti, you have to believe me."

"I don't" she says "have to believe you. And I'm not" she continues, opening the closet and grabbing a bag for her nightgown and toothbrush, "going to talk about it tonight...I'll pick Danielle up from her sleepover and be home tomorrow morning. We'll figure something out then."


	11. Chapter 11

_CHAPTER ELEVEN_

"_Right now everything is this like, big, scary drama. I mean obviously my dad has really messed up, and no one knows what's going to happen next. I can't even be angry right now, everything is so upside down. Last night my mom actually left the house. She just walked out and got into her car and asked Rayanne to go with her. Tino drove away and Brian went home and Jordan and I just stood there together leaning against his car until my dad came out and told me to come in. He was really upset, and said that Mom and Danielle would be home today and to try to get some sleep. Right."_

"Sharon?"

"I know it's early, but...have you seen my mom?"

"Well, look and see if her car's in front of your house."

"No, she came home last night, but then she left...she and my dad had some kind of fight ...I'll tell you about it when I know something myself."

"Okay, thanks...call me if you see her, or hear something."

"Bye"

Angela puts the phone down and frowns. It seems really wrong to call Rayanne's this early, because no one is ever up at her house till at least noon on Sundays, but she doesn't know how long she can wait. She goes downstairs to an empty kitchen, and thinks how much things have changed in a week. As she opens up the refrigerator for some orange juice, Angela's eyes fill with tears and she can't help wondering if anything will ever be the same again.

* * *

But at Rayanne's house, contrary to popular belief, someone is actually wide awake. Patti lies in Rayanne's bed, staring at the ceiling after a night of barely sleeping, and thinks she'll get dressed, get coffee in a cafe somewhere and then pick up Danielle early. Her mind has been running around in circles since she got here last night and there's nothing to be gained by putting off going home any longer. At this point she's just sorry she didn't stay in the house last night and make Graham go somewhere. Except for the fact that the thought of where he might go makes her start crying again, every single time it comes around.

"Don't leave" Amber says, walking out into the front room as Patti is picking up her purse, "I'll make coffee"

"Oh, no" Patti protests "I already feel bad enough about Rayanne giving up her bed last night, and really.."

"She's out like a light" Amber tells her "and there's no need to feel bad. Actually" she pauses and looks at Patti "I'm kind of honored that you stayed here" she wrinkles her nose and smiles "in an inconvenient kind of way, that is...I'm the one who slept like shit with her in my bed." She looks at Patti again, "stay for coffee" she says, and Patti doesn't see how she can say no after that.

* * *

"Morning" Rayanne mutters, wandering into the front room way before her normal Sunday wake up time and tucking herself up into the couch next to her mom and Patti.

"Hi sweetie" they both look over and say, before turning their attention back to the table, where the tarot deck is spread out. Amber and Patti both are looking at the cards intently.

"So death is there, but in a natural way...like new life is going to come from it" Amber says."And there's the Queen of swords holding up the bottom and the Prince at her side."

"So you don't think this death card is literally death, as in my dad... or my marriage?" Patti asks, her voice hesitant.

"That's really not what I'm getting from it" Amber tells her. "I'm getting new life here. Not without some birth pains I'm guessing, maybe even some real suffering. But it's more about growth." She looks up at Patti seriously, "This is not a reading that spells disaster to me."

"Well, I have to say" Patti says with a tear in her eye "that I do feel somehow comforted by all this, even if I don't really believe in it." She can't believe it. It's preposterous that she can find comfort in a tarot deck, in this messy crowded apartment with her daughter's friend and Amber of all people. Maybe it's just an indication of how desperate she is, she thinks to herself. But as she walks out to her car later she's not sorry that she let Rayanne talk her into staying with them. She's really somehow grateful.

* * *

"Jordan, telephone" his dad yells, and when Jordan staggers out into the hall his dad hands him the phone along with a dirty look "A girl at ten o'clock on Sunday morning" he mutters "tell her not to do it again."

"Ange?" She almost never calls his house, and never this early when she knows his mom's sleeping, but today Jordan doesn't mind at all. He just hopes she's okay.

"Hi Jordan" says an unfamiliar but clearly seductive voice .

He feels disgusted when he hangs up the phone. As if he needs any more reminders of last night. Tessy had hung around the stage door till they left, and probably would have followed them to the loft, if she'd known it existed. "_Shit_, t_he loft" _he thinks now. That was something else to deal with. The band had been splitting the rent, but there wasn't going to be a band any more and he hates the idea of losing the loft. He likes having the space available for music, for hanging out, and now he likes having it because of Angela, too. She really isn't a back seat kind of girl, and he can tell she's usually more relaxed making out at the loft than in his car. Last night though...well, that had been a close call, he thinks, shaking his head. Something besides him was on the edge of happening in the front seat last night, the way her body had been moving under him, and her breath had gone all shaky and uneven. He doesn't know what would have happened if everyone hadn't showed up; he really needs to talk to her about stuff. He wonders what's going on at her house right now, and picks the phone back up to call.

* * *

"Dad! I wish you'd just tell me what happened!..what did you do to make mom leave the house?"

Angela's voice is high pitched and trembling, and Graham, looking at her from across the kitchen counter, feels pretty much like she sounds. He can't even pull it together to make muffins for breakfast.

"Angela honey, I think whatever happened right now has to stay between your mom and I, at least until we've talked about it. She said she'd be back today, and we'll figure things out."

"But it's not just between you and mom, is it?" she looks at him accusingly "it's going to effect everything, and I have to sit here not knowing anything, not even knowing where mom is." She starts to cry again, and Graham shakes his head.

"Angela, try not to get upset before she even comes home."

"Oh, like you're expecting it to get worse then? I can't believe this." she says, fat tears dripping down her face.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry. I did something stupid and I'll try to take care of it. I love your mom and our family and ….." he trails off, and he and Angela look at each other with pained expressions.

"Okay" she says, realizing again how really bad this is.

Graham walks to the cupboard and comes back with the cereal box and two bowls.

"Pass the milk" he tells her, sitting down.

* * *

"Still going to school Jordan?" his dad asks smoothly. He's sitting in the kitchen when Jordan comes downstairs this morning and it's the first time they've been in the same room in a while, something Jordan has managed to avoid pretty skillfully up until now.

"Yeah, I am" _"Shit!"_ He hates this theme.

"How much longer are you going to keep that up?" Micheal Catalano looks at his son evenly over his coffee cup.

"I'm doing better this year" Jordan says "I'm passing all my classes" "_At least I think I might...I hope I am._"

"That's what your mother says."

"Yeah...I got some tutoring. It's helping"

"You're gonna be eighteen in a couple months. Maybe you should think about getting a job, instead of staying in school."

"I've got a job Dad" "_I hate this asshole" _Jordan thinks.

"You know what I'm talking about Jordan" His dad puts the cup down and leans in towards him slightly "You need to think about what you're gonna do."

"Yeah, well, right now I gotta go. Bye" he heads out the door and his father doesn't say anything else.

"_F*cking asshole_" Jordan mutters to himself. Unfortunately what really hurts isn't that his father's such a coldblooded, superior acting asshole, but that what he's saying is right. He is going to be eighteen, and he does need to think about what he wants to do and he really doesn't want to stay in school til he's twenty. It's just that for the first time in his life he's starting to figure this school thing out, and part of him thinks he can do it, at least enough to read the newspaper and function in the world like a normal person, even enough to graduate. And there's Angela now, and being friends with Cory. "_Fuck !_" he thinks. He's going to finish out this year and do as well as he can, and then think about what's next. And if he's lucky he won't have to see his father very often before that.

* * *

It's more than an hour before Patti walks in the door, almost eleven, but at least by then Angela has talked to Rayanne, and heard as much as she knows about the events of the previous night and the morning's tarot reading.

"What's going on with them?" Danielle looks at Angela and asks, when their parents almost immediately head upstairs and shut the door behind them. "Mom had her nightgown in a bag in the car." she says, "did she not sleep here last night?...she tried not to let me see it."

"They're fighting about something" Angela tells her. ."and she stayed at Rayanne's house" she admits, "but it might be better not to let them know that you know that. I don't even know if Dad knows yet."

Danielle looks up at her with a frightened expression and Angela feels the responsibility of being the oldest. "Don't worry about anything yet" she tells her little sister "we don't even know what they're fighting about. Maybe it's not even important."

The two of them look up the stairs together towards their parents room. They can just barely hear the low hum of controlled voices, quiet, staccato, tense and they can both feel each others anxiety.

* * *

"Look, at this point it doesn't even matter if nothing else ever happened before" Patti tells Graham , "even if I wanted to believe that, it doesn't matter, because something _has_ happened now." She's perched on her side of the bed, and his initial attempt to sit down close to her being rejected, he's sitting down at the foot of the bed across from her.

"I'm sorry...Patti, you can't believe how sorry I am"

"Well, that's nice. You're sorry. And now what?" she cries unhappily "You've apologized and everything's fine? We go back to me believing you, trusting you, and everything is back to normal as long as you don't get caught?"

"Patti.." he shakes his head helplessly "it was a mistake.."

"A mistake...one you're going to see everyday...one that I'll see now whenever I'm at the restaurant or on the phone with you there...and that's..."

"That's what?" he asks gently.

She shakes her head and starts to cry harder. Because what if he's actually lying to her, and this is an affair, and he's just going to continue lying?

"Look" she says "I just don't know if I can trust you anymore."

"What do you want to do?" he asks her.

"Die? Kill you? Kill her...maybe all of the above?" Patti lies down and turns her face away from him and cries.

He lays down behind her and curls himself around her. When he wraps his arm around her she doesn't push him away, but she doesn't respond either.

* * *

"So what about your birthday, then?" Danielle asks pushing the swing with her feet. They're on the porch and despite a light rain falling, it's warm enough to be outside with just a sweater.

"I don't think my birthday is all that much to get excited about" Angela tells her "I was kind of hoping there wouldn't be a family party."

"Like that could ever happen..." Danielle says wisely "sixteen and no party? I heard mom talking to grandma yesterday about having something at the restaurant"

"_So now my sixteenth birthday is somehow going to become part of this disgusting restaurant drama thing that's going on...that's just great_" Angela thinks. "Well, maybe it won't happen that way now" she says.

"Why? Does this have something to do with Halle?"

"Danielle!"

"Well does it?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe."

Danielle's face is both troubled and puzzled, and then something very different crosses it.

"Hi Brian" she says almost perkily.

"Hi...how is, uh, everything?" Brian comes up the steps hesitantly, and leans up against the porch railing. He's seen Patti and Danielle pull up this morning and he knows that however things are, they haven't been exactly normal. The Chase family really isn't any of his business, but it's hard for him to stay away, especially now that it seems like Angela actually feels friendly towards him.

"They're upstairs" Angela shrugs. There's no reason to hide things from him. In a way it's easier that Brian was there last night, that there's someone she doesn't have to explain things to.

"So uh, what's going to happen with Jordan's band now?" he says, trying to move the subject away from the parents.

"Why?" Danielle asks "did something happen?"

"Two of the Residue guys were awful last night at Vertigo" Angela tells her

"I don't know what's going to happen" she continues, turning to Brian "Jordan was too angry to talk about it, so..."

She stops mid sentence and smiles as his car pulls up in front of the house, and all three of them watch as he comes up the stairs.

"Move just a little, Danni" she tells her sister, so that Jordan slides into the corner of the swing. He puts his arm around Angela and kisses her cheek and she feels their bodies gentle into each other, so that they meet perfectly, without saying a word. There's a moment when it's just them, sitting close to each other, and then he nods at Brian.

"Morning" he says, before peeking around at Danielle. "Hey Danni" he says with a little smile, and waits for a pleased look to cross her face before he turns back to Angela and nuzzles her hair.

Brian stares in amazement. Watching Jordan Catalano with girls is like watching Yo Yo Ma play the cello or something, it's so effortless. All he's done is show up, sit down and say good morning and Angela and Danielle are both sitting there smiling like watered flowers.

"So, uh, what's going on?" Jordan asks.

"They're upstairs" Angela and Danielle say together.

"We don't really know anything" Angela adds sadly.

"Except that my mom spent the night at Rayanne Graff's" says Danielle, and Brian and Jordan both look at her in surprise.

"Danielle" says Angela "maybe you don't want to tell that to everyone"

"Duh, okay..." she responds "but Brian and Jordan aren't everyone, you know."

"And you already know that my parents like, argue all the time" Brian offers "like that's supposed to be normal or something. Like their marriage is one unending debate."

Jordan doesn't say anything, and Angela is aware, once again, that he never volunteers anything about his parents. She's aware too of the slightest tensing in his body, but when she lifts her hand without thinking to gently touch his cheek, she feels him relax again.

"That's because they like each other" says Danielle to Brian knowingly.

"I guess that's um, one way of looking at it" he says, trying not to stare at Jordan and Angela. There's some kind of very subtle physical dance going on with them, something that he can barely see, but at the same time is kind of breaking his heart and he thinks maybe he'd better leave before that becomes obvious to everyone.

"Does anyone want a coke?" Danielle asks "Brian, do you want a coke?" she says looking at him suggestively.

"Uh, sure, thanks I guess" he says "I'll come with you" he follows Danielle into the kitchen.

"She likes him" Jordan grins, when the door closes.

"A lot" says Angela "for a long time now. "

"You okay?" he asks in a low voice, bending in to kiss her.

"Yeah" she whispers "How about you?"

"Me too" He hugs her tight into him, and they both know it's true, that somehow being next to each other makes things okay.

* * *

"My sister says you have a girlfriend now" Danielle hands Brian a coke and looks at him accusingly.

"Not anymore, I guess" He'd called Janet yesterday to invite her to Vertigo but she hadn't wanted to talk to him.

"You guys broke up?" she smiles up at him. "So if Angela has a birthday party you won't be bringing her then?"

"Is Angela having a birthday party?" he asks, knowing that it's her birthday this Thursday.

"Maybe...her birthday's this week" Danielle says, as they walk back out to the porch.

"So Chase, are you having a birthday party?" he asks, approaching the swing, before he realizes that she's in Jordan's arms with her eyes closed. He should have left before, Brian thinks. There's plenty of homework and no reason to stay here and torture himself.

"When's your birthday Ange?" Jordan asks softly, stroking her hair, looking at Brian. It seems so natural for him to sit here on the porch with Danielle and Brian, to have Angela in his arms like this, for the soft rain to be falling around them. At least for now it's like a little island here, and the band, and his asshole father and school, even Angela's parents upstairs and her worrying about them, are somewhere else and he doesn't have to think about them.

"_She's curled into him like a kitten_" Brian observes miserably. "Thursday" he answers for her "the 16th."

"Yeah?...so when" he kisses her forehead and Brian feels something like real physical pain "were you gonna tell me, huh Angie?"

"_Angie?..Ange_?" Brian thinks he might actually be sick, and Danielle smirks at him and rolls her eyes in commiseration. She loves being included, sitting here with Brian and her sister and her boyfriend, letting Brian know she thinks they're being silly too.

Angela smiles in pleasure "I don't know" she says, sitting up a little reluctantly "I guess I was hoping I'd get away without a family dinner party...my mom usually does something like that. I don't really want a party this year."

"Maybe I could take you out to dinner or somethin" Jordan says.

"I'd like that" she says, her voice, soft and happy.

"What about a cake?" Danielle says, worried "you still have to have a cake"

"Dad has a restaurant now Danielle" she smiles "I don't think there's any possibility of me not having a cake."

* * *

When Patti gets up and goes into the bathroom Graham stretches and lies back on the bed feeling distressed and confused. He hasn't had such disconnected sex with anyone since back in his long ago bachelor days and right now he feels even more unsettled than he did before Patti came in the door this morning. He can hear the shower start and thinks about following her in there, but everything tells him she really doesn't want anything to do with him right now.

In the shower Patti rocks back and forth on her feet, and feels the warm water hit her with a detachment that surprises her. There's a wall of numbness around her, a sort of barrier between herself and the physical world, that came up as soon as Graham put his arms around her and hasn't gone away. She'd thrown herself at sex in an attempt to push through the strangeness of it and feel something again, but it hadn't worked, and now, she almost observes the warm water bouncing off her without feeling it. Things seem to be functioning without a lot of depth, almost mechanically, and she finds herself thinking maybe this is what it is to have a broken heart, to not be able to touch life.

* * *

"Danielle, come on inside and get a coat" Graham says. "I need to pick up something from the restaurant and I want you to come along."

"Okay Daddy " she says, adding "Bye Brian" over her shoulder as she goes in the door.

"Dad?"

"Angela"

"What's mom doing?"

"She's upstairs..are you heading out?" Graham looks over at Brian and Jordan "Hey guys" he says and they hey back in low voices.

"Yeah, for a while, I guess" she says "I want to see my mom," she tells Jordan "just for a minute." She kisses his cheek and follows her dad and Danielle in the door

Jordan runs his hand through his hair and looks at Brian "So what happened with Janet...did you talk?"

"I tried...she seems to pretty formally hate me, so I wasn't very successful, you know?" he shakes his head, discouraged.

"You want me to have a word with her" Jordan asks "you know, like, on your behalf?...try to find out what's wrong?"

"Thanks, but...maybe not. Maybe I'll take a break. I've got a big science project lined up for spring break anyhow " "_Janet might have actually been fun to talk to about that_" he thinks. He's starting to feel hopeless about girls again. It's like his moment of confidence has been and gone.

Jordan just looks at him for a minute "Sure Brain" he tells him "take a break. We'll get back on it in a couple weeks."

He watches Brian cross the street and then he leans back in the swing and closes his eyes.

* * *

"So Danielle likes Brian"

"Yeah, and?"

They're on the couch at the loft, finishing some take out.

"But Brian likes you." He looks at her curiously.

"I think maybe that's over now" she says looking down, sipping her soda.

"I don't think so...has he always liked you?" His voice is a shade cooler than normal.

"I don't know" Angela says a little defensively "I didn't really figure it out until that letter he like, wrote for you."

Jordan's face twists up in confusion and then he stares at her for a minute "oh shit" he says. "I should have known...I've just never really seen him with you before. Shit."

He leans his head back on the couch, and Angela reaches over and takes his hand. "He's okay. We kind of talked about it, you know, after the letter."

"Shit Angela, I wouldn't have been so, you know,_ relaxed _with you, in front of him today. It was kinda like I was rubbing his nose in it or something. I didn't understand what was happening at first...why he looked so miserable."

"He's my _neighbor_. I don't want you to not touch me out of consideration for Brian Krackow."

"Yeah" he picks up her hand and rubs his thumb across the palm of it. "We um, need to talk."

She looks up surprised, almost afraid, at the carefulness of his voice "We do?"

"Yeah, you know, about um, touching..and stuff"

"_Oh no_" she thinks, and her stomach plunges, "_here it comes and I've been so stupid thinking it was all right_..."

"Do you want to break up with me?" Her voice shakes and her lip starts to tremble.

"What? Shit ..no...do you want to break up with me?" "_How could she even think that?_"

She shakes her head no and a tear spills down her face. For a split second she had been truly terrified.

"Whoa, Angela," he pulls her tight against him "I really, really don't want to break up, okay?" He tilts her chin up and looks her in the eye "okay?" he repeats.

"Okay" she shakes her head and looks away in embarrassment "I don't know what happened there...sorry. What were you, um, going to say then?"

Now it's his turn to be nervous, and look away. "I just wanted to, you know, try to talk about it, cause you said, you know we should talk when things come up, and for me at least, things are, you know,"

" okay, um, say no more..I get it" She interrupts him, blushing and smirking a little shyly. "Yeah, you're right, we do need to talk. I just, um, get really embarrassed."

"Me too. I never ...but I don't want to, you know lose you, and"

"You won't...I promise" Angela thinks for a minute, and then she turns to him. "You're going to have to help me with this," she says, biting her lip and looking at him wide eyed. She puts her hand on him, between his legs, and he inhales sharply in a little gasp of surprise, "I mean, I don't know how to, like, um do anything" she whispers...I..."

She blinks and looks a little scared but she doesn't move her hand, and he sits there stock still for a second, not sure that she means it. But when she kisses him and reaches for the button of his jeans, he puts his hand on top of hers and does just what she's asked him to.

* * *

**Thanks so much for the reviews and for reading.**


	12. Chapter 12

**So...no tornados in California...(i think a reviewer mistook me for someone else) Here we just have earthquakes and summers that don't really happen until fall . But meanwhile, in mythical Three Rivers, Pennsylvania, where I own nothing, it's still spring...**

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

"Um, Ricky?" Jordan stops in front of his locker and looks kind of uncomfortable "How're you doing?" he shuffles his feet for a minute, looking down.

"Good..." Ricky looks puzzled "thanks...what's going on?" "_This_ _must have something to do with Angela's birthday"_ he thinks, watching the back of Frank Repnicki's head disappear down the hall. Ever since that afternoon with Delia he's been kind of well, _aware_, of the football captain, and sometimes he thinks that it might even be mutual.

"You know, I wanted to ask if you could maybe like, help me out, cause, it's Angela's birthday this week and I sort of need to get her a present" Jordan takes a deep breath and tugs at his shirt sleeves, pulling them down over his hands, before saying "and I don't, uh, know, really, what she'd like."

Ricky smiles at Jordan. "Sure...I'm sure we can figure something out...I need to get her something too. We could go shopping one day after school maybe, if you want." he offers, thinking to himself that Angela is one lucky girl.

"Shopping, huh" Jordan looks confused "okay."

"That's how you get gifts" Ricky tells him "nothing to be scared of"

"Yeah...thanks" he smiles, a little embarrassed "maybe tomorrow...? and um, could we keep it kind of a secret that I asked you, too?"

"Yeah, of course" Ricky nods "I'll think about it today..and don't worry" he says "we'll get her something she'll love."

* * *

"I know we were going to have Angela's party there Mom" Patti says into the telephone "but she's sixteen this year and she's asked me if she could just go out to dinner with her friend Jordan instead and,"

"Well she is the birthday girl, you know" Patti rolls her eyes.

"And then we can celebrate with a family dinner and a cake this weekend" Patti nods into the receiver.

"No, Graham will have to be at the restaurant Saturday night, I was thinking Sunday afternoon." She bites her lip, and her forehead puckers.

"I'd rather we didn't do a family dinner at the restaurant during the weekend...Graham will be so busy in the kitchen that we wouldn't get to see him anyhow, and it really isn't fair to the rest of the staff." The palm of Patti's hand turns upwards as if to plead.

"No, of course you can't miss seeing Bob and Doreen. I understand. So how about Friday night here, at the house, just you, me, dad and the girls."

"Perfect" Patti sighs "We'll see you then. I'm looking forward to it"

She hangs up the phone and looks around at the office, thinking she's managed that situation pretty well. Now for the Delamere account. She picks up a stack of papers and starts to sort through them efficiently.

* * *

"Hi" Rayanne walks into the kitchen, wrapping her apron strings around her waist, and finds Graham with his head in a cook book.

"I'm thinking spring lamb...for spring break and Easter week" he tells her without looking up "sacrificial and all. A stew maybe" he turns and glances at her "but Greek or French...I'm not sure which way to go"

"What's the difference?" she asks

"Well, the Greek will definitely have tomatoes, the French, well, I'd probably do a navarin ..that's with spring vegetables, white wine, little green beans maybe, or maybe I should go with the flageolet, dried beans. Those are more traditional with roast lamb. I can't quite make up my mind."

"Go French" Rayanne tells him "It's more you and people will think it's classier...Do the navarin thing. What's wrong?" He's not normally indecisive about the menu specials.

He looks at her for a minute. _What's wrong?"_" he thinks. _"Besides the fact that my wife has turned into an ice queen and I'm afraid of what will happen when she thaws out? And that my business partner is now part of the problem, and I have yet to discuss with her the fallout of being caught kissing...with her blouse off? Or that my daughter, her boyfriend, their friends, my employee and neighbors all stood in my front yard and watched this unfold? And that all of a sudden the work place that was happy and creative is now yet another problem to be resolved?"_

"Nothing's wrong." he says. He's really pissed about this whole situation and the really infuriating part is that there's no one to blame but himself.

"Okay then."

She hadn't realized just how messy this could be. Rayanne hopes she isn't going to lose her job over this, because she loves the restaurant and plus, she's starting to get used to having some money. She was just able to buy a really good birthday present for Angela, and she likes not feeling poor for a change.

"Let's just keep the workplace separate from our personal lives, all right?"

"Sure. I mean absolutely." She nods. If there's one thing Rayanne knows how to do it's to ignore the elephant in the room. "Any special dessert ideas for the spring menu?"

Graham looks at her appreciatively and gives her a little smile. "Why don't you have a look at Georges Blanc?" he tells her, handing her a coffee table sized French cookbook.

Five minutes later Rayanne is rapturously pouring through the color plates and recipes and Graham has his head back in another spring lamb recipe when Halle comes into the kitchen, and the atmosphere shifts drastically.

Graham wordlessly gets up and walks into the dining room and Halle follows close behind, looking serious.

"Have a seat" he says, gesturing to a table.

They look at each other mutely for a minute before Halle breaks the silence.

"Not a lot to say, is there? We messed up." Even though a little part of her has been dreaming that he'll passionately declare his love for her, she also knows how really impossible, in all ways, that would be.

"It seems like it" he almost smiles. Things are easy with her, and even though he knows better, part of him is angry that it's not this easy with Patti.

Graham has never wanted to discuss Patti with Halle. It's been one of his more distinct boundary lines, that his wife is not a subject for conversation, but for now that's going to have to change.

"Patti is pretty upset" he starts, and then he doesn't know quite what else to say because the last couple days have been devoid of any real communication between the two of them, and he's worried.

"Yeah...I mean I figured as much. I mean I had to sit on my hands all day Sunday to keep from calling and trying to find out what happened ...or telling Patti that really nothing had happened." Halle shakes her head "look, I know how awkward this is, as if there's _anything_ in _my_ life that isn't awkward, but if it would help for me to talk to her or anything, I'd be glad to."

"I really don't think so" Graham says, shooting her an "are you crazy?" look.

"I guess not." she nods in an exasperated understanding. "I just meant because I would want her to believe" Halle's voice falters, and she looks down "that it's not some ongoing thing."

"It can't be" says Graham, in a strained voice, and for a minute neither of them can say anything or look at each other.

"I think this has to be really uncomfortable for Patti right now, us working together here every day." Graham finally continues, and his face is clearly unhappy just thinking about it "but for now it's something we can't change.. we can't pay someone else to hostess yet."

Halle feels sick. She wants to be in their restaurant more, not temporarily or less.

"You're a great partner" Graham tells her "I couldn't ask for better" and she nods, almost crying. "And obviously I really like you. But." he looks at her, feeling totally shitty, "We have to be really careful not to let anything like this happen again. I don't want to lose my family."

Halle looks at him , and for once she's at a total loss for words.

"This feels really bad." Graham finally says.

"Yeah." She shakes her head in agreement, and, standing up to leave, she rests her hand on his shoulder for a second.

* * *

When he comes in the door that evening the girls are asleep and Patti is watching television in bed.

"Patti?" He sits down on the bed and waits for her to say something, but she seems absorbed in the on screen drama .

"Can we talk?" he asks.

She mutes the TV and looks at him. "Angela's birthday is Thursday" she says, matter of factly.

"I know. I.."

"She wants to go out with Jordan on her birthday, and I said yes" she interrupts him. "My parents will come here Friday night for a family party, and I know you'll need to be at the restaurant, so you luck out there." She glances back at the screen and wonders if she's missing anything important.

"Okay" he tries again "but I was thinking we could talk about trying to spend some time together soon. Maybe go away somewhere without the girls. If we left Sunday and you could take Monday off of work..we could just,"

She interrupts him again, looking puzzled. "That's impossible for me right now." she says, wondering if he's forgotten her life completely. He knows the press is running shorthanded.

"Look" he says, taking her hand even though she seems reluctant to let him, "I'm worried. This isn't like you, to be so removed." Graham pauses, hating what he's about to say "I think, if you want to see a marriage counselor, well, maybe we should."

"I'll think about it" she says, glancing back at the TV. "Could I just finish this program right now, please?" She doesn't want to say so, but being in bed with the television on is the only thing in her day that remotely resembles pleasure right now.

"Do you think you could do a cake for the Friday dinner?" she adds as an afterthought.

"Sure" He heads for the shower shaking his head. He can't believe that on top of everything else he feels bad about now, he actually feels bad about being left out of a dinner with Patti's parents.

* * *

"Happy birthday" Jordan says, kissing her on the cheek, and hugging her before coming in to the kitchen.

"Hi" she says surprised and happy to see him there. "Is this special treatment?" Usually he waits outside in the car.

"Somethin like that" he says, giving her a little smile.

"Good" she grins, taking his hand, "Because my dad made brioche and this french custard thing, and you definitely need to have some."

"Coffee Jordan?" Patti says, pointing at the coffee pot.

"Sure, thanks."

"Hi Jordan" Danielle calls from the table, shoveling custard into her face happily

Angela puts a plate in front of him with a cupcake shaped bread thing and some custard and Patti hands him a cup of coffee, and then they both spin around. Angela disappears upstairs, and Patti is out of the kitchen is a split second, which leaves him sitting in the breakfast nook with Danielle.

"So did you get Angela a present?"

"Yeah, " Danielle is kind of irritating, and he knows she drives Angela crazy, but Jordan is actually starting to sort of like her.

"So what did you get her?" She wonders if it's something really good. Maybe jewelry or something.

"Wait and see. I'm not telling" he sips his coffee, and takes a spoonful of the custard thing. "Did you get her something?"

"Well, yeah, that is my mother got her something from me, some bath stuff, she let me pick it out. It's called dirty girl." she says proudly.

"That's pretty cool" he smirks at Danielle "dirty girl, huh?"

"So is she?" Danielle grins at him mischievously and his coffee actually sloshes onto the table while he sputters and tries not to laugh.

"Really not telling" he chuckles, and then adds "no, course not" as Patti comes back into the kitchen, reading her to do list and looking distracted.

Jordan clears his throat and puts on his most polite voice "So tonight, uh, Ms Chase" he starts, hoping this will go over okay, "I was thinking I'd drive Angela out to that place in Bellville for dinner, you know that one she talks about, with the fireplace..and"

"You're taking her to Peachy's?" Danielle asks, in an excited voice "that's her favorite place. But it's really far."

"It's kind of a long drive, don't you think?" Patti says sort of absent mindedly.

"That's why I wanted to talk to you about it..." he pauses. "I was hoping I could bring her home a little later, even though it's a school night and all, and"

"Certainly" Patti nods "I think she can have a late birthday curfew Jordan, that's a once a year kind of treat. Just drive carefully and how about you have her back by ten thirty."

It was the response he'd hoped for, even more than he'd expected, and he breathed a sigh of relief. But he couldn't help noticing that something was wrong with Patti. She wasn't looking at him and she seemed to be sort of mechanical. She'd always been friendly and happy around him, ever since that first night they talked about Angela in the kitchen, but now something was off. She was even walking around a little stiffly.

When Angela comes downstairs Patti throws her arms around her and kisses her on the cheek. "Sixteen" she says and sighs. "Have a great birthday sweetheart"

Before Angela is even out the door, she's helped Danielle find her homework and then picked up a stack of papers to sort through. _Just keep going" _she thinks to herself. Multi tasking is a perfectly good way of deflecting pain..

* * *

"Your mom...is she all right?" he asks starting up the car.

"You saw her..it's like no one's home" Angela says sadly. As much as one part of her hates her mom another part feels fiercely loyal to her, and it's been awful to see her just psychically disappear, to know it's because she's hurt.

"C'mere" he says, slinging his arm over her, and she snuggles up with a sigh. They haven't really talked much about her parents but she knows that Jordan understands how worried she is, and for a moment they drive in silence.

"Hey" he says, sounding inspired "we could just cut the whole day, if you want, you know...drive somewhere, have lunch..."

She sighs, snuggles her face into Jordan's shoulder and takes a deep breath, loving the smell of him, thinking how she would love nothing better than to spend her birthday just being close to him, but she shakes her head reluctantly.

"No, we'd better go" she tells him "I've got a French test, and then Katimsky's too, plus I did that science paper that's due today, so I might as well hand it in... and Ricky and Sharon and Rayanne wanted to do something at lunch, for my birthday, you know, and I think Rayanne's bringing a cake or something, so.." she pauses, looking out the window and wishing she could just blow it all off. " But after tomorrow we'll have all of spring break. I'm sure we can at least have a few days to do nothing together."

She blushes a little, remembering Sunday afternoon and thinking she's pretty sure they'll be doing more of that, and Jordan, almost like he knows what she's thinking, tightens his arm around her. She still can't quite wrap her brain around what happened on the couch Sunday, when she'd put her hand in Jordan's pants. Her timidness had melted away pretty quickly, he had been more than eager to reciprocate and Angela was still kind of woozy with how absolutely delicious it had been. They haven't been alone anywhere private enough for a repeat performance since then and it's been driving them both a little crazy.

He smiles when he sees her blush. He would never have believed a hand job could make him this happy, but hey, it's progress, and then he had made her really happy too, so he's actually kind of ecstatic about it all.

"Hope so" he says. "Josh asked me to work a couple days extra at the garage, and I need to take care of some things with Tino, but we could do anything you want, pretty much. " "_Except go shopping_" he thinks. He never wants to do that again. He hopes she'll like what Ricky helped him pick out.

"Your mom says we can stay out till ten thirty tonight"

"You're kidding?" she says, in a happy voice.

"So if I pick you up around six, we should be able to get there and back and, you know, maybe hang together at the loft or something after."

Angela goes totally pink and she looks down at her lap. "Uh huh" she squeaks and a tiny grin breaks over Jordan's face.

* * *

"Group hug!" Ricky declares, and Angela is surrounded and squeezed by Sharon, Ricky and Rayanne in unison.

"Happy lalala Birthday to you" they all chime in together and Angela laughs in embarrassment.

"Could you please just not _sing_? It's all I ask" she says "just some slight restraint on your part, please"

"Come with us, birthday girl" Sharon directs, and the three of them herd Angela from her locker down the hall and out to the lunch benches

"You have to break the pinata"

"What? Rayanne!" A miniature pinata comes out of the paper bag and Angela giggles as Sharon puts paper birthday napkins on the table, Rayanne pulls out a cake and Ricky hands her a wooden hammer.

"Cake first" Rayanne tries to insist, but Sharon and Ricky look at her with the hammer in her hand and cross their arms.

"Go on" Ricky tells her.

"Think of it as Ms. Lerner or Mr. Foster." Sharon says

"Okay, but how about Halle Rosenthal instead? Or my dad?_"_ she says, bringing her arm up intently.

They stand back a little as Angela brings the hammer down and colored paper flies up in the air, and then, as Rayanne and Sharon whistle and clap, Ricky opens the flattened pinata and takes out two wrapped packages inside a Victoria's Secret bag.

"This is from us" Sharon and Rayanne smirk happily.

"And maybe you can wear one of them tonight" Rayanne adds.

"Okaaay" she laughs and rolls her eyes up, amazed as always now by Rayanne and Sharon as not just friends, but actual..._.peers?_

"Wow" she says. There's a black lace matching bra and thong set and then a satiny red one too "Uh, these are amazing... thank you both."

"Wear them in good health" says Ricky and they all laugh some more. "And for further beautification" he says dramatically and then sets a small bag in front of her.

She kisses him on the cheek before unwrapping an assortment of nail polish colors, and then they all just stare.

"Oh my god...Hard Candy" Rayanne says reverently "where did you get it? Angela, you have to share."

"Well, yeah" Angela laughs happily, and they spend the rest of lunch hour eating cake and painting their nails blue for the very first time.

* * *

"So this is your favorite place?" Jordan looks around at an old brick dining room with leather booths, a fireplace in the corner and a family atmosphere. "I guess I thought it would be fancier."

They're sitting in Angelas favorite booth, the round one nearest the fireplace, the one her family always likes to sit in when they come out here.

"It's a Mennonite place. And a lot of the Amish people come here, and they don't do fancy, remember? Are you disappointed?" She smiles at him, and he can tell she's kind of excited because of the way she's babbling right now. "Just wait. I love this place. Fried chicken. The best mashed potatoes in the world, cause they grow the potatoes here and make them with milk and butter from the local cows. Homemade pies with homemade ice cream."

"No, I um, like that it's not fancy...it's comfortable" Angela and her father are the only people he's ever been around who talk about food the way the Italian side of his family does. He kind of likes it though. It reminds him of his grandparent's conversations.

"What's with the Amish signs, anyway?" he asks. There were billboards all through town with bible verses quoted in big letters, and she had read some of them out as they drove by.

"The Bible verses? The community puts them up. On the way out of town there's one that says "Love not this world" she laughs "My dad always reads that one out loud, and then my mom says it should be "Love this world." A troubled look comes over her face when she thinks of how many times she's sat in the car with her parents, driving out to this restaurant, listening to them read the signs and comment on them.

"What do you think they mean by this world?" he asks, a little bashfully, and reaches over for her hand.

"I guess that's the big question, huh?" she looks at him thoughtfully and forgets about her parents. "Cause if this world was consumerism, and falseness and, like vanity, it would make sense not to love it." She holds his hand under the table, and tries to remember she's sitting in a Mennonite restaurant and that further public displays of affection would probably get them asked to leave.

"Right," he pauses "but if it was the stuff that's real...like fields and you know, seasons, and music and" he looks in her eyes and takes a breath, "uh, people, well, it would be right. Wouldn't it?"

"I think so" she nods and an intense wave of happiness runs right through her "But the Amish definitely don't feel that way about music."

"Yeah, too bad about that"

They both sit there smiling like crazy and not quite looking at each other until Angela picks up the menu and scoots up closer to Jordan so they can look at it together.

* * *

By the time dessert is on the table Angela is leaning back in the booth groaning and Jordan is laughing at her.

"Did I really eat all that?" she says, looking down at her stomach and making a face "I mean, it was _really_ good, but..."

"Wuss" he says, swallowing the rest of his milk "eat your pie." He reaches into his pocket and takes out a little box, and all of a sudden she can feel him tense up.

"Happy birthday" he kind of mumbles, sliding the box onto the table.

"Oh" she says, suddenly feeling almost timid "You didn't have to buy me something too..I.."

Her face lights up, and she thinks she might as well die just now from how happy she is, but then she can tell that he's a little nervous, almost like he's worried about whether she'll like his gift, so she reaches over and touches his fingertips for a second and then she picks up the box.

It's a pair of earrings that she's been looking at for months, cascading square green stones dangling from delicate gold chains, and she knows exactly how much they cost. She bites her lip and looks at him with a face full of happiness and sees him relax and smile back.

"How did you know about these?" She'd had them on twice and even though there had been no real hope of ever actually having them, she and Ricky and Rayanne would walk through the store sometimes, to see if they were still there.

"Ricky..knew" he says …... "I wasn't sure, but they matched your eyes, so I liked that part, and he said"

She leans over and kisses his cheek and all of a sudden she's blinking back tears.

"Thank you...I love them. I can't believe you got them for me."

"Is somethin wrong?" He can tell she's trying not to cry because her chin's starting to wobble and she's a little pink, and he can't understand what could be the problem unless maybe he was wrong and.. "If you want somethin else we can take them back...the lady said." he says clumsily.

"Oh, no" she says, shaking her head, "I mean, I'm never going to want to take these off, I love them so much. I just got a little uh, emotional is all. Okay? Help me get them on?"

"Okay" he holds her hair back carefully, while she hooks them through her ears, and when she looks at him for approval he nods his head. They do bring out her eyes, like Ricky said, and he can't help smiling at how incredibly pretty she is.

"Ange, um," he says "could we, uh, get out of here? Not that it wasn't great, but..."

"Yeah," she smiles "sure."

It's getting dark as they drive out of town, but there's still just enough light for them to read the billboard that says Love Not This World.

* * *

**I think I'd better say that Peachy's, near Bellville Pennsylvania, is a real place. I ate lunch there a few years ago and can definitely vouch for the food. But I kind of decorated it for my story...it's not a cozy dining room at all, more of a large cafeteria, with an attached store selling local products...And the community signs are real too...they obviously made an impression.**

**Thanks to all of you, for reviewing, putting me on story alerts and/or favorites and for reading and hey..., all you readers out there who don't review..i want to encourage you ... love this world...write reviews!**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN **

"So w_hen Anne Frank got locked in that attic and became like, free of everything she had been before, well, then her old identity got left behind and she just was like, living, in the present. But she could do that because her past was so clearly, you know, behind her and her future was way too unknown. When you're just living an everyday, prescribed high school life, where you kind of know which classes this year will be followed by whatever next year, and that these years are supposed to be preparation for something else, then you could actually start to like, believe, that this is all for something that's going to happen later, when you become the person who does some something later. But what about who you already are, the person you are today? Is that not real?_

_Because now that I'm sixteen, you know, okay, even if it is only for one day now, it seems like I should be able to make more deliberate decisions about how I want to be in the world. Only, the problem is, thinking you're going to be something different in your head, well it just doesn't seem to work that easy in life, like, it's sometimes really hard to change things on purpose, especially how you are. I think it's almost easier to decide how you don't want to be, because moving towards something worries me. How do you know what's **real** if you're just trying to **become **something else later, in the future? That's like living yearbook, like pictures and captions instead of life. I don't want to waste my time on stuff like that."_

Angela thinks for another minute of what does feel real to her and has to admit it's pretty much Jordan Catalano and her friends. And then she hears her name being called and looks around the classroom.

"Ahnnjelaah Chaisse" When her French teacher pronounces her name it sounds so exotic, so..._French_, Angela thinks, and picking up her book she reads aloud, beginning where the last student left off. She's swimming through it fairly comfortably when for some reason she looks up, and sees Jordan in the hallway, smirking at her through the open door. She reads the rest of the piece self consciously, and finishes up feeling slightly mortified, to the amusement of the teacher, who has noticed Jordan as well, and smiled in his direction.

" Merci, Mademoiselle Chase" Madame Buisson, tells her, looking pleased "Your accent is actually beginning to sound good."

Angela is astounded. It's true she's been enjoying class lately, and the reading assignment, an old fable from the south of France has a kind of charm, but she hasn't been working particularly hard, and it's been a while since a teacher has seemed pleased with her.

It's the next to last class of the day and when the bell rings, everyone gives a little cheer. "Bonnes Vacances" the teacher calls out "Enjoy your spring break" as she walks around the class, distributing their recent exams. When Madame Buisson hands Angela's test back to her she gives her another smile. "Well done. Bien fait" she says and Angela is even more surprised when she looks down at the paper and sees the grade on it. She's gotten a 97 somehow, without even trying. Maybe because the test was all dictation? She walks out of the classroom feeling more than a little confused.

"Look at this" she says to Jordan who is standing there "I don't understand"

"My smart girlfriend, Mademoiselle Chase" he smiles, glancing down at the test as he glides his hand up her arm. He drops his voice down low and leans in towards her "You sound kinda, you know, different in French...it's um, like melodic or something.."

She feels her cheeks start to warm and bites her lip to keep an embarrassed grin from spreading across her face, and when Jordan looks at her slyly like he knows just exactly what he's doing, she bats his arm.

"Well, it is kind of _encouraging_...I mean maybe I could actually, like, be good at something?"

"You're good...at things" he watches her blush, and grins at the sound of her giggle.

Angela sighs happily when Jordan takes her hand but as they walk together towards his tutoring, she catches sight of Ricky at the other end of the hall, being pushed back and forth roughly by a couple of guys.

"Jordan" her breath catches in her throat, and he follows her eyes until he sees Ricky too.

"Stay here" he tells her, starting off through the crowded hall. She trails after him but before either of them can get close, Angela sees Frank Repnicki, the football captain, walking past with his cheerleader girlfriend, stop and shove the guys aside.

"Leave him alone." he tells the guys, who back away immediately and disappear into the crowd.

"You okay?" he says looking at Ricky, who nods mutely, and then he takes the cheerleader's hand and walks on.

"Hey Frank" Jordan nods at him as he passes.

"That was cool of him" he says, coming up to Ricky, who is standing there watching Frank walk off.

"Yeah...a little embarrassing...I mean I was okay" Ricky says, straightening his jacket and looking confused.

"Hey" Angela turns Ricky's collar down and runs her hand down his arm "Frank Repnicki, huh? I never would have expected that."

"He's a good guy" says Jordan, nodding thoughtfully before he leans over to kiss Angela on the cheek. "Wait for me after, huh?"

She nods back and smiles while he turns and starts off towards tutoring, and then she watches him walk off down the hall and the smile stays put until she turns back to Ricky and sees him watching her.

"You're a lucky girl, Angela" he says, and wraps his arm around her.

"I know" she says, leaning her head on his shoulder.

* * *

"Maybe it's like his brother or someone in his family is gay, and he's just trying to be supportive. Maybe he feels sorry for me...who knows?" Ricky says sadly.

They're sitting on the front steps together, waiting for Jordan to finish tutoring, and Ricky has related to Angela the details of his inactive interactions with Frank Repniki.

"Don't say anything to anyone, you know" he adds, as they see Rayanne and Sharon coming toward them, "Delia knows, of course, but if Rayanne gets a hold of it, she'll be impossible."

Angela takes Ricky's arm and hugs it. "Listen" she tells him "Maybe you're right, and it's something like that. Or maybe he really does like you. I mean, if anybody can understand these unspoken connection things, it's me."

"He's captain of the football team Angela. He's a, a jock. Who's holding his girlfriend's hand."

"A nice looking jock though" she says, trying to cheer him up "I think you're right, not to make up a romantic story about it. But sometimes, that's what it is. I mean, just because something isn't like, all mapped out, that doesn't mean it's not happening, does it? I mean maybe he's bi, or maybe the girlfriend's like, like, a red herring or something."

"She's a fish? What are you talking about?" He starts to laugh, and Angela does too.

"Come on...you know, like, in detective stories... a false clue, something to throw you off the track of the truth."

"Uh huh...he has a girlfriend so people won't think he's gay. Sure."

"It' s a theory...not impossible" She leans her head onto Ricky's shoulder and looks up overhead, happy to see the sun.

"Yeah, sure" he says, smiling a little at her effort "a red fish...who knew?"

"Is that a sixteen year old Angela Chase I see?" Rayanne calls out as she gets closer.

"Chase face is _so_ grown up now" Sharon laughs. Neither of them will turn sixteen until summer.

"So we haven't heard about the birthday date" says Ricky "How was Peachy's?...were you surprised about the earrings?"

He reaches out and touches them and Angela moves her head a little so she can feel them swing.

"Totally" Angela grins "I practically cried when I saw them. Thank you for telling him...I feel a little bad that he spent so much money, though. I mean just going to Peachy's was already enough of a present."

"He wanted to" Ricky says.

"He makes enough money with Tino" Rayanne says "and you're worth it." she grins "So did you wear one of your new, um, _ensemble's_?" she asks, as Ricky scowls at her and Sharon laughs.

"None of your business" Angela says, looking down quickly, her embarrassed look telling them that she did. She peeks back up for a second and mutters "He loved it" before bursting into a fit of muffled giggles.

"So I guess it was a _really_ happy birthday then" Sharon chortles, and they all whoop with laughter.

Angela is laughing along with them, but at the same time there's a little twinge of worry in the back of her head. She knows Jordan makes money with Tino doing things that aren't legal, but that's about all she knows. And while she trusts Jordan to be careful and not to do anything like, bad, the words Tino and careful don't really fit together all that well in her head. But the twinge of worry just lasts for a moment because then the final bell rings and people are literally running down the steps and across the lawn.

"It's spring break" Rayanne jumps up in the air grinning and gives a little yelp and Sharon's smile is huge "can we please just get out of here?"

They four of them laugh together, part of the happy roar of people let loose from their cage, and join the crowds of students thronging out the school gates and into the street and the parking lot. As Brian Krackow waits for the bus alone he watches Sharon and Rayanne climb into Tino's car and wheel out. He spots Delia and Ricky laughing and looking glad as they walk towards each other, and Jordan Catalano opening the door of his car while Angela Chase smiles at her boyfriend in a way that Brian can only dream of being smiled at.

People are jostling and laughing as they pile onto the bus and Brian, weighed down with school books, drops the two that wouldn't fit into his backpack on the ground, so that when he finally gets onto the bus there's just one seat left. He sits down next to someone in animated conversation with the people sitting across the aisle, and they all pause just to glares at him for a second before the bus takes off.

Spring break must make everyone else in the world happy, Brian thinks, but not him. Now there will just be two weeks alone at home, with his books and an occasional tormenting glimpse of Angela and Jordan coming and going together. He and Jordan will have a few tutoring sessions, and he'll probably watch as Jordan goes over to Angela's house after. His parents will want to take him on some family cultural outing into Philadelphia or Pittsburgh, and there will be a conversation about how he's doing in school, what happened with his friend Janet, what else he could do to get into the college of his choice and which college they think that should be. Last year on spring break his parents had actually insisted on taking him to see Cats, which had been so totally like, bizarre, he still hasn't figured it out . He wonders what the spring family outing will be this year, and thinks at least he could suggest the Academy of Science instead. That's probably the most he can hope for.

When the school bus pulls up in front of his house Brian clambers down and sees Mr Chase putting a suitcase into the trunk of his car. And there's such a kind of angry and dejected look to Graham that Brian is actually shocked. He stands there for a minute with his mouth open, wondering if he should go over and say something.

" Brian" Graham says , looking up and then crossing the street "did you see Angela after school today?"

"She got a ride with Jordan" Brian tells him "Catalano, you know?"

Graham looks at him and nods. "I was hoping I'd catch her getting off the bus, but I forget she usually gets a ride with Jordan now."

He stands there thinking. When Patty had told him last night that she wanted him to go and stay with Neil for a while, the girls were already in bed, and now he needs to get back to the restaurant. But he doesn't want to leave without seeing them first and telling them, and he'd thought he would catch them here after school. The cool and unfeeling way that Patti had presented this, as something she'd like him to do and had been unwilling to discuss further, well, the girls didn't need to know that. It was clear that Patti was beyond upset with him, but after a week of trying everything he could think of to communicate with her he was at the end of his rope. He's going to Neils and he can only hope that the short break she's requested will do some good.

"It's the start of spring break today" Brian tells Graham " they're probably out for a while, unless Jordan has to go to work."

Graham nods "Got anything planned for spring break yourself?" he asks.

"Well, there's a lot of studying to do" Brian says "I'm sure my parents will want to do some family trip."

"Want a job washing dishes for a week?" It's almost a joke, but Paolo did ask for the time off..

"At your restaurant?"

"Yup...my dishwasher wants a spring break of his own."

"I don't know" he's never even thought of a job before. "uh, thanks for the offer" he tells Graham. His parents would probably die at the thought of him washing dishes in a restaurant, and that aspect of it alone makes it interesting. It would be somewhere away from the house too. "I'll, uh, think about it...and let you know soon."

"Come by the restaurant if you're interested."

They stand there for a minute, and then as Graham turns to cross the street, they both see Jordan's car coming towards them.

"What's my dad doing home, I wonder" says Angela, as Jordan pulls over to the curb.

"So, I'll call you later then" he tells her, and she smiles and rolls her eyes because she knows the only reason he isn't stopping the car for a while is cause her dad's there.

"Yeah" she says, leaning up to kiss his cheek, "have fun at work ... the grandparents dinner should be over by the time you're finished."

"See you tomorrow"

She gets out of the car and walks over to her dad and Brian.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, and Graham puts his arm around her and steers her back across the street, leaving Brian to go up the stairs into his house with a concerned glance back over his shoulder. And when he gets inside, even before he puts his books down, he can't help walking over to the front window, and watching as Angela's shoulders sort of crumple and Graham hugs her. He doesn't like seeing Angela Chase cry, he realizes, and he hates both that he can't do anything to help her and how sad that fact makes him.

* * *

"Because mom wanted him to, Danielle. You heard him" Angela says sadly. "it's just for a little while."

"But why should he have to go at all if he wants to stay with us...why didn't he fight to stay?" Danielle is crying quietly on the front room couch, and Angela is blinking back her own tears.

"This is between mom and dad now" she tells her sister "and you know how mom's been all week."

"Zombie mother" Danielle nods "Do you think she even knows what she's doing?"

They sit there saying nothing, and then there's the sound of the front door and Patti's voice.

"Angela, Danielle, can I get some help with these groceries?"

They look at each other carefully. "I can't believe she's still having this birthday dinner thing." Angela says.

They're in the kitchen putting things away before Patti sees their faces.

"What's wrong?" she says, and then, almost immediately, she asks "You talked to your father?" She thought she had asked him not to say anything to the girls until the weekend. She definitely hadn't planned on them knowing before the dinner with her parents.

"Well yeah, like he had his suitcase in the car when we got home from school" Angela says "did you really expect him to leave without telling us?" She can't help the anger in her voice "to just go without a word?"

"He brought some food for the dinner, and Angela's cake" Danielle says in a kind of strangled voice.

"Oh girls" she tells them "I'm so sorry I wasn't here. I thought we would tell you together."

"Tell us when...what?" Angela says. She doesn't want to be mean to her mother. She can see how fragile Patti is and it scares her, but it's all coming out angry, and she can't help herself. "Tell us you asked him to leave?...or tell us what happened that you want him gone? Or that you need _some time_? Or tell us you're getting a divorce? Or what? Because _we_ deserve to know, you know. Maybe _we_ need dad"

Danielle is sobbing now, standing close to Angela and looking down, and for the first time in a week, Patti is almost feeling something herself. But what she's feeling is so dark and unsettling that she wills herself away from it. She has to stay in control of herself, she thinks. She slumps down to sit at the kitchen table, pulls Danielle into her arms and looks up at Angela entreatingly.

"No one's talking about a divorce" she tells them "It's just for a little while." "_Till I can figure this out_" she says to herself.

"Do grandma and grandpa know?" Danielle asks.

"No" says Patti, feeling like a total coward, "and I'd really appreciate it if we could just get through tonight without telling them."

* * *

Jordan doesn't really like taking care of the gas station at all. He's happy enough working in the garage after school and Saturdays, but every once in a while Josh needs a shift covered in the station and he ends up getting stuck with it. Mainly it's just boring, so that he's always glad when it's over. Tonight it's been quiet, and at exactly 10:00 he locks the door and steps out front into the night.

"Catalano"

"Hey...whassup?"

Tino's leaning up against his car smoking a joint and when Jordan walks up he passes it to him.

"Got a bunch of tickets for that Pearl Jam concert next month" he tells Jordan.

"Yeah? how many?" he asks and then, before Tino can answer he says "Oh shit" and flicks the joint into a patch of nearby shrubbery.

* * *

"Tell Graham thank you for the lovely dinner" Angela's grandmother is calling out as she walks down the front steps.

"_More like tell Graham thanks for not being here_" her grandfather is thinking.

"Goodnight" Patti and the girls wave.

"Thank you for the blouses" Angela calls, really grateful that she can exchange them.

"Happy birthday" her grandparents sing-song back as they open the car doors.

And it's done. Patti and the girls walk back in the front door together and nobody looks at each other.

"Go on up and get yourselves into bed" Patti tells them "it's been a long day."

She hugs Danielle to her side, and looks at Angela for a second wordlessly before turning away and going back into the kitchen.

_When I find myself being nice to Danielle then I know things are really bad. We both sat through the dinner pretty much feeling sick inside and I wonder if my grandparents even noticed. I mean probably not, because my mom was babbling a mile a minute, and that smile, that awful fake smile of hers, you know, just was plastered all over her face from the moment they got here till they left. It was so obvious I don't know how they could have missed it but I don't think my grandmother had a clue, she just talked away too. But my grandfather, I think he had an idea that something was off._

Everything has been so completely wrong that Angela actually goes to stand in Danielle's doorway for a minute and say good night to her. And then, a few minutes later, as she's brushing her teeth, she realizes how late it is, and that Jordan hasn't called. Suddenly she's standing there, toothbrush in hand and her mouth full of toothpaste, really worried, because he almost always calls when he says he will. And then she splashes warm water onto her face and tells herself that Jordan has been the most amazing boyfriend for the past two whole months now, and that she really shouldn't be worried about a missed phone call. She thinks about how happy they've been together, just last night and today at school too, and how she's probably worrying for nothing. Because after all, she reasons, this whole thing with her parents is pretty nerve wracking.

But as she gets into bed, she finds herself wondering if the pretty little ginger house of her poem really is turning to mold, if maybe everything could just blow away in this one day. Maybe her life isn't all that predictable after all, she thinks. And maybe sometimes freedom from day to day predictability comes at a high price.


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, so it's not my favorite chapter, but it's plot necessary and i just couldn't wait around forever for a better way to appear.**** More better hopefully lies ahead. **

**Thanks again for reading and for the reviews, which I keep reminding people are so motivating. I really do love hearing what you have to say...**

**Chapter fourteen **

"Look, of course I know better than to do that in public." Jordan says to his mother as she heads upstairs at seven A.M. "And I'm sorry about the whole mess... I already told you it was Tino's stupid pot."

There's the sound of her bedroom door closing and Jordan slumps down on the stairs and buries his head in his hands. Tino's uncle had gotten there just after midnight but it had been six o'clock before his mom had shown up in downtown Pittsburgh to sign him out of juvey, and he wasn't sure what she was more pissed about, him getting arrested or her having to leave work early and drive for an hour to get him out.

"Damn it Jordan, you know the only reason I've stayed married to your father is because you're still in school" she'd told him on the drive back, "and if this is how it's gonna be, I think you should think real hard about getting a real job and moving out. You could still get your GED, you know, and I need to get on with my life."

This isn't the first time he's heard this. His sister heard it too, at least the part about why his mom hasn't left his dad, and she's been married and out of the house for four years, so he takes that part pretty much with a grain of salt. Jordan knows that his mother's been "involved" with her boss at the hospital for years now. He's heard it shouted about every time his parents are in the same room together, when she tells his father how she's leaving him for the other guy. But her boss is married too, and in reality no one seems to be in any hurry to go anywhere. In fact, since his father started working and living so far away most of the time, the situation seems to be working just fine for everyone, as long as no one rocks the boat. Getting arrested pretty much qualifies as rocking the boat, he thinks to himself, which is maybe why he's pretty sure that, despite her threats, his father won't be hearing about this from his mother. He climbs the stairs, heading for the shower even though he's dead tired, wanting to wash away any trace of the night before he crawls into bed.

* * *

There's a moment when Angela opens her eyes before she starts to think, when everything is still all right. She sees the sun shining into her room, and starts to stretch her arms up over her head, but before they're even halfway there she remembers yesterday and last night and her head starts to yammer louder and faster than any alarm clock. Questions run around in her brain, questions like _"how long is my father going to be gone or will he ever come back? _And "w_here's my boyfriend and why didn't he call? _And then there's the whole matter of what's going on with her mother, which at the moment seems to be one of the mysteries of the universe.

The questions chase themselves around in circles on their own, independent of her, some sort of self perpetuating motion mechanism.

"Angela" Danielle's voice outside her door sounds just as frenetic as Angela's brain. "Angela!"

"What do you want?" She hears the annoyed tone in her voice, and then feels immediate remorse for having her habitual response to Danielle now.

"Come down to the kitchen with me...the house feels _wrong_"

"Is mom up?"

"No...she says to let her sleep"

"All right" Angela pulls on her bathrobe and opens the bedroom door.

Danielle's right. The house feels hollow. Her moms bedroom door is closed, and in the kitchen some of the mess from last nights dinner is still sitting out on the counter. Angela shoves it all into a corner with a puzzled look and picks up a sponge to wipe the counter off.

"I can make French toast" Danielle says "I'd better eat, cause I'm going with Jamie Miller to soccer practice this morning."

"Good idea" Angela says, pulling out the orange juice, the two of them being nice to each other once again a sure indicator of how unreal this day feels.

The mess on the counter is a lot bigger by the time Danielle's French toast has been made and eaten, and Angela thinks about cleaning it up, but decides to make a pot of coffee first, so it will be ready when Jordan stops by. She's never actually made a pot of coffee before, but how hard could it be, she thinks. She puts what seems to be the appropriate amount into the top of the pot and starts to fill up the back with water, but something goes wrong, and suddenly water is spilling out all over the place. The second attempt has a different result, and unfortunately, even though this time the lukewarm mess has at least ended up in the coffee pot, it's just not drinkable. A dark little mood is settling in on her, and Angela tries her best to shake it off. She helps Danielle find her soccer shorts, waves good bye to her as she climbs into a car with Jamie and Mrs. Miller, and closes the front door with a sigh. Her mother's door is still closed, and Angela can't help feeling spooked.

But by ten o'clock she's way beyond spooked. Jordan's supposed to be at work by now, and normally he comes by and has coffee with her before he goes in on Saturdays. She can't call his house because his mom's still asleep, but at ten thirty she calls the garage and when no one there knows where he is she starts to become seriously unhinged. No one answers the phone at Rayanne's house, and at Mr. Katimsky's she leaves a message on the machine for Ricky. When she calls the Cherski's, Sharons mom answers and asks Angela, in a concerned voice, how Patti is.

"Uh, fine I guess" Angela says, "she's still asleep." She doesn't exactly want to tell her mothers oldest friend that Patti is totally checked out.

"At ten thirty?" the surprise in Camille's voice tells Angela that Camille has more than an inkling of what's going on "Sharon's at her grandmothers with Andy for an hour...I'll have her call you when she gets back"

"Thanks Camille" She drops back onto her bed and stares at the ceiling, feeling almost desperate enough to cross the street and knock on Brian Krackow's door.

It's still like a ghost town in the house when she comes back out of her bedroom a little later. There's not a sound coming out of her mom's room and when the phone rings she jumps at the noise before she lunges for it.

"Hey, Ange," Jordan says.

"Oh my god, you can't believe how worried I've been" Angela breathes a sigh of relief and sinks down into a kitchen chair.

"I, look, I'm really sorry, you won't believe what happened."

"You're all right though?"

"Yeah" he says, feeling better now that he's talking to her. "Look, I'll explain it all later, okay, cause I'm at work now... you know, I just got here and they, um, told me you called."

"Okay...but," she doesn't quite see why he can't tell her _something_ now? "Okay, but what did happen?" and then something comes out of her mouth, something that sounds almost like a whine, just the way she doesn't want it to. "Are you coming by after work?" _"God, that sounded pathetic" _she thinks _...like I'm just waiting around for him or something?"_

"I have to do that thing at the loft, you know...after that, okay? We could go somewhere?" He sounds distracted, and Angela feels a little hurt. Is she really the last thing on his list? And just when she needs him so much, too.

"Sure" she tells him, trying to hide her disappointment, "see you tonight...after the loft.."

She looks at the mess on the sink, decides she doesn't need to stick around here any longer, and then, picking up the phone again, she dials Rayanne's number and lets it ring.

* * *

"So girlfriends, what do you think?" Rayanne walks out out of the dressing room in a skin tight black leather dress and spins around.

"Uh, fit's like a glove" Angela says cautiously, while Sharon rolls her eyes.

"_Very_ Jade " Cherski laughs, as she picks up a twin set in pale pink and holds it in front of herself in the mirror.

"Who's Jade?" Angela asks, and watches curiously as Sharon and Rayanne grin at each other and giggle.

"One of my alter-egos...so really what do you think?...not that I care of course"

"It's kind of expensive for a biker babe slut look" Sharon says, looking at the price tag, while Angela sits there feeling a little like a third wheel. But since she feels so out of it anyhow she just watches things happen and says her lines like someone in a play. In a way she's just going through the motions of being there, and she wonders if Sharon and Rayanne even notice.

"Let you borrow it sometimes..." Rayanne leers "if you're nice"

"Oh honey, why don't you try this nice twin set" Sharon says in an imitation Camille Cherski voice and while they all laugh Angela realizes that just like there used to be history between herself and Sharon that Rayanne couldn't share, now the two of them have their own history that she's not a part of.

_"Seeing Rayanne and Sharon being friends is just so...weird. They're actually a lot alike, just with different styles. Like Sharon is all school spirit and social and Rayanne is all free spirit and renegade, but they're both pushy and obnoxious and so full of their own not so humble opinions that you can see how they'd either have to hate each other or be friends." _

As they walk around the mall Angela notices other changes in her friends, things that she hasn't noticed or bothered to register over the past couple months while she's been so wrapped up in Jordan. Like the fact that Sharon Cherski actually has some real bad girl potential there, but somehow she's a good influence on Rayanne. Or that the things about Sharon that she had to get away from, her good girl, school activities aspects, are just water off the ducky's back to Rayanne, who shrugs her shoulders and laughs when Sharon goes on about yearbook.

"So I just told her that we'd have to re-format the pages for the clubs, and put four to a page" Sharon is telling them as they march through the mall "and she couldn't get why we needed to do that so I had to ask April to explain. I mean, she's nice but she's just kind of dense."

"I just don't get what anyone gets out of yearbook" Angela says "besides suck up points."

"You really don't understand" Rayanne laughs wryly "Sharon gets something...she gets to boss, organize and delegate"

"Oh, screw you very much" Sharon giggles, and Angela blinks in surprise.

"_In a way now, it's almost like now I have two completely different friends. I mean Sharon is way different from how she was a year ago, and then, the friend that slept with Jordan will never quite be the same friend again either. I guess we've all changed."_

"And since Kyle only fulfills one of those qualities...the delegate one" Rayanne is saying, cracking herself up "she needs yearbook for the others."

"I really do need a new boyfriend" Sharon sighs.

"Boyfriends" Rayanne says fake seriously "I've heard of those."

"Sometimes they're...disappointing" Angela says softly, almost to herself, and they both look at her sharply for a second, before Sharon's eyes fasten onto a shop window and the conversation turns to polka dots.

* * *

Patti wakes up with a start and is shocked when she sees the clock. She can't even begin to remember the last time she slept past noon. Or woke up without Graham. And certainly not in an empty house, not even sure where her children are.

"_It's Saturday,"_ she thinks, _"I have an empty house and no plans. How can that possibly _be_?"_

She wanders downstairs feeling remotely pleased. This was what she'd wanted when she asked Graham to stay somewhere for awhile, the absence of him, of being constantly reminded of that scene in the restaurant. She's feeling really quite relaxed, and wonders if that has anything to do with that pain pill Camille had given her at lunch yesterday. She'd taken it before bed last night, and slept like a baby.

She's a little surprised by the mess in the kitchen, and puzzled by whats in the coffee pot, but mostly she's just aware of the spaciousness of it all, the quiet. _What would her life be without her family?_, Patti wonders for pretty much the first time in her life. But her mind jumps back from the thought quickly and she wonders, suddenly, where the girls are. All the same, for some reason, she's just not worried about it.

* * *

"That's mine...the yellow one"

"No, it's not...I've had it forever" Jordan looks at the cord in his hand and shakes his head at Kevin in disbelief.

It's been like this with practically every single piece of equipment in the loft. The band is breaking up, and as they separate their equipment and start to move it out, everyone seems to think that somehow something of theirs is being ripped off. For the past hour almost every single word anyone's said has been met with an argument, a curse or a dirty look. The residual bad feeling from the Vertigo show is heavy in the air, and that combined with a night in jail, a morning with a few hours sleep and a day at the garage where he didn't quite feel like himself is making for a really shitty afternoon. Jordan doesn't know how much worse things can get. He's slightly aware that his whole body seems just to be in some kind of a holding pattern, waiting to be close to Angela. When he can just hold her for a while, he thinks, he'll find a way to make sense of things.

"Catalano" Tino's come in and is standing next to him all of a sudden and for a minute Jordan wants to blame everything that's gone wrong on him, but it's impossible. Especially when Tino drops his voice and tells him to leave his stuff there. "We can keep this place for ourselves" he tells Jordan. "We don't need these guys."

Jordan stares at him for a minute without responding. Yeah, it's true, he thinks, sometimes Tino's a trouble magnet, like his mom said, but he's a good friend.

"I gotta be really careful now...my mom's like, on the warpath after last night...how are we gonna pay for this place while I'm being careful?"

"Don't worry about it for right now" Tino tells him, and Jordan breathes a sigh of relief. At least the loft will still be there for him. And for him and Angela.

* * *

"Hi honey"

When Angela comes in the front door Danielle and Patti are sitting on the couch watching a movie and there's a pizza on the coffee table in front of them. Patti has a glass of wine in her hand, Danielle has a coke, and on the screen ET is wearing his ghost costume as the kids get ready to go out trick or treating.

"I love this part" Angela says, sitting down and grabbing a piece of pizza, as she silently registers how totally bizarre this is._ Danielle still in her soccer shorts, and her mom in pj's with a wine glass in her hand at four o'clock on a Saturday? "Okay..." _Angela thinks, and wonders if this is what life without her dad is going to be like.

When she goes into the kitchen to get a soda she's surprised to see the dish pile still sitting out on the counter. It's only a couple hours till Jordan comes over, and she decides to at least make a start on the mess by getting the clean dishes out of the dishwasher and put away.

"You don't need to do that sweetheart" Patti says as she opens the refrigerator and pours herself a splash of wine "I'll get it after the movie..." there's a pause while Angela turns around to look at her.

"And thanks for getting Danielle ready for soccer this morning." Patti adds "I took something for my shoulder pain last night and I guess it kind of knocked me out."

"Oh" says Angela, relieved at the explanation.

"And then I felt so floaty, it just seemed like I should stay home. I don't think I'll be taking them too often" Patti laughs, sounding totally relaxed.

"_Jeez Mom, " _Angela thinks but doesn't say_ "maybe you should have taken them while Dad was still here_." Easy going, relaxed mom is an unusual phenomena lately, and Angela finds herself annoyed that it takes a pain pill to produce this effect.

* * *

"Wait...you did what? How could you possibly be that stupid?"

The minute the sentence is out Angela knows that it was the wrong one, wrong enough to make Jordan look first really, really hurt, and then for a part of him to disappear, which means that right now he's looking sullen and remote and his shirt sleeves are down over his hands.

What's really worse though is that she can't stop. "What if my parents find out?" she wails, and then follows it up with "what if you get kicked out of school?"

"I'll probably get suspended for a few days" he mutters "and they won't find out if you don't tell them."

He's already thought about her parents finding out, but he's not eighteen yet and that should keep his name out of the paper. He's also kind of hoping that it might get overlooked at school in the time between now and when spring break is over.

"I won't tell them, but somebody else might. What were you thinking?"

Angela's head is spinning. The thought of Jordan in jail overnight is making her sick and the fact that he's looking at her right now like she's Mr Foster, or some total enemy isn't helping any. Part of her knows it's not even him she's angry at, but it's no use. The strain of the last few days is venting now and the anger is having her.

"I could _kill_ you" she almost hisses in despair, watching as his face changes from sullen into stone.

"I mean what did your parents say? Or do they even care?" she adds, and her voice is sarcastic now.

Jordan's chin juts up a little and his face darkens. He hadn't even for a moment considered the possibility that she would be _angry_ at him over this.

Angela knows this is an off limits subject, but right now, in her fury, she tells herself that she doesn't know why he has to be so secretive about his parents anyhow.

"_He lives with them, after all. They have names and jobs. Why can't he just mention them from time to time?"_

"So now you're going silent" she fumes "I mean God forbid I should mention your parents. Cause after all, you know nothing about mine. And mine are so perfect, you know, I can understand how yours wouldn't _measure up_."

Jordan wonders if Angela has any idea of how mean her voice sounds. She's gone totally over the line right now, and she doesn't seem to even care at all.

"Just freeze me out now" she continues "Go ahead."

Jordan takes a step back and the wall is up, but Angela hasn't quite realized it.

There's just a little bit of Irish on Graham's side of the family, but it's in full throttle now. If Angela had any idea just how much Jordan dislikes the fighting Irish streak in his own mother she might have worked a little harder to contain it, but now she can't even think about stopping herself. And when she senses how completely removed he really is, she finds herself on the edge of slugging him, of doing anything she can to force him to just do something, say something, be there.

Some thread of sanity holds her back though, and instead she just stands there, her feet apart, still in fighting stance, and glares at him.

"I don't need this" he says, his eyes narrowed and icy, and they both know it's done.

He turns around and opens the front door, and when he walks out and closes it behind him, she doesn't hear him mutter "and I don't need you, either."

She just hears the squeal of his tires as he pulls away from the house, like he can't get away from her fast enough, and then she kicks the leg of the coffee table a few times, sinks down onto the couch and starts to cry.

* * *

When Jordan turns onto his street it's eight o'clock on a Saturday night and he wants nothing more than to go home and go to sleep. This weekend is so fucked already that all he wants now is for it to be over. He can't believe that Angela, his girlfriend, the one person he thought believed in him, understood him, _even maybe loved him_, could be so shitty with him. He's just grateful now that his mom is working and he can be alone in the house. Until, that is, he gets closer and sees his fathers car in the driveway. That's two weekends in a row that he's been home, he thinks. He shakes his head and doesn't even slow down, just keeps on driving until he sees a pay phone.

"I hope this is okay" he says ten minutes later when Corey, smelling like turpentine, opens the front door.

"Come on in..I told you, like already, anytime"

Jordan's never been inside the house before. Outside it looks like all the other places on the block, nice, with a lawn and a porch. But inside...he's never been inside a house like this in his life.

First of all there are the books. Floor to ceiling shelves and on the coffee table too. And where there aren't books, or even where there are, are paintings, big modern canvases on the walls, smaller ones and funny little watercolors hodgepodged onto the bookshelves, along with lots of other interesting looking stuff. It's messy, kind of, Jordan thinks, but in a weird way it's _alive._

"Wow" he says.

"The books? Yeah, they're mostly my mom's."

" And the paintings?" Jordan asks.

Corey nods "yeah" he nods "they're mine, ...well, not all of them. Come on back to the garage" he gestures towards the back door "you know, the scene of the crime."

As they head through the kitchen a tiny woman with blond hair tied up in a knot and beaded earrings reaching down to her shoulders looks up from the stove and smiles.

"Who's your friend, Corey?" she asks distractedly, .

"Mom, this is Jordan" Corey answers, adding "Jordan, my mom Zoe."

"Oh hi Jordan" she turns to smile at him directly and he's struck by how much she reminds him of someone "Nice to meet you. David had good things to say about your band."

"Wish I did" he shrugs and looks back at her "we just broke up"

"Oh" she says, making a sympathetic face "sorry."

"Thanks" he nods.

"Come on out" Corey gestures and they walk through the back door and into a garage jammed with as much odd stuff as the front room, only here it's canvases and paint and tools and a whole assortment of who knows what, like the weird shaped little wood cut blocks sitting on a nearby bench.

Jordan picks up a wooden box with lots of compartments holding tiny pieces of metal and looks at it. There's a letter or character on each tiny piece.

"What's this?" he asks Corey, who is closing up the turpentine tin and putting his brushes away.

"Moveable type...from the old days of printing presses...cool huh?"

Jordan picks up a piece and stares at it.

"I got arrested last night" he says, not quite looking at Corey.

"What?"

"Tino was waiting for me outside after work, and he had a joint in his hand...and he like, handed it to me two seconds before the police came around the corner."

He looks at Corey, not knowing what to expect. Corey's no goody goody , but he's not someone who gets in trouble either, and now Jordan wonders how he'll react, if he'll like him less because of it.

"Wow...really bad luck" Corey say "and then you had that thing with the band and the loft today too, huh?"

"Yeah..." Jordan almost sighs in relief "and then Angela went crazy when I told her and now we aren't speaking, I guess...she was really mad."

"Whoa" Corey shakes his head "so that's what you're doing here on a Saturday night, huh?" he says looking at Jordan with a combination of sympathy and amusement.

"Yeah, well, misery loves company, you know, they say." Jordan is actually almost smiling now.

"No misery here" Corey tells him, smiling back, "just quiet...think you can handle that?"

"Quiet's good.." he says, moving the tiny piece of metal in between his finger and thumb "How's this work?"

"Well, you need a printing press, which I don't have, but that's a composing stick" Corey tells him, pointing to a slim open face metal container "the letters get assembled in here and then inked...this stuff's nineteenth century, but they had metal type in China by the twelfth century...and wooden and ceramic type before that."

"Cool..." he puts the piece of type down carefully "this all your stuff?" he says, shaking his head and looking around at the big canvases stacked against a wall.

"They keep threatening to make me clean it up so we could actually put cars in here, but you've already seen some of my mom's stuff, and my dad has a whole room for guitars, plus the basement is full of his recording equipment, so I'm not budging, you know? Like, what's fair is fair."

"Your dad has a room full of guitars?"

"Told you, you should have come over before. You're going to go crazy over them, it's dream stuff." Corey shrugs and smiles "Let me just finish putting this stuff away" he says "he's really going to like showing them to you."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter fifteen **

"Danielle, are you ready?"

"Almost"

Patti stands in the doorway of her youngest daughter's room on Monday morning and surveys the mess. "_Just like Angela's room_" she says to herself, and wanders down the hall.

"Knock knock" she says, sticking her head in.

Angela is sitting up on her bed with a coffee cup in her hand, looking dejected. It's spring break and she has nothing to do and no one to do it with.

"So honey, don't forget to pick up your sister from soccer camp at three."

"I'm not going to forget her mom" Angela says rolling her eyes. "I only wish I could."

"Well, at least it will get you outside for a few minutes today. You spent all day yesterday moping around the house, and you have all of spring break ahead of you. You should enjoy it."

"_I should __**enjoy**__ it? Just like that? My father and boyfriend are both, like, __**poof**__, gone, ...Dad called yesterday and told me to come to the restaurant for lunch or dinner or to visit anytime, but he hasn't been home at all, and it's just so beyond depressing...Jordan has disappeared, like in a cloud of smoke...sorry, it wasn't supposed to be a joke. I mean part of me is dying without him and another part of me is still angry...okay, I don't really like the idea of him and Tino smoking dope together to begin with, I mean not that he really does it that much, but getting caught on a street corner? And you know if my mother ever gets a hold of that I can totally hang my entire social life forever out to dry. Not that I have one without Jordan anyhow it seems, because right now all of my friends are like, unavailable. Sharon is off on some cheerleader trip to Washington D. C., Ricky went to Pittsburgh yesterday with Mr. Kaminsky and is hanging out with Delia today and Rayanne is spending most of the next two weeks in my dad's kitchen, learning about pastry. And meanwhile I sit in my bedroom and some robot version of my mother tells me I should enjoy spring break?"_

Tears come into Angela's eyes.

"You might pick your room up today" Patti continues in the same inspiring vein, "Danielle's room is starting to look just like yours. You really need to set a better example for her, honey."

"Mom" Angela snaps "_Speaking of examples_" "I do have some other things on my mind...and maybe you should too." Angela looks at her pleadingly and repeats the question she didn't get an answer to two days ago.

"Mom, how long do you think this break thing is going to last with you and dad?" she asks quietly " I mean you must at least have some idea?"

All weekend the subject has been tip toed around, the three of them off in separate corners, sitting down together to eat something, speaking to discuss an errand or a plan, Angela and Danielle weaving a silent path between their rooms, the TV set and the refrigerator while Patti disappeared back into the press's never ending bookwork.

But now Angela has to ask again. Now she stares at her mother, waiting, trying not to cry.

"Really Angela, I have to get to work. Try and clean your room today. It will probably make you feel better."

She feels like she's been slapped in the face.

"Wait...mom...you aren't even going to answer me?" Angela shakes her head in confusion. This total disinterest in her, this calm disconnect she is seeing now, is so unlike her normally over emotional mother that it's frightening.

"There is no answer. I don't know. We're taking a break. Maybe we'll know more after a few days.." Patti stares at Angela. "I know this must be upsetting Angela" she says sternly "but let's try not to get too dramatic about it, all right."

Angela blinks back her tears as Patti and Danielle head out the door together. She manages to keep from crying, and even to nod encouragingly, when Danielle, her eyes huge and frightened, looks back over her shoulder at her. But as soon as the door closes behind them she starts to cry in earnest, sobbing so hard she's shaking.

################################################################################################################

Brian stares up at the blue restaurant awning, kind of aware that this is an act of desperation, and then he takes a deep breath and opens the door. Or rather, he tries to. It's locked. There's a closed sign on the door and to the right of it another sign gives the restaurant's hours, dinners only, Tuesdays through Saturdays. Brian stands back for a minute, puzzled, before walking around to the side of the building and peeking through the screen of an open door.

"Hello?" he calls, and Rayanne Graf, with an apron wrapped around her, opens the screen door.

"What are you doing here, Krackow" she says.

"Looking for Mr. Chase...I mean none of your business" he answers her. He'd completely forgotten that she would come along with the job. But he was desperate and determined and right now really nothing mattered but finding a way out of the house. Just having to sit at the breakfast table this morning and hear some of his parent's ideas for the "family outing" had been enough to drive him into his first ever job interview. Though it's not really an interview, he tells himself, it's talking to Mr. Chase about washing dishes.

"Brian?" Graham looks up from chopping "come on in...I'm guessing you're considering our offer of employment?"

"Doing what?" Rayanne says, looking shocked. Clumsy, fidgety Brian Krackow functioning in a restaurant kitchen seems like a recipe for disaster, she thinks, and he couldn't possibly fit in out front either.

"Paolo wants a week off, remember?" Graham reminds her.

"Oh." _"Washing dishes? Krackow? In what universe?_" she wants to say, but since having a job she likes has actually taught her some kind of restraint, she just stands there with her hand clapped over her mouth and a really funny look on her face.

"What?" both Graham and Brian are staring at her, Graham looking puzzled and Brian annoyed, when the back door swings open and Halle bursts in, bringing so much excitement with her that the three of them turn and look at her expectantly.

"The Post Gazette" she announces waving Sunday's edition of the Pittsburgh paper, and when no one responds, she looks at them like they're all idiots.

"You don't even know?" she laughs in disbelief, "We got a review!..A great one!"

"Give me that." The smile on Grahams face is huge as he reaches for the paper and Rayanne laughingly crowds in close to get a look at it herself.

"Ondine, A Little Gem" she reads the heading out loud, grinning, and then stands back to let Graham read the whole thing out loud, smiling broadly at phrases like "well worth the drive to Three Rivers" and "Graham Chase, the talented chef."

But when Graham continues on with that sentence, "aided in the kitchen solely by pastry assistant Rayanne Graff" she feels so pleased she is practically speechless.

"It will say pastry chef before too long" Halle says, putting her arm around Rayanne's shoulder happily.

"The local papers will pick this up too" Halle adds. "You know they spin off each other all the time. And this is great timing... people might actually be driving out of town more during spring break and wanting a restaurant destination. "

"_Why are they making such a big deal out of a restaurant review? It's just food._" Brian, who has been standing there watching it all, thinks to himself, puzzled.

And then the phone starts to ring.

"Here it comes" Halle says.

As she heads for the phone she beams at Graham in pure happiness and he just smiles back at her appreciatively.

But when Rayanne sees that look her smile fades and she turns away quickly, not wanting Graham to notice. She loves being a part of the team at work and wishes she wasn't aware of how much Graham and Halle like each other, how well they work as partners, and just how combustible that situation could be. She doesn't want to betray Angela in any way, ever again, and she and Patti seem to have some strange kind of karma together that is bigger than liking. The phrase "conflict of interests" knocks about in her brain in capital letters, and when she looks up Brian Krackow is staring at her with something that looks a whole lot like sympathy.

#################################################################################################################

"Wood Printing" Patti says into the phone as she looks at a paper order. "I'm fine, Camille" she says, a faint smile appearing at the sound of her friends voice.

"Not today..." she sighs "I know I have to eat but I've got a sandwich and an apple...things in here are just incredibly backed up"

"Really? They got a review?" She feels a little shaky all of a sudden. Everything seems to be slipping away so quickly. Normally she and Graham would have read it together, in the Sunday paper, over the breakfast table, and now she hadn't even known.

"A rave review, really?.. No, nothing's wrong...that's great" She nods at Tom as he slides an estimate in front of her.. "Listen Camille, I'm just surprised. Really, I'm doing fine. Thank God I have this business...I think it's what's keeping me sane."

"Well if you insist...I should be finished by six...Sorrento it is...we can have a glass of wine and I can pick up a pizza for the girls"

"See you then."

She's just put the phone down when her father walks in the door and the small amount of comfort she'd felt from hearing Camille's voice disappears.

"Hi Dad"

"So Doreen called and told us about the restaurant review" he says gruffly, standing in front of her desk, "we were a little surprised you hadn't mentioned it to us."

Patti gives him the brightest smile she can manage, thanking her at least partially lucky stars for Camille.

"It was a complete surprise to all of us, Dad. No one even knew that a reviewer had been in."

"Guess it was pretty complimentary" he tells her "Doreen and Bob were really impressed." He has a bite the bullet look on his face, and Patti sits there, waiting for what's coming next. She doesn't think they could possibly know anything about her and Graham, but she's still totally flabbergasted when her father looks at her and says,

"So, the thing is, I just wanted to say, maybe I've been too rough on the two of you about this restaurant venture." He swallows hard and continues "It was a brave thing to do and I hope it will be a big success."

"Well, thanks Dad" Patti stands up and looks at him fondly. "Of course it's still a gamble, but we did give it a lot of thought before we decided to go ahead with it."

"Everybody's entitled to a try" her father tells her "that's how this started...a try" he looks around at the messy paper filled room.

"How about lunch?" he says.

"I'd love to" she sighs "but I'm tied to the desk today...maybe later in the week?"

"Maybe" he says, and she walks over to kiss his cheek.

"Thanks for coming by" she tells him.

He looks pleased, and she watches him walk away, stopping to say something to Tom on the way out. She knows what a huge deal it was for her father to apologize to her, and he'd made a special trip to do it too, so she can't help but feel touched. But another part of her is completely panicked. She knows that when and if they find out that Graham is out of the house, her parents, her father especially, will be relentless in their commentary and the idea makes her sick. All her life she's been the good daughter, or the good wife, or mother and working woman. She's held herself to a high inner standard of what's right, but now she doesn't know if she can do it anymore. Maybe she needs to tell Graham to come home. Even if he lies to her, maybe she needs to keep their life intact for the girls. But just as soon as she thinks that, the knot in her stomach tells her that she can't live with someone she can't trust, that living a lie won't work for her, and then her head tells her that this is something she can't think about now. There's work to be done.

Patti shakes her head and goes back to the desk. There's an estimate and a paper order to deal with, and the phone is ringing again.

"Wood Printing" she says, picking it up.

################################################################################################################

"Dad?" Angela calls in the back door of the restaurant. The screen is latched and she can't see anyone inside. She can see her father's car but she can see Halle's car too, and she wonders if she should just turn around and leave. "Dad?" she tries louder, and stands there for a second more, feeling horrible, before she turns and starts to walk away.

"Angela? Oh my God, Angela..." she hears the door swing open and Rayanne call after her "Angela, we're just having lunch inside...you're just in time."

She grabs Angela's hand and pulls her through the door to the kitchen, and then Angela lets herself be led into the dining room where her dad, Halle Rosenthal and Brian Krackow of all people, are sitting together at the back table, laughing and looking perfectly happy, at least until they see her, and their expressions all change. Angela stares back at them with a sort of shocked look on her face and then, before she can blink, her father is on his feet, and has his arm around her.

"I'm so glad you're here, honey" he tells her "we're just celebrating, sort of." He sees the confusion on her face and says "We just found out, well Rayanne and I just found out, we got a good review in the Sunday Gazette."

"It's a _really_ good review" Rayanne interjects, trying to ease the tension, watching Angela's face.

Angela stands there not knowing quite what she's feeling beyond confused and upset. At home everything is miserable, and here people are happy? What's happening?

"That's wonderful dad" she says, trying to keep herself from crying again.

"Can you eat something?" he asks, gesturing towards the table, and while she stands there, frozen, caught in the headlights, Halle stands up nervously.

"I'd better get back to the office" she says, and moves towards the kitchen, realizing that somehow she seems to be part of the reason for Angela's discomfort.

"See you all tomorrow" she adds, feeling strangely guilty.

"Bye Halle" Graham says over his shoulder, and steers Angela over to a seat.

But Rayanne follows Halle out to her car.

"Halle"

"Guess I'm the bad guy now" Halle says, sighing.

"Yeah, well believe me, I held that position for long enough already" Rayanne says "but I'm guessing that you haven't talked to Graham about the fact that Patti's asked him to stay at Neil's for now. He's been out of the house since Friday."

She watches Halle's face register the information, and knows she was right. And she can also see that happiness at the news is not what Halle is feeling.

"That's what Angela is so upset about then" she says, looking a little stunned.

"Listen" Rayanne nods and goes on "This is really weird for me but Angela's one of my best friends, Pattikins saved my life you know, _**and**_ I really like working here with you...so I guess I'm asking you if you, like seriously _want _him or something...Graham I mean"

Halle half smiles and looks at Rayanne with admiration.

"I do like him, Rayanne." she says, thinking that she deserves an honest answer "And when we work together, I don't know, the, well...the attraction comes up sometimes. But that night that Patti walked in, that was the _only_ time anything's ever happened, and it was one kiss...well just past a kiss, barely, but it kind of came out of nowhere. We were laughing and it just... happened, and then Patti opened the door, and it was pretty clear who he was concerned about."

Halle pauses for a second with a sad look on her face. "I have no wish to play the evil temptress here" she says "he's very, very married, and he wants to stay that way...he's made it clear."

They look at each other for a minute, and then Rayanne shakes her head.

"I just don't want to see them hurt." Rayanne says.

"You're a good friend" Halle tells her.

"I'm trying."

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Halle says firmly " or lose my business partner either. .." she turns and opens the car door "see you tomorrow, okay"

"Yeah, hasta tamale."

Halle shakes her head and smiles at her as she drives out.

But Rayanne heads back into the restaurant with a grim look on her face. She knows, maybe better than most people, that things just happen sometimes, and that people do get hurt. She walks past Brian Krackow in the kitchen, who seems to be awkwardly standing there doing nothing, and then, as she starts to walk back into the dining room she knows why, because Angela is sitting at the table crying and Graham is looking incredibly sad as he tries to comfort her.

Rayanne turns and looks at Brian "I guess this is as good a time as any to learn how the dishwasher works" she tells him.

"Probably, even, um, better than most" he agrees.

#################################################################################################################

"It's kind of hard work Brian" Angela says, looking a little worried as they walk out of the restaurant together.

"It's washing dishes" he says. "I think I can handle it." Normally he'd be more annoyed at her acting like this was beyond his ability, but it's kind of hard to be annoyed with her when her face is red and her eyes are swollen from crying.

"Why would you want to?" she asks him.

"I need to be out of the house...you know, my parents.." he leaves the sentence hanging.

"Yeah" she says, and her voice sounds a little wobbly.

"Where's Catalano?" he says, just now realizing he hasn't seen Jordan's car in front of the house for a couple days. He hears a small strangled noise in her throat and when he looks over she's crying again.

"Oh" he says, and for a minute he doesn't say anything else, but after they've walked half a block and she's still crying he has to.

"So, what happened?..here, take this" he hands her a Kleenex from his jacket pocket.

"We had a fight" _Actually he hadn't said a word_, Angela realizes "I mean I was angry and he walked out. I haven't heard from him since Saturday night."

"So are you still angry? I mean, did he do something really wrong?" Brian wonders if he's been pushing her again about sex.

"I don't think so...I'm not sure it was even really him I was mad at. He got like, in trouble...like _arrested_ with Tino Friday night, and I was upset and yelled and he got mad and left, and...I don't know Brian" she's really crying now, and her face looks a little wild "everything's falling apart and I miss him so much.."

Now she's actually sobbing and Brian steers her to the curb of the sidewalk and sits them both down.

"What if he hates me now?" Angela bleats and then she loudly and messily blows her nose into the already soaked Kleenex.

Brian thinks if there was ever a cure for him thinking he loves Angela Chase, this should be it, but unfortunately it's not working.

"He's not going to hate you, Chase" he sighs impatiently "he knows you're under a lot of like, _stress, _right now."

"I tried to push him to talk about his parents." she says, a little ashamed.

"That's not a crime" Brian says, and then he asks "why?"

"I don't know...I guess because he never does."

"Well, why would he? I mean like, why would you be interested in his parents?"

Angela tries to think about it for a minute. "Maybe because it feels like some kind of locked door, like with something secret behind it. I don't know."

"And you would want to push at that?" Brian asks her with a really disgusted look on his face.

Angela hugs her knees up to her face and cries into them softly.

"So what did he get arrested for anyway?" Brian says, wishing he could put his arm around her and knowing right away that it would be wrong.

Instead he gives a little tug to her elbow "Come on Angela" he sighs "you guys will work it out."

He stands up and says "let's go get Danielle" and she nods and follows him.

###########################################################################

"I don't believe this...are you suggesting I not shit where I eat?" Graham looks at Rayanne Graff and has to try not to laugh in amusement, she is so obviously sincere "because believe me, you are preaching to the choir here."

She's standing a foot from him at the counter, looking brave and a little scared. It's taken a lot more nerve to confront him than Jordan Catalano or some girl in the bathroom at school, and she's actually nervous.

"Yeah, I guess so," she says "that and, I just, you know...think I should point out that now maybe isn't a good time to be, like, shitting anywhere."

"Rayanne, you know this isn't any of your business don't you?" he tells her gently, and watches her nod unhappily.

"I'm not upset with you" he tells her "and I totally agree. Point well taken."

She nods again, and all her bravado is gone. "I know it's none of my business" she says "I just hated seeing Angela so...you know."

"I know" he says somberly "and while I appreciate your concern" he looks at her, thinking what a strangely admirable little person she is, the bright and the dark parts of her so apparent, "I can't really discuss this subject with you, you know, so don't do it again, okay?"

He reaches out and gives her shoulder a little shake.

"Okay boss man"

"You'd better have a look in the oven" he tells her. When she smiles at him like he's a great guy he smiles back, and then he heads to the dining room to call Patti from the phone out there.

#################################################################################################################

Jordan sighs and finishes putting his tools away. It's the end of a working day and he's pretty much managed to stay busy and not think too much about Angela. When he does think of her it's like his head goes back and forth and his heart hurts. One part of him is still angry because he really can't understand her going off on him like that or what the problem was about his parents. On the other hand it doesn't really matter what he thinks or understands, because he misses her way too much. Then he tells himself that he's not going over there to be yelled at again, that he's not a total wuss. He'll go play guitar again with Corey and his dad. That's been great. He'll be okay without her, he tells himself and then he freaks himself out by almost crying. "_Shit._"

"Here you go" Josh tells him, smiling "a paycheck and a love letter"

"Huh?" he says, and suddenly he's grinning and pulling the envelope open, full of hope.

"It's that Tessy girl again, she left it in the office for you." Josh looks at him carefully.

"Oh" he says, and the smile disappears, "yeah, thanks" He can't believe how completely let down he feels. He sticks the half opened envelope in his pocket along with his paycheck and heads off to his car. He's going to have to break down and call her soon, he thinks. But he's not apologizing. Absolutely fucking no way, not apologizing.


	16. Chapter 16

**So, I thought I'd say**

**I don't own the characters**

**and the meadow in the last scene is a real Pennsylvania meadow**

**The line at the end is from a poem by Pablo Neruda Every Day You Play . I wrote the meadow scene long before I wrote this chapter, and I'll admit it's totally cheesy, but it makes me smile..**

**Thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing. Oh and i was reduced to the letter o for scene separations. Pathetic.**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

"Angela?"

Ricky's voice on the phone sounds frantic

"Ricky, what's happening? Are you all right?"

"I think so... I mean I'm outside Big Guy, waiting for Delia, to you know, finish up, and Frank Repniki is standing across the street with a bunch of jocks, and I can't just _stand here_, you know doing nothing, trying not to look at them, so talk to me, please."

"Oh, yeah, I get it, sure."

"So, uh, have you heard from Jordan?" Ricky leans back against the phone booth as casually as possible, trying to figure out just how Jordan makes it looks so good.

"Oh Ricky" she says, sounding hopeless "I think I really messed up. Everything is so messed up."

"Call him Angela...just call him and say you're, you know, sorry. I mean, well, this isn't like you at all, to just sit around and worry."

"I know" she says, and her voice is weak and tired.

"Angela, I really hesitate to say this" he tells her a little more forcefully "but maybe you're letting your parents problems color what's going on with you and Jordan?"

"Of course I am Ricky" she says tearfully "it's coloring everything...how could it not? I mean of course I probably wouldn't have gotten so upset with him if I wasn't already freaked about my mom kicking my dad out."

"Well how does Jordan know that? You need to tell him and apologize. I mean enough already with the helpless act."

Angela hears what he's saying and knows that it's right but she just can't quite connect right with how she feels. Her mom has changed into someone she doesn't know and her dad still seems the same but...gone, and then again, maybe not who she thought he was at all. And she's starting to realize that Jordan getting arrested had scared her more than she could quite take in at the time.

"I'm kind of like, paralyzed, Ricky" she tells him "like in that dream I used to have before, where my shoes are stuck to the floor. All of a sudden everybody's somebody different from before and I don't know who to trust."

"Wow, Angela" he shifts his weight and turns a bit and can see the crowd of jocks across the street breaking up "I can see how scary that must be, but do you want to, you know, throw the baby out with the bathwater?"

He sighs and thinks how it must feel to be in love with someone who feels the same and how he's seen that in Angela and Jordan pretty clearly for a while now, and how he'd do anything to have that himself.

"No, you're right. I have to try" she sniffles "I'll call him and try to explain. Even if he doesn't want me anymore, I owe him that much."

There's a sob in her voice because she thinks she'll die if Jordan doesn't want her, but she knows it's still the right thing to do.

"I don't think that's how it will be, Angela. I think it will work out."

"I hope so...thank you Ricky Angel" she says, thinking what a great friend he is.

"My pleasure" he tells her smiling a little.

"What's Frank Repniki doing now?" she asks him with a little tease in her voice.

"They're gone...and Delia should be out any minute now."

"Did he smile at you or anything?"

"I don't think he even noticed me" he says a little sadly.

"You never know" she says "Come over tomorrow okay? For sure?"

"For sure" he smiles "Bye."

He puts the phone down and turns and walking right towards him is Frank Repniki.

"_You never know."_

_ooooo ooooo ooooo ooooo_

"Hey Brain...thanks for coming here." Jordan slides into a seat in the deserted diner and puts his books down.

"Sure...um, why here though?" Brian asks.

Jordan frowns. He hadn't wanted to go to Brian's, mainly because of Angela. The idea of pulling up in front of her house, parking across the street and then spending the whole tutoring session thinking about her, wondering if she'd noticed his car, made him totally depressed. And since he definitely didn't want to be on public display while he practiced reading, he'd picked the most obscure place he could think of, which just happened to be near the garage and pretty greasy.

"The coffee's good here..." He shrugs and shakes his head "Angela and I...we sort of, I don't know, had a fight and..."

"I know" Brian tells him, looking grim "believe me...I know." He looks down at his books. "She's out of her mind about it."

"Huh?" Jordan looks at Brian and wonders how bad it really is. "Like she's still angry, or what?" he asks.

Brian doesn't even bother to bemoan his fate anymore. He seems destined to be a link between the two of them, like it or not, and he may as well be as straightforward about it as he can.

"She's like, heartbroken..." he shrugs, looking down at his books "crying like a baby, afraid you hate her, the whole um, soap opera...didn't even bother telling me what the fight was about. I, uh, don't think she's mad at you anymore, if she ever really was to begin with" he adds.

He lines up his books and looks back up at Jordan who seems both kind of dazed and pretty happy.

"Yeah?" is all he says, but the way he exhales and seems to sort of expand says a lot.

"Yeah...and you know, her dad had just moved out of the house for a while, that Friday and it's all been pretty rough on her, so you might want to go kind of easy, and"

"Brain" Jordan interrupts him "I get it, I think" he tells him "I really...thanks a lot"

Brian nods. He's done his duty, he thinks.

"So, you still want to do this now?" he says, gesturing to the phonics manual.

"We probably should, huh? I mean not really, but yeah.."

"Okay. Could you drop me at work after?"

"Sure, whatever. Wait, you got a job?"

Brian opens the book. "I'll tell you about it after" he says.

ooooo ooooo ooooo ooooo

"Catalano dropped you off?" Rayanne says, staring out at the street as Jordan's car pulls away.

"Yeah, so, like what's it to you"

"You kids play nice" Graham tells them. The two of them together are worse than Angela and Danielle, he thinks. "How's Jordan doing?" While Angela had been crying she'd sort of mentioned that they were fighting.

Rayanne gives Brian a quick, guarded look, and he registers it. Parents, no matter how friendly, do not receive information about their offspring, or said offspring's respective boyfriend, from offspring's friends. Especially not if the boyfriend has been arrested recently.

"He's, uh, good" Brian answers.

"_It's like organized crime_" Graham reflects. "_No one knows anything_."

"Are he and Angela doing all right?" "_If at first you don't succeed.._."

"I think so" says Brian "I think he's on his way over there now."

It's kind of funny, Rayanne thinks, how the three of them are all trying not to look at each other, and at the same time they're all wearing a tiny smile. Even if Brian's is a little strained.

"You've got a noble streak in there somewhere Brain" Rayanne says to him, still smiling, when Graham heads off to the dining room.

"Don't kid yourself" he tells her, but he's pretty sure being called Brain is some kind of a promotion.

ooooo ooooo ooooo

Delia Fisher walks out of Big Guy Burgers and blinks. If what she's seeing is real, she thinks maybe she should try to retreat unnoticed. But it's too late. Ricky sees her and waves like everything is perfectly normal and so she wanders up and stands next to him.

"I uh, always wanted to do that, but then football, you know..." Frank Repniki is saying, and Ricky is nodding seriously.

"This is my friend Delia" he says "she's in drama club too."

"Hi" the guy in the lettermen jacket is smiling at her "I'm Frank"

"Oh, sorry" says Ricky "my manners"

"I know who you are" Delia grins "Mr. Touchdown."

"Yeah, well" he looks down at the sidewalk and starts to look a little uncomfortable "I'd better get going..." he looks back at Ricky and smiles again

"Nice, uh, talking to you" he says.

"Yeah" Ricky nods "see ya"

"Bye" Delia adds, and as soon as they're out of voice range, she whispers very quietly, just in case he could possibly still hear them, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Delia, it was unreal...I mean you know we had a real conversation...like as in I said hi and so did he, and then I said a sentence and then he said one, and then like I actually did it again, and it was...you know like a very relaxed game of ping pong or something, and for some reason I wasn't nervous at all, it was just like...good or..normal or something..."

"Yeah" Delia says, laughing and making a go figure look "you're right... it looked absolutely, normally...normal"

"Oh. My. God"

She doesn't think she's ever seen him smile this big before.

ooooo ooooo ooooo ooooo

"Patti, be reasonable. I need to see the girls and the only way to do that is to see them in the mornings. Angela was in here crying her eyes out the other day, and I haven't seen Danielle since Friday. She can be late for soccer one day this week. And you and I need to talk."

Graham stands in the restaurant's dining room talking into the telephone, not believing she is making a fuss over this. She hadn't wanted to talk to him the last time he'd called and he'd let it go, but he's been out of the house for four days, and the only thing that's changed now is that she sounds angry.

"Fine all right...I'll be reasonable" she says "but I want a break. I don't want to talk for a while. I'll be gone by nine o'clock tomorrow and you can come see them after I've left and drop Danielle at soccer when you're finished.

"I think we need to define just how long constitutes a while. And this isn't a custody battle here. Or is it?" Graham is slow to anger but he's getting there now.

For a few seconds Patti says nothing. "A week" she finally says "okay? I want a week." She doesn't know what she thinks a week is going to do, but it gives her a few more days to avoid thinking about it and that's what she really wants most right now.

"A week" Graham says "Well, that would be this Friday then"

There's silence on the other side of the line.

"Patti, this can't go on forever" he pauses "look ...I know I'm in the wrong, and I know you're hurt..."

"Hurt..." she snorts back, and then she repeats herself "hurt?"

The word hangs there, saying everything, solving nothing.

"Try to think about what you want from me" he tells her "what you want us to do to get through this."

"You think about it yourself" she tells him a little angrily, totally unreasonably "because thinking about it is the last thing I want to do.

Graham listens to the click of the receiver and wonders just what his options might be. He's offered to go to counseling and tried apologizing, he's pleaded and left her alone when asked, and even though groveling really doesn't appeal to him he thinks he'd be willing to try that too, if he thought it would do any good. But now, for the first time in this whole mess, he's starting to get angry back. He wonders if Patti is really willing to throw away their marriage, their life together, because of one stupid spontaneous mistake. And now, all of a sudden, as far as he's concerned the fact that it was his stupid spontaneous mistake is starting to get old fast.

ooooo ooooo ooooo

"Jordan Catalano's outside" Danielle chirps, and Angela jumps up from the couch and runs to the window.

She's right. Jordan is standing by his car, scowling and leaning great while he finishes a cigarette, and when she sees him Angela's heart starts to thump madly. She's been trying to work up the nerve to call him for the past two hours and now here he is outside her door.

He's having a moment of severe self doubt here, wondering if he should have called first, if maybe Brian could be wrong about this and Angela really doesn't want to see him at all, thinking maybe he should get back in the car and drive away and figure out what he wants to say to her, when the door opens and she comes down the steps.

"Hey" she says carefully, looking worried.

"Hey" he says back and looks down at the curb for a minute, working up his courage, and then he looks back up at her and asks "so, are you still, um, mad at me?"

Angela's chin wobbles as she shakes her head no, but when she looks at Jordan's face, serious and actually vulnerable, she finally knows just what to do. Stepping forward she wraps her arms around his waist and leans up against him.

"Are you still mad at me?" she whispers into his chest, and feels his arms wrap around her shoulders.

"No."

He buries his head in her hair and takes a deep inhale.

"I'm sorry" she says

Jordan nods, closes his eyes and does just what he said he wouldn't.

"Me too" he tells her.

ooooo ooooo ooooo

"So what happened to the girlfriend, Brain?" Rayanne says as she helps him unload the dishwasher.

Normally she would have been finished a couple hours ago but they've been fully booked the past few nights since the review, and Graham's needed her to stay late. She's actually so tired right now that she's thinking happily of home, a shower, and something bad on television when she walks out of here tonight.

Brian, sweating over the dishwasher and grateful for her help, thinks for a second and then enters into an actual conversation with Rayanne Graf, and not the first one he's had this week at that.

"I haven't got a clue" he tells her "one minute we were like, in Big Guy talking, and then we were walking out of there and she was mad, and ever since then she's like, ignored me."

"You must have done something..." Rayanne thinks hard "that day in Big Guy that I, uh, mentioned our sleeping arrangement, was it?" She's starting to feel something like guilt creeping up on her.

"Yeah, but she was okay with that...I like, explained the circumstances, you know, and she uh, understood."

Brian has thought of this several times and it's still a mystery to him. He starts putting a new load of dirty dishes into the machine while he goes over what he remembers of that afternoon.

"Sharon came in with Kyle and we talked like for a minute and a minute later Angela and Jordan walked by and then we got up to go, and now you, um, know as much as I do...oh, and Delia Fisher was at the counter and kind of not, uh, you know, real happy to see me...but still like, one minute we were talking about chess club, and then the next, she um, hated me, so..."

He looks over at her with a totally perplexed expression and now Rayanne can't figure it out either.

"Okay, you're right.. it's mysterious. But she's mad, so you could still apologize, even if you don't know what you did, right? Do you want her back?"

"Well yeah, I guess, but what do I apologize for?

He pulls the dishwasher door down and pulls on the wash cycle lever.

"Listen Brain...you've got nothing to lose here...how's about you just call and say you've been thinking about her a lot, and like, missing her, and you're really sorry if you did anything to hurt her feelings...she'll love that, and then...," Rayanne smiles at the sheer brilliance of what she's about to say, "invite her to the nicest restaurant in town for dinner."

"You mean here, don't you?"

"Yeah Brain...I do" she grins at him "and I bet Graham will comp you the whole thing after I tell him your sad story."

ooooo ooooo ooooo

It's late morning on a perfect spring day and they're driving out of town, on a back road, into dairy farm country. Its the way to her grandparents favorite ice cream place, she thinks, the one on the way to the small airport. She's pretty sure he's not taking her for ice cream, but he won't tell her where they're going.

After a while Jordan pulls into a lot behind some old roadside buildings and parks the car. "We'll have to walk up the hill" he tells her, leaning over and kissing her "I hope you'll like it."

He takes the blanket out of the backseat, and Angela feels a little worried. "_He wouldn't really expect that they were going to walk up a country hill and do something outside, would he?"_

He takes her hand and leads her towards a sloping path. "There will probably be other people up here" he says smiling at her "but it would be nice if we could have it, you know, to ourselves."

He's being so sweet with her; she'll just have to wait and see what this is about. "Is it far, where we're going?" she asks.

"A few minutes" he tells her, and then he adds "um, my grandparents, you know, used to bring me up here every spring, when I was little...it was something they really liked to do."

"Oh." Angela is totally mystified, but she tells him about her grandparents ice cream place, and they laugh and talk quietly while he leads her up the grassy hill until they reach the top and Jordan walks with her into a grove of blossoming cherry trees.

"I wanted you to see this" he says hesitantly, putting his arm around her "because you want to know about my family, and right now there's not anything I, um, want to tell you"

Angela kisses the corner of his mouth, and turns her cheek to touch his. "Okay" she says softly.

"But this was something, you know, good, from my grandparents, and I thought I could show you."

He leads her through the trees into a small circular clearing that is completely surrounded by the pink and white blossoming trees. The whole meadow floor is covered with violets, and the scent is incredible. It's probably the most beautiful place she has ever been in her life.

"I came up yesterday to see if it was ready" he tells her. "It's only like this for a little while"

"Thank you...I can't believe how beautiful it is"

"Yeah" he's smiling now. He can tell that she really does like it.

There's only one other person there. Across the meadow an old man is crouched down, picking violets.

"That's Mr Santucci" Jordan says. "This is his meadow so... we need to, um go say hello, you know, it's like, the polite thing to do"

When they get closer to the old man, Jordan calls out a hello, and he looks up at them. "Jordan Catalano" he says, standing up slowly and looking very pleased "it's good to see you here"

"Thank you, Mr Santucci..." he pauses "This is my um, girlfriend, Angela" he says, introducing her somewhat formally.

"Angela" he smiles his approval "a beautiful name for a beautiful girl"

"Thank you" says Angela.

There is something so old fashioned and sweet about the way Jordan and this man are being together. Angela has never seen him like this before with anyone but her and she loves watching him this way. And then too, she has just been introduced as his girlfriend and told that she is beautiful, so she's kind of just floating on sweet scented air.

Mr Santucci is looking at Jordan nostalgically "How's your grandmother?" he asks "I haven't seen her since your grandfather's funeral."

They both look down for a minute.

"She's living with my aunt and uncle out near Harrisburg" Jordan tells him "I don't think she can make it up the hill these days" he adds.

"No" says Mr Santucci " my wife can't walk up here anymore either...I came up to get her some violets"

Jordan gives Angela's hand a little squeeze and her smile gets even softer. Everything is so beautiful here, and the old man is looking at them so approvingly.

"So Jordan," he says "are you going to take Angela under a tree and tell her what your grandfather used to tell your grandmother?"

Jordan's smile has gotten bashful and now Angela is feeling a little insecure again. She isn't sure what they're talking about.

"It's nice" says Mr Santucci to her, reassuringly, "go on." He thinks he'll leave them alone. He puts a hand on Jordan's shoulder "Say hello to your grandmother for me when you see her" he says to Jordan and turns to go.

"Thanks Mr Santucci" he says and they stand there together, watching him walk off with a bunch of violets in his hand.

Angela feels Jordan's arm around her and lets herself fold into him softly. His arm stays there as he walks her underneath and through the branches of a cherry tree, inside a little dome of blossoms and dappled sunlight , and turns her so that she is leaning her back up against it's trunk. Smiling at her almost shyly and leaning his arm up against the tree he moves in to kiss her, but she turns her head and stops him.

"So what was it you were supposed to tell me?" she asks him teasingly.

"Um, its just something that would always make my grandmother, um, like laugh" He tells her, looking a little embarrassed, "It's from a poem"

"Tell me"

He puts his mouth close to her ear and whispers, "I want to do with you" and when he hears her giggle he pauses for a second and then he says the rest of it,

"what the spring does with the cherry trees."


	17. Chapter 17

**Just so you know,**

**I'm going out of the loop for about six weeks, to a yoga teacher training (I'm really excited) and then busy with a house move. I'll be back and the story will get finished, I promise. And for now, here is...**

**Chapter Seventeen**

"It was like being inside _bambi land _or something...I can't describe how beautiful it was." Angela gushes as she lies on her bed with Rayanne and Ricky, "and then we sat there under the trees, with these like, pink petals falling down around us, and he made me a _violet chain _crown..."

"Catalano takes you to a blossoming cherry grove and makes you a violet chain crown...unbelievable" Rayanne rolls over onto her back with her head on Ricky's chest and looks up at the ceiling "there is a god" she exclaims.

"It's just so totally romantic" Ricky smiles.

"Don't talk about it to Tino or anything, okay Rayanne?" Angela says "maybe I shouldn't have said anything." she looks a little worried for a minute at the thought of Jordan getting teased.

"My lips are sealed, Angelcakes" Rayanne tells her "cross my heart"

"Thanks" Angela beams gratefully. She's not even mentioning the line from the poem or the fact that she could have jumped Jordan right there in the violet field and had her way with him after he said it, because some things are just too private to talk about.

She's not the only one keeping some things quiet here. Ricky is feeling pretty happy himself, and though he's told Angela about his conversation with Frank Repniki, he's not mentioning it in front of Rayanne. He can't trust her for a minute not to tease, interfere or try to make something happen, and he's not taking any chances, so he just sits there, smiling a little dreamily.

"You seem awfully pleased about something, Vasquez" she says, looking up at him with a puzzled expression.

"I'm glad for Angela" he says, and then he decides he'd better change the subject.

"How's pastry going?"

She stares at him for a minute, knowing that he's trying to throw her off the trail of something.

"What's going on with you?" she says rolling up onto her elbow.

"What are you talking about?" _He's absolutely not talking about this to her_.

"How _is_ pastry going?" Angela chimes in and now Rayanne knows they're in this together.

"Fine...have your little secrets" she says sarcastically, feeling more hurt than she would have imagined, but then Angela rolls over next to her and grabs her arm affectionately, and she feels better.

"Pastry is great...the restaurant is great...even bonding with your dorky neighbor over the dishes for a week was okay...though I have to say, Paolo's a better dishwasher and I'm glad he's back" she laughs "plus I love getting paid for playing with sugar, so ….I'm a happy worker bee."

"How's my father?" Angela says quietly, and things are suddenly serious "and Halle?" she adds even more quietly.

"Your dad's working his butt off and worried about your mom... he won't talk about it to me but I know he is, and as for Halle, well," Rayanne pauses "I asked her straight out like, what was going on and she told me that nothing is going on...that she likes working with your dad and they were just laughing one night and then they kissed once, just as your mom walked in the door and saw it and then your dad dropped Halle like a hot pomme frite and went chasing after your mom, and that's all."

"Do you believe that?" Angela asks in a shaky voice and Ricky reaches over and takes her hand while they both look at Rayanne."

"Yeah, I do. She looked sad while she was telling me and then she said she didn't want to hurt anyone, or lose her business partner either. And I did see your dad come tearing out of the door after Patti that night, looking totally freaked."

"That's not so bad then...I mean it's bad, but wow, I thought it was something so much worse..." Angela looks dazed "So my mom's kicked him out over a kiss?"

"It's not exactly the kiss" Ricky tells her thoughtfully "...it's probably, more like the, you know, betrayal of trust."

"I guess..." says Angela slowly "I mean if you see something like that, I guess it would be hard to believe it's never happened before."

"_And maybe it has_" she thinks to herself "_maybe with other people besides Halle, too_."

They lie on the bed quietly for a minute, Angela lost in thought, and neither Rayanne or Ricky knowing what to say.

"You know Angela" Rayanne finally offers tentatively "you and Catalano worked it out, and I think even Braino over there may have his little high school romance up and running again, so who knows" she gives Angela an encouraging shake "things can work out for Graham and Patti too."

"Yeah" Angela nods "I know..."

"You know the really best thing about spring break?" Rayanne says after another quiet minute, "is that parents don't get them."

"That and Danielle having soccer camp" Angela agrees.

"We'd better make the most of these last few days" Ricky says thoughtfully, and then he laughs..."like by going downstairs and watching daytime TV right now." Actually, he thinks, he'll be happy enough to go back to school soon, because there's somebody there he wants to see.

ooooo OOOOOO oooooo OOOOOO oooooo OOOO ooooo OOOOO

"Thanks again" Jordan says, putting the Gibson down reluctantly, and getting up to go. Corey's dad has been incredibly generous with him, playing with him almost every day, letting him play this awesome old acoustic and more or less giving him free guitar and song writing lessons in the process.

"Stop thanking me" David Helfrick tells him "I'm really enjoying working with you."

"You're like the son he never had" Corey says, standing in the doorway "talented and willing to practice for hours...not at all interested in messy, smelly paint..."

Jordan watches them both smile and can't help wondering what it would be like to have a dad who actually liked you.

"Later" he says, and as he and Corey head for the kitchen he sticks the lyrics of a new song into his pocket, hoping that Angela will like it and smiling to himself at the thought of someone who really does like him.

"How's painting?" he asks, leaning on the counter, drinking a glass of milk and eating a home made cookie.

"Okay...good..." Corey says absently "I'm kind of more interested in prints right now...doing that linocut for the Residue flyer got me started...there's this really cool thing you can do on a press when you disable the oscilator to run a split fountain and it makes the colors blend and bleed..I'd like to try doing that."

He stops to fill up his milk glass again and passes the carton over to Jordan.

"Maybe you should go look at Angela's moms shop" he tells him "There's an old printing press in there that no one's using."

Corey thinks about it for a minute "yeah," he says, "I'd definitely like to see an old letterpress..."

"Angela's moms pretty cool" Jordan says "I'll ask her."

ooooo OOOOO ooooo OOOOO ooooo OOOOO

"Hi honey" Patti says, coming into the front room after work and seeing Angela still laying on the front room couch.

"Hi mom"

The afternoon had turned into a horizontal marathon, running straight through Oprah to the afternoon movie, and even though Rayanne and Ricky had finally stood up and left a half hour ago, Angela is still flopped out, staring lazily at the screen.

"So Danielle is at Jamie's till tomorrow" Patti says standing there looking over the couch at the screen "do you maybe want to go out for dinner?"

Angela looks at her mother as though she's just spoken Chinese.

"Jordan said why didn't we go get something...he'll be here in a while" she says "I guess I'll go change"

"Okay" Patti feels a little disappointed, but wanders into the hallway, shaking her head. She had actually thought that maybe Angela would enjoy going out to dinner with her, just the two of them. "_That's how out of touch I am_" she thinks to herself, and suddenly she misses Graham, who would have hugged her and made a joke about it. She thinks about it more while she's climbing the stairs and all of a sudden she doesn't need to think about it anymore. She needs to talk to him and tell him they need to work things out. Her brain flies around and she thinks maybe she should call and tell him to just come home...they can go to counseling, she thinks, or maybe just take some time off together. This whole thing has been crazy, she thinks, and walking into her bedroom, she puts her things down and reaches for the telephone.

Unfortunately her timing sucks.

"Ondines"

Patti pauses for a split second when she hears Halle's voice, but only for a second. She was sure she'd called the kitchen phone.

"Halle, this is Patti. Could I speak to Graham please?"

"Hold on Patti...it's crazy in here"

She hears the receiver being put down and Halle calling Graham's name, and then she waits.

"Patti? Everything all right?" He sounds harried and Patti belatedly realizes that maybe calling at the beginning of the dinner rush was pretty stupid.

"Yes...I just wanted to talk to you...sorry to call during dinner" She's suddenly feeling clumsy "Why don't you call me later, when you're finished."

"Sure...it might be late" he points at something on the stove, and when Rayanne lifts a pan up with a question in her eyes, he nods.

"Okay" he says "will do"

"Bye" she says, but he's already gone.

ooooo OOOOO ooooo OOOOO ooooo OOOOO ooooo OOOOO

Angela rests her head back against Jordans chest and listens to his heartbeat come back to normal while his hand gently strokes her hair. The night's warm, the car windows are open, the radio is playing and she can't imagine her life ever being any more real than it is at this moment. She shifts her head slightly so she can kiss the inside of Jordans wrist as it brushes past, and then snuggles deeper into his chest.

"I love your new song" she tells him.

"Yeah" he smiles softly "I kinda thought so."

She'd pretty much started kissing him the minute he put the guitar away.

"The guitar part in the bridge is beautiful"

"Corey's dad helped me figure it out...Ange?" he buries his head in her neck

"Umhum" she mutters, shifting so they can be closer.

"I...you're what's beautiful. I mean really..." he murmurs "and I hate when we fight"

Anglela feels so close to Jordan in this moment, so right with him, that what he's saying, both things that would normally set her head spinning, are just simply part of _now_. She's both so happy to hear him say she's beautiful and so remorseful to remember how like, _unkind,_ she'd been with him that night she'd yelled, that she isn't sure there are any words for it. But she'd better try.

"Me too. ...I'm so sorry for what I said...I was ...in the wrong."

"You gotta like, try to give me the, you know, benefit of the doubt, sometimes, okay?" he continues.

Jordans voice is suddenly insecure and Angela feels tears burning her eyes. Right now Jordon is actually _asking_ for something he needs from her, asking her in real words and it almost breaks her heart.

She nods into his chest and says "yes" quietly.

"Cause" he adds, nuzzling her hair "it really like, _hurts_, when you yell at me"

Okay, that does it. He's not only talking to her and telling her what he needs, he's talking about _feelings_. "_Here come the waterworks_" she thinks, reaching her arm up around his neck so she can touch his hair in back and at the same time leaning away a little to look him..

"I...it wasn't all exactly about you, you know...it was my parents and then... I _was_ worrying about you and when I thought about you being in jail, it made me feel so sick.."

"Jail sucks" he says softly, and she can tell he feels bad enough about it himself "but nuthin's gonna happen...they'll, you know, slap my wrist and put me on probation to try to like scare me and tell me not to get in any more trouble"

"You won't, will you?" she says carefully, and he can hear the tears in her voice.

"Fuck no...I mean no...don't cry. I won't"

He wraps his arms a little tighter around her and they sit for another minute, listening to the night and the radio.

"About my parents" he asks after a while "why did you get so mad at me about them?"

"Oh" Angela sighs.

Ever since Brian had made it clear how disgusting he thought it was of her to try to pull information out of Jordan about his parents, she's been really ashamed at the way she'd talked about them.

"I guess" she falters, and then takes a breath and starts again "...it's hard to explain...I mean, I know you don't want to tell me about them, or know them or anything, and I guess I was kind of upset about my parents, and it just popped up, I don't know...it doesn't really make any sense. I just felt bad that you.. wanted to keep me away from your family... kind of like before, when you didn't want your friends to know about me, or something."

"Oh" he says " I, um, do...um want to keep you away from them" He seems to be saying a whole lot tonight, and for some reason it seems okay so he just takes a breath and keeps going "but it's not like before, when...I um, didn't know how to be with you yet...this is different...it's because ...it's..like, my parents... they aren't so nice like your parents are, you know?"

"Considering how _nice_ my parents are right now" she says sadly, and looks up at Jordan, who is looking, well, troubled.

He leans his head back against the seat of the car and pulls her along with him, so that her head is back against his chest again, and he can resume stroking her hair. It seems impossible to explain to Angela, whose parents seem to exist to take care of her, that his parents just don't like him all that much, that they more or less consider him a burden and a disappointment, that for years now his dad has gotten angry just at the sight of him and his mom has been too wrapped up in her boss to give a shit about anything else. He's used to it now, used to this being how it is and to not talking about it.

"It's okay" she murmurs into his chest after a while, because it really does seem to be bothering him and that's not what she wants at all, "We don't have to talk about them if you don't want to."

"I don't really." It's not like he minds at all saying what an asshole his dad is, but it does seem really wrong to say anything about his mom.

"All right" she says, pulling herself up and kissing him softly.

"Like I said..." he looks at her, and she nods.

"It's ...it doesn't matter..." she brushes his hair back from his face and looks right into his eyes. "It's nothing to do with us."

"Yeah" he breathes a sigh of relief "that's what I think too."

ooooo OOOOO ooooo

"What a night" Halle laughs, stopping in the kitchen to grab her purse "let me out of here" and then she sees Rayanne sitting in a corner of the kitchen looking beat.

"Rayanne, I can't believe you're here so late... what are we going to do when school starts?...can I give you a lift home?...that parfait thing with lemon macaroon cream was a huge success, people were raving"

Rayanne smiles happily but tiredly "yeah" she says "it was wild, huh?" She doesn't think she's ever worked so hard in her life, and her feet are killing her.

"I'll give her a ride" Graham says "it's on the way...just wait while I grab my jacket and we'll walk out together."

He reaches for his jacket, stopping to roll his shoulders back and his neck in a circle. Halle's right, it's been a crazy night, and he's still a little wound up from it. In fact, ever since the restaurant review, each night has been more crazy than the last, and he can only thank his lucky stars that Rayanne and Paolo have both been working out so well.

"Buenas noches" he calls into the dish room. "Let's go" he calls, stepping out, into the night.. There's the sound of Halle and Rayanne saying good nite, Paolo's "adios chicas" as the door closes behind them, and then there's just the three of them standing for a minute together, looking up at the sky, listening to the quiet, feeling the warm night air, before they get in their cars.

"So, how's the restaurant working out for you?" Graham asks Rayanne as they drive towards her house "you put in so many hours, it doesn't seem like you had much of a spring break."

"The break was from school" she says, "and I love being in the kitchen. Anyhow, my social life seems a little lacking right now, what with Anglela being with Jordan a lot and Ricky having a new friend," she trails off, a little sadly, and adds "and then Sharon was out of town for most of it, too."

"What happened with the interested guy?" Graham asks "anything?"

"Well, uh, we had a date...but I guess he didn't really like me so much after all."

She stares out the window, tired and relaxed, and not minding so much about Corey anymore at all.

"I find that pretty hard to believe" Graham says "We really like you. And as much as you want to work, we want you there, so who needs a social life anyhow?...I sure don't have one."

"Thanks" she grins gratefully "a lot...and a social life is probably not what you should be thinking about anyhow, if you don't mind me saying so."

"Oh shi..no"

"Oh shi..no what?"

"I didn't call Patti back yet...I can't believe I forgot...it's eleven twenty."

"So call her as soon as you get home."

"Yeah...I hope she's all right" he says feeling a little worried " I wonder what she wanted."

oOo oOo oOo oOo

"It'll just be a minute" Jordan says, kissing Angela and running into the gas station for cigarettes.

She sits back in the front seat, looking out at the neon lights and the dark night, and then she shifts and her eye falls on a crumpled up envelope stuck in the drivers seat, and when she reaches over and tugs at it a letter comes out in her hand.

oOo oOo oOo oOo

Patti has been waiting for the phone to ring all evening and for the last hour she's been waiting nervously, until now, finally she's just angry, and the anger is sitting right on top of hurt. So when the phone rings, and even when she hears Grahams voice on the machine, telling her he's sorry not to have called sooner, she doesn't pick it up, because she doesn't really need to be any more humiliated than she's already been. If he's so wrapped up in his restaurant life that he doesn't even think about her anymore, let alone bother to return her phone call, the first one in almost two weeks, he probably is having an affair. She doesn't know what she'd been thinking earlier tonight, but she certainly doesn't want to talk to him now.

oOo oOo oOo

"Who's Tessy?" Angela asks as they pull up in front of her house.

"Huh?"

She hasn't said a word on the drive home, and he'd been so talked out, he hadn't really thought anything was wrong, but now she's looking at him with tears in her eyes. Jordan doesn't have a clue what's going on, even when he sees the piece of paper in her hand.

"Tessy... as in "See you at Louie's tonight" Tessy." Angela says, looking devastated.

It's the note that he'd stuck in his pocket at the garage and totally forgotten about.

"Where'd that come from?...I thought I threw it away" His forehead bunches up in confusion "she's like, nobody, Angela...some girl who comes into the garage and wants to be like a groupie or something."

So did you, you know, see her at Louie's?" she asks, not quite looking at him.

"No. I mean, not on purpose.. I mean I've been there when she was, but I don't even like, know her, Angela. I've never even talked to her except once when she came into the garage."

"So really nothing happened?..not even while we were...not talking?"

"No"

"Oh...okay..." she looks over at him, trying no to cry.

"You shouldn't think that about me...I'm not, I mean I wouldn't do that to you," he says, sounding a little hurt, "not again."

"I got scared, I guess"

"You scared me too " he pulls her into him and closes his eyes.

"This is exactly what we were talking about, huh?" she almost whispers.. "before.."

"Yeah"

"It's really like, important. Being able to trust" she says, thinking about her parents, about Rayanne, about everything.

"Uh huh"

"You trust me, don't you?" she asks, and for a minute when he doesn't answer, she thinks how she's never even thought much about that before, like that he might have trouble trusting someone, trusting her.

"I want to" he says finally "I think you're pretty much the best person I know, so if I can't trust you, well..."

"I'm the best person you know? Now I know we're in trouble."

She smiles at him and he brushes her cheek with the back of his finger, smiling back.

"You're better" she says softly, and he looks confused.

"You are" she tells him, kissing his cheek, knowing somehow that it's true, even if she can't quite explain it.

She rests her head against him again, and he sits there with his heart full, holding her, the girl who believes in him, who makes him want to be better.


	18. Chapter 18

**Here's a chapter to go with the pumpkin pie for everyone who read, story alerted and (gasp) even reviewed, in almost two months of no updates. It's going to be a little slow going now as we begin the last third of this story because a. I still have to move house, and more importantly, b. I've never written any/a lengthy piece of fiction before, and even though i know where it's going, getting it there in a way that works is kind of a mysterious process to me. but i shall endeavor. reviews might help. meanwhile, happy thanksgiving to all of you, the whole international world of this ficdom .  
**

Chapter 18

"_It's really pretty pathetic when you're actually thankful for spring break to be over so that you have somewhere to be that's not home, and when that someplace is school and it's the most normal like, thing in your life. Yesterday my dad showed up in the morning and he and my mom had a shouting match so loud I had to take Danielle across the street to Brian Krackow's,. When we came back my dad was gone and my mom said they're going to try a trial separation. So what was it they just had?_"

"Angela" Sharon Cherski says, coming up to the locker "are you okay?"

Patti had spent Sunday afternoon with Camille and from the look on Sharon's face, she seems to be up to date on the parental situation. In fact, thinks Angela, Sharon probably knows more than she does, because the minute her dad was gone her mom had reverted to her current self, namely cool, quiet and mostly _busy_.

"I don't even know what _okay_ is anymore, okay?" she says, rolling her eyes, trying to push away her sadness.

"I'm sorry" says Rayanne, who has just walked up and come in on the conversation "but just to clarify here, _okay_ is usually like when you can still function...like stand up and talk, you know?" she looks at Angela's face and frowns while she chews on a lollipop

"So what's wrong? Where's Catalano?" she asks.

"It's not Jordan" Angela says, looking strained and blinking back tears, "it's my parents. They're now _formally_ having a trial separation."

"I take it this is Patti's idea" Rayanne says, and Sharon nods.

"You actually_ do_ know more about this than I do." Angela moans."

"My mom's worried about your mom" Sharon says "she thinks she's not handling this well."

"Well, breaking news" mutters Rayanne sarcastically, "parents behaving badly"

Angela stares at the floor for a minute, and Rayanne and Sharon exchange concerned looks.

"Come on Angelfood, let's walk you to class." Rayanne loops an arm through Angela's.

"Sure" Sharon says "but it's my class too."

She walks to the other side of Angela, and shoulder to shoulder, the three of them begin to make their way down the hall.

"Enrique" Rayanne says, catching hold of him as he appears and pulling him into formation "Angela needs us...come join the love bubble."

Ricky looks puzzled and swings into step with them as Rayanne loops her other arm through his, so that they're effectively taking up most of the hall and people are wearing annoyed looks at having to part to the sides of them.

"It's her parents" she tells him, and he nods. He'll find out more later, he figures, but right now, if this can help, he's happy to just close ranks and hope Angela feels supported.

He's looking over at Angela with a worried look when he sees Frank Repniki coming their way, walking towards the side of the hall to make room for them. An insecure smile starts to play on his face, and then he sees Frank smiling straight at him, a real smile, so that even though they pass each other in the hall without stopping or saying a word, Ricky feels pretty sure that something totally important has just happened.

By the time he recovers from his moment, all three of the girls are staring at him. Sharon is looking puzzled, Angela pleased, and Rayanne like she's just unlocked the mystery of the universe.

"That's what you've been so happy about" she says in a low voice, and it's not a question, it's a statement of fact. "Holy macaroni, Ricky" she whispers "the football captain?...how like, _far_ has it gone?"

"It hasn't gone anywhere Rayanne...you just saw like, all of it" he tells her. "_There's no use denying it now"_ he thinks. "Well there was a ten minute conversation outside of Big Guy once, but that's it."

He looks at her and she's not laughing. She actually looks serious.

"Don't mess with it please Rayanne?" he says quietly.

"I won't" she says, looking kind of intense "but be careful, okay?"

"Yeah" he tells her.

#********#

"Wood Printing" Patty says, holding the phone in place with her chin while she shuffles through the stack of papers on her desk

"Patti" Vivienne sounds dramatic.

"Oh, hi mom"

"Patti, your father and I just heard the news about you and Graham" her mother says.

Patti puts the papers down, sits back into her chair with a horrified look on her face and hears herself say "Oh?"

"When were you going to tell us that he's left you?"

"He hasn't _left_ me...where in the world did you hear that?" Patti closes her eyes and prays for help.

"Doreen's niece told her he's been staying at Neil's for weeks now."

"Well, not _weeks_..." Patti tries to breathe normally "but yes...that part is true, he's been staying at Neil's for a little while...I asked him to."

"Honey, has he been having an affair with his business partner?"

"_Oh my god_" Patti's heart stops."Why would you ask me that?" she says "because the answer is no, and I really don't think you should be asking me that."

"I'm your mother...I care about you" Vivian actually is managing to sound offended now "and men of Grahams age are susceptible to that sort of thing, you know."

There's a long silence on Patti's part while her mother generously imparts vintage female wisdom concerning philandering husbands, forbearance and revenge via the credit card, and Patti stares straight ahead at the wall, trying not to listen.

"Look mom," she finally interrupts, "Graham and I have been arguing a lot lately and I thought it might help to have a little break. I really don't think everyone has to know about it. It's probably has a lot to do with the stress of the new restaurant and me being shorthanded at the press."

"Your father thinks maybe I should come stay with you for a while, to help with the girls."

"_Sweet baby jesus_" "No mom, that isn't necessary..really."

"Well, just so you know, we're here if you need us"

"Thanks mom...that means a lot" Patti bites her lip, stares off into space and stumbles numbly through the process of getting her mother off the phone. She knows her parents love her, but that doesn't make them a source of comfort, and now they're going to be one more thing that she'll have to manage, to keep from intruding into her life. She tries to get her attention back to the papers she's just put down, but suddenly she can't even remember what she was doing with them.

#******#

"It seems a little lonesome in here without Rayanne" Halle says to Graham. She's begun stopping in on her lunch hour to return phone messages, go through the reservation book and map out the evening's seating.

"She's been an amazing help" Graham nods, blinking back the tears as he chops away at a mound of onions "not to mention the entertainment factor" he smiles.

"How are things on the home front?" Halle asks "not to pry, I mean."

"Well, Halle, frankly they suck"

"Oh... I'm sorry"

"I'm entering into week three on my brother's couch. Patti's calling it a trial separation...and the good news is that she's agreed to marriage counseling" he grimaces. "You can imagine how sweet that will be"

For a minute they're quiet. There's just the sound of Graham chopping and the voices on the answering machine as Halle writes down messages and call back numbers.

"It's not like I won't do whatever she wants right now" he says quietly after a minute, "just after eighteen years it seems I could at least live at home while I try to grovel to her satisfaction"

"Is that what you think she wants?"

"No, of course not. She wants to trust me and she can't and it's making her crazy, and I feel like a complete dickhead" he pauses and looks up at her "but part of me is still angry. That she can't get past it."

He shakes his head. "Sorry" he says.

"Yeah" she says seriously "Me too."

"Want some lunch?" he looks at her and shrugs "I could use a break"

"Well, yeah, that would be great" she tells him "it is lunchtime."

#******#

Jordan leans up against the fence behind the bleachers and doesn't even want the cigarette he came out here for. Actually, he knew he didn't want it while he was on his way here. What he really wants is to stop wondering why he hasn't been called into Foster's office yet, and to stop worrying about whether or not he's getting suspended today. Leaning his head back he closes his eyes and only opens them when he hears the sound of someone coming close.

"Hey" Angela says, leaning back next to him and taking his hand "you look like something's bothering you"

"Yeah?" He really hadn't been thinking about it much until this morning, and right now he doesn't much want to talk about it either.

"I guess I haven't been a lot of fun lately" she says kind of apologetically. She'd been crying yesterday when he showed up and had still been pretty subdued this morning on the drive in.

"It's okay" he says "you don't have to be like, happy all the time or somethin"

Part of him wants to comfort her and another part wants to just not have to talk to anyone and the part in the middle squeezes her hand but kind of stares off into space and wishes he could get in red and wheel out alone.

They stay there for a minute, not talking and leaning up against the fence, and then Jordan sees a familiar car pulling into the parking lot.

"I need to talk to Tino" he says, and pushes away from the fence.

"You go ahead" she says, quietly.

He drops her hand and takes a few steps and then he feels bad walking away from her, leaving her alone out under the bleachers.

"Come on Angela" he says holding out his hand "you don't want to stay out here alone."

"Yeah, okay" She takes his hand and walks with him part way and then she kisses his cheek and goes in the direction of the benches, hoping to find Ricky and Rayanne.

#*****#

"What is a prologue?" Mr Katimsky asks the class, and looks around hoping someone else will raise their hand.

"Brian?" he finally says.

"It's like an explanatory introduction to a speech or story" Brian says "The word comes from the Greek for before words"

"Thank you Brian...so when, um, Shakespeare tells us in his play, The Tempest, that "what's past is prologue" what do you think he's telling us?"

There's no response.

"Someone besides Brian, please" Mr. Katimsky pleads "Come on people...this phrase is engraved on the National Archives Building in Washinton D.C...what do you think it might mean?...Angela Chase?"

Angela blinks.

"Um, he's telling us that everything that's happened before has led up to what's happening now, I guess?"

"Very good Angela..."

He opens the book in his hand and reads out loud "Whereof what's past is prologue; what to come,  
In yours and my discharge."

Mr. Katimsky puts the book down, scanning the impassive faces for some flicker of interest and finds it in Jordan Catalano.

"Shakespeare is saying that what's happened in the past has brought us here, to where we can act and have some effect on what will happen next." Katimsky says, looking directly at Jordan, who seems to be getting this "and, in the context of his play, he's telling us that the stage has been set for the really interesting stuff to happen now."

Jordan looks back at Mr Katimsky and nods.

Reaching for his book again, Mr Katimsky is interrupted by someone standing in the doorway with a note. A look of displeasure crosses his face at the disturbance and it deepens as he reads the note.

"Um, Jordan" he says, waving his hand in a come here gesture and really not liking this part of his job.

And, as Jordan, with his head down, walks out of the room and down the hallway towards Foster's office, Mr Katimsky finds himself wishing that he was going with him, that he could help him somehow

"So" he says, sighing inwardly and turning back to the class "some people interpret this as saying that we're fated, or destined, by our past to um, proceed .. in a certain way..."

Once again he looks at their faces. There's been a slight buzz of interest in Jordan's predicament, and he notices Angela Chase staring down at her desk with a worried expression, but no one seems interested in what he's talking about.

"Does anyone think that's what Shakespeare is saying here?" he asks.

"No...not at all." Brian doesn't even wait to be called on, and since no one else has anything to say, he plunges right in.

"Shakespeare's saying the like, opposite" he says, "he's saying that the past has brought us here, but that our destinies get created now, in the present."

"Anybody else?" Mr. Katimsky tries once more "No?...well, um, thank you Brian...So if anyone wants extra credit, reading The Tempest and giving me two pages on it will do."

#*****#

Brian passes Fosters office on his way towards tutoring and wonders if Jordan is still in there. And then, halfway down the hall, he hears his name being called.

The fact that Jordan Catalano is calling him Brian, instead of Brain surprises him, and for the first time he realizes that Jordan is actually _upset_ about getting in trouble.

"Hey" Jordan says, catching up with him "I can't um, stay for tutoring..." he looks down and pauses for a second, "Foster suspended me for a week and I'm like, supposed to get off the, you know, _premises_ immediately."

Brian nods "Because you got arrested?" he asks.

"Yeah" Jordan says, "Well, that and because of being like, a disgrace to the community and an unfortunate moral influence on my fellow students..you know..."

That jerk" Brian says with real dislike in his voice "that prissy little pedantic paper pushing functionary."

"Huh?" Jordan smiles at the obvious slam even though he's not sure what Brian just said.

"Angela and I can like, get your assignments, and I can work with you after school...just not on the _premises_"

"Hey...thanks Brain"

"He tried to bully me before, you know..." Brian looks at Jordan, and for once he's not embarrassed or fidgety, "As far as I'm concerned, he's the one that's like, an unfortunate moral influence in this place...if he'd paid any attention at all to like, how hard you've been working, or how you didn't get taught what you should have in the first place..." he lets the sentence fade, but it's pretty clear to both of them that he's indignant for Jordan's sake, and they're both kind of surprised by it.

"Yeah..." Jordan looks at him gratefully and nods "he's an asshole, all right...listen, I gotta find Angela and get out of here...later, huh"

"Yeah, um, later"

"Brain" Jordan calls back over his shoulder, and Brian turns around.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks a lot."

Brian smiles and shrugs He's a little surprised to realize that he's actually come to look forward to tutoring Jordan, that it will be something he'll miss doing today. But then Jordan's not the only one he looks forward to seeing in tutoring, so he heads there anyway. Even if Janet did start out as sort of an experiment in wallpaper, she's turned into something more now, something real, some_one_. Life's surprising that way, he realizes, and walks on down the hall.

#*****#

"Jordan was just here looking for you" Sharon says, walking up to Angela at her locker "he hung around for a minute and then Foster came out of his office and gave him the evil eye..." Sharon makes a face "and he had to go...he asked me to tell you to take the bus home."

"I guess that means he's suspended then" Angela says, looking miserable.

"Tino too." Sharon commiserates "Rayanne took off with him as soon as he came out of Foster's."

"You know they're both going to have to go to court" Angela says "I guess Tino's uncle got them a lawyer."

"Tino says nothings going to happen" Sharon says hopefully "they're both underage and it's a first offense"

"Yeah, Jordan says the same thing...do you think it's true?"

"Probably...do you want to come over to my house for a while?" Sharon looks at Angela and thinks maybe a change of scenery might do her some good "my mom could drive you home in a couple hours, or maybe you could stay for dinner."

"Thanks, but I think I kind of want to get home..." Angela says, worried enough about Jordan to just want to at least be close to the telephone.

"Chase face, he'll be fine...you don't have to wait around for him to show up or call" Sharon tells her.

"He'll be at work" Angela admits "but I just want to talk to him, if he, you know, needs to or something"

"Tino ran out of here like he'd gotten time off for good behavior..." Sharon smiles "are you so sure Jordan even feels bad?"

"Jordan's not Tino" Angela says, with a touch of resentment in her voice, looking at Sharon and shaking her head.

"Okay" Sharon says, biting her tongue to keep from saying no, because obviously Tino is smarter and more fun. But then she thinks that Tino is smarter and more fun than almost anyone. She could almost ….she thinks, but no, she's the one smart enough not to go there.

#*****#

"Hi" Angela sighs and sits down next to Brian on the bus.

"Jordan didn't find you?"

"Well, I guess not before Foster found him"

"The jerk...Foster, not um, Jordan"

"Yeah"

She looks completely dejected.

"I told him we'd, you know, get his assignments for him, and I can tutor him so he won't get too behind."

"Oh?...I, that's great Brian...yeah, of course" she says, and then she just sits there for a minute without saying anything.

"I feel really bad Brian" she says finally "I sort of completely just, like put it out of my mind that this was hanging over his head...and then today, he was all quiet, and I still didn't remember."

"You've been worrying about your parents" he says.

"I guess...he takes things seriously, you know...?" she looks at him almost imploringly.

"Well yeah" Brian says "I mean, he's not an idiot...actually he's pretty smart."

Angela's eyes fill with tears and she nods. And then she leans her head up against his shoulder and leaves it there, like she finds it comforting or something, and he's completely floored. It's ironic, he thinks to himself, that this is happening because he's sort of turned into Jordan Catalano's friend. He sits as still as he possibly can on the jostling, bumpy bus, wishing that the ride home could go on forever, so that he could feel Angela Chase's head resting on his shoulder and smell her hair until the day he died.

#*****#

"I wish I could give you more hours Jordan" Josh tells him, looking frustrated "Shit, you know what it was like last week, we were up to our elbows, ...but it's not looking like that at all right now... Sorry."

"Nah" Jordan shakes his head "that's the way it goes sometimes" He'd felt shitty enough already asking Josh if there was anything extra for him to do this week.

"You could take some afternoon shifts in the gas station if you want...Gary's always trying to get out of those...I'll ask him if you want." Josh looks at him and waits for an answer, knowing that Jordan doesn't like working there.

"Yeah, thanks" Jordan nods and frowns, "I guess whatever there is right now..."

He turns back to the oil change he'd been working on feeling even more lousy. So this is his life now, he thinks...kicked out of school, good for nothing but working behind the counter of a gas station, making change, selling candy bars. Angela and Brian and Corey will all go off to college in a couple years, but this will be it for him. It will always be like this for him, he thinks. He imagines he'll probably look back and remember this year as the one time in high school where he thought things were changing for him, back before he'd blown it. .

Jordan scowls at the car he's working on, knowing this is a stupid way to think, and tries to shake off the dark mood he feels settling in on him. He wants to leave here and just get drunk, to try not to think about this shit. He wants to get wasted enough to not feel how bad he really feels.

#*#


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

"Mom?"

"Morning sweetheart" Patti says over her shoulder as she opens the oven and pulls out a pan of muffins.

"_Am I dreaming?_" Angela thinks "_because this is too weird...because what's weird about it is __that it's kind of normal if you know what I mean."_

"Wow, mom, this is a surprise" she says, because ever since her dads been gone breakfasts have pretty much been bagels and cereal.

"Well, I thought it would be nice to have something homemade again, even if it is from a mix." Patti leans up against the counter and picks up her coffee cup.

The thought of who normally does the baking hangs there unspoken, and there's an uncomfortable silence for a minute, while Angela turns and pours herself a cup of coffee.

"Angela?" Patti sounds hesitant "I know things have been pretty difficult around here."

"Oh mom" Angela says and stands there with tears in her eyes. This is the most normal her mother has acted in weeks, and while it's kind of a relief, mainly it's really, really sad.

"Your father and I are going to see a marriage counselor"

"Why can't he live here while you do that?"

"I..I don't know why" says Patti shakily "maybe he can after a while, but right now Angela, I just don't know.."

Angela nods while a tear runs down her cheek.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart" Patti says, stepping forward and putting her arms around her and Angela feels more sadness there than she can really bear.

"I need you to help me, Angela" Patti tells her "especially with Danielle...she looks up to you so much."

"Okay mom"

"What are you doing?" Danielle says accusingly, running into the kitchen, "mom made muffins?"

"She did." Angela says, and steps out of Patti's arms "cornbread ones."

"Why are you both crying?"

"Oh" says Angela "no real reason...why?.. jealous?.. You want in on it?" She smirks at Danielle.

"You're both like, _twisted_ or something" Danielle says and Patti laughs.

"_This really does feel oddly normal_"

#****#

What doesn't feel normal at all is getting on the bus. She'd waited till the last second before trudging out the door, hoping Jordan might show up or the phone might ring, trying not to worry after not hearing from him yesterday.

Passing Brian Krackow and avoiding his questioning look, she plops down by herself, and stares out the window as the bus pulls out.

"So what's like, wrong?"

"Jeez, Brian, sometimes people just want a little privacy, you know?"

She sighs in annoyance but that doesn't stop him from sitting down next to her.

"I can check with his history teacher this morning...that's Mr Atwell...and then Katimsky, of course, and we can work on his extra credit thing too...so that leaves …."

"Brian, that's um, really nice but I just don't want to talk now "

"Okay" his voice is a little angry "okay, fine."

He gets up to move back to his seat and Angela surprises both of them by pulling on the sleeve of his jacket, tugging him back down.

"Just sit with me and don't talk, okay?" she says tiredly.

"Okay"

"_Brian Krackow as a source of comfort...I really don't believe this_."

Neither does Brian, especially when she leans her head up against his arm again.

#****#

"Hi Dad"

Patti looks up from her desk and tries to smile, but when she sees her fathers face, grim and worried, she stops trying.

"So he's moved out."

"Graham's staying at Neils...it's temporary dad." She looks up at him, and knows that everything she's been trying to avoid so far is about to happen.

"Well, what the hell is he staying at Neils for? What kind of man leaves his family?..leaves you?"

"Dad, I _asked_ him to just stay there for a while..he didn't really want to, it was because I asked him to.."

"Well then" he says, looking really angry "I guess I could ask why you asked him to, but I don't think I want to know...I don't think I need to ask" he mutters.

"Dad, this has to be between Graham and me...we're going to do some counseling."

Patti feels like she's scrambling to keep from falling apart, like she has to patch herself back together between every sentence, every breath.

"Waste of time and money" her father snorts "It's time for him to grow up and take some responsibility for his life..."

She stares mutely at her father, steels herself again and wonders why this has to be so hard.

"You'll probably be better off without him in the long run" he grumbles, and then he looks like he knows he's maybe gone too far.

"Dad, please" Patti says, blinking back the tears, "please, just don't say anymore."

"Now I've made you cry" he says gruffly, feeling a little ashamed "are you sure you don't want your mother to come stay for a while?"

Patti shakes her head and tries to smile "We're fine dad...and it's temporary, remember?"

"Yeah, of course" he looks at her and manages to bite his tongue "it's temporary."

#****#

The hall is crowded enough so that when Rayanne stops in her tracks and stares the people behind walk right into them, but she doesn't even blink.

"Ricky, who's that?"

She pulls on his sleeve urgently and looks at Corey Helfrick talking to a girl in the hall.

"Who? ..oh...Mona something...she's in drama club, remember?..Why?"

"Why? I don't know why..." she sounds annoyed "Oh, right, yeah...Mona...I don't like her...she made a big fuss over wardrobe scheduling..."

"You're jealous"

"Yeah, right"

"So are you jealous because you actually like him or just because you don't want him to like anyone else"

"I'm not jealous...I just couldn't remember her name, that's all"

" Sure, uh huh"

She watches as the Mona girl laughs at something Cory's saying and falls into step with him.

Since their disasterous date or whatever it was, he's been different with her. He says hi when he sees her, and he's still always really nice on the occasions when they find themselves together with Angela and Jordan, and a few times she's even caught him looking at her, but it's a different kind of look, and she can't help it if she notices that and misses the way it was before, or that sweet easy thing they'd almost had for a little while. And right now Rayanne is more than a little surprised to find out that she _is_ jealous, like _really_ jealous, and she doesn't just not like that, she hates it.

"Yeah" she says snarkily, "well, if I wanted to be jealous, maybe I'd try lusting after someone completely unobtainable, like maybe, oh, the _football captain_ or something. You know."

Ricky gives her a dirty look and doesn't answer. And of course it just has to be that the next thing he sees is Frank Repnicki walking past them, holding his girlfriends hand. Funny that Frank doesn't seem to see him though.

"I rest my case" Rayanne says, only it doesn't make her feel any better at all to see the look on Rickys face.

#****#

"Look" Brian says "there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Angela Chase...I mean nothing beyond us being neighbors and me tutoring her boyfriend"

"So when she just snuggles up to you on the bus yesterday and today, it's nothing?" Janet is looking pretty pissed, and her voice is sounding awfully sarcastic.

"_This is beyond ironic_" Brian thinks "She was crying about her boyfriend...Jordan, her boyfriend, remember? he says, "who just got suspended yesterday, you know?"

"Well how do you think her _boyfriend_, Jordan, would like seeing her head on your shoulder?"

It's actually kind of flattering to have someone jealous of him for once, but Brian really doesn't exactly have time to enjoy that part of it right now.

"I think he'd want someone to be nice to her, that's what I think..." Brian tells her, wondering how in the world he's supposed to respond, and then he remembers Rayanne Graf, standing by the dishwasher in the restaurant, giving him advice. "_Just apologize_" she'd said.

"But I um, can see how it could look...I mean I wouldn't like it at all if it was you and someone else..." "_Absolutely brilliant_", he thinks to himself, and waits for a response.

"I'm really sorry to uh, you know, do anything that would, you know, jepordize our, you know.." he adds.

She still looks annoyed, but he can tell she's softening, and then he sees Angela walk up to her locker and hug Ricky Vasquez, who is waiting for her there.

"Janet" he says, and he reaches out and puts a hand on her arm "look at Angela and Ricky right now..."

Janet glances in their direction before looking back up at him and rolling her eyes "He's gay" she says, and then she kind of giggles despite herself.

"Well, yeah, but that's about how much you have to be jealous of with me...I mean, I'm uh, not, like, okay, gay, but...that's about how much it meant to either of us, seriously. It had nothing to do with like, flirting or something. "

"Okay, but how do you think I feel when people come and tell me what they've seen?"

"People say all kinds of stupid things..., that's like, what gossip is."

Brian knows she's not mad anymore, and he's really pretty impressed with the whole interaction. Rayanne was right, he thinks...when in doubt, just apologize.

"Come on..we're going to be late for class" he tells her, feeling a surge of confidence that prompts him to move his hand up to her elbow and steer her down the hall.

He's feeling incredibly relieved, surprised and really kind of proud of himself. If only, he thinks, what he'd said about it not meaning anything to Angela wasn't true. Because even though it didn't mean a thing to her, he knows that it meant something to him, and that it probably always will.

#****#

Angela stands back, looks at Ricky and scowls, because he's looking unusually desolate, and normally, she knows, if something was bothering him this much, he'd be hiding in the girls bathroom or somewhere outside.

"What's wrong?"

"Frank Repnicki holding Judy Winters hand I guess." He shakes his head. "I mean, what did I expect, that he'd ask me to prom?"

He's almost crying.

"Oh Ricky..." she takes his hand and pulls him towards the bathroom just as the bell is ringing "let's just hide out somewhere safe for a while."

Once they're tucked up in the ledge of the deserted bathroom, she looks at him and sighs.

"So?"

"So, it's nothing really...he just walked by with her, without looking at me or anything" he winces "and of course Rayanne had to comment on it, and it just like, really _got_ me...I know it's stupid."

"It's not stupid...it's a _feeling..._" she pauses and adds "be glad you have them...believe me."

"I guess."

"My mom hasn't had one for weeks now...and it's been like living with a dead person...and then this morning she was like, almost normal and it was all just so serious and sad."

"Your poor mom"

"Yeah... I really think she's making everything worse by not letting my dad be there.."

"It must be really hard for them...What about Jordan?"

"I haven't talked to Jordan since he got kicked out yesterday" she says unhappily "if I don't see him after school I'm going over to the garage... or the loft...but let's not talk about it now..." she shakes her head like she's trying to make it go away "we always talk about me and I'm so freaked, it's probably better if we don't talk about it. . What about you?"

"There's nothing about me. Someone talked to me for a few minutes and I got lost in a fantasy..such is life. Well, my life anyways."

"This is high school, Ricky...I think we're _supposed to_ not know what's going on and to suffer over it"

"Sounds right, I guess."

There's another silence and Angela moves a little closer and puts her arm through his.

"Rayanne was just being mean cause she saw Corey Helfrick talking to Mona Austin." he says finally.

"She was jealous?"

"What do you think?"

Angela shakes her head.

"I think our lives are insane" she says "...like we're supposed to go to class and work on yearbook and participate in drama club and get ready for our futures, and in the meantime everything is really about something else and absolutely insane and because none of the adults has a clue, it's like not supposed to be real and we aren't supposed to notice or talk about it...I guess."

"That seems to pretty much sum it up" he says, grimacing. "Maybe I should just run away to the real world of New York city now..."

"Please" Angela says "Just wait a few years...for now we really need to stick together." she pauses for a minute, considering what she's about to say.

"I saw Franks face yesterday when he smiled at you" she says slowly... "and no matter what happens, nothing or everything, he likes you, I'm positive. That wasn't a phony smile, you know?..."

She looks at him seriously and he nods.

"That's got to mean something...and everything else, well, it will get better" she tells him "it has to.." and then there's another long silence.

"So Rayanne's jealous" she says after a while.

"Yeah" he says, and they look at each other with both exasperation and compassion etched on their faces.

"_Almost_ serves her right" Angela kind of giggles.

"Yeah...not really"

"I know" she says and they both sigh.

#***#

It's just past noon when Graham hears the back door opening and the flurry of energy that is Halle come in as the door bangs shut behind her.

"I brought Chinese" she says, waving the take out bags "since you fed me yesterday."

"Good timing" Graham nods gratefully, "I was getting hungry, but nothing's quite cooked yet..." he gives the stock a stir, turns the heat down and then peeks in the oven at something.

"that'll be a while" he says to himself "do you want to get the messages first?"

She shakes her head no, grabs a couple plates and walks with him out to the dining room.

Halle's almost the only person Graham's has talked to in the last couple days. Neil is usually ready for bed by the time he comes in at night, and leaving for work before he wakes up, or maybe even at Marla's house some nights. If it wasn't for Halle and the restaurant staff , Graham thinks, whole days could pass without him speaking to anyone. He misses his life, his house and his family, and now that the girls are back in school it's going to be even more complicated getting to see them.

"What" he says to the strange look on Halles face.

"I put an ad in the personels" she tells him as she passes him a set of wooden chopsticks.

"You're kidding" he laughs "feisty female seeks brainy brawny boytoy?...Halle, no.." he shakes his head in surprise.

"Don't laugh...okay, laugh" she says "but two of my friends have gotten married to men they met through the personels."

"So what does your ad say?"

"You mean beside that I'm a couple years younger than I really am, love animals and walking on the beach?"

"Really? What beach?"

"I don't care much about animals either...pass the rice"

"But why?" he looks at her and grins "it can't be hard for you to meet men?"

"You're a babe in the woods Graham...you have no idea. Let's just hope counseling works, because you really don't want to be out there."

"You got that" he tells her.

#****#

Jordan sits on the front room couch with a cup of coffee and hates the way he feels. There's the hangover itself, and the remorse that goes along with it, along with a really bad memory of Tessy and one of her friends trying to hang onto his arm at Louie's last night, of shaking them off and being kind of snarly with them. Then there's the guilt over not having called Angela and the shame of not being able to go to school and the inconvenience of his mom still sleeping upstairs, so that he can't play music, and the annoyance of wondering why the fuck he agreed to this afternoons shift in the gas station, because now he won't even be able to pick Angela up from school or try to arrange tutoring with Brian. There's knowing that getting drunk isn't really making him feel any better about anything, and then there's not really knowing what else might work. And there's a week of this to look forward to, and then a date with a judge in the near future. His life so seriously sucks right now, he thinks, and decides to head to the loft. He grabs his guitar and wonders if yesterday's newspaper is still in the car. Maybe he'll try to read some of it, he thinks, and wonders if it will be any fun without Angela.

#****#

"_That's Jordans car._" Patti cranes her neck to look, glad not to see Angela in it, even though she knows they sometimes leave school together at lunchtime. She parks and runs into the cleaners to pick up her blouses, looks at her watch, decides she has time to grab a salad at the deli next door, and then is disappointed to find it's closed. There's that deli over on 17th st. she thinks, and for a minute doesn't want to go there, because she has to pass by the restaurant, but then she thinks how ridiculous that is, and gets back into the car. Driving past the restaurant, she slows down just a little and sees Grahams car in the parking lot. And then she cranes her neck again, because the back door is opening and a laughing Halle is coming out of it, and then, just before Patti turns the corner, she sees Graham, standing in the doorway, talking and smiling at Halle while she gets into her car, like he doesn't have a care in the world.

#****#

"So" Brian explains to Mr. Katimsky "I just wanted to get the assignments for the week so he won't get behind, you know."

"He's made such an improvement since you um, started tutoring him Brian...don't think I haven't noticed..."

"Yeah, he like, had a pretty severe reading problem, but he's really working hard. I don't think he ever got any you know, help with it before...it's actually pretty amazing that he made it this far."

Mr. Katimsky stands there for a minute taking in the information.

"I wonder if he was ever tested." he says.

"I think he really pretty much tried to keep it a secret" Brian says "you know, cause they could have stopped passing him and put him back into remedial classes, and he said they were really awful and..."

Brian stops and blinks. Has he possibly just handed Jordan over to the enemy?

"Uh, Mr. Katimsky?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything...you know, about Jordans reading problem? I mean especially now that he's working so hard at it, because if Mr. Foster knew, he could just really make things difficult and.."

"No, no, uh, of course not, Brian, I didn't hear anything I shouldn't know myself, as, um, Jordans English teacher, and it's certainly no one else's business...I'm just sorry that I wasn't aware of it before, so that I could try to help him more...Let's set him up with some extra credit projects so he'll be in good shape to um, pass."

"Thanks" Brian says.

"Thank you, Brian" Mr. Katimsky tells him, looking at him seriously "and tell Jordan we miss him in class, will you?"

#****#

Ricky sets off towards the main building, holding his hall pass and wondering why he's being called in to the guidance office. He hasn't talked to Ms. Krazynowski once since she'd arranged for that temporary shelter he couldn't bring himself to stay even one night in, and he has no idea if she even knows he's not there anymore.

"Ricky" she says, looking up at him and smiling while she picks up a bunch of papers "We have great news for you. A place at Pride House is opening up in a few weeks, and if we start the paperwork today, we can get you in as soon as the room becomes available."

He looks at her and tries to smile, but really, shock is closer to what he's feeling. Pretty much the happiest and safest he's been anywhere in his life has been now, staying with Mr. Katimsky and Paul, and even though he knew it would have to end someday, it's impossible to be excited about leaving them and going into something else unknown. Of course it will probably be a relief for them, because, as Mr. Katimsky has said, if the wrong people find out he's staying there he could lose his job.

"That's great, Ms. Krazynowski" he says, trying to hide his confusion "I wasn't sure it was really ever going to happen, I guess.."

She looks at him carefully.

"I think it's a very good place Ricky. I know the people who run it believe in what they're doing, and the kids who are there seem to be doing really well. There are even a few students from Liberty who volunteer in some of the programs. Frank Repniki, you know, the senior who's been captain of the football team here, is over there every week, coaching athletics this term, and"

She stops in mid sentence, because for some reason this does not seem to be good news to Ricky.

"of course you won't be expected to participate in sports activities unless you want to" she tells him "there are lots of other things you can do there, and it will be up to you to decide how much you want to participate in any of them."

"That sounds good."

"Go ahead and start filling the paper work out now" she tells him, heading for the office door "I'll be right next door for a minute if you have any questions."

"Thank you" he says.

"You're welcome, Ricky" she opens the door and then stands there thinking for a second. "Would you like to go over there after school today and have a look at the place?" she asks.

"Uh, wow, yeah, I guess" he says. It's all happening so fast, he thinks.

"I know Frank is coaching there today" she says "And he's a really nice person. We'll see if he can give you a ride over."

She gives him a little smile and closes the door behind her, and Ricky stares down at the papers in his lap and prays for composure, because his is now completely gone.

#****#

It was a little after lunch that the inevitable happened and Patti finally fell apart. She'd collapsed into tears while going over an estimate, and been unable to move or stop crying. Her brief moment of equilibrium was gone, and it was as if a levee had burst or a dam opened up, because there was no turning the waters back.

When Tom, the shy pressman, had been unable to get a word out of her, he'd simply closed the shop, walked her out to his car and driven her home. And then, not even knowing that Graham had moved out, he called him at the restaurant and asked him what he should do.

At that point, with only a few hours before they opened for dinner, Graham called Camille Cherski and asked her to pick Angela up from school and get over there, and when Rayanne came in the door, he asked her if she would mind going over there instead of working and let him know what was going on.

Which is how, at just about the same time that Ricky walked into Pride House with Frank Repniki, as Brian did his homework, and Jordan was stuck behind the counter of a gas station and Graham behind a stove, Sharon, Rayanne and Angela found themselves standing together in Angela's kitchen, looking at each other in shock and concern, because Camille had shooed them all out of the bedroom after one look at a Patti shaking with sobs.

#***#

**Bringing Patti to her meltdown has been really difficult, and taken a lot longer than I thought it would. At this point in the story, about two thirds of the way through it, I am going to stop posting until I can organize the final chapters and wrap the details all into a satisfactory ending. It's important to me to finish it and to finish it well. If you have feedback for me, or just some moral support, this would be a good time to hear it. I have truly given this story my best, and although that's mainly for myself and for the characters, it makes a huge difference to hear that the story has some resonance with the people reading.  
**

** To everyone out there who has supported me with reviews or personal messages so far, thank you so much. Happy 2012 to all of you. Onward to a new year and a (happy?happier?) resolution to some of our characters problems.  
**


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry chapter 19 reposted itself by default/error the other day and sent out a story alert. i hadn't posted in so long that i messed up while uploading chapter 20.  
**

**So, here it comes, the beginning of the last third of the story, chapters twenty through thirty. Took me a long time, i know, so thank you for continuing to read, story alert, and favorite it. I plan to post every other week, so it will be a few months till you get to the end, but i hope you'll enjoy it. I need to say, only once and in advance, that I really don't know much about therapy or anti depressant drugs, and kind of winged it. I hope no one is offended by my oversimplifications or oversights on those subjects. I also want to say that finishing this has been a lot of work! Writing fiction with multiple characters needing resolution was really way over my head for my first (and maybe last) piece of fiction ever, and I only finished it because (a) I had promised myself I would and (b) I love the characters so much. Here it is for all of you who love them too. xo, Pansy...  
**

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

"So what do you think...?" Frank Repnicki smiles at Ricky across the front seat "it seems like a good place, huh?"

Ms Krazynowski had been right, Ricky thinks. Frank Repnicki does seem like an incredibly nice guy, which makes Ricky even more confused than before. Like for example is he this nice to everyone? Because when he'd told Ricky to stick around and he'd give him a ride home too, Ricky had hoped it was more, well, personal.

"Yeah, it looks that way" he says quietly.

And it was true that Pride House definitely looked like a good place. The shabby old three story building had clearly seen better days, but it was still comfortable and huge, big enough so that the sixteen residents each had their own bedrooms. Frank had introduced him around to some polite and friendly people before heading out to the backyard with a few guys and a baseball, and then, after Ricky had been given a sort of tour by Ben, one of the counselors, he'd sat in the kitchen, where the night's dinner was underway, and more people had drifted in and out, some of them staying and talking a little.

"How long have you been volunteering?" he asks Frank.

"This is my third year...It helps getting into college, volunteering, you know, and my dad's a cop, he thought this was a good place, so that's how.." he looks over at Ricky, a kind of thoughtful glance "do you maybe have time to stop somewhere, get a soda or something?"

"Um, yeah." Ricky says, feeling himself break into a smile.

"Good" Frank says, smiling back "there's a diner just up the road."

There's a little awkwardness while they sit down and order, enough to let Ricky know that Frank Repnicki is actually capable of awkward, but then they're sitting in a booth and drinking sodas together and it's perfectly easy again.

"So, college huh?"

"Yeah..Colorado State, it looks like."

"Will you play football?"

"It's a athletic scholarship, so yeah, maybe," he says and pauses "but "football isn't really the point of it for me, you know...I mean I like it a lot, but there's other stuff I'm interested in too."

"Uh huh..." Ricky says. When they'd talked outside Big Guy that day he'd been surprised to hear that Frank wished he'd had time to be in drama club, "so drama of course...what else?"

"I guess I don't even know...it's like the world of college is out there in Colorado and I guess I'm hoping I'll like find myself in it or something, you know?"

"Are you lost?"

The minute it's out of his mouth he wishes he hadn't said it, because it sounds stupid and way too personal of a question and it's way too nosy too, but Frank doesn't seem to mind.

"Not lost exactly..." he looks at Ricky and shrugs "just everything sort of came together in a certain way for me, sports and friends and girls and now college, and I never really decided...what I wanted, you know, I just took what came along because it's been easy that way."

"Well, that just sounds.. lucky, like things worked for you...why wouldn't you go along?" Ricky says, doing his own version of the same thing, letting the conversation go this way because that's the way it's going and it seems easy.

"It is lucky, sort of" Frank says "just.. well, maybe not completely honest."

"Oh."

"I mean, you know, when I would see you at school, I'd, like, think you're who you are even when it's not easy...and, it's like, I really admire that.."

"I didn't exactly have much of a choice there" he says, feeling stunned. He's not sure exactly what's being said here at all, but his heart is beating like maybe it does know.

"Maybe not." Frank looks at him seriously, leans back in the booth and then grins.

"So, are you going to be playing baseball at Pride House?" he asks.

"You seriously don't want to see me with a baseball bat" Ricky laughs and shakes his head.

"That's uh, not exactly true" Frank says, looking him straight in the eye and still smiling, "because, you know, sports are for everyone."

"Really?" Ricky says, holding eye contact and thinking that this feels a lot like flirting "I guess I didn't really know that."

"Well, now you do." Frank tells him.

#*#*#*

Rayanne sticks her head into the dining room at the sound of the cabinet door opening and observes Camille grabbing the brandy decanter.

"Medicinal purposes, I presume?" she says, and Angela and Sharon are immediately standing in the doorway behind her, watching wordlessly, as Camille nods, grabs a glass and heads back upstairs.

"I could use a drop myself" Rayanne mutters "we all probably could, for that matter."

Sharon gives her a kind of disgusted glance before looking back at a teary Angela. They'd been slumped together in the kitchen nook since they got there, not saying much.

"Just joking...maybe we should bake something instead" Rayanne continues "sugar helps sometimes...chocolate is good."

"Danielle's here" Angela says, looking out the window at the bus and starting to tear up again.

"I think we should bake" Sharon says... "it might distract her, you know." "_Distract all of us_" she thinks, because the sad and hollow feeling in the kitchen is starting to creep her out and there's not a lot you can do when your friends mother is collapsed and sobbing uncontrollably upstairs.

"Sure" Angela says, somewhat distractedly.

"Dani" Rayanne says as the door opens "how ya doin?"

"What's wrong?" Danielle takes one look at Angela and Sharon and knows right away that this is about Patti. "Why's your mom here?" she says looking at Sharon, who looks back at her not sure what to say.

"Mom's upstairs, crying a lot" Angela tells her.

"Again? Why? Did something happen?"

"No, I don't think so, " Angela sighs "nothing new...just, she can't stop."

"Like she's having a nervous breakdown?"

"Something like that I guess...Camille just went up there with the brandy."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

Danielle looks puzzled and Angela, Sharon and Rayanne exchange quick looks.

"Well, she's been acting like a robot for weeks and this morning she was almost normal and crying and now she's crying again..maybe it's like, an improvement" Danielle persists.

"Maybe" Angela says, even though she knows it's not so, and for a minute no one says anything.

"So, gingersnap" Rayanne says, breaking the silence and looking at Danielle "whadayasay? wanna bake something?"

#*#*#*

"Just sip it" Camille says, sitting down in a chair next to the bed and looking at a Patti so sad and tear stained that it just about breaks her heart. "it should help a little."

"Thanks..." Patti says "I'm so sorry to have caused so much trouble..." and then she's blubbering again, her chest heaving.

"I made an appointment for tomorrow morning with Dr. Peterson," Camille leans over and places her hand on Patti's shoulder "for nine thirty...I'll come and get you."

"I don't know if that's really necessary" Patti says between sobs "what's she going to do?"

"This is beyond upset, Patti," Camille answers "maybe you need sedation.. or antidepressants or something. You need to talk to her."

"I need to be at work tomorrow"

"Well, let's see how you're doing tomorrow then, but you need to see a doctor." She looks at her friend "Nine thirty. We'll leave at nine."

"I haven't seen you like this since eleventh grade" she adds after a minute.

"You mean the time when Tony Poole took out Ester Zambini to make me jealous? The b-bitch" Patti stutters, making a joke through her tears.

"The bastard" Camille adds, looking at her carefully "drink up" she adds, gesturing to the glass in Patti's hand and thinking that she's never really seen Patti like this and that in eleventh grade there weren't children to take care of and businesses to run either.

"I think it might be good for Danielle to stay with us tonight" she says "I don't think she should be here when you're this upset."

Patti nods mutely.

"Sharon can spend some time with her...she'll like that."

"Oh Camille" Patti's face screws up and the tears are coming down again like Victoria Falls "I'm a disaster."

Camille nods in agreement "Move over and give me a sip of that" she says, scooting on to the bed next to her friend. "We'll get you through this" she promises, and Patti nods her head tiredly before leaning it on to Camilles shoulder.

#*#*#*

Inside the gas station Jordan stares at the phone and then looks away. It's not as though he likes Angela any less than before, not at all, but he just doesn't feel like he can handle being a responsible boyfriend right now, and this dark, mean mood that's come over him is going to make being around her pretty much impossible anyway. He sighs and reaches for the phone, hoping he's doing the right thing.

"Hello"

"Is uh, Angela there?" he says, not recognizing the voice.

"Jordan? Hold on" Sharon hands the phone across the counter.

"Jordan?" Angela turns away from the counter "hold on okay? I'm going to another phone."

She hands the phone back to Sharon, walks out to the phone in the hallway, and says "Okay" in to the phone to let Sharon know she can hang it up.

"Hey," she says, and her voice is warm and happier now, "I've been wondering about you."

"I'm at um, the garage...I worked in the gas station today"

"I figured..I was going to come over there after school, but I had to come home...my mom's kind of falling apart" she says in a wobbly voice.

"Oh..." he hesitates, taking in the bad timing, "sorry."

"Yeah...like, seriously...Sharon and Rayanne are here now...Sharon's mom is upstairs with my mom."

"That's good...I mean, that you aren't like alone."

"Yeah...they're making cookies with Danielle right now...it's really nice of them..."

"Yeah?.."

"Jordan, are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah...but" he looks down at his feet and swallows.

"Are you feeling all shitty about Foster suspending you? And court and everything?"

"I guess kinda, yeah"

"I'm sorry I sort of forgot about it...I guess I wanted to, you know?"

"That makes two of us...Ange?"

"Umhum?"

"I'm kind of, um, not real nice to be around right now" he tells her, feeling more scared than he would have imagined.

"Oh." She feels his words thud in her body just like when an elevator drops too quickly, because she knows what he's really telling her is that he doesn't want to be around _her _right now.

"Well, uh, Brian got all your assignments...you should call him at least" she says, and they can both hear her voice shake. She wants to tell him that she needs him, that he can't disappear on her now, but she doesn't.

"Yeah, uh, okay.." He says, knowing he's hurt her and hating it, but not knowing what else to do.

"Angela?"

"Yeah?"

He wants to tell her that it's just a mood, that he's feeling really low but he'll get past it. Just, right now, the way he's feeling, he's not so sure that's the truth.

"I'm sorry" he says instead.

"No" she says, feeling the tears start to come and not wanting him to know, "it's okay...things are confusing enough here with my mom and all, and I need to be around..." she trails off.

"Ange, there's customers here...I gotta go, okay?"

"Yeah, bye...Jordan?" she's not sure he's still there.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing...I mean, bye."

"Bye. Ange?"

"Uh hum?"

"I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Yeah"

She sounds a little less sad, and then he turns back to his line of customers, and for a few minutes doesn't think about her. It's only after they're all gone that he remembers her voice shaking, how sad she had sounded, and then he hates himself a little bit more.

#*#*#*#*

When she walks back into the kitchen, they're dropping spoonfuls of cookie dough onto the baking sheets.

"Chocolate chip?" she asks, blinking back tears, just for the sake of trying to say something normal.

"Um hum...the classic, back of the package recipe" Rayanne says "how's loverboy?"

"Not so good, I guess" she says sadly.

"He didn't pick you up for school today" Danielle says, thinking out loud "are you fighting again?"

"No, we're not fighting Danielle"

"He didn't pick her up because he's.." Rayanne begins and then stops mid sentence, because Angela is looking panicked.

"Because why?" Danielle looks up suspiciously, but Rayane is busy with the cookie dough and Sharon is reaching up to a shelf, putting something away.

"Because. None of your business, because, okay?" Angela says, because she definitely doesn't want Jordans arrest or suspension to have a chance of getting back to her parents.

"I hope he's not going to go all missing in action on you now" Sharon says over her shoulder, "that's such a guy thing...you need them and they disappear. Remember how Kyle was when my father was in the hospital."

"He's not like Kyle, Sharon" Angela says indignantly "or like Tino either" she adds. "He's just...moody sometimes. It's not a crime."

She stands there a little surprised by what she's just said, thinking that it's true.

"He's like, worried about stuff, I guess" she says looking at Rayanne for reassurance "and I think he needs, you know, space."

Rayanne looks at the chin starting to wobble and casts a warning glance at Sharon, who is leaning back against the counter with her hands on her hips and an impatient expression on her face.

"M.I.A...like I said" Sharon starts, but Rayanne interrupts her.

"The guy's crazy about you, Angelcakes" she says, reaching over with a cookie dough covered finger and giving one of Angela's earrings a little push. "Don't worry, he's not going anywhere."

Angela looks at Rayanne gratefully and gives a little nod.

"Is the oven on?' she asks.

"Darlin, I'm a pro" Rayanne says "of course it is...350, right?" she says to Danielle.

"It's not turned on" Danielle replies, and they all roll their eyes and laugh a little.

#*#*#*#*

"So there's not a lot I can tell you...Camille pushed us all out of the bedroom after one quick look... Patti's just crying a lot...like uncontrollably or something" Rayanne tells Graham "Camille made a doctors appointment for tomorrow morning, and Danielle is going to the Cherski's for the night."

"How are the girls?" He shoves the phone between his ear and shoulder, gives something on the stove a stir and adjusts the heat under it.

"'Angela's kind of shell shocked...but Danielle actually seems okay with it...ran up and said hello to Patti and Camille and then came right back down and we made cookies...She came in later so I think she might have missed the worst of it."

"Thank God...Angela will stay with Patti?.. You know we're almost fully booked tonight. I can't close the whole place down."

"No one expects you to.." Rayanne says into the phone quietly "and really, I don't know if you should be here or not...Angela's holding it together, but that's about it... do you want me to come back in tonight?"

"I need you, but you decide...if Angela will feel better with you there, stay, okay?" He grabs a sautee pan and turns the heat on high "Tell Camille to call me...and let me talk to Angela."

"Angela" she calls, and walks across the kitchen, stretching the cord out, to hand her the phone.

"Hi Dad"

"How are you holding up, sweetheart?.."

"I'm okay dad. Camille is with mom. Are you coming home tonight?"

" I don't know honey,...I never wanted to leave, so..." he pauses "I guess it's not exactly up to me...I don't want to make things worse, you know by pushing my way back in while your mom's down..."

"Dad," she says, starting to cry, "we need you to be here."

"I'll talk to Camille, honey" he tells her "and see what she says...I'll call back in a couple of hours, okay? Or call here if anything changes, if you need something."

"_This is insane_" he thinks, hanging up the phone, feeling guilty and confused. He wonders how much more this situation could snowball, how insane it could get, and then he looks at the stove and swings back into action. In a kitchen it's all about what's right in front of you, and there's no time to worry about what's happening somewhere else. Which sometimes has its advantages

#*#*#*

"Hey."

Jordan looks up from the counter of the gas station, a little surprised to see Corey Helfrick.

"Hey...you here for gas?"

"Not really...hadn't seen you for a few days, you know, so.." Corey pauses "what time do you get out of here?" he asks.

"Pretty soon...you know I got suspended, right?" he says, looking down and fiddling with his sleeve.

"Yeah, I heard," he looks at Jordan "for a week, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, so, my dad says to tell you to come around the house this week, if you want, and play guitar with him while you're not in school."

"You told him?" Jordan says, his eyes narrowing in confusion.

"Yeah...and my mom says to come over for dinner tonight, if you want, and we can play guitar after."

"Do they know what I got suspended for?" He can't quite believe this.

"Look, they're old hippies...my dad's a musician. They were laughing and saying, "Oh, poor Jordan." Corey smiles "I don't think they can be shocked by a little weed. I think they're more shocked about me, how I never get in trouble...you're much more, like, normal to them than I am."

For the first time in a couple days, Jordan feels himself smile a little.

"I'm done here in a half hour...dinner sounds good." he says "tell your mom thanks, okay?"

"Sure...see ya in a while.."

The little smile stays on his face for the rest of his shift.

#*#*#*

"_This is really weird_" Angela thinks to herself, as she walks through the front room checking that the door's locked and turning out lights. "_only this time not in a good or normal way."_

Danielle had driven away with Camille and Sharon a couple of hours ago, as happily as if she was going to a sleepover, with Angela and Rayanne waving goodbye, and then Rayanne had hung around for a while and even offered to stay overnight. When Angela had said no, she'd headed back to the restaurant, and now, Angela thinks, wandering through the dark house alone, it all feels very lonely even though, or maybe even because, Patti is upstairs asleep in her bedroom with the door closed.

It's only nine o'clock but way too lonely to sit in front of the t.v. alone. As she turns and starts up the stairs, there's a light knock at the front door, and when she opens it and sees Jordan standing there a huge wave of relief flows over her.

"Hey" she says, and stands there looking at him with a grateful smile.

He steps forward and wraps his arms around her and they stand for a second in her doorway, not wanting to let go of each other.

"Come in" she keeps her arms wrapped around his waist and walks backwards into the darkened house, and he reaches back to pull the door closed behind him.

"I just wanted to see you for a minute" he explains "I stopped at Brains to pick up the assignments, and"

"My mom's asleep upstairs," she interrupts him "Danielle's gone" and then she's kissing him so hungrily that there's no time to say anything else, or even to think because she's got her hands up under his t shirt, and he's pulled her as close as he possibly can and they're heading kind of clumsily for the couch at the same time that they're kissing and touching each other every where their hands can reach.

Angela's not quite sure what's come over her, but all she knows is that if she could crawl inside of Jordan right now she would. She wants to be as close to him as she possibly can, to lose herself in him and never come back, and he seems more than happy to oblige.

And they've just sunk down on to the couch, and he's fumbling with the zipper of her jeans, when there's another knock at the door and this time it's followed by the sound of a key turning and then the door opens and Graham walks in.

"Angela" he says, taking in the situation instantly despite being spared the details by the back of the couch, something everyone is immensely grateful for. "I'm just going to put this stuff in the refrigerator..." he says, heading for the kitchen without another glance, "why don't you say goodnight to Jordan and come on back?"

#*#*#*#*

"I'm not going to stay" he says to her when she walks into the kitchen five minutes later. He's also not going to say a word about whatever was happening when he came in the door.

"Camille doesn't think I should" he continues, the stricken look on Angela's face asking for an explanation "and as crazy as this whole mess is, the last thing I want is to push your mother into a position that she can't handle right now."

"But dad, I think you not being here is just making everything worse….did something happen today with you and mom?" Angela asks, and her eyes fill up with tears as she watches her father shake his head no, "because this morning she was kind of like, almost mom again, and now…."

"I know you've, like had girlfriends or something before" she continues, crying and looking away. "Did mom know?"

Graham looks at Angela with a totally perplexed expression.

"I've never had girlfriends" he says

"Whatever…I saw you outside with someone once, heard you on the phone. There were…women, right?"

"I…no. There weren't." He feels incredibly defensive, and guilty at the same time. But since she certainly seems to have believed the worst about him, he needs to tell her that wasn't how it was.

"There was some flirting, and maybe even some possibilities, but nothing ever happened. I never let anything happen."

"Until Halle."

"Yes."

He looks down.

"Dad, if you'd seem mom today…." She shakes her head and wipes at her tears angrily.

"Angela, if I could take it back you know I would." He leans forward and puts his hand on her shoulder and tries to find the words to say how he doesn't think he could ever do something like that again after seeing how much harm it's caused, but the words don't come.

"I know."

He smiles at her sadly.

"So I brought you enough food for a couple days." he says instead. "There's soup for your mom."

Angela nods.

"And I want to talk to you at least once every day, maybe more right now, so call, okay? Or come by the restaurant. Bring your boyfriend in for dinner, maybe."

He watches the faintest blush start to travel up her face.

"Angela" he says, feeling more than a little uncomfortable, "if you need anything…like a doctors okay or anything"

"Dad" she stops him, looking totally embarrassed herself, and now the blush isn't so faint anymore.

"Just so you know, you can come to me."

"Okay" she says, hanging her head a little. "Thanks, dad."


	21. Chapter 21

**So I bet everyone's pretty sad to not have seen anyone else post in two whole weeks. And I bet if more readers supported with reviews, we'd see more stories posted. oh well, as Angela says, life goes on. thanks to all of you who read and story alert and favorite. things are going to get worse for some of our characters before they get better, but i hope you'll continue to hang in.  
**

**Chapter twentyone  
**

"_Until very recently_, _I lived in this house with my family,_" Angela thinks to herself as she walks down the hall to the bathroom and hears not a sound coming from Patti's room. It seems like the number of people in the house is getting smaller every day.

"Mom" she says, opening the door carefully and peeking in "Camille's going to be here in forty five minutes, okay?"

"Mom?" she says again after a second and walks up to the side of the bed, feeling uncomfortable.

"Hi honey." Patti opens her eyes and blinks.

"How are you?" Angela asks cautiously, taking in the sight of her mother lying on her side, looking small and extremely vulnerable.

"I'm okay, honey...just really tired for some reason."

She stretches and tries to smile, but doesn't quite manage it. "I'll be up in a minute" she says.

Angela walks downstairs knowing that her mother isn't really okay at all. She starts the coffee, something she'd ask her father to show her how to do last night, pours herself some juice, puts a piece of bread in the toaster, and sinks down into the kitchen nook concerned about her mother and wondering what the day will bring.

Upstairs Patti puts her feet on the floor and manages to stand up. But she only makes it one step, and then she's leaning up against the bedroom wall, sobbing silently, remembering just how horribly wrong everything is, and she's still standing there, unable to move, when Angela comes back in with a cup of coffee for her.

#****#***#

"I'm going home after school, Camille." Angela says firmly, as they pull up to the front steps of Liberty High. "We aren't staying at your house, and we don't need Grandma at ours. Mom and Danielle need to be at home, and I can take care of them. Dad can bring food. We'll be fine."

She leans forward from the back seat, kisses her mother on the cheek and steps out of the car with Sharon. "See you later mom" she tells a quietly crying Patti "Thanks for everything" she tells Camille "I'll call you at work later to see what Dr. Peterson says."

Marching up the steps after her brave speech, with a silent Sharon by her side, Angela feels her insides shake. Telling Camille what she's going to do as she exits the car doesn't count for much beyond a gesture if Patti decides they should all stay at the Cherski's, or to let her grandmother come stay with them, but Angela knows that either of those decisions would be a disaster.

"My mom made a big mistake asking my dad to leave" she says, blinking back the tears, as they walk into the deserted hallway. Getting a sobbing Patti dressed and into the car had made everyone late, and they had missed the bus they'd planned to take from Angela's house.

"My mom says the same thing." Sharon says "because they both really love each other."

Angela looks at the hall floor and they walk a few steps in silence.

"And if she falls apart over this" she says stopping in mid step and looking at Sharon, "moving us out of the house or bringing in my grandmother will make it even worse...I just know it will."

"Maybe the doctor will know what to do...there are supposedly drugs for this stuff, you know?"

"I don't know" she says, thinking out loud, "I don't think this is about a, you know, medical condition...I think this is about my mom being out of control. How she can't like, handle that."

"My mom says it's about having her heart broken."

"Yeah. That too I guess."

She walks into the attendance office with Sharon wondering what in the world she's doing there today.

#0o0#***

"Rayanne, you _have_ to try out" Ricky tells her, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the bathroom "I mean it's West Side Story...come on..love, betrayal, jealousy, drama...I'm probably even going to have to try out...I'm like the perfect color for it."

"Oh, love betrayal, jealousy drama, that's all so everyday, don't you think? I mean we've got all of that at Angela's house right now" she says with a disgruntled look. "It's not really so nice in real life, you know."

"How's she doing?" Ricky asks.

"She's hurting...but she's Angela, right?.. and her dad closed the kitchen early last night and left work all concerned, to like, go visit and take food. She's not going to fall apart."

"She wasn't at her locker this morning." Ricky says

"Cherski didn't show either" Rayanne says "they're probably together."

"They'll probably wander in here any minute. But about the play again..." he looks at her imploringly, "you seriously do have to be in it. We all have to be in it...it's a musical."

"Maybe you have to be in it" she tells him "cause you'll look good in a purple shirt and you can dance too, but really, don't you think it's kind of an old chestnut of a play? "

"Not as old as the saying "old chestnut" Ricky tells her, looking miffed, "Our Town was a much older chestnut, for that matter. And you can sing you know"

"I don't know" she says, looking worried "I can't dance and you do remember the last time I sang on stage...or rather didn't sing on a stage, how like, _successful_ that was."

"That was a non rehearsed, doomed to explode mess. Time to get back up on the pony in a nice organized high school production. Come on. And the dance scenes are going to be "quite, uh, modified" according to Mr. Katimsky" Ricky tells her, imitating the teachers voice.

"They'll need me at the restaurant" She leans against the wall and crosses her arms.

"It's temporary Rayanne" he says looking into the mirror and raising his eyebrows at her.

"Yeah, so is life, so is everything."

"_We_ are trying out for this, Rayanne, and that's the royal we, by the way."

She stands there, staring back at him in the mirror and wondering if she really does want to try out for West Side Story, when the door opens and Angela walks in.

"Hey you" Rayanne looks at her, taking in the teary face "how's it going?"

"Not good" Angela catches Ricky's sympathetic look and reaches over for his hand "my mom couldn't stop crying again this morning" she tells them looking down at the bathroom floor, "I had to stand there and hand her clothes to put on."

"Oh, Angela" Ricky says helplessly, and swings her hand while Rayanne stands there looking grim.

"Camille's taking her to the doctor, right?" she says, scowling, digging in her bag furiously and coming up with a hairbrush.

"Yeah"

"Do you want to stay here today? I mean in school?" Rayanne says, offering the only solace she can come up with at the moment, while she attacks her hair, "Cause maybe we should just leave, you know, pull Tino out of bed and go somewhere together, blow everything off for the day."

"No, I'd better stay" Angela says quietly "in case they need to find me or something. But thanks, you know?"

Rayanne shrugs and for a minute no one say anything

"So I do have like, other news." Ricky says reluctantly, after a pause. "Ms. Krazynowski called me into the office yesterday to tell me there's an opening coming up at that place, you know, Pride House."

He almost hadn't wanted to talk about it, not because he doesn't want them to know, but more because he still doesn't know what to make of it, how he feels about it. Last night when he'd told Paul and Mr. Katimsky, Paul had gotten all choked up, Ricky had nearly cried and Mr. Katimsky had just sat there blinking and saying "really, are you, um, sure." And then there's the whole Frank Repniki aspect of this as well, which has him alternately excited and totally confused.

"What?" Angela says.

"Yeah, so I guess I could be moving in there soon or something."

"And you're just mentioning this now?" Rayanne says hitting him in the arm with her hairbrush. "You go on and on about West Side Story but don't bother to tell me you're moving to Pride House?"

"What about West Side Story?" Angela says looking puzzled.

"New school play" Rayanne says and hits Ricky with her hairbrush again "So when are you moving and how does this all happen, and can we hang out there with you or is it no girls allowed?"

"Stop with the hitting, okay? I'm moving in a few weeks maybe, when the room is ready, after my paperwork goes through and I don't know if girls are allowed or not. I was there yesterday after school and didn't see any."

"So what's it like?" Angela asks in a concerned voice "do you think it'll be all right?"

"I think it's probably a good place" Ricky says, not quite looking at them, "People seem nice. Frank Repniki gave me a ride there and back...he's been coaching there for three years now and he thinks it's a good place, so..."

"Oh, that was casual" Rayanne says sarcastically.

"Wow" says Angela.

"Yeah" He looks at them a little sheepishly "so maybe I'll like, become athletic or something, huh?"

"Or something, I'm guessing" Rayanne says, and he's glad that she isn't making a big deal out of it right now.

"Ricky, this is like, _fated_, I think" Angela says, leaning back against the wall and crossing her arms.

"Please don't encourage him" Rayanne says "I personally don't have a great feeling about this."

"Look, it's nothing, okay" Ricky tells them "it's a couple of brief conversations, all right? And while the two of you are busy making it into something else, could you at least keep it quiet, as in don't say anything in front of anyone, especially Sharon, or else the whole football team will know I have a stupid, like, crush and decide to kill me or something, okay?"

"Rayanne, he's right." Angela says seriously.

"Duh." she says, twirling her hair around her finger and looking worried.

"Okay then" Angela says as the bell rings "I'm going to class..." she looks at Ricky "do you think you could maybe come over after school today?" she asks, "I think it will just really help right now, if there's someone there with me...especially with Danielle."

Ricky leans over and kisses her on the cheek.

"Sure" he says "but where's Jordan these days?"

"Oh God...that's a whole other story" she shakes her head "I'll tell you later."

Rayanne pushes the door open just as people begin pouring in.

"Oh, uh, Angela, I almost forgot" Ricky tells her as they squeeze together to try to make their way out of the bathroom. He drops his voice and almost whispers "When I was filling out those forms, I like couldn't say I'd been staying with Mr. Katimsky and Paul, so I put I'd been staying with you. Do you think Patti will be okay with saying that, just in case they like, check?"

"Yeah, of course. She's said before that she worries about them getting in trouble. She'll be fine with it."

"Made it" Rayanne says, and the three of them give a collective sigh of relief as they finish pushing their way out into the hallway and head towards the lockers.

0o0o0o***0o0o0o0o

Jordan opens his eyes, blinks, remembers Angela's father walking in the door last night, groans and wraps his arms down around his head. "_Talk about_ _traumatic_," he thinks. That was the word Angela had used as she'd walked him out to his car, while he was still so befuddled he couldn't say a thing. If he never has to see Graham again in his life that will be too soon for him.

He's more than embarrassed by the fact that his first response had been absolute terror, and that he's pretty sure Angela knows it, and that's actually kind of funny because usually it's Angela who gets embarrassed. But this time, while he'd sat there dumbly, like a deer caught in the headlights, she'd managed to zip her jeans, pull him up off the couch and walk him out the front door and down the steps. By the time they were outside at his car and it seemed pretty sure that her dad wasn't going to come after him and try to kill him, he'd been able to shake himself out of it and kiss her cheek.

"I'm really sorry" he'd managed to croak out.

"Don't be" she'd whispered back "it's not like, your fault or anything."

But it was. He'd known somehow that he should stay away from her right now, that it was the right thing to do, that there was some kind of jinx thing going on with him and what he really needed to do was lie low. But then he'd felt so kind of cheered up after sitting at the dinner table with Corey's family and playing guitar for an hour after, that when he left there he'd been inspired to stop and pick up all the school assignments from Brian. And then, standing outside her house in the dark and really wanting to see her, he'd given in and knocked on the door. He had seriously just wanted to _see_ her for a minute, but once she'd started kissing him and tugging him inside, his brain had stopped at how good she felt and how bad he wanted her, and the next thing he knew he was sitting on the couch undoing her zipper and her father had walked in.

"I don't think I'm going to get in trouble right now" she'd told him outside, standing by the car "there's like too much other stuff going on, and my dad's not like that anyhow."

He'd pulled her tight to his chest for a minute and muttered that he'd talk to her tomorrow. But as he drove away he'd felt really shitty that he'd pulled her into his bad luck, that he couldn't knock on her front door without it turning into trouble.

It's probably better, he thinks, if he just stays away until this whole suspension is over and the court thing is done, and maybe by then, he tells himself, things might be okay again.

0o0o0o0o******0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"So Dr. Peterson said she sees signs of a major depression, but doesn't want to put her on Prozac right away" Camille says, looking into her coffee cup, instead of at Graham, as they sit in Ondine's deserted dining room. "She gave her some sedatives and told her to stay home from work this week and sleep as much as she can, to get some rest."

"So she's alone in the house right now?" he asks, with a worried look on his face.

"She was asleep when I left." Camille tells him "I have to get in to work. I think it's okay for her to be alone until Angela gets home from school."

Graham takes a deep breath and tries to shake the image of a sobbing Patti out of his mind. Of course he's seen his wife cry, a million times, but not like Camille has described. He can't really believe this is Patti they're talking about.

"How could she fall apart like this?" he wonders out loud "I've never seen her do anything like this, not in all these years."

"I always thought she was the tough one" Camille agrees "but not now."

"I wanted her to come stay with us, but she said no." she continues "Her mother's offered to stay with her, and she's said no to that too."

"Well, that would have definitely taken her over the deep end" Graham says with a sneer. "It's kind of ridiculous that I can't go home and take care of my family."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before Halle's blouse came off" Camille tells him with a dark look.

"Sorry" she says, after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

"It's okay" he says miserably "I know this is about how I messed up...one stupid minute that changed everything."

He also knows that it wasn't just that one stupid moment, that a lot of other almost stupid moments had led to that one, that kissing Halle in the kitchen was an accident that had been waiting and wanting to happen for a while, that getting caught had never been part of the equation, and that it wasn't the moment that had been stupid, it had been him.

"Sometimes life turns on a dime." Camille looks at him thoughtfully, "But it's past now, the stupid moment and the time for blaming you too. That's something I decided after Andy's heart attack. It's all about now. That's all we've got."

"So what do I do for Patti now? And for the girls?" He fiddles with the silverware, incredibly frustrated "Camille, can you imagine how it feels for me, to not be living with my family, to have to discuss my wife and kids with you, to not be able to do anything for them?"

"It must be horrible" Camille says "but right now I'm more concerned about getting Patti through this. And there are definitely things you can do. Like give Tom a call at the press, help him figure something out. Keep the girls fed. Let Patti know you love her. "

When she gets up to go he walks her out through the kitchen to the parking lot and hugs her, and then, just as she closes her car door, Halle's car pulls up.

"Graham?"

Camille's window rolls down, and her head sticks out.

He looks at her, waiting to hear what she's going to say.

"I'd keep some distance there." she tells him, and then the window is back up, and she's driving away.

#**#**#

Rayanne signs her name on the tryout sheet posted outside Katimsky's room, stands back and crosses her fingers.

"So, good luck" she hears Corey Helfrick say, coming up behind her.

"Yeah, thanks" she says, a little embarrassed as she turns to face him "Ricky really wanted to try out, you know, and he like begged me to sign up too, so..."

"Yeah, he mentioned it" Corey says "in drama club, which you never come to, by the way. He says you have a great singing voice."

"You go to drama club?" she says, laughing at him.

"Sometimes" he smiles back, good naturedly "I'll be working on sets again for this, so yeah."

"And Mona Austin will be working wardrobe again, I guess. That's convenient."

There's a decidedly snarky tone to her voice, and Corey looks at her in confusion.

"What's Mona got to do with anything?"

Well, that certainly wasn't what she'd wanted to say, or how she would have wanted to say it, Rayanne thinks.

"I don't know" she says, trying to shrug it off "I guess I just remember her from the last play." But she really does want to know, so she adds "And I've seen you with her lately, like, a few times."

"We're friendly...we have some classes together." he looks at her seriously "there's nothing happening there."

"Not that it's any of my business of course" she says a little tersely but meaning it and wondering why she actually gets something like _nervous_ around him now.

"Of course" he says seriously, but when she looks at him he's smiling, and because it's the kind of smile she used to see, back when he used to look at her all the time, she suddenly feels just incredibly happy and smiles back at him.

The two of them stand there for a second, looking at each other, smiling and not saying a thing, and then there's the sound of the bell.

"Okay" she says, still smiling "so, later."

"Sure, in drama club maybe...or on the boards, huh?" he says, starting to walk away, but keeping his body turned so he can still look at her.

"I haven't even tried out yet" she says, laughing as she watches him walk backwards and bump into people.

"You'll be there" he says, and finally turns around. He grins to himself and walks toward his class under the definite impression that Rayanne Graff likes him, and even though exactly what he thinks about that is yet to be determined, how he feels about that is pretty much just happy.

Rayanne, on the other hand, walks down the hall in the opposite direction with the exact same impression. It's finally sunk in that she really does like Corey Helfrick, but she knows immediately that she thinks that pretty much sucks. How she feels about it, on the other hand, is veering madly right now between very pleasantly giddy and absolutely terrified.

0o0o0o****o0o0o0o0

"I really don't um, think we should be in here" he says as the door closes behind them.

"We can say we were investigating the hot water aparatus for research purposes" she says, pulling him down the stairs and into a corner "seeing how it generates so much warmth."

She leans up against him and looks up mischieviously.

"Really Janet" Brian says, torn between the physical sensations that are taking place in his body and the knowledge that they could get in a lot of trouble if they got caught "I don't think this is such a good idea."

"Well, you come up with a better one then" she says and puts her arms around his neck. "I mean you spent the night in here with someone once, so I just wanted to see what it was all about."

"That was like, outside of school hours" Brian tells her, feeling more and more confused "and I already told you that was an accident and nothing happened."

"I just would like to be kissed in the boiler room." she tells him. "By you."

"_Oh well_" he thinks, and throws caution to the winds.

"I guess, you know, as long as it's the interests of um, research" he says.

"Generation of warmth" she repeats herself, and locks her lips onto his.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"_I guess up till now I've really had it pretty much okay. Maybe that's why this is all hitting me so hard. Because it's like one day I was just going along, thinking things would just continue on at home_ _like always, Mom doing what she's always done, Dad cooking for us, Danielle a constant irritation – you know, the usual . And happy too, because I'd gotten somewhere safe, somewhere really good with Jordan. Now all of a sudden my dad's moved out, my mom's collapsed, Jordan's been arrested and suspended and everything is falling apart. Which is why, at the moment, I'm hiding out in a toilet stall at school so I can cry in private. I know it's kind of pathetic behavior because well, worse things than this happen to people on a daily basis. And really, more than anything right now, I want to try and hold it together. I just think there's a chance, if someone can hold it together, we can all get through this more or less, you know, intact. I mean, like what's already happened is, what did Mr Katimsky say, prologue, but there's still now, when maybe we can do something about it." _

Angela walks to the sink, splashes cold water on her face and looks at herself in the mirror. It's really unusual that she has a moment at school just to herself, because lately Rayanne has been glued to her side like she's in danger of jumping off a ledge if left alone, and at home it's been the same; someone has been there with her constantly. Either Ricky or Sharon go home with her every day after school now, and Rayanne shows up as soon as she gets off work at the restaurant. Camille Cherski stops by daily on her way home from work too, and Danielle, who under normal circumstances she would try to ignore, is now included as a constant appendage to herself and her friends. She's beyond grateful to everybody for the company, even if it is a little overwhelming, because upstairs, behind her mothers closed bedroom door, there's a whole other world going on. Inside Patti's room, it's bleak and disheartening to the point of scary. Danielle doesn't even try to go in there anymore except to peek in the door and say goodnight, and for Angela it's the worst thing she's ever had to do, to go in to her parents bedroom quietly and check on her mother, take her food, take away the tea cups and water glasses next to the bed, try to talk to her mother, lying there and barely responding, to act as if things are all right. She worries about what this is doing to Danielle, but to some degree, Danielle seems happy downstairs, with the little community of Angela's friends that forms there every day now, doing homework, relaxing in the front room or finding something to eat in the kitchen.

You would think, Angela tells herself, that with what's going on and with people around her all the time she wouldn't have time to miss Jordan, but that's exactly what she does, every minute, all day, until finally at night the phone rings and she can close her eyes and talk to him, listen to him, hear him breathe or not say much, content finally just to know he's there, to feel him with her again, being everything to her.

_*oooOOOooo*_

"_So maybe, things aren't gonna all be as bad as I thought_" Jordan tells himself hopefully as he walks out the front door of Corey's house. He always feels better after being around Corey's dad.

David Helfrick had shown Jordan some incredible stuff on guitar, helped him work on a new song and then, after having been both sympathetic and practical about his upcoming court appearance, he'd insisted Jordan sit down and have lunch with him and Zoe. Over the soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, when Jordan said he had to write two pages on The Tempest for extra credit, Zoe had laughed and told him she'd been an Elizabethan scholar, that David had worked on the music in a production of The Tempest and that the two of them knew the play inside out.

Which was a lot more than he'd ever wanted to, David had added.

So that's what they'd talked about during lunch, and it was ironic because it had actually been, well, _fun_. Even though Jordan knew next to nothing about The Tempest, the two of them had seemed totally interested in anything he'd had to say, and he'd felt included in a conversation that had been relaxed and, at moments, almost exciting. It was the kind of conversation that reminded Jordan of Mr. Racine, more about exploring things than having answers or reaching some static conclusion, about how things like music and plays and poetry and ideas could be alive.

He leans up against his car and wishes he could go get Angela, pull her out of school and drive somewhere, just have her next to him. A wave of remorse comes back over him when he remembers why that can't happen and then he tries to push the remorse away. He tells himself how next week he'll be back at school, and in a few weeks the court thing will be over, and he knows, without needing to be told, that Angela hasn't changed towards him. He can hear it in her voice when they talk at night, and that's when things are all right with him for a while, when he can come home to her.

Just a few more days he tells himself, and decides to go to the loft and see what he can do with that paper on The Tempest. He's got an idea of what he wants to write about that's turning itself around in his head almost like a song, and he wants to see if he can do something with it.

#oooOOOooo#

"So how long can this paper work wait, do you think?" Graham says, sitting at Patti's paper covered desk, and wondering how she does it.

"I guess that depends on how long of a wait we're talking about. " Tom says "The work may still come in for a while without Patti being here, but money won't come in unless it's been billed, and electricity won't stay on if the bills aren't paid."

They look at each other thoughtfully, knowing that the press has been shorthanded ever since Graham left and the salesman hired to replace him hadn't worked out.

"She's pretty much been a one woman show" Tom says "I've run the presses but she's done everything else."

"I'm kind of up to my eyeballs with the restaurant start up right now" Graham says "but I guess I can come in for a couple hours every morning before I go on in to work."

The problem with that is that it means a couple less hours of sleep, and he's not at all sure that he can figure out the paperwork anyway. Patti's always taken care of that, up till now.

"How long does the doctor think she's out for?" Tom asks "Is it something serious?"

Graham looks at someone who has almost never asked him a personal question in all the years they've worked together and takes a breath that comes out sounding like a sigh.

"It's not really a physical thing" he says sadly. "We've been having family problems and she's been over worked here and it seems to have pushed her into some kind of a depression. The doctor wants to avoid major medication if possible, but if Patti doesn't come out of it soon that's what she'll do."

He feels horrible even thinking this, let alone saying it to someone else, but Tom has to know. He's the one there every day, the one holding the business together right now.

"Chuck could do a lot of it, I think" Tom says so quietly that Graham could almost pretend he hadn't heard if he wanted to.

"You're probably right." he bites it out as evenly as possible "but there's his health, and then Patti's been so proud of what she's done with the press, of being independent."

He pauses and looks away for a minute, because there's a lump forming in his throat.

"Let's give it a few more days" he says finally, before looking back at Tom, who looks him in the eye quietly and nods.

#*oooOOOooo*#

Patti wakes up to the sound of the phone ringing, but instead of reaching for it, she rolls on to her back and waits for the ringing to stop. When it does, she notices the sound of the birds singing outside her window. It's a sound that normally she would smile at, but now it's just another sound, and her only response is to cry. Her response to everything right now is to cry - waking up makes her cry, and so does lying in bed, and going down to the kitchen a few hours ago and finding Graham's soup had really made her cry too. There's just so much more heartache in her than she could have ever imagined. It's so big and dark and hauntingly familiar that she has to wonder if it's something that was always there, buried deep, and now she's just helpless to keep it away any longer.

She stares up at the ceiling and thinks about calling Tom, checking in with the press to see how the day is going, but she doesn't have the energy. Since the sedatives have kicked in and her wild bouts of sobbing have tapered off, all she seems able to do is cry quietly and sleep, and sleeping is really preferable to the crying, so she closes her eyes and in a few minutes she's asleep again.

#*oooOOOooo*#

"So you can be there after tryouts today, right?"

"I already said so, Rayanne" Ricky says, opening his locker.

"Cause I just think it's important, you know, that we're there for them, you know?"

"I agree. Especially Danielle. Only, like, I want to be with Paul and Mr. Katimsky now too, while I still can."

"I know. Just she needs us, right?"

"Shut up will you? I'll be there." Ricky tells her, not knowing why Rayanne has to be so obsessed with scheduling. "So, has she heard from Jordan?"

"He calls, I guess, when he's not feeling too tortured, or something" she says sulkily "he picked a great time to have his frigging existential crisis or whatever."

"He is in kind of a mess right now" Ricky says.

"Oh, big deal. He got suspended."

"No Rayanne, It is a big deal." He says sharply "He got _arrested_ and suspended. He has to like, go to court." He looks at her annoyed, "I can totally understand why he feels bad about it."

She opens her mouth to respond but before she can say anything, Ricky interrupts her.

"And don't go on again about how Tino doesn't feel bad about it because it's not the same. They're two totally different people."

"Okay, okay. Truer words never spoken" she sighs, leaning up against his arm, and he feels his annoyance fade. He knows she's just trying to be a good friend.

"Brain can be there sometimes too" she says "I talked to him about it."

"Who? What are you talking about? Did you just call Brian Krackow _Brain_?" Ricky snorts.

"Yeah, Brain. Angela's neighbor. Danielle's boyfriend –oops, don't let what's her name hear me." Rayanne looks at Ricky impatiently. "He can be at the house, too, to you know, help out."

"Suddenly I begin to understand how you and Sharon Cherski are friends" Ricky says, shaking his head and looking exasperated "I never realized you had such, like, organizational skills."

"She needs us, Ricky" she tells him again.

"Yeah, okay. Where is she anyway?"

"I'm here" Angela says, coming up behind them, with her eyes a little puffy, "You don't need to send out the posse."

"Just looking out for you, little lady" Rayanne drawls and then looks concerned, "have you been crying?"

"I'm fine, Rayanne" she says, determined to not dwell on it, "So tryouts for you two today, right? I'm going to try and stay for them."

"What about Danielle?" Rayanne looks at Ricky who is looking at her and shaking his head.

"_What?" _she says, making a face_._

"I just can't get over how responsible you're being.''

"Maybe Braino can be with her?" Rayanne says to Angela, ignoring Ricky. "She'd love that."

"Yeah, that's what I thought too. I'll ask him after bio."

Suddenly Angela is making a really funny face and tugging at Rayanne's arm.

"Rayanne, let's go" she says with some urgency.

"Just wait a minute, I've just got to find that paper" Ricky says, leafing through a folder.

"No, we'll see you later. Don't look" Angela whispers, practically bolting down the hall, dragging Rayanne along with her, leaving a totally puzzled Ricky alone at his locker.

A second later, he figures it out.

"Hey"

Ricky takes a deep breath at the sound of Frank Repniki's voice and finishes closing the locker before he turns around to face him.

"Hi" he says

They haven't talked since that day at Pride House, and they've never talked at school before. That's enough already to make him a little nervous, let alone the fact that they're only a few inches from each other.

"So I was just wondering" Frank says, "what's happening with your move and all. The Pride House baseball team's waiting for you. I told them a kick ass player was on the way."

Ricky feels himself go totally embarrassed and then he starts to laugh.

"Just kidding" Frank chuckles.

"I guess they'll have to wait a couple of weeks" Ricky says, when they both finish laughing, "until the paperwork goes through. I haven't like, heard anything back from Ms. Krazynowski yet. And I'm trying out for West Side Story today, so if I get a part, I'll actually be busy with, you know, rehearsals."

"West Side Story –wow. Like as in Romeo and Juliet, right?"

"That's it. Two houses, both alike in dignity" Ricky intones dramatically.

"Um hum. And star crossed lovers" Frank adds.

"Right." Ricky stares at him, momentarily dazed.

"We watched the movie in English class last year" Frank says easily.

The bell rings and they both glance around at an almost empty hall.

"So, jet or shark?" Frank asks, as if nothing has happened.

"Oh. Uh, shark I guess – the Puerto Ricans. Team Romeo. I'd, uh, better go" he adds, aware that he's been so caught up in talking to Frank that he hasn't noticed anything else.

"Right" Frank says lazily, leaning up against the locker and looking at him "I'd probably end up with the jets."

"Yeah. Typecasting" Ricky says a little dizzily, because suddenly everything has slowed way down and he's back in the moment.

"So, which way?" Franks says.

"Excuse me?"

"Where's your class?"

"Oh. 310. History."

"Simmons?"

"Yeah."

"So, I'll walk with you" Frank Repniki says, as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

#oooOOOooo#

"What does she want now?" Janet says a little snippily, fifty minutes later, after watching Brian turn away from Angela Chase and walk out of bio.

"She um, needs someone to stay with her little sister for a while after school today. I said I'd do it."

"I think she takes advantage of you."

""_Of course she does." _"Well, she's my neighbor. Our families like, you know, do stuff for each other."

They start off down the hall together in silence and Brian wonders, not for the first time, how Angela Chase can cause him so much trouble, and how he wishes that it could just be a different kind of trouble.

"Are you okay with that?" he asks Janet, after a minute, "cause her family is like, having problems now, and her friends are trying to you know, be around to help out.

"Oh" she says, sounding mollified, "That's nice of you. I mean to explain."

She looks up at him and smiles and Brian smiles back in surprise. Janet really is a very good person, he tells himself. And practical too. He likes that.

#*oooOOOooo*#

"So I broke up with him." Sharon says, sliding into the back seat with Angela and Ricky.

"It's only a couple of centuries after about time" Rayanne laughs, sitting up front with Tino, as they all stare out of the car window at Kyle Vinovich walking away angrily.

"Too true" says Ricky.

"Poor guy" says Tino, shrugging and starting up the car.

"It probably wasn't so diplomatic for all of you to be staring at us while I did it" she sighs "especially since he's been complaining a lot lately about "_my new friends._" she adds.

"I'm not new." Angela laughs.

"He's wasn't exactly thinking of you, Chase face."

"I bet," says Rayanne, grinning "he must have been scandalized between me, Ricky and," she grins and pokes at Tino, "the criminal element here."

"It was a moment of extreme bad judgement, your honor" Tino deadpans "it won't happen again."

"You really should have tried out for West Side Story, Tino." Ricky says.

And when they all laugh in agreement, Tino launches into one of the songs from the play, Maria, in a booming show tuney deep voice and by they time he pulls the car up in front of her dads restaurant, they're all singing along at the top of their lungs, making up lyrics and laughing their heads off at the sheer corniness of it. It's only when Angela looks around and sees Halle's car that a more serious reality begins to set in.

"Do you want to come in and see your dad?" Rayanne asks.

"Just say hi for me" she answers, looking at Halle's car and making a face in explanation, "I think I'd better get home."

"Yeah, before Danielle eats Krackow alive" says Sharon, and the three girls grin.

"You did great, you know" Angela says, leaning over the front seat to wrap her arms around her friend, "I'm sure you'll get the lead."

Rayanne shrugs her shoulders, exits the car, makes a grand bow and then walks backwards across the street, waving and dramatically blowing them kisses before she turns and disappears into the restaurant.

"Get up here Vasquez" Tino says, gesturing to the empty front seat, while he looks at Sharon in the rear view mirror.

"So, who's this Danielle girl?" he asks, and then looks puzzled as they all explode in laughter.

They giggle all the way to Angela's house and when they get there, Tino surprises everyone by getting out of the car and closing the door behind him.

"You're coming inside?" Ricky says, in mock shock.

"Maybe. I've been know to enter houses." Tino says solemnly.

"Legally?" asks Sharon, giggling.

"I'm honored, Tino" Angela says, walking up the steps and trying not to look back over her shoulder in fascination as Tino tugs on Sharons hair.

"We're home" she calls softly, opening the door, smiling in surprise at the peaceful sight of Brian Krackow and Danielle sitting on opposite ends of the sofa with a pile of books between them, quietly doing their homework.

#

"Hi mom"

"Hi sweetheart." Camile Cherski says, "Hi Danielle and Angela."

"Hi Camille."

Angela yawns, stretches and glances over at Sharon, who is looking quite happy for a girl who has just broken up with her boyfriend of several months. Tino's gone to take Ricky home, pick up Rayanne from the restaurant and bring her back with food, Brian has just left, fumbling with his books and dropping them on his way out the door and Danielle is sitting on the couch in a clearly contented state.

"How's your mom doing?" Camille says, looking directly at Angela, and all of a sudden no one in the room is looking so happy anymore.

"She's sleeping, I think..she was asleep when we got here" Angela says quietly, looking over at Danielle with a concerned expression.

"I'll go on up" Camille tells her, nodding

"So, Tino, huh?" Angela says, when the sound of her moms bedroom door closing tells them Camille is out of earshot.

"Tino what?"

"Come on. You were flirting like crazy."

"I was not. He's a friend."

"He's fun," Danielle says. "and really cute, too."

She stares indignantly at the amused looks on Sharon and Angela's faces.

"You just like him because he called you "the famous Danielle" Angela teases.

"I like him cause he's fun. And nice"

"See?" Sharon says, "Dani's right. He's fun and nice. For a friend."

"Sure" she tells Sharon, smirking "you don't like him and Rayanne doesn't like Corey Helfrick. I don't get why you both have to be so like, secretive about it."

"Look Chase face" Sharon says sharply "you're the one who's in love, and we all know it, okay? So maybe I'm flirting a little. So what? I'm not looking for another boyfriend."

"Okay, so nothing" she says, backing off, "I'm sorry if I was too interested, I guess"

She wonders if she's really so unusual. She knew she loved Jordan Catalano the minute she saw him, and once Rayanne figured it out she never bothered to deny it, so maybe she is. But then her memory zeroes in a little closer to the truth. She remembers all those times when she'd said she really didn't like Jordan anymore, how she'd needed to say that, needed to tell herself that and how totally untrue it had been.

So if Sharon or Rayanne need to tell themselves that they aren't interested in Tino or Corey, she's not going to push them, she thinks. You have to respect people's rhythms, she figures, and trying to push them doesn't usually work anyhow. If it did, she'd have Jordan there with her right now.

oooOOOoooOOO

"Hey Brain."

"Hey, um, that's uh, I mean, you got a haircut." he says, staring and trying to figure out what's so different about Jordan Catalano with relatively short hair.

Jordan shrugs and slides into the booth at the diner.

"I gotta go, you know, to court, and everyone kept telling me I should cut it, so..."

"Well, it's probably a good idea then."

"Yeah." Jordan bites his lip a little nervously "Um, how is everybody, you know?"

"Kind of the same. I mean, except for we've all been at Angela's a lot, sort of so, she won't be like, alone."

Jordan winces visibly and Brian stares at him.

"Is she all right?" Jordan says quietly.

"Yeah, surprisingly, for someone whose mom is like, lying in bed upstairs, practically catatonic, she's doing okay."

"I miss her a lot" Jordan says, so softly it's almost a whisper, "what's um, catatanic?" he adds, as an afterthought.

"A catatonic state – like unresponsive. That's not what's happening with Mrs. Chase, though, I was, like exaggerating. She's more like, severely depressed and can't get herself out of bed."

"Oh."

"So, I don't get it." Brian says "Why haven't you been around if you miss her?"

Jordan's face darkens and he lets out a long breath with a touch of a sigh to it before he tries to explain.

"I guess it's cause, well, you know how she's um, complicated, right?"

He glances up at Brian, who shrugs and nods in agreement.

"And that's not like, a bad thing. But right now," he continues "it's like everything is complicated for me too, and with her parents and all, I just like, don't think I should be like in a bad mood around her or getting her in trouble and making things harder for her and stuff."

"So, you're like, trying to do the right thing by staying away?" Brian asks him, thinking once again that Jordan Catalano is a total mystery.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Oh."

He wants to keep his mouth shut, he really does, and for a minute he succeeds and just sits there, watching Jordan stare down at the table, but then he sighs and goes ahead with the inevitable.

"I um, know, it's like, none of my business" he says, wondering if it's some parental gene that makes him do this, "but I think you're making a mistake."

Jordan scowls at him.

"She needs you. I think she'd rather have complicated and problems with you than like, be without you."

He watches while Jordan Catalano blinks his eyes tight and turns his head away.

Because even though Jordan's always felt secure enough about Angela _liking_ him, the idea of her needing him is a whole new one. After all, they broke up once already, even though she liked him, because she wasn't ready for sex, and she gets angry at him and fights with him when she doesn't like something. He's always kind of thought he's the one who needs Angela, that she doesn't need him so much because she has her family and friends. But if he's wrong and she really does need him, he thinks, then Brain's right, he should be there.

"You really think so?" he says.

"Yeah," Brian says, and sighs in exasperation, "I do."

"Okay."

He pauses and takes a couple pieces of paper out of his book "so I did a lot of work on The Tempest thing..." he tells Brian, handing him the pages.

"I'll say"

Brian looks impressed as he skims them. "Where'd you get this stuff?"

"Corey's mom is some kind of a Shakespeare expert. She knows all about it. And his dad knows a lot about music."

"Did you write this yourself?"

"Yeah. Well, we, you know, talked about it and then I like, was thinking about it and then I wrote it down."

"This is really good" Brian says, shaking his head "like really good."

#*ooOOoo*#

"Danielle, have you got your lunch?"

"Yeah, thanks" Danielle says, heading out the front door.

Angela takes one more bite of her toast and puts her coffee cup down. She reaches for her backpack and turns to head out the door herself, but Danielle is standing in front of her, grinning ear to ear, her eyes huge and sparkling.

"What? Did you forget something?" Angela asks, puzzled.

"Jordan Catalano's waiting outside to take you to school." Danielle says importantly, and then heads once again for the front door, but halfway there she's pushed out of the way by Angela, who is flying past her and down the front steps like she's not going to let anything else get in between her and Jordan Catalano ever again.


	23. Chapter 23

**thanks to all of you who are hanging in with the story. i know the parents aren't who we love most, but they are real dimensional mscl characters and a major part of Angela's life, not to mention plot pivotal. As you'll see in the opening sentence, the royal couple (luvjordan's brilliant description) are back and there's lots of love coming our way for a while now, so hope you enjoy it.  
**

**Chapter 23**

Angela is so radiant walking down the hall with Jordan Catalano that people are turning to look. It's Jordan's first day back after the weeks suspension, something people might have noticed anyway, but the way Angela is glowing and Jordan's hand is resting easily but possessively on her shoulder would turn heads anywhere. Brian Krackow, standing at his locker, and watching them go by, is torn more than ever between jealousy and resignation. He wonders what Catalano does to light her up like that, and then realizes that he really doesn't want to know. He looks around at the other guys in the hall watching her and knows that he's not the only one who notices Angela Chase anymore.

But Angela doesn't notice anyone else. However much she thought she loved Jordan Catalano before pales in comparison to how she's felt about him ever since he showed up last Friday to drive her to school.

"So, back to the daily grind" she says, reaching up to open her locker and smiling at him, only to be interrupted by a soft kiss.

"I know you're glad to be back" she teases him once her eyes can focus and she can find her voice again.

"Yeah, grateful beyond…what is that?" he grins at her "measure?"

"Umhum" she has to concentrate, just to get the books in and out of her locker, and it's hard to do that now that his hand's moved up to her neck and he's so close to her that she can feel his breath on her cheek.

"You're distracting me" she says, blushing a little, and watches his smile open up.

"_Maybe complete and total lack of restraint is actually what it takes to make you happy_" Angela thinks, _"because ever since I like, threw myself at him when he showed up last Friday, everything's been completely amazing with us."_

She hands him his books and says "So when do I get to see that English paper that Brian's so impressed with?"

"It's just a paper, Ange. You can see it when I get it back from Katimsky, if you really want."

Brian's told everyone that his paper on The Tempest is like, _college level_, whatever that means, and now he's really kind of anxious to see what Katimsky will say about it, since it's the only thing he's ever tried to write that he was interested in, except for like, song lyrics, or that one insane time when he'd tried to write a letter to Angela.

His face clouds and goes guarded for a second, but then he sees the concern in her face and softens.

"Come on schoolgirl" he says, leaning up against her and stroking her hair for a second, and it's not lost on him how she shines when he touches her, all lit up and happy. Not lost on him at all.

#***OOO000***#

Right before lunch the announcements for West Side Story casting are posted, and even though it makes perfect sense, it's not exactly what Rayanne had been hoping for.

"You read it Ricky, quick" she tells him, standing in the little crowd around the announcement "put me out of my misery."

"Oh my god" he tells her "we're like, engaged. I'm Bernardo. You're Anita."

Everyone is hugging Abbsynia, so when Rayanne pushes Ricky aside to read the rest of the assigned roles, she isn't surprise to see who will be playing Maria, the lead.

"Congratulations" she says, turning to her.

"Thanks" Abbsynia says, grabbing Rayanne and hugging her in excitement "I totally thought you were like, going to get it."

"Typecasting, you know" Rayanne shrugs and laughs. "No more sweet and innocent for me."

Anita's character is much higher energy than Maria's, Rayanne reflects, and her songs might actually be more fun. She'd been wondering when she tried out if she'd be able to keep a straight face prancing about and singing "I feel pretty and witty and gay" and now she won't have to.

"Besides" she tells Abbsynia, trying to be fair "you deserved it."

Abbsynia grins and looks at Ricky. "Hey bro."

"Sistah" he responds, because that's what they'll be playing.

"Ricky has the role of a lifetime" Rayanne scoffs "a straight macho guy, engaged to me. Now that's gonna take some serious dramatic chops."

He looks annoyed, rolls his eyes at her, takes a step back and bumps into Corey Helfrick.

"Hey" Corey says, turning around from reading the cast list "this looks good. Congratulations."

"Told you I'd see you on the boards" he says, looking at Rayanne "Anita should be a great part for you."

"I hope I can do it" she says, feeling almost embarrassed, "it's a like, seriously large personality."

"Yeah" he grins at her cockily, "and you're such a shy, retiring type. Which makes it a huge challenge."

"Shut up"

Absynia is talking to someone else now, Ricky is hugging Delia, who's gotten a part as one of the Shark dancers and Rayanne is acutely conscious that she really is feeling almost shy, something that seriously irritates her.

"So, see ya" she says, scowling and walking away, but Corey follows and catches up with her.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asks, falling into step with her.

"No" she shakes her head and a smile sneaks out "I'm just shyly retiring, I guess."

"Well, maybe I could help you with that, you know? …your shyness," he says, grinning, "help you to like, come out of your shell."

"That didn't work so well before" Rayanne says a little tartly, and for practically the first time in her life, thinks maybe she shouldn't say just anything that comes into her mind.

Corey bites his lip and frowns, and for a minute they just keep walking without saying anything.

"Were you disappointed not to get the lead?" he asks quietly, and she's surprised at how nice it is that he would even think of that at all.

"Maybe a little."

"Well, that's normal, right?" he smiles at her "but Anita's a better role for you, you know?"

"Yeah, probably. Where are you going by the way?" she says, looking at him curiously.

"Just kind of walking with you I guess. That okay?"

"Don't you have a class you have to get to?" she says, smiling to herself and wondering why he seems so frigging easy to be with.

"Maybe. It's just health, and there's a substitute anyway. Where are you going?"

"It's a bright sunshiney day. Maybe the benches out by the vending machines."

"Right, so, health at the vending machines. I'll buy you some cheetos or something. Maybe an apple, for like, health purposes."

"Cheetos, definitely" she laughs "I think that chemical orange stuff that pretends to be cheese and comes off on your hands is supposed to be really healthy."

They walk out of the hall, down the steps, and when she takes off running in the direction of the benches, he just smiles and follows along at a leisurely pace.

#***ooOOOoo***#

Camille Cherski lets herself into the Chase household and looks around at the general mess, something Patti would never put up with normally.

"_At least it feels like someone's living in it_" she thinks as she climbs the stairs and opens the door to the almost morbidly quiet bedroom, where Patti has been cloistered for more than a week.

"Wake up, girlfriend" she says, coming into the room, walking over to the window, and pulling the curtains open.

"Hi Camille" says a tired voice, from the bed.

"How are you feeling today?"

"All right, I guess."

Camille unlatches the windowpane and pushes it up.

"Beautiful spring afternoon out there. Graham's on his way over, by the way," she says a second before his car comes around the corner and pulls up in front of the house.

"In fact, here he comes now."

"Why?"

Patti's voice has at least shifted from empty to worried, Camille observes and then she wonders if that's a good thing.

"Why is your husband here? Good question." Camille says as she turns to face Patti, "Well, because you two have things to discuss. Your marriage, your children, your depression, and most immediately maybe, your business. Graham thinks you need to ask your father to take care of the press until you're better, and he thinks you're the one who needs to make that decision."

"I don't want to decide anything right now" she says with a sigh "especially with Graham."

"Patti" Camille says, sitting on the edge of the bed "you need to talk to him."

"I'm too tired, Camille."

She wipes her eyes, and turns her face to the wall, but Camille can't let her get away from this one.

"If you don't make these decisions Patti, someone else will have to make them for you. Graham is trying to help. And he needs to see you."

Patti starts crying again, and Camille leans forward and puts her hand on Patti's shoulder.

"I'm going to send him in. Talk to him about the press, okay?" she sighs "because either you have to ask your dad to take care of it or else put a sign on the door saying you've gone fishing indefinitely. I suggest your dad."

She gets up and walks to the door, and then she turns back and looks at Patti.

"Let him help, Patti" she says, "he may have seriously messed up but he does love you."

She leaves the door half open and leans over the stairs.

"Come on up, Graham" she calls.

#***oooOOOooo***#

"Jordan um, Catalano, could you I talk to you for a minute?" Mr. Katimsky says, just as Jordan's halfway out the door with Angela.

He really doesn't want to let go of her hand, Jordan realizes. Ever since he'd shown up to drive her to school last Friday and she'd like, _cried_ because she was so happy to see him, he's wanted her close. Sitting there in his car with her in his arms, flooded with tenderness and wanting to take care of her, he'd realized something he hadn't exactly thought out before, which is that he loves Angela Chase completely and that it's been that way for a while now. Most of the time since he's figured this out he's just totally there with her, and then sometimes like now, he's a little dazed with knowing it. He feels her lean up and kiss his cheek before walking away and he watches her for a second, the feel of her lips still on his cheek, before turning and walking back into the classroom.

"Have a seat, Jordan" Mr. Katimsky tells him, pulling a chair up next to his desk, and then sitting down to face him.

"Your um, extra credit paper on The Tempest was extremely um, original. I'm sorry to do this but I do have to ask you if you wrote all of it yourself?"

"Well, Brain, I mean Brian, checked it for spelling and you know, grammar, but yeah, I did."

Jordan knows he sounds a little defensive, but it's pretty clear he's being suspected of copying something and passing it off as his own, when even the idea of doing that disgusts him. He may not have ever done well in school but at least he's never stooped to cheating.

"Because I have to tell you Jordan" Mr Katimsky is looking at him seriously "that it's very good."

"Oh" he says, feeling first surprised, and then surprising pleased, "really?"

"Really," Katimsky says, smiling back at Jordan's pleased look. "So, um, how did you start to think about this?"

"My friend's parents kinda know a lot. And they played me like, records of the songs, and we talked about them. Especially Full Fathom Five."

Katimsky nods and watches as Jordan slide his shirt sleeves down over his hands.

"And I, you know, thought it was, you know, kind of interesting how the original songs came all the way down to us, but like, were sometimes changed to be like the music of the time."

"Well, sometimes the plays change too" Mr. Katimsky tells him "you know, the school play we're producing now, "West Side Story is really a 1950's version of Romeo and Juliet."

"Uh huh" Jordan nods. Angela had explained that to him in the last couple days, when everyone was going on about the new school play "anyhow, I just thought about styles of music and how they change, so, you know, I tried to write about it. In relation to, you know, the songs from The Tempest."

"Well, this would be a surprisingly good paper coming from anyone, Jordan" Katimsky says, leaning towards him and looking serious "and you've had a lot of trouble in English, I understand, so it's a double surprise coming from you."

"I, you know, Brian's been tutoring me."

"Jordan, he's been tutoring you for not quite five months now, and before that you were in and out of remedial English classes. That's pretty impressive progress. I'm kind of surprised no one's ever thought of testing you before."

Jordan looks confused. "I've taken tests before" he says "I just didn't do too good on them, because, you know, I didn't read um, too good."

He can't help feeling a little uncomfortable, having to say this out loud.

"I'm doing better now," he adds.

"Jordan" Mr. Katimsky says seriously "there are all kinds of ways to test people when they have trouble reading, ways to find out what problems people have, and other ways to find out their strengths. Sometimes, those tests are done by having someone else read the questions or write down the answers."

He pauses and looks at Jordan. "I'd really like to see you take some tests."

"Why? I mean I'm getting better, right?" Jordan says, even more confused, "Just, I was like, a remedial reader, Brian says, with low literacy skills."

"Well, you should have been tested way before now to help you read" Mr. Katimsky tells him, and Jordan looks down, feeling a little unsettled at the attention Katimsky is giving this.

"But more important," he continues, "you should be tested now, um, because this is an, um, intelligent paper, and I think we owe it to you to find out how we can help you use your intelligence."

Jordan sinks down a little in his seat, feeling strangely uncomfortable and wondering what to make of this new twist. He doesn't think anyone's ever used his name and the word intelligent in a sentence together before, except Angela maybe, or Mr. Racine or someone who was talking about his lack of it. He should probably just not have handed the paper in, he thinks. It's better if this stuff doesn't get all stirred up and brought to people's attention. He pastes an absent look on his face and stares out the window, wondering if he can just go back to being the dumb kid in the back of the class again, but Mr. Katimsky is looking at him as if he knows exactly what he's doing.

"Geez, Jordan" he says "it'll just be some tests. That'll take a couple hours or so."

Jordan's forehead bunches up, while he tries to figure this out. He doesn't know it yet, but he's about to find out something Angela and Ricky already know. You can't say no to Katimsky. The guy's relentless.

#***oooOOOooo***

"What do you mean, she can't come to the phone?" Chuck Wood yells into the phone angrily. "There's one next to her bed for Christ's sake."

Graham holds the phone away from his ear and looks at Patti, sitting up on the bed.

"She's not feeling well, Chuck" he says quietly "and she asked me to talk to you about it."

"I thought you weren't living there."

"I'm here now." Graham pauses "and if you don't want to do this, just say so."

"Just say so" Chuck mimics Grahams voice "just let the business that supports you all flounder and die."

Graham bites his tongue and doesn't point out that he's running another business in the hope of supporting them.

"Of course I'll do it. I just would like to speak to my daughter about it." Chuck says and Graham looks at Patti imploringly.

"Talk to him for a minute, Patti" he says holding the phone out to her.

"Hi dad. I'm sorry to bother you with this, but I seem to be kind of exhausted." Patti blinks back the tears and tries to keep her voice normal.

"So a week in bed hasn't done anything" her dad says "have you seen a doctor?"

"Yes, of course." Patti's energy at this point does not extend to elaborate explanations or alibis "She prescribed bed rest. Could you keep things afloat at the press for a while, dad?"

"Sure I can."

"I'm really sorry to have to ask you" she says and hears her voice shake.

"That's not the problem" he tells her "but you need to get well. Who's taking care of you?"

"Oh, everyone is, dad. Camille and Graham" she swallows for a second "and the girls have been great. They're so organized."

Her father doesn't say a word, which is so unusual that Patti actually notices it.

"I'm sorry to have to ask you" she says again.

"Don't be silly" he tells her.

"Maybe you can find someone for a few hours, just to help Tom with loading the presses and deliveries. I was planning to do that anyway."

"Sure" her dad says "good idea."

"Thanks dad" she tells him, handing the phone back to Graham and collapsing on her side in a heap.

She hears the hum of Grahams voice still talking to her father and feels his hand reach out and rest on her shoulder, but she doesn't pay attention to any of it. She's really just too tired, she tells herself, closing her eyes, but the truth is that she's really just too unhappy and she knows it. .

#***oooOOOooo***#

"What did she want this time?" Janet says, as Brian exits bio.

"How do you know she wants something?" he asks, watching her smirk and wondering if all girls are psychically gifted, or just the ones he knows. "She asked me to stay with her sister tonight, so she can go somewhere."

He looks at Janet and thinks that she seems happy with him these days. He pretty much lets her decide how they spend their time together, and so far that has mainly consisted of studying, talking about their academic futures, an occasional outing and a lot of making out, so it's working just fine for him. There had been some kind of tension around Angela Chase that he'd picked up on when they first got back together, but that seems to be gone now.

"So how old's this sister, anyhow?" Janet giggles and pokes him.

"Eleven going on thirty, I think. That's what my mother says, anyhow. She's kind of like, precocious."

"You mean socially? Should I be worried?" she says, pushing his shoulder and smiling. "Maybe I should come along."

"Yeah right. I don't think that's so good. I think Danielle kind of likes it when it's just the two of us doing our homework together, like it makes her feel grown up or something. I don't mind it, you know. It gets me out of the house and she like, needs the attention right now."

Janet looks at him and wrinkles her nose in exasperation.

"So Angela Chase's little sister has a crush on you."

"No. I mean what makes you think that? She's like, eleven," he says, looking shocked.

"Eleven year old girls don't have crushes?"

"Not this one, I don't think. She's like, not the mushy type."

"Oh, I see. Only mushy type girls like boys."

Her voice is sarcastic, but she's laughing, so he guesses it's okay.

Girls really are indecipherable, he thinks to himself, so a guess is probably the best he can do. Still, as for Danielle Chase, the idea that she has a crush on him explains a lot.

"_Hopeless. Hopeless and ironic"_ he thinks, even as he's enjoying walking down the hall with Janet, _"Me liking Angela, Angela liking Jordan, Danielle liking me..The whole romance thing is hopelessly ironic_."

#***oooOOOooo***#

Seeing Patti today had been painful, Graham reflects as he gets into the car, but nowhere near as painful as not seeing her has been. Before he'd left, he'd kissed her cheek and told her that he loved her, and even though she'd kept her eyes closed and not responded, he knew that she'd heard him. He wonders what it's going to take to bring her back to herself, to her family, to him, and what it will take to bring him home.

Graham's life out of the house feels like some strange limbo wasteland, where he waits to see if, where or when the other shoe will drop. And as remorseful as he feels over kissing Halle and getting caught kissing Halle, and all of the roving eye's he cast before that led up to kissing Halle, he's starting to think that there's a lot more both to Patti's depression and his acting out than anyone's wanted to look at so far. He wonders how long his parents would have stayed married if his mother hadn't died when he was nineteen, he wonders how Patti's father and mother have managed to stay married all their lives and why, and more than anything he wonders if he and Patti will make it through this, if his marriage will ever be comfortable or happy again.

He'd better get used to not knowing for a while, he tells himself, starting up the car. He looks around at the street he's lived on for years, up at his bedroom window where Patti is lying in bed. And then almost like some form of mental self- protection he starts to think about the restaurant, the only place that really does make sense right now. He thinks about what he has to do when he gets there, where to start, about who's supposed to come in tonight and what he wants to cook for them. He wants to do something really nice for them, he thinks, as he pulls out from the curb and drives away.

#***oooOOOooo***#

"I don't know, Ange" Jordan says, as he eases the car into Ondine's small parking lot, "are you sure your dad wants me in his restaurant?"

"I already told you, he's been asking me to bring you to dinner here for a while now. I think he wants to do something nice for us."

"Yeah" he scowls, "but what if I don't know what fork to use, or something?"

"It's not like that, really" she touches his arm and smiles "Maybe there's a salad fork, if you order one, or a spoon for soup. You've just seen Pretty Woman too many times. Don't worry about it, okay?"

"You really think it's okay to go in dressed like this?"

"Yes" she says, making a duh face and then hugging his arm and smiling at him in such a doting way that he gives up worrying and grins back at her.

"There's no dress code, anyway. " she says soothingly "My dad says they're outdated, and people should be comfortable. All we have to do is just sit down and eat dinner in my dad's restaurant, which gets him over asking me to bring you in all the time. It will be good."

"Okay" he says, getting out of the car, "but, I'm not eating like, snails or anything, okay?"

"He told me he'd make something Italian especially for you, and he's really good with pasta, so..."

"I know," he says, wrapping his arm around her shoulder "it'll be fine."

"Better than fine. Good."

"Uh huh. Whatever," he says, opening the restaurant door and grimacing at her, "here goes."

#***oooOOOooo***#

"Angela's here" Halle tells Graham, coming into the kitchen after leaving them in the back booth with menus.

"Good" he says, without turning around from the stove "with Jordan, right?"

"Definitely with Jordan" she smiles "and they look totally teenaged besotted with each other."

"Yeah, well, I'm glad she has something to be happy about in the middle of this mess. I just hope," he turns and looks at her "she's being careful. Or that he is."

"She's a sensible girl, Graham. And he seems like a decent kid, even if he is too good looking for anyone's peace of mind."

"Thanks a lot," he turns back to the stove "tell them I'll come out and say hello when I get a minute. Have their waiter tell them about the lasagne, okay?"

"Sure. And Rayanne's dessert, too."

Graham nods to himself and turns his attention back to what's in front of him. It's true that a nagging little worry about Angela and Jordan tugs at him occasionally, but as the father of a teenaged girl, he figures he has to accept that kind of worry as something that just goes along with the territory. It's always been Patti's job to worry possible problems to death and his job to calm Patti down, but the two of them are not exactly working as a team right now, and he has enough on his plate, he thinks, without getting paranoid about his daughters romance/sex life. He's just glad that she's brought her boyfriend into the restaurant, where Jordan will be reminded, hopefully, that she has parents who care about her.

"_Thank god for this place_" he thinks, and starts on the next order.

#***oooOOOooo***#

"See?" she says, an hour later, leaning back into the comfortable booth "that wasn't so bad?"

"Nah" he picks up her hand lying on the table "it was nice, sort of. And I like this table" he adds, looking around "it's tucked away, kind of.

"Well, it is the best table in the place, you know" Angela grins "and he made mushroom lasagna for you, too. He must have really wanted you to like it."

"I do," he says a little shyly "it feels, um, grown up, like."

"Yeah, I know" she says looking at him dreamily, just as her father walks up to the table with two dessert plates in his hands.

"So how was everything?" Graham asks, registering Angela's dreamy smile as he puts the plates down in front of them, leaning over to kiss her cheek, and noticing how carefully Jordan lets go of her hand when he sees him.

"Hi Jordan" he says, scooting in next to his daughter "I'll just sit with you for a minute. It's busy back there and I couldn't get out earlier. Rayanne made the dessert especially for you. Olive oil and sauterne cake," he recites, "with cherry compote and whipped cream."

"Really?" Angela laughs, "she made a cake with olive oil? And you let her near the sauterne bottle?"

Graham nods, and looks at Jordan, who is looking a little worried. He can't help thinking the cherry compote is some sort of sexual innuendo, and he really hopes Graham hasn't considered the same possibility.

"She's turning into an adventurous cook" Graham laughs, seeming completely at ease, "and I don't see any signs of her drinking_."_

"That's what, um, Tino says" Jordan agrees, "she's not drinking."

"So Jordan" Graham says, "how's it going for you at the garage? Do you like working there these days?"

Jordan frowns, not quite sure what he's really being asked.

"Well, you know, it's an after school job, and uh, it pays for my car insurance and stuff" he says looking down at the cake, "I like working with cars."

"Because Angela's grandfather is going to be taking care of the press" Graham says, dropping his voice a little, and looking at a suddenly saddened Angela "until Patti's ready to come back."

He pauses and puts his arm around her, before continuing.

"And Grandpa Chuck remembered Jordan, from the opening party, and he must have liked you" Graham says, turning his head to look at Jordan, "because he wondered if you'd be interested in a job helping out at the press."

"Do you think you'd like that?" Angela says seriously to Jordan. He's doing a pretty good job of not completely disappearing, she notes, but still, he's starting to play with the sleeve of his shirt and to scowl a little, so she wraps her arm around his and leans up closer to him.

"Uh, maybe." He knows Angela means to support him by snuggling up to him, but she's sitting between him and her father right now, and Jordan's acutely aware that the last time he and Graham had seen each other he'd been in the process of unzipping Angela's jeans on the front room couch. He wonders for a minute if he's done something amazingly stupid in letting her talk him into coming to the restaurant tonight.

"I mean I'd have to uh, go see what he needs, and talk to Josh, my boss, you know at the garage, see if it could work" he says, almost stuttering.

"Well, schools's out in another month" says Graham, who is unfortunately having more or less the same memory recall "maybe it can turn into a summer job, if you want."

"Yeah, maybe" Jordan sort of mumbles "thanks, for um telling me."

There's an awkward moment of silence, and Graham starts to stand up to head back to the kitchen when Madame Buisson, Angela's French teacher suddenly appears at the side of the booth, with someone who is probably Monsieur Buisson.

"Mademoiselle Chase" she smiles.

"_Seeing your teachers outside of school is like so unreal_" Angela thinks, momentarily stunned, "_like, they don't belong there or something, like they're only supposed to exist in a certain time and place.."_

"Oh, uh, hi, Madame Buisson" she says, blinking, "Dad, this is Madame Buisson, my French teacher."

She watches her father stand up and turn into a restaurant owner, introducing himself, shaking hands, asking if they've enjoyed their meal. Madame complements Graham on both his daughter's progress in French and his restaurant, and then both Jordan and Monsieur Buisson have to be introduced.

"You're Jordan Catalano?" Madame Buisson says, sounding delighted "Your English teacher was telling us about your paper today. It must have been very good, because he was so impressed by it."

Angela doesn't know who looks more stupefied, Jordan or her father. After Jordan mumbles something incoherent, there's a little more politeness, and then Graham heads back to the kitchen, Madame and husband head out the door and Angela falls back into her seat and lets out a long breath.

"Wow" she says, looking at a glassy eyed Jordan "that was like a parent teacher conference or something. You okay?"

"I guess. She seems to really like you, your French teacher."

"Yeah. Me and my impressive boyfriend. And father. Weird, huh?"

"Um. I mean no, not um, really."

"Jordan?" she says, sliding a little closer to him, saying his name almost in a whisper, like it's something incredibly private

"Yeah?" he says huskily.

"Thanks for coming. I'm sorry if it was uncomfortable."

His hand reaches for hers and he almost lifts it up to kiss it before he remembers where they are.

"It's okay" he tells her, looking at her intently, "really."

"We don't have to go straight home. Rayanne and Ricky will stay till we get there."

"Yeah" he says, wanting her in his arms as soon as possible, "can we go now?"

"I think we should we eat Rayanne's dessert, you know? She did make it for us." She looks at him and feels dizzy from how much she wants to be close to him.

"Right. It's cherry um, what?"

"Compote" she tells him, rolling her eyes and blushing lightly, and then they both just kind of giggle.

Graham standing in the kitchen door with Halle, looks in their direction and then immediately looks away, wishing he hadn't seen the way his daughter and Jordan Catalano are eyeing each other. They're both so clearly gone that he can't help but wonder if either of them has any common sense operating at all.

Halle looks at him compassionately "I told you," she says "besotted. Can you deal?"

"I hope so. After all, it's nothing new. Just the usual collision of parenthood and young love." He takes a deep breath, runs a hand back over his head and quotes Dante "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

"I thought that was going over the kitchen door" she laughs.

"Maybe I should just have it tattooed on my forehead."

"Or save it for your tombstone."

Angela is getting up to leave when she hears the sound of her father's laugh and Halle's low chuckle, and looks over her shoulder at the two of them standing in the kitchen door. Her face darkens for a minute when she thinks of her mother at home in bed, but then Jordan pulls on her hand and they're walking out the door together, away from it all.


	24. Chapter 24

**Thanks everyone, for reading and thanks especially to everyone who reviewed last chapter. It means a lot.  
**

**Chapter 24**

There's a murmured chorus of bye's and thanks as people pile out of Jordan's car, but Jordan is looking at Angela and doesn't respond to any of them.

"Good luck I guess?" she tells him, resting her head on his shoulder for just a minute "don't do it if you don't want to, you know."

"I know."

She turns her face up to him and feels him shift towards her at the same time, loving the moment when he meets her and their mouths find each other, the way they soften into the kiss so easily, the feel of his tongue, his mouth, the whole mysterious thing that happens with him. She feels her neck fall back and lets the longing for him to do whatever he wants with her take over, and then, too soon, he's stopped and has pulled her into his chest, holding her.

"So, you should go" she says, leaning back an inch and looking dazed.

"Mmmm" he moves in for one more kiss, this time holding her head in his hands, molding his lips softly into hers before tracing them down the back of her neck and resting there with his eyes closed, mouthing kisses inside the neck of her tee shirt.

"Come back after" she whispers "we have lots of food, and there's a movie"

"Okay" he murmurs into her hair, "but that's not what I'm coming back for."

He smiles at the sound of her soft giggle and watches as she slides across the front seat, turning to smile back at him, and then he watches her in the rear view mirror as he drives away.

Angela stands on the sidewalk, watching him watch her, thinking if she's been waiting for some sign that she's ready to have sex, she's maybe just gotten it and it's not a sign it's a whole blazing billboard. She can't think of a single reason why waiting would be a good idea anymore, but the truth is that she can't think about anything anymore because she's running high on hormones and the honesty of being so completely open with Jordan, the absolutely non cerebral realness that they just are together.

"Hey" she says, coming into the front room, where Sharon, Ricky, Danielle and Brian are settled into the couches "are you home early, Dani?"

"I got off the bus and walked right by you and Jordan going at it in the front seat" she says sarcastically, and then giggles "like, get a room, maybe?"

"Oh" she laughs and blushes as Sharon grins, Ricky looks wistful and Brian worried "umhumm."

"Umhumm?" Sharon laughs "Chase face, you are so cooked."

This is the kind of conversation that can't go anywhere with Danielle and Brian Krackow in the room, Angela thinks, so she just sits there a little dizzy with lust and tries to look normal.

"_So this is it? I mean, I'm like ready? I think maybe this is way beyond ready. This is like the eager and willing kind of ready. I wonder if I need to say something? I mean to Jordan? Because he should know, right? I mean he must know, but maybe I still need to say it. And it would be good if I was on the pill, but I mean how could I be on the pill already, because I didn't like, know before. I wonder if I should ask my dad to tell Doctor Skolnick to give me a prescription. But I'd still have to wait if it was the pill. And I would hate other people knowing I was going to, like, before Jordan even knew? Maybe he already knows. Maybe I'm over thinking this. But birth control is really important. I think.."_

"Angela"

"Huh?"

She looks at Danielle and partially comes back to earth.

"I said, what's Rayanne bringing for dinner? Cause I want pasta."

"Well, get on the phone, moron, quick and tell dad. That's all you have to do."

"Ricky, do you want to stay for dinner?" she adds, because he sometimes does.

"No, I'm going home. Jordan's coming back isn't he?"

"Yeah. I mean he shouldn't be gone very long anyhow. I'd uh, better go check on mom."

Angela climbs the stairs, still ricocheting between her over stimulated body and her fiercely competitive mind, takes a breath and opens her mother's door.

"Mom?"

There's no reply, so she moves quietly toward the bed. Patti is asleep, and nothing looks very different from how it was this morning, except for another empty cup on the nightstand.

"_At_ _least she's getting some liquids._" Angela frowns, picks up the cup and turns away, and then she hears Patti sigh.

"Hi sweetheart" Patti says.

"Hi mom." She leans over and kisses her cheek, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay" Patti says "how was school? Is Danielle home?"

"Okay. Yeah, she's home. We're all downstairs." She sits on the side of the bed and takes her mothers hand. "Did you eat anything today?"

"I heated up some soup." Patti tells her "who's downstairs?"

"Ricky, Sharon, Brian. And Danielle. We'll probably watch t.v. and do homework for a while. I'll bring you up some dinner when it gets here."

"Thanks sweetheart." Patti says, starting to tear up "for being so responsible."

"Don't cry, mom" Angela says "just try to rest. We're fine."

Patti nods and the two of them sit together silently for a minute before Angela presses her mother's hand and stands up. Out of the bedroom, she shuts the door behind her and exhales with a soft sigh. Her love buzz is completely gone now, and threatening to take its place is the sad and sticky quicksand of Patti's desolation. It feels alive and oozing, threatening to leak out under the bedroom door and fill the house.

"_We're not getting lost in that_." Angela thinks firmly "_no, not me, or Danielle, or any of us_." She wonders if Patti would get better somewhere outside of the bedroom and how she could get her out of there, but it's more than her brain can take on at the moment. "_She's not getting any better lying in bed_" Angela thinks and wonders, as she walks downstairs, why Dr. Peterson is so reluctant to give her mother those drugs.

"Brian" she says coming into the front room "what does your mother think about anti-depressants?"

"My mother thinks they're okay, but she does say they're maybe being used too much," Brian says "and my father thinks they're really bad. My mother doesn't prescribe them unless people are really having a hard time."

"I think my mom's having a really hard time." Angela says "maybe I should talk to your mother."

"Yeah. Well, you, um know where we um, live. She's home now, if you want to like, go over there."

Angela nods thoughtfully, and heads straight for the door. It couldn't hurt to talk to Bernice Krackow, she thinks, and maybe it could even help.

###oooOOOooo###

"I, uh, can't spell so good" Jordan says a little nervously, looking around at the presses. "So I don't know if that would make a problem.

"Well Tom" Angela's grandfather says, smiling and looking at the pressman, "you tell him."

"Okay" Tom says with a little chuckle and a shy smile, "That makes three of us who can't spell then. Lucky that doesn't have anything to do with printing."

"Or driving. So then, I figure, you can do this" Chuck tells him "and it would really help us out right now if you'd be willing to."

"Okay. I'll work something out at the garage." Jordan says.

They've already offered him more money here than he's making at the garage, and he knows Josh will move his schedule around, or let him come back whenever he needs to. He's not so sure about working with Angela's grandfather, but if it will help her family out, he's willing to step up and try.

"Good." Chuck says, and Tom nods.

"So, um when do you want me to start?" Jordan asks, wanting to get back to Angela and hoping maybe later in the week will work.

"No time like the present."

"Okay," Jordan says and swallows. He can probably still get to Angela's by six, he thinks, looking up at the clock.

###oooOOOooo###

"Thanks you guys" Angela says, as Rayanne, sitting in the front of Tino's car, hands her food from the restaurant, and Ricky slides into the back seat for his ride home.

It's pretty amazing how organized things have become in just a couple of weeks. Every day now, someone comes home with her after school. On the days Jordan doesn't work he stays, and on the days he works he drops them off and comes back. Homework gets done and the t.v. gets watched with them all sitting in the front room, and dinner and the next days lunches arrive from the restaurant with Rayanne after she gets off work. Camille Cherski usually swings by at about the same time, casting a parental eye over the front room, picking up Sharon when she's there, sometimes giving Ricky or Rayanne a ride when they leave. And now, for the past week, Jordan's been there every day after work, eating dinner with them and helping her clean up the kitchen after Danielle goes up to bed each night.

Patti, on the other hand, never makes an appearance. Angela knows she comes downstairs sometimes in the afternoon when no one's home, because she sees a dish in the dishwasher, or notices food has been eaten, and because Patti tells her sometimes, but Angela hasn't seen her mother out of her bedroom since the day she came home from school and found her sobbing upstairs.

She stops at the mailbox on the way back into the house, piling the letters into the bags along with the food in order to carry it all in together.

"Dinner's here" she yells to Danielle, putting everything down on the counter, and flipping through the mail, discarding obvious junk, putting what looks like a phone bill on top of the pile for Camille to pick up tomorrow. It's all running like a well oiled machine, she thinks, except for the elephant in the room.

In the kitchen she starts setting plates out on the table, finding serving spoons for the pasta, opening the refrigerator for milk. At first, when Patti took to her room, most of their meals were consumed wordlessly in front of the t.v., but since Jordan's been coming for dinner she's started setting the kitchen table each night. She likes trying to make it nice for him and the coziness of eating in the kitchen nook. It's probably better for Danielle, too, she thinks.

There's a little tap at the back door, the sound of it opening and he's there.

"Good timing" she says, turning to smile at him, closing her eyes as his arms wrap around her and he kisses her cheek.

"What?" she says because he's holding her in an extended hug, and it feels like there's something on his mind.

"Nuthin" he says, squeezing her a little tighter before he lets go. He wonders if Angela has any idea how much he loves this, coming into the house and seeing her smile at the sight of him, sitting down with her at a table to eat dinner, the feeling of being wanted, of belonging somewhere. It's almost like what a real home could be, he thinks, like _their_ real home could be.

"How'd it go with my grandfather" she asks, touching his cheek.

"I'm gonna do it. I already started today" he says, turning his mouth into the palm of her hand and kissing it.

"Okay you two" Danielle says from the doorway "not over dinner, huh?"

###oooOOOooo###

"So" she says later, unloading the dishwasher together, after Danielle's gone up to bed, "Brian's mom says she wants to talk with my mom, and then she'll talk to Dr. Peterson"

"Do you think your mom will talk to her?"

"Maybe?" she shakes her head in frustration "something has to happen. Her staying in bed doesn't seem to be doing any good and it's getting really creepy in there."

He nods at her, looking troubled, "You tried talking to her lately?"

"Yeah. But she just cries, and then I cry and then I give up. I mean, this is like, Brian's moms profession. I think maybe my mom will talk to her."

She closes the dishwasher and turns to face him.

"Did you get all your homework done?" she asks.

"Pretty much. I'll finish the rest tomorrow morning," he says, wrapping his arm around her and walking her out to the front room, pulling the French doors closed behind them.

He eases down into the couch and she sits down next to him, turns the t.v. on and reaches over him to turn the light off.

"That's better" she says, leaning into him.

"Yeah."

It's a little schizophrenic, sitting here in the dark, pressed up against each other and wanting each other so much, feeling alone and private and at the same time knowing that Angela's mother is upstairs and could, just possibly, walk downstairs at any moment. The experience of Graham walking in on them seems to have left a permanent impression on Jordan, Angela thinks, because even though things have gotten pretty steamy in here at times this past week, he's been careful about being quiet and keeping most of their clothes on.

He kisses her and she's right back where she was a few hours ago, greedy and drowning and dying for him to do more with her right now.

"Jordan" she whispers "I don't want to wait anymore."

"Huh?"

"You know, to um, you know."

"Really?"

"Uh huh. Really"

He seems to be in some kind of shock, she thinks, because he's stopped kissing her, and is just sitting there, staring at her with his mouth half open and a question on his face.

"But you don't mean right now, right?"

"Right. I mean well, no, I guess not…I mean, why not?" she mutters, still in a fog of lust, and watches his face get actually, like, _distressed_.

"Angela, you know we can't do that here" he says "it's, like, we can't."

He runs his hand back through his hair, looking really kind of unhappy.

"This is crazy" he says, shaking his head while she sits there feeling more and more deflated.

"Oh."

She must sound as disappointed as she feels, because he turns and kisses her softly and then presses her into his chest like he's trying to reassure her or something.

"I mean it's crazy, because I want to, more than like, anything" he whispers "but we have to be somewhere really, like, private, you know?"

"I know" she agrees, a little grudgingly, feeling like she might cry from the combination of embarrassment and frustration, "I just wanted you to know, I guess. I'm sorry if my timing wasn't so good."

"Timing's not the problem here" he grins "just the place, huh?"

"You're right."

He kisses her so tenderly it's almost heartbreaking and she molds herself into his body again, letting go into him, letting him take her over, feeling herself come undone with his fingers inside of her, wrapping her hand around him, taking him with her the same way.

"Angie?" he whispers later, while they're still holding on to each other on the couch "I'm really happy, about uh, you know."

"Yeah" she smiles to herself in the dark "me too."

"Just don't like, change your mind okay?"

"We'll see" she says, with a soft tease in her voice, and hears him give a little mock groan.

###oooOOOooo###

"I asked Brian's mom to come talk to you this morning" Angela says to Patti, standing next to her bed in the morning and holding out a coffee cup.

"I don't think so honey" Patti says, sitting up and blinking, before taking the cup into her hands "I don't really want to talk to anyone these days."

"Mom, you have to try." Angela speaks firmly, and tries to keep from crying. "I asked Mrs Krackow to do this already, and it's only fair that you try to figure out what's going on. You can't stay in bed for like forever, you know. Sooner or later we've got to get you out of this room."

Patti's eyes widen and stare blankly at Angela, and then she begins to cry.

"Mom" she says, feeling like a traitor, "I'm going to bring Mrs. Krackow up when she gets here. Maybe you should comb your hair or something."

She picks up her mom's bathrobe and hands it to her, and then she walks to the window and opens the curtains. When she finishes, Patti is still sitting up in bed with tears streaming down her face.

"Oh mom," she says, walking to the bed and wrapping both arms around her, "just see if she can help you. I'm going to ask Camille to come at lunchtime, okay?"

Patti makes a tiny nod, and Angela kisses her cheek.

"And I'll be home right after school" she tells her before she leaves the room. She stands outside the door and takes a breath, and then it's on to the next thing.

"Danielle" she yells "have you got your soccer bag for after school today? Amanda's mom is picking you up from school and bringing you home after practice, okay?"

###oooOOOooo###

"It's going to be a little tighter for me and Ricky after school now" Rayanne tells Angela, standing by the locker "since rehearsals are starting today. I'm going to have to take time off from the restaurant between now and school getting out, so I can do this."

She drops her voice and says "And I really don't like the play very much. We watched the movie yesterday in drama club and, in my not at all so humble opinion, it sucked. "

"Oh no. But you didn't like My Town at first either, remember, and then it was perfect."

"I know. We'll see how it goes. Anyhow," she grins mischievously "there are other aspects of this, like production, that make it interesting."

"Right" Angela grins back "like the singing, for instance."

No one has said a word to Rayanne about Corey Helfrick since the day last week when she'd nervously blurted out the amazing truth that she thinks she likes him. Ricky and Angela had just looked at her silently and nodded, and later, when Angela had mentioned it to Jordan, he'd frowned and told her to leave it alone.

"Don't worry about us right now. Just concentrate on the play. And the production" Angela teases her friend, and then immediately shifts the subject, "I think the timing's with Danielle won't be as tight for the next few weeks and anyhow, it should all work out. She'll be at soccer practice a lot after school, plus Brian can still be around sometimes and Sharon too. Jordan can pick up stuff from the restaurant, maybe on his way over after working for my grandfather."

"Any change in your mom?" Rayanne asks. "Amber was saying how she might go visit, but I told her that probably wasn't such a good idea."

"My mom probably wouldn't answer the door" Angela says sadly "Brian's mother came over this morning to try to talk to her, and I waited till she was inside the bedroom before I left. I felt like I was consorting with the enemy or something, letting her in."

"Brain's mom, the shrink? I wonder how that will go."

"Yeah" Angela says sadly "me too."

###oooOOOooo###

"I'm really here as a neighbor, Patti, to help in any way that I can."

Bernice Krackow sits in a chair pulled up to the side of Patti's bed, looking sympathetic and wondering if she can be any help at all.

"If you'd like to talk to me about what's going on, I'd be glad to listen."

"I'm sorry that Angela bothered you, Bernice" Patti says, and that's as far as she gets before she starts to cry again.

"Here you go" Bernice says, turning professional at the sight of tears and picking up the Kleenex box on the nightstand "take your time. Let's see if we can talk about it."

###oooOOOooo###

"I'm telling you Richard, it would be a complete waste of time and taxpayers money to test that kid," Foster says in an annoyed voice "He's been held back twice, and now that he's been arrested for drugs, I think it's quite clear what kind of path he's on."

"Well, Jordan's made a lot of um, progress this term. I think if you had a look at the paper he handed in last week, you might be surprised," Katimsky says, trying again, "and the funding is there for just this um, kind of testing. Given the way he's improved so much since Brian Krackow's been tutoring him I'm, um, beginning to suspect he's had some kind of learning disability that's gone undiagnosed for years. Why not try and help him?"

Unfortunately, Brian Krackows name is not exactly the way to Principal Foster's heart.

"Brian Krackow has some strange associates" Foster says dryly "and maybe Mr. Catalano didn't really write that paper he handed in."

"Well, um, it was good enough that I quizzed him on it, to make sure, and he did write it. He's interested in music, and that's what the paper was about."

Mr. Katimsky stands there, waiting for Foster to speak, knowing that Jordan should be tested, that the principal doesn't want him to be and that he's going to make it happen one way or another.

"Jordan really has applied himself this term" he says, making one last try at diplomacy.

"I really don't want to discuss this any further" Foster says, and Mr. Katimsky nods, before leaving the office and walking straight down the hall to the guidance office. Testing is really up to them anyhow, he thinks. He's sorry he even mentioned it to Foster, but that can't get in the way of doing what's right.

###oooOOOooo###

Patti sits up in bed, and hears the downstairs door close behind Bernice Krackow, almost an hour and a half after they'd started to talk. Or, to put it more precisely, after she'd started to talk. She feels literally wrung out, but it's not a bad feeling compared to the way she's been these past weeks. At least it's exhausted in a sort of clean way, she thinks to herself, wanting to go back to sleep. She's really tired of thinking, and Bernice said she'd come back tomorrow. Maybe it will do some good, she tells herself, closing her eyes and snuggling down into unconsciousness.


	25. Chapter 25

**It's very imperfect and a little short but...  
**

**Chapter 25**

"This is a good thing, Jordan" Angela says, standing in front of the guidance office and holding on to his hand "it's going to help."

"I don't know how taking another test and looking stupid again can be a good thing" he mutters sulkily, looking down at the floor.

"We've talked about this," she says soothingly "it's going to be a different kind of test."

She wraps her arms around his waist and holds on to him.

"It's normal to be a little nervous" she tells him.

"Yeah? So now I'm normal, huh?"

"Well, not really" she jokes back, happy to go along with the teasing in his voice, "but maybe in this case, you know?"

"Yeah."

He sighs and rests his arms on her shoulders "Thanks Angie."

"Shh" she hushes him and reaches up to kiss his cheek "it's going to be fine."

The office door opens and Ms. Krazynowski smiles at them.

"You can come on in now, Jordan" she says.

***oooOOOooo***

"I think being upset was a totally normal response to finding out you were adopted, Patti."

This is the third morning in a row that Bernice has been sitting next to Patti's bed, encouraging Patti to open up, asking questions and listening to the answers, and somehow the fact that Patti's adopted has become part of what's being talked about.

"So, you found out when you were ten, but how old were you when you were adopted?" Bernice asks.

"One" Patti says "I was with my birth mother until I was put up for adoption. I don't remember any of it, of course."

"Well, there was probably some separation anxiety there. I wonder if that could have been re-triggered when Graham moved out."

Patti nods her head slowly, "Maybe that makes sense. Because I know this isn't rational. It's more like my emotions have just run away with the show and I really don't have anything to say about it, I'm just awash in feelings. Not very nice ones either."

"I really think you could benefit from some counseling, Patti."

"We – Graham and I that is, were going to start counseling together, before, well, before this."

"That sounds positive. But maybe you might want to do some personal counseling as well. Just to look at any possible underlying issues. I can refer you to someone I think could help."

"You wouldn't want to counsel me yourself?"

"I think we already have an established relationship as neighbors, and it would probably be best to see someone you don't know socially."

"But you've been, sort of, counseling me, haven't you?" Patti asks thoughtfully "I feel like talking to you has actually helped me have some perspective."

Bernice smiles at her.

"I'm really glad you feel that way, Patti" she says "and yes, I guess I couldn't help trying to help in the best way I know. But I've really been here as a neighbor. I know Brian has been concerned about Angela and Danielle the past few weeks, and then, when Angela came over to ask me about you taking anti- depressants, I was concerned as well."

There's a silence while Patti takes in the idea of Angela consulting the neighbor about her mental health.

"So what do you think about me taking them?" Patti asks "my doctor seems to think they're not safe."

"I think there's a place for them, but they're not a substitute for psychological work. You're a high functioning person, experiencing some difficult emotions. I don't think you need to escape from those unpleasant feelings, I think you need to work with them."

"Uck" Patti says "couldn't I just have the dope?"

"That will be your decision" Bernice tells her, smiling gently, "but the drugs do have side effects and I'm not sure they're what you really need. I think your doctor's been wise to not prescribe them right away."

"I just wish I had enough energy to get out of bed" Patti say, starting to cry softly.

"You will" Bernice tells her, "once you find a way to be with these feelings."

"That's all I've been doing for two weeks now. Being with them. It's exhausting."

"There's a difference between being with something and being lost in it. I really think some counseling can help you."

"Thanks Bernice" Patti says weakly, not feeling at all encouraged "I really appreciate it. But I think I need to rest for a while now."

What Bernice is saying has a logic to it, she thinks. She just doesn't know how she'll ever find the strength to be logical, or normal, again.

***oooOOOooo***

"So Bernice Krackow has been visiting Patti for the last few mornings" Camille says, standing in Graham's kitchen, "and today Bernice actually called Dr. Peterson, who then called me."

"And what did the good doctor have to say?" Graham asks, looking back and forth carefully between Camille and the pot of bechamel he's stirring.

"Well, she asked me to have Patti make, and keep this time, an appointment. She thinks it's time for her to get some counseling."

"Great." he says, in answer to the question in Camille's eyes, "I mean anything that gets her out of that bedroom and talking about things seems right."

"I just came from seeing her" Camille continues "and she does seem a little more stable. Minutes passed without her crying."

"We were supposed to go to counseling together" Graham frowns and says, even though he knows that Camille already knows this.

"First things first." Camille tells him. "I know there's a part of me that still expects Patti to just stand up one day, get dressed, go off to work and be the same old Patti again, but maybe that's not how it's really going to be."

"Yeah" Graham says, looking worried, staring into the sauce pan and wishing everything could be as smooth as his cream sauce.

"Anyhow, listen, " Camille says and pauses, "there's something else." She twists her face up a little before going ahead, "Angela's boyfriend is at the house every night, and the two of them seem pretty crazy about each other. I tried to ask Patti if he was maybe staying too late and it didn't even seem to register. Just said she thinks that Brian comes over sometimes and they all do their homework together and she's sure they're being responsible."

"Yeah. Responsible, sixteen years old and in love. Do you think there's anything I can do about this?"

"I don't know" Camille shrugs her shoulders "it's not like they can be policed 24 hours a day. I just thought I should maybe mention it."

"Thanks Camille."

He stands at the stove wondering if he really should say something to Angela. It doesn't feel quite right and it goes against his nature, but maybe safe is better than sorry when it comes to his teenaged daughter.

***oooOOOooo***

When the back door opens an hour later, Graham knows it's Halle just by the rush of energy preceding her, and he waves a spoon up in the air without bothering to turn around.

"How goes the great world?" he calls out, as she heads for the answering machine.

"How would I know?" she laughs, "it's the office and here, and now that I'm answering the responses to my ad in the personals, it's one bizarre coffee date after the other. I guess that's what passes for life in the great world in my case."

"Sounds like a social life to me," he tells her "but what would I know?"

"Really, it's more like exploring parallel realities" she says, "how many different ways are there to be weird, do you think?"

"Probably as many as there are people," he says quietly, running his finger down the back of the spoon, testing the sauce for thickness.

She looks up from the answering machine, frowning at the seriousness in his voice, and turns to face him.

"So, how's your own personal weirdness doing these days? How's the great world treating you?"

There's a little joking in her voice, but right under it is a friendly concern he can't help but be grateful for.

"Camille was in here giving me the update on my family" he says, a little bitterly. "She seems to think maybe I should have some kind of parental conversation with Angela about Jordan."

"Yeah, well, that should go over like a lead balloon."

"My thoughts exactly. Finish up with the messages" he says, glancing over at his cold cup of half finished coffee, "I'll finish the sauce and we can have a coffee date, and that will be my social life for the day."

***oooOOOooo***

Angela's sound asleep when Jordan pulls up in back of Ondines, and for a minute he sits there looking at her, wondering if he should wake her up or just let her sleep. He knows she's exhausted, and after taking those weird tests this afternoon and going to work after school, the truth is that he's tired too, but she looks really cute asleep, and he figures at least one of them should be able to rest.

He takes his jacket off and wraps it around her shoulders as quietly as he can and then, leaving the car door a little ajar to keep from making any noise, he walks into the restaurant.

"Catalano, where's Angela?"

"She's in the car. She fell asleep on the way here. Where's the stuff?"

"It's all here" Rayanne tells him, indicating a stack of containers on the counter. "Graham's out in the dining room, on the phone. Probably you should stick your head in there and wave at him or something. He wanted to talk to Angela."

Jordan nods and heads through the dining room door, catching Graham's eye and hoping he can get in and out of here quickly, but Graham gives him a little come on over gesture, so Jordan approaches the table politely but warily. Even though Angela's dad has been really nice, a private talk with him is something he'd definitely prefer to avoid.

"Jordan" Graham says, putting the phone down "is Angela with you?"

"Yeah, um, in the car. She, um fell asleep on the way over, so.."

"Look, Jordan" he says, getting up out of the booth and putting his hand on Jordan's shoulder "I've been wanting to talk to Angela about this, but maybe I should talk to you too."

"_Oh shit_" Jordan thinks, but manages an "oh, um, yeah, sure" and steels himself. He's got a pretty good idea of what's coming, and it takes a fair amount of will power not to just cut and make a break for the door.

***oooOOOooo***

When Angela opens her eyes, alone in the front seat, she yawns, stretches, notices Jordan's jacket and smiles at the thought of him wrapping it around her. The actuality of loving Jordan Catalano so far exceeds any of her long ago fantasies that even in the middle of this horrible family mess she's sometimes in a state of perfect happiness. It's because of him really, because of how he is with her, how he takes care of her, that she's able to keep going and function in this weirdness and take care of her mom and Danielle.

She sits there in the car thinking of how sweet he's been with her lately, of how devoted he seems, of all the things he's done, just this week, for her, for her family, and then she opens the door and heads into the kitchen.

"Hey you" she says to Rayanne, over the whir of the mixer "what's cooking?"

"Fresh ginger cake. You fell asleep, huh?" Rayanne says, grabbing a bag and starting to fill it with the containers full of food that have been waiting for her.

"Uh huh, " Angela shrugs, "where's Jordan?"

"He went out a few minutes ago to say hi to your dad" Rayanne says, and when Angela looks surprised, she raises her eyebrows and adds "don't ask me."

Angela heads for the dining room, hoping that their errand hasn't turned into something uncomfortable for Jordan. It seems like working with her grandfather, helping her clean the kitchen every night, plus putting up with Danielle whenever he's at the house should be more than enough, without him having to make polite conversation with her father too.

But she's too late. Jordan and her father are standing in the dining room about a foot apart, and while Graham is talking and looking at Jordan intently, Jordan is shifting uncomfortably on his feet and staring at the floor with that blank look that she recognizes as the equivalent of him disappearing under water and holding his breath. Whatever Graham is saying to him, Angela thinks, frowning to herself, it's time for it to stop.

"What are you doing?" she says in the few seconds that it takes her to cross the room and place herself protectively in front of Jordan, so that she's standing between the two of them, staring her father in the face.

"Ange" Jordan says quietly, putting his hands up on top of her shoulders "we're just, um, talking."

"I don't see you talking. I see him talking at you" she says seriously, before turning her attention back to Graham, "what do you have to say to him, dad? Because maybe you should be saying it to me."

She can't believe how protective she feels, but it's clear that whatever her father has been saying to Jordan has made him uncomfortable, and she's determined to not let him get away with that.

"Angela, calm down. I was just saying that the two of you are spending a lot of time together and I hope that you both are being responsible right now."

Graham looks at his daughter's lip starting to tremble and her face turning red.

"It's nothing for you to get upset about" he adds.

"You know what dad?" Angela says, her voice going high and starting to shake, because suddenly she's switched from protective to way beyond furious, "you have absolutely no business talking to Jordan about being responsible. You shouldn't be talking to him this way at all, like you're his superior or something….because you're not…"

She stares at her father and her face twists up and gets even redder, "not after what you've done to us" she says, sputtering, as her voice breaks and she starts to cry "and what he does _for_ us, for me and mom and Danielle every day. You have no idea what he does for us. No idea. And I love him. You shouldn't talk to him like that."

"Ange, come on" Jordan says, wrapping his arms around her shoulders pulling her back against him, "it's okay, huh? Let's just go."

"Angela, I'm sorry to have upset you" Graham says "I just wanted to .."

"I really don't care what you just wanted, dad" she says tearfully, interrupting him, "I just really don't."

"You'd better take her home" Graham looks at Jordan "my apologies for all this."

"Sure" Jordan murmurs, looking worried and turning Angela around to face him, smoothing her hair and looking at her tenderly. "Hey" he says "Come on now. We need to get back. Danielle should be home by now."

She nods into his chest and lets him walk her back through the kitchen while Graham stands there watching them pick up the bags and leave.

"Shot yourself in the foot there, it looks like" Rayanne says, as the door closes behind them and he trails back into the kitchen.

"Looks like it" he agrees.

"Don't worry too much about Angela" she tells him "she's a bit overstressed right now, but Sir Galahad there will take good care of her. Call later and apologize."

"Yeah. Thanks. I knew before I opened my mouth that I shouldn't have said anything, but I just want them to be careful" he says, trying to explain, hoping that somehow what he wants will transmit itself to Angela.

She could assure him that Catalano uses condoms, Rayanne reflects, or tell him that his daughter is, at least for the moment, still a virgin, but she figures this is a time when that stupid silence is golden idea is probably the way to go, so instead she just shrugs.

"I'm pretty sure they got the message. I think you'd better just let her cool down and then try to apologize again" she tells him.

In the parking lot, Angela is still sniffling and Jordan has a perplexed look on his face, like he's trying to figure out what just happened.

"Angela?" he says, shifting the bags in his arms while he reaches in his pocket for the car keys "you, um, told your dad, you loved me?"

"Oh, surprise" she says a little sarcastically, not looking at him. "Like, breaking news."

He must know that she loves him, she thinks, even if they've never said it, and even if it is totally embarrassing that it came out that way.

"Do you have a problem with that?" she asks, feeling a little insecure.

"No. I mean, not at all. I just" he puts the bags down in the back seat and turns finally to look her in the eyes "didn't know it would feel so good to hear it."

"Oh" she says, nervously "well, good then, I guess."

"Yeah" he says smiling at her "really good."

He leans back against the car and pulls her up to him, folding his arms around her.

"I, um, you know, you too" she hears him whisper.

"You do?" She squeezes her eyes shut tight and buries her head in his chest.

"Yeah."

"Would you like to maybe go for the complete sentence here?" she whispers happily after a minute.

"Angela" he murmurs, burying his head in her neck, and there's a kind of half amused but pleading tone to his voice "Come on. You know how I feel."

"I _think_ I do" she whispers and exhales in mock exasperation, just wanting to hear him say it "but since now both of us know exactly how _I_ feel."

"You mean you do love me?" he asks, nuzzling her neck, his voice husky and teasing "I mean cause you told your dad you did, but you didn't tell me."

"Shut up" she says, trying not to laugh. It would be really funny, she thinks if only she wasn't sort of dying here.

"Hey" he says, looking up at the sky and smirking "I _think_ my girlfriend loves me."

"Really shut up."

"Okay"

He swings her around so that now she's leaning up against the car and then he kisses her so thoroughly that she literally feels herself go weak in the knees and has to hang on to his shoulders and gasp for breath when he finally stops.

"I love you Angela" he says quietly, and there's no teasing left in his voice now, "Okay?"

"Yeah. Me too. I love you."

He holds her close for a while, rocking her softly side to side, neither of them saying a word or opening their eyes, and then he kisses her forehead.

"We should go."

"I know."

"You good?" he says, watching her eyes flutter open wide and focus intently on his.

"Yeah" she whispers, nodding and continuing to look at him while her whole face lights up in a soft smile "I'm good".

"Right," he says, smiling back at her, "me too."

#


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"Just ignore it" Patti says, looking at Bernice, when the downstairs doorbell begins to ring, interrupting their conversation.

"They seem quite insistent," Bernice says, as the ringing continues and loud knocking begins to punctuate it rhythmically, "are you sure?"

Patti purses her lips and frowns but when they hear a female voice calling "Patti! Open up in there!" they look at each other and wordlessly admit that ignoring it doesn't really seem to be an option.

"I'll get it."

"Thanks Bernice."

Bernice hurries down the steps and opens the front door to an excitable looking, glamorous, 40 year old blond woman. Bernice smiles politely and opens her mouth to introduce herself, but she isn't quite fast enough.

"What is this, the pentagon? Hi, I'm Amber Graf. Who are you, by the way? Sorry if that was rude, I've just been knocking for a while."

"I'm Bernice Krackow, Patti's neighbor" Bernice says smoothly.

"So that would make you Brain's mother?" Amber asks. "My daughter, Rayanne, talks about him."

"His name is Brian" Bernice says coolly enough for Amber to notice, before adding, "perhaps Brain is a nickname."

"My daughter says he's the smartest kid in high school." Amber offers in a friendly spirit "I guess that would explain the nickname."

Bernice smiles graciously, accepting Amber's compliment, and looking at her questioningly.

"So obviously, I came by to see Patti."

"I'm assuming you know that she hasn't been well" Bernice begins, but she's interrupted by the sound of Patti calling down to them from the top of the stairs.

"Come on up, Amber, if you don't mind me still being in my nightgown."

"Not at all," Amber calls back, smiling at Bernice as they start up the stairs together "it will be kind of like a slumber party. I brought my tarot deck."

#**oooOOOooo**#

Ricky stands in the doorway of the guidance office, wondering what's going on now, because he's been called out of class and Ms. Krazynowski is looking pretty distressed.

"Sit down, Ricky" she says, sounding serious, and waiting until the door closes behind him to speak, "Ms. Bender in the office was checking your application for Pride House and called Mr. Chase to verify that you've been staying with them."

She pauses again, and now he isn't wondering anymore. Now his brain's scrambling, trying to figure out how to fix this.

"Mr. Chase told her no, that isn't the case and that you've been staying at your English teacher's house."

Ricky looks at Ms. Krazynowski and tries to stay calm.

"Well, Mr. Chase doesn't actually know I'm at his house, because he's been staying at his like, brothers for weeks now, and,"

"Ricky, no one's been answering the phone at the Chase house," she interrupts him, "and Mrs. Chase hasn't been reachable at work. And I'm afraid Ms. Bender's already spoken to Mr. Foster about this, and he'll be wanting to talk to you. Is it true that you've been staying at Mr. Katimsky's?"

"Mrs Chase has been sick," he tries again "That's why no one answers the phone, but you can ask Angela" and then he looks at her and thinks that she really doesn't seem to be buying it.

Ms. Krazynowsk looks at him unhappily "I don't think this will pose any major problem about you getting into Pride House, but I'm concerned that it may cause quite a bit of trouble for Mr. Katimsky. "

He looks at her helplessly, not knowing what else to say, and then decides to stick to his story.

"But why does it have to, Ms Kraznowski, if it's not true?"

"Ricky," she tells him quietly "not much gets by Mr. Foster. You won't get called in today, because he's gone for the afternoon. But I think the truth may be the best way to go here."

He nods at her, troubled.

"I'll talk to Mr. Katimsky about this right away," she tells him. "You can go back to class now."

Outside in the empty hallway he leans back against the wall for a second and tries to breathe.

"You all right?"

"_Of course_," Ricky thinks "_why shouldn't Frank Repniki show up just as everything is turning upside down.."_

"I'm uh, not sure" he says.

"Want to talk about it?"

That's how they end up sitting on the steps outside where Ricky throws discretion to the winds and tells him the whole story. Well, not quite the whole story, because he doesn't mention that Mr. Katimsky lives with Paul.

"Wow. So you've been staying at Katimsky's and Foster's found out." Frank shakes his head in sympathy. "What a mess."

"You can't tell anyone."

"Yeah, obviously. You know Katimsky could get in a lot of trouble if everything goes the wrong way with this?" Franks says looking worried.

Ricky nods and looks like he's about to cry.

"It won't be a problem for Pride House, you know. You didn't do anything bad."

"Yeah. Ms. Krazynowski more or less said the same thing. I'm just feeling awful that I could have done this to Mr. Katimsky."

"Yeah, well, try not to worry about it." Frank tells him "It's gonna work out one way or another."

"That's not like, necessarily good, you know?"

"I know," Frank puts his hand on top of Ricky's head and gives it a little shake "but worrying doesn't help."

Ricky nods, and tries to act like his whole body didn't just turn a somersault. Frank Repniki's just _touched him_. Like affectionately. Like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"I'd better get to class" Frank says, standing up and waving his hall pass, and Ricky nods again.

He sits on the steps watching Frank disappear back into the building and wonders for the millionth time with Frank Repniki if that was something or nothing. But there really doesn't seem to be any way to figure it out, so he picks himself up and heads for the girls bathroom in the hopes of finding Rayanne.

#**oooOOOooo**#

"It's really about a new beginning" Amber says, as Patti nods, noticing that Bernice is being extremely careful about not making any eye contact right now. The surreal quality of Bernice and Amber consulting at her bedside isn't lost on Patti, but since she still doesn't have enough energy to think much, let alone do much, she just watches it happen, aware that both of them are there trying to help her.

"And all those cups" Amber continues "they're about how all of your friends and Angela's friends have come together to help."

"It's true. Everyone has been so kind" Patti says thoughtfully "and Angela and her friends have been so responsible."

"And" says Amber grinning "there's certainly not a lot of doubt who that prince card represents. I hear that Jordan has really shown up for Angela."

Bernice remembers the monosyllabic but polite, good looking boy that Brian sometimes tutors at their kitchen table and Patti thinks of Jordan sitting in the kitchen with her that night, a lifetime ago, telling her between gulps of milk that he needed her daughter.

"Jordan's a good boy" she says in the same thoughtful voice, and then for a minute the old, polite and smiling Patti resurfaces, and she adds "Really, they've all been incredible, the way Rayanne organizes and brings all the restaurant food over, and Ricky cleans up and stays with Danielle sometimes. And I hear Brian's been helping Danielle with her homework too. She's always had such a crush on him, Bernice."

Patti listens to herself and feels like an actress who has just successfully delivered her lines. Why would her normal politeness seem so false, she wonders, when everything she just said was true?

"Well" says Bernice, smiling and getting up, "I do have to get going. But this certainly has been interesting."

"Sometimes it helps to tune in to what the cosmos is trying to tell us" Amber says seriously, as Patti watches Bernice lower her eyes and carefully maintain a straight face, "and just be receptive to it."

She packs her cards back up and looks carefully at Patti. "You know" she says "that Rayanne thinks the world of Graham. And just so you know, she says all he wants is to come back home."

They both freeze when Patti breaks into tears again, and then relax as she visibly calms herself down.

"I guess ten minutes without crying was a new record" she says shakily when she gets her voice back "and thank you both for coming over. I do feel better, but I just get so tired. I think I'll call the doctor later today and make an appointment to talk to her about medication."

Patti says goodbye to Bernice and Amber, actually walking to the top of the stairs with them and watching them go out the door together. There's a lot of kindness and good will in the world, she thinks to herself. And at the same time she's not sure if that's enough of a reason to make the giant effort it will take to come back and take up her part in the whole sad, convoluted mess.

#**ooOOOoo**#

"_Is Katimsky gay?_"

Angela looks at the note that's making the rounds of English class and purposefully wads it up into a ball. When she sees the person who'd passed her the note looking annoyed, she straightens up defiantly and drops the wadded up piece of paper into her backpack. Jordan is looking at her questioningly, and she manages to give him a reassuring look before turning her attention back to the front of the classroom where Mr. Katimsky is talking about the Jets and the Sharks in West Side Story representing the Montague and Capulet factions of Romeo and Juliet. No one seems to be at all interested in what he's saying, though a few people are staring at him curiously. Angela frowns and then decides to at least make a pretense of paying attention. After all, he's let Ricky live with him, and he's tried to help Jordan with this testing thing. She watches the teacher intently for the next ten minutes, trying to make facial expressions that convey interest, until the bell finally rings and she can relax again.

#**oooOOOooo**#

Her hand finds Jordan's as soon as they both stand up, and they make their way quietly through the crowded hall.

"Hey you" she says, while Jordan tilts his chin up in a wordless hello to Ricky, who's waiting next to her locker with a serious look on his face.

"So you are you like, interested in Romeo and Juliet?" Jordan asks, as he spins the combination open and pulls a book out.

"No, just someone passed me a stupid note about Katimsky being gay and I guess I thought pretending to pay attention was a way to like, show support."

"Katimsky has a sex life? Teacher's have sex lives?" Rayanne laughs, coming up and joining in, "that's not fair, especially when some of us are having such a dry spell."

"It's nobody's business where he puts it" Jordan says over his shoulder, scowling and clearly annoyed, "he's a good teacher."

He kisses Angela's cheek quickly, still scowling and turns to go, but when he sees the worry on Ricky's face, he pauses for a second, looking thoughtful and laying a sympathetic hand on Ricky's shoulder before heading down the hall.

"I hope people aren't going to be making a big deal about this" Angela says, looking at Ricky "I'm sure most everyone could care less about a teacher's sexual orientation."

"Angela" he says, dropping his voice and looking sick "Ms. Krazynowski just called me in to the office to tell me that they know I've been staying at Mr. Katimsky's. I guess when your mom didn't answer the phone they called your dad, and he didn't know to tell them, you know, I was at your house."

Angela's eyes open wide in shock while Rayanne bites her lip and grimaces.

"Oh NO"they both say together.

"I'm really scared that Foster could, you know, make trouble for Mr. Katimsky. So it's a horrible time for people to be talking about him being gay. I think the world is a lot more, well, homophobic that you want to believe."

"Maybe we can get my mom to say you have been staying at my house, and my dad, you know, made a mistake, cause he hasn't been there."

"That's what I like, tried to say, but she wasn't going for it. And then she said it probably wouldn't effect me getting into Pride House but she's worried about this making you know, trouble for Mr. Katimsky."

"Well, maybe we can still figure something out. We have to try." Angela says and they both look at Rayanne, who hasn't said a word.

"I'll talk to your dad this afternoon" she says slowly "see if he can backtrack."

"Well, Foster's out for the rest of the day, so we have the weekend, I guess, to see if it's, like possible," Ricky says "at least I'll be able to talk to Mr. Katimsky before Foster calls him in. But I don't know what good that will do."

"Rehearsal's start in an hour" Rayanne says "try to catch him before they start.

See you there."

"Yeah"

He heads down the hall and Angela and Rayanne look after him with worried expressions on their faces.

"My mom knew they might call about Ricky" Angela says, feeling sick.

"It's not your moms fault. I should have told Graham myself. I can't believe I didn't."

"It's not your fault either, Rayanne" she says, because Rayanne is looking grim.

"Yeah, I know," she mutters, "shit happens. I just wish it didn't happen so much to Ricky."

"You going to class?" she asks Angela, because she just wants out of here right now.

"Yeah. I'd better."

"Not me" She says, turning and heading for the door. If it wasn't for rehearsal, she thinks, she'd be gone for the day.

#**oooOOOooo**#

Jordan sits on the bench outside Ms. Krazynoski's office, figuring he's been called out of last period for something about those tests, and now, with the way the office people are looking at him, like there's something really weird going on, he's sure of it. He looks at the floor a little angrily, wishing he hadn't let Katimsky talk him into getting tested, and tries to not pay any attention to the hushed and sympathetic glances he's getting.

"_Intelligent"_ he thinks to himself "_yeah, right._"

#**oooOOOooo**#

When Ricky hears his name being called and turns to see who it is, he's surprised to see Frank Repniki standing across the hall, holding his cheerleader girlfriends hand. And then he's more surprised to see Frank let go of her hand and leave her standing there in the after school throng, to cross the hall to Ricky's locker.

"Hi. I mean what's up?" Ricky says, registering the worried look on Frank's face.

"I thought I'd better tell you, that people are talking about Katimsky" he says in a low voice. "They're talking about, you know, they're saying he's gay."

"Yeah," Ricky says, feeling confused, "a friend of mine says there was a note about that passed around her class today."

"How can people be so stupid?" Frank says unhappily, "Anyhow, I just wanted to tell you, so you'd know. I mean that people are talking."

"Thanks, I guess." Ricky says, and out of the corner of his eye he notices Franks girlfriend, standing across the hall, fidgeting, looking impatient. "I told Mr. Katimsky that was like happening and he told me not to worry about gossip. But then he like, looked worried when he said that."

"Well yeah," Frank says, looking uncomfortable, something Ricky hasn't seen before "it's a mean kind of gossip. Maybe I shouldn't even have said anything about it to you."

"No. It's nice of you to tell me what you've heard. It's you know, what a friend would do. Thanks."

"Yeah" Frank says, with a little smile on his face, the wry kind of smile that means sorry. "So I better go. Keep your chin up, huh?"

Ricky nods and gives him the same kind of worried little smile back, and Frank lays his hand on Ricky's shoulder for a second and then he's gone, walking down the hall, holding Judy Winter's hand.

Ricky stands there for a second, thinking about what's just happened. Frank Repniki is making it pretty clear that he considers them friends, that's for sure. As bad as this thing with Mister Katimsky is, Ricky thinks, it's good to know that not everyone is homophobic, and that includes, interestingly, both Jordan Catalano and the football captain. That makes him feel a little better. And then, standing there in the crowded hall, he can't help thinking about Frank Repniki touching him. He knows for sure it didn't mean anything romantic this time. In fact it was exactly what Jordan had done earlier today, and for sure there was nothing but kindness attached there. He guesses, reluctantly, that Frank Repniki, is just a really good, straight, guy. That he has another hopeless crush on. Like Ms. Krazynowski said, a really nice person. He sighs and then he heads off for rehearsal to practice playing Bernardo. Yet another straight guy.

#**ooOOOoo**#

Angela waits for Jordan at her locker until the hall begins to empty before she walks out to the parking lot and finds him, leaning up against his car, with a dark look on his face.

"What's going on?" she asks, touching his arm.

"Let's just get out of here."

He tosses his cigarette on the ground, snuffs it out with his boot, and then, because she's looking at him with "what's wrong?" written all over her face, he pulls her up to him and hugs her quickly.

"Let's go" he says, turning her towards the car door, so she just nods, gets into the drivers side and slides across the front seat.

"It's nuthin important" he says, starting up the car while she sits there, wondering what's got him so upset.

"Jordan?"

He kind of nods, without looking at her, so she just leans her head back against the seat, and stares out the window while the car shifts into motion.

She keeps her eyes fixed on the passing streets and in a minute he's flipped the radio on, and in another minute there's the feel of his hand reaching over and taking hers. It's not long before they pull over in front of the neighborhood park they stop at sometimes, the one that's halfway between school and her house, and she sits there silently, still holding his hand, waiting for him to tell her what it is that's bothering him.

"So I like, got called into guidance for my test results" he says after a minute, still staring straight ahead over the steering wheel, and now she really knows better than to say anything.

"She says, um, Ms Krazynowsk, that the tests show I'm not like, stupid" Jordan says after another silent minute, still not looking at her.

"Well we knew that already" Angela says softly, picking up his hand and kissing it. "So what um, else did she say?"

"She says that I'm like, really smart. And that it's not dyslexia." He finally shifts his gaze, but he still doesn't look at her while he continues, "And that she thinks a special reading center place in Pittsburgh could help me a lot. And she says I should think about whether I want to go to college, because I could.

"But that's great!"

Angela leans up and kisses his cheek, feeling a little confused.

"You're not happy about that?" she asks. "Did she say something else?"

"She like apologized" Jordan says, finally turning to look at her with a sad, puzzled look on his face that tears her heart open, "you know, she said she was really sorry that no one ever caught this before, and that school's been so hard for me. I, like, I mean, she seemed to really be sorry."

"Oh, Jordan."

She feels her eyes fill up with tears, and he just almost imperceptibly nods at her before tugging on her hand and opening the car door.

"C'mon" he says, starting to walk, and she answers him by wrapping both her arms around his waist and walking that way, holding onto him while his arm drapes over her shoulder, letting the quietness surround them while they follow a path that meanders along next to the little creek.

"It's like all this time I really did, you know, think I was like, probably stupid" he mutters after they've walked silently for a while "I mean everybody else thought so, right?"

"I never did" she says in a choked voice, hugging him a little tighter "Brian doesn't. Mr. Racine didn't. Or Katimsky."

"Yeah" he says, turning to wrap both arms around her and bury his face in her neck "I know."

"I guess I better get to work, huh?" he says after a minute, pulling her up a little tighter, letting her know he doesn't want to let go of her yet.

"It's my grandfather, Jordan" she whispers, holding on to him, reaching up a little to kiss his collarbone lightly "you can tell him I needed you to stay with me for a while. Tell him that I," she kisses his neck softly "was upset."

"That's not exactly true though, Angela" he says, and she sighs, thinking that Jordan's honesty may be a really good thing, but sometimes it's just plain inconvenient.

"It will be true if I have to let go of you. If you're so like, keen to tell the truth, then tell him that you were a little upset and I needed you to stay with me."

"I'm not…" he starts to say, but she's looking at him with that funny, exasperated, scrunched up half smile on her face, that smile that says she knows him, so he just nods and kisses the tip of her nose.

"Okay," he says, "just for a little while."

He starts to walk again, keeping one arm around her, and Angela lets go of his waist and rests her head back against his shoulder, looking up overhead at the treetops and spring sky while she feels his heaviness soften and fade away.

#**ooOOOoo**#

"Patti?" Graham says, totally unprepared for the sound of her actual voice on the other end of the phone, "How are you?"

"I'm, well, I'm a little better" she tells him, realizing that she is as she says it, surprised to be talking to him as well, "and you?"

"Hectic," he pauses "but it's so good to hear you." He's both so pleased to hear her sounding better, and so unsure of what normal is with them anymore, that for a minute he doesn't quite know what to say.

"The restaurant is busy?" she asks, filling the empty space for him at the same time that she observes herself doing that from a space somewhere outside of her body.

"We're doing well" he says "that Gazette review put us on the map, maybe before we were even ready to be there. It's been a huge effort keep up with it all."

I'm so glad for you" she says, honestly but totally dispassionately, and he can't help wincing at her quiet remove.

"Were you calling about anything in particular?" she asks, after a few seconds.

"Oh. Yeah. About Ricky" he says, remembering. "School called here to ask if he'd been staying with us, and I didn't know to say yes, which I guess you'd agreed to?"

"Oh dear" Patti says "yes, I think I told Angela that we would cover for him. So what's happened?"

"I guess their English teacher is in big trouble. Rayanne says he's going to lose his job because of it."

"Poor Mr. Katimsky. I wonder if he's drinking coffee again. Poor Ricky. Why did the school call you?"

"They couldn't get a hold of you, I guess" he says reluctantly.

"Oh."

"Don't feel bad, Patti" he tells her "everybody's blaming themselves and it's nobody's fault really. Rayanne feels terrible that she hadn't told me they might call. I just don't know what we can possibly do about it now."

"No," she says quietly "not when the damage is already done."

There's a second where both of them wonder what she's really talking about, if the damage to their marriage is what's beyond repair, before Graham continues.

"Rayanne thought maybe we could talk to the principal about what a good teacher Mr. Katimsky is" he says.

"I don't know if I'm up to that that right now" Patti says, feeling drained just thinking about it.

"No. But maybe I could," Graham says, feeling her fade, "if it would really help."

"I think I need to get off the phone."

"Oh. Look Patti" he says, feeling as awkward as a teenager "It's been great talking to you."

"Well, thanks. Goodbye" she says, feeling exhausted, starting to move the phone away from her ear.

"I miss you, honey" he says, and he knows she hears him, even though the next thing he hears is the click of the receiver.

#

**Four more chapters to go! Thank you all for hanging in, I know the last few chapters haven't exactly been a fun ride, but i hope the next four may make up for it. **

**xo, pansy...**


	27. Chapter 27

**This was one of my favorite chapters to write. I knew from the start I wanted to do one of these, but didn't know till I got here what the storyline was or who the characters would be. There was just this sentence that wrote itself at the top of the page and wanted to stay there - "we're here to love this world and take care of each other" so that's the way i tried to tell this part of the story.  
**

**Chapter 27**

"Morning Raynee"

"Umm" Rayanne grumbles, coming into the kitchen and reaching for the breakfast cereal.

"You seem happy" Rayanne says a minute later, because her mom's smiling and humming some old song while she waits next to the toaster.

"It's spring outside," Amber says "and I had the sweetest dream this morning just before I woke up. Only I can't remember it."

"What?" Rayanne says, opening the fridge and digging back past several take out cartons to get to the milk "I can't hear you with my head in here."

"Do you remember that summer we went to the Dead concert in Philly with Tino and his dad?" Amber continues.

"Sure. It was Tino's first Dead concert. We were like, seven. It was great. Why?"

"I don't know sweetie, maybe it was in my dream. Or something about it."

"So you know, I'm not going to school today, right?" Rayanne says, looking at her mom standing there in her old kimono, looking relaxed and happy.

"I remember, Raynee. Give Tino my love, okay. And keep your eye on Angela," Amber says, leaning forward and brushing Rayanne's hair back affectionately, "You guys are all going to need each other now."

"I need to ask your advice about something" Rayanne tells her, in a sudden burst of trust. After all, she thinks, the fact that her mother's advice hasn't always worked so well in the past doesn't mean it might not now.

#...****oooOOOooo****...#

"Oh my God"

"What? Is it someone from school?" Angela says, because they're ditching today and a dumbfounded Rayanne has turned and is staring at the person who's just walked past them like she's seen something scary.

"That guy" she says, looking really upset.

"Yes?" Angela says patiently, watching the guy disappear across the street. "There was something familiar about him. He was whistling that like ancient Stairway to Heaven song that my dad thinks is some kind of anthem."

"The Led Zeppelin song. Yeah, Amber was humming it this morning. But that guy…I know him. I knew him. Well, not in the biblical sense, I mean, oh shit. I must be wrong."

"He's a lot older than us, Rayanne. Who did you think it was?"

"Never mind."

"He walks kind of like Tino."

"Yeah. Maybe that was it."

"What? Why are you freaked?"

"Shut up. I mean never mind. I mean like, Stairway to Heaven was the song they played at Tino's dads funeral." She stares at his back until he turns the corner, and then she looks at Angela and frowns, speechless.

"Maybe you're just worried about Tino cause today's the trial" Angela says, frowning back.

"Yeah, sure. I mean that must be it."

"I'll be glad when it's over too." Angela says and laughs "_And_ _I guess that could qualify as the understatement of the year_" she thinks to herself.

#...*****oooOOOooo*****...#

"Are you waiting to see Foster?" Sharon says, sitting down next to Ricky on the floor outside of the principle's office.

He nods back at her, looking nervous.

"I guess it's not a good day for you to be ditching, right?"

"No" he shakes his head, "I'd like to be there for Tino and Jordan, but I'm in enough trouble as it is. Are you going?"

"I'm thinking about it. I'm probably going to leave during lunch and walk over to Rayanne's."

"Well, I'm sure Tino will appreciate it" Ricky says looking at her curiously, "you being there, you know."

"Yeah" she sighs "I'd really like to see him _stay_ out of trouble. He's such a sweet guy. How long have you known him?"

"Forever. Well, we've been in the same school since third grade when I moved here. Rayanne like grew up with him, and I started being friends with her when we were eleven. I mean he's older than us you know, so I didn't really know him much, but he always looked out for Rayanne, and then me too after I was friends with her."

Ricky pauses and looks up as the office door opens but when no one says anything to him, he looks back at Sharon.

"So did you know him already when his dad died?" she asks.

"No, that um, happened the year before. Rayanne says they practically moved in with Tino and his mom for a few months after the accident because his mom fell completely apart, and Amber more or less took care of all of them. He was a fireman, you know, so there was insurance money and stuff. Amber was like, Tino's dads best friend. She still talks about him sometimes and gets teary. Everybody says Tino looks just like him."

"It was a car wreck, right?"

"Yeah. He'd just dropped Tino and his mom off at home and was driving to the store for milk when somebody ran a red light and killed them both."

Ricky sighs and looks away.

"You like him, don't you?" he says.

"Everybody likes him" she says slowly, "I'm just not so sure I should let it be anything more."

"Everyone liked his father too," Ricky begins, but he's interrupted by Ms. Bender sticking her head out of the office door.

"Ricky" she says "Mr. Foster will see you now."

"Good luck" Sharon whispers as he gets up. She wonders what's happened, why these people are her friends now, and if it's too late to pretend they aren't. Angela Chase somehow has managed to get her involved with the most, well, _unusual_, people, she thinks to herself as she stands up. She walks on down the hall, humming some old song her dad likes and knowing that right after next period, she's going to the courthouse.

#...*****oooOOOooo*****...#

"Ricky Vasquez" Mr. Foster says, looking at him intently "I understand that you've applied to live at Pride House."

"Yes. And Mr. Foster, I'd just like to say" he begins, hoping that he can somehow salvage the situation, but Foster interrupts him.

"I'd like to ask you some questions, Ricky" Foster says, and Ricky realizes that he's been told to zip it, so he just nods, his eyes full of fear.

"Your relation to Mr. Katimsky is?"

"He's my English teacher?" Ricky responds.

"And you've been staying in his home." Foster prompts him.

"Yes. While I was waiting to get into Pride House."

"And how did you come to stay with Mr. Katimsky?" Mr. Foster leans back in his seat, but keeps his eyes focused on Ricky.

"Well, I um, came to his front door one night after I'd left the temporary shelter. I, like, didn't feel safe there."

"And you knew where Mr. Katimsky lived how?"

"Drama club met there once."

"And why did you go to Mr. Katimsky?"

"He'd been nice to me when he found out I didn't have a place to live. He'd like, tried to help me."

Ricky realizes that he's twisting his hands together, and places them on his thighs. He tries to breathe normally, and looks back at the principle again, willing himself to stay calm.

"Now Ricky, I have to ask you this. Have you ever had any kind of physical interaction with Mr. Katimsky or his partner?"

"What are you asking me, Mr. Foster?" Ricky says, shocked to the core.

"I think you know what I'm asking you, Ricky. And I need to tell you that this is a question that you may be asked again if this situation is reported to the higher authorities."

"They've both been very kind to me" he responds "and no, there's never been any "physical interaction."

"In other words" Mr. Foster says "they've never touched you, or you them."

Once again, he's watching Ricky intently, and Ricky, whose shock is apparent, looks him straight in the eye.

"Mr. Foster" he says "aside from a pat on the shoulder when I got there, the answer to that question is no."

"All right Mr. Vasquez. I'm sure you realize that this has been an entirely inappropriate living situation. Is there anywhere else you can stay until your place at Pride House becomes available?"

Ricky gulps and nods. "I'm pretty sure I can stay with a friend" he says quietly.

"All right then. We'll need confirmation of that before you leave here today, or else we'll have to call child protective services. I don't want you spending another night in Mr. Katimsky's house. Speak to Ms. Bender in the office about that please."

"Is that all, Mr. Foster?" he asks shakily, because the thought of foster care scares him to death.

"That's all for right now, Ricky"

He walks outside feeling like he's going to vomit and sees Brian Krackow waiting for him across the hall.

"So how'd it go?" Brian asks.

"Horrible. I'm afraid he's going to try to like, ruin Mr. Katimsky's life." Ricky tells him.

"Well, it won't be the first time he's tried to do that to someone." Brian says, looking angry, "Let's get outside for a minute. You look like you could use some air."

#...*****oooOOOooo*****...#

"_This is so not how I pictured my life back when the idea of having __Jordan Catalano__ as a boyfriend was but a distant fantasy. Of course that was long ago, before my dad moved out, back when I still had what looked like a normal family, before Brian Krackow had a girlfriend, before, well, before anything." _

Angela looks up at the courthouse steps from the back seat of Janet's car, and then at the backs of Brian Krackow and Janet's heads.

"Thanks again, you guys" Sharon is saying.

"Really, thank you both." Angela adds, knowing that Janet doesn't like her much at all, realizing that Brian must have asked her to drive them. The three girls had planned to walk to the courthouse together, but Sharon had shown up at Rayannne's house during school lunch and announced that she'd gotten them a ride.

"Yeah thanks" Rayanne choruses, only the way she says it isn't exactly gracious.

"You really sure you don't want to go in?" she asks Angela.

"I don't see why not" says Sharon "I mean, what did we come here for if not to show some support?

Angela is sandwiched in between the two of them, and since Jordan told her he didn't want her at his court date, she says, for the fifth time in three minutes, "Jordan told me not to come."

She's pretty sure that a big part of him not wanting her to come is that his mom is going to be there with him, and it's the same old story, he really doesn't want them to meet.

"Okay" Sharon pouts, "but just because your boyfriend has some weird sense of shame about this doesn't mean we have to wait out here with you"

"Just go ahead" she says, annoyed, and then adds "I don't know why anyone would want to go into one of those places if they didn't have to."

."Do you want us to wait here with you?" Brian says, looking back at Angela.

"No" she says, "I'll wait on the steps. Thanks again." She hopes Jordan won't mind too much that she's come, but she couldn't stay away, especially since Rayanne and Sharon were determined to be there for Tino.

"Well, let him know, I uh, you know, hope it goes okay." Brian says.

"Will do, Brain" Rayanne says "Angela here won't be telling him anything until they fall into each other's arms sometime after the judge bangs his little gavel."

"Oh, right." Brian says, embarrassed. _Trust Rayanne to rub salt in his wounds._

"Okay?" Janet says impatiently "Let's go?"

"Good luck." He says to Angela, and when she looks at him almost fondly, he has his reward.

"Thanks Brian" she says, smiling at him, and climbs out of the car.

#...******oooOOOooo*****...#

Outside the courtroom, Jordan sees Tino coming towards him, only it isn't Tino. It's someone maybe ten years older than Tino, who looks just like him. Closing his eyes, Jordan leans back against the wall and vividly remembers being seven years old, playing with Tino and his father, throwing a black and green nerf ball back and forth in their back yard, how Mr Mazzera had made them laugh till they were rolling on the grass, how happy they'd been, how happy he'd been as a kid, back when things were simple, in the days when his parents still liked him. He remembers his mom coming to pick him up from the house, how she'd smiled to see them all giggling and playing air guitar to an old Led Zeppelin song. He smiles to himself at the memory, opens his eyes and looks around, but the guy is gone, and now Rayanne Graff is coming towards him, looking upset.

"Hey Catalano"

"Graff"

"Who's that guy you were talking to?"

"What?"

"That guy that just was here a minute ago."

"We weren't talking"

"It looked to me like you were" she says.

"Well, you're seeing things then. Nobody said anything."

"It was Tino's dad, wasn't it?" she says, and he feels a chill go up the back of his neck.

"Get outta here" he says, but for some reason he thinks maybe she's right. And what's weird is that maybe something did get said, only there weren't any words. He thinks it was something about life being sweet, and taking care of each other, but it didn't happen in words and he can only feel it.

He looks at Graff and shrugs, and she nods back, her face grim.

"What's he doing here?" she says "Do you think it's the court thing?"

He turns his palms up in a gesture of not knowing, and then he sees how much she cares about Tino and that makes him smile at her for the first time in a while.

"It's okay Graff" he tells her "it's gonna be fine. I'd better get inside."

He takes a breath and hopes that it's true, what he just said about it being fine, but then, almost immediately, he has the strangest feeling that it is.

#...*****oooOOOooo*****...#

"So Richard" Mr. Foster says smoothly "I guess you know that you can be dismissed for having a student illicitly living in your home. I imagine it could even cost you your license to teach."

Mr. Katimsky looks back over Foster's desk at the principal and bites his tongue. Whatever happens in here right now in the next few minutes could change his life completely. He would like to think this wasn't a personal vendetta, but he knows that if it wasn't before, testing Jordan Catalano without Foster's approval has made it one now.

"_He had nowhere else to go. He'd left the shelter and shown up crying on my doorstop on a rainy night."_

"_That's what you'd say to a real person_," thinks Mr. Katimsky_. "Not to this one, who unfortunately is in a position to do just what he's talking about doing"_.

"It was a um, temporary solution to an um, difficult situation. " he says instead, "I couldn't turn him away, once he'd shown up on my doorstep."

"You're a public school teacher, living with a domestic partner who is male, and the two of you take in a young boy with clearly gay tendencies" Foster responds "If the press was to get a hold of that you can imagine the public response."

"Excuse me for interrupting" Ms. Krazynowsky says, speaking up from where she's sitting next to Mr. Katimsky, her face white and worried, "but Richard came to me asking for help for Ricky as soon as he found out the boy was homeless. We all realized that there would be a wait for Ricky to get into Pride House. I don't know why Ricky felt he had to leave the temporary shelter he'd been placed in but supposedly it was for a good reason. We only know that he didn't feel safe there."

"Thank you, Paula" Foster says smugly "but that doesn't make this situation right."

"Richard, the term is almost over," he continues, "I know you have the school play in rehearsal and I also feel that this is an issue I need to think about seriously, so I'm not going to make an immediate decision as to how to proceed. But we need to face the fact that at the very least you will most certainly be leaving Liberty at the end of this term. And the boy should not be in your house again, under any circumstances. Is that clear?"

"Yes" Mr Katimsky stands up, understanding that he's been dismissed. "Thank you. It's clear."

He wonders if he's supposed to thank Foster for not throwing him to the wolves immediately. Meanwhile, it seems clear enough that although he's been judged and found guilty of wrongdoing today, deliberation on his sentence will be in process for an indeterminate period of time.

#...*****oooOOOooo*****...#

That's over, thank God" Jeanine Catalano says, pulling her sunglasses out of her purse as they walk out of the courthouse "and George is picking me up and taking me to lunch so you're on your own. Try and do like the judge said and stay out of trouble for five minutes, huh?"

"Thanks mom" Jordan mutters, trying to ignore the fact of his mom and her boss, "and uh, thanks for not telling dad too."

"Yeah, well, we're all better off if he doesn't know."

They stand there for a second, looking out at the street, without saying anything.

"Mrs. Catalano?" Tino's voice is polite and careful, as he comes up beside them.

"Hello Tino" Jordans mom says with a little chill in her own voice.

"Could I talk to you for a minute please? Alone?"

Jordan rolls his eyes, takes a few steps toward the street and turns to face away, knowing that Tino is about to make some kind of formal apology that will succeed in charming his mother. He starts to reach for a cigarette and that's when he sees Angela, sitting on a ledge at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at him.

Right now she's embarrassed and unsure enough of herself that she's wishing she was invisible so she could slink away without being seen, but it's too late. Jordan's staring at her like he doesn't know what to do, and she's sorry she came, so sorry at this exact moment that she ever met him and put herself in the position of being humiliated yet again. She stands up and feels her eyes smarting as she turns to walk away, but then he's standing beside her and she's in his arms with him holding her really tight.

"I shouldn't have come." she says into his chest. "You told me not to."

"I was wrong." he says, meaning it, because it feels suddenly like everything in life that is sweet is here now, with Angela in his arms. He pulls her up against him as tight as he can.

"I really wanted you here." he mutters into her hair.

"Yeah?" she says happily, a sense of relief flooding her body.

"Yeah. A lot. Come on" he lets go of her, kisses her cheek chastely and takes her hand, walking her back towards where his mom and Tino are standing, and she suddenly finds herself frantic with worry now that she's about to meet his mother. She should have dressed nicer, she thinks wildly as they get closer, and she definitely shouldn't be wearing jeans and a t shirt right now.

"_Jordan's mom is pretty_," Angela notices, or it's at least as close to noticing anything as she can come at this moment, with her heart thumping away loudly in her chest. "_Like really pretty. And her hair is auburn_," she registers too.

Tino waves at the two of them, saunters smilingly towards a waiting Rayanne and Sharon and drapes his arms over their shoulders. And when Jordan's mom turns back in his direction, she's smiling too.

"That boy's more like his father every day" she says, and then she looks at Angela and at Jordan holding her hand.

"Who's your friend?" she says, still smiling.

"Mom, this is Angela" he says.

"Angela, hi" she starts to say, and then her smile gets even bigger and she waves at someone pulling a car up in front of the courthouse.

"Nice to meet you" she says over her shoulder as she starts down the steps happily, and Angela manages a "nice to meet you too, Mrs. Catalano" before she's out of earshot.

"She seems nice" she says quietly to Jordan, as they watch her climb into the car and kiss the drivers cheek. "Is that your father?"

"No" Jordan says, looking unhappy "definitely, um, not."

"Oh." They stand there for a second watching the car drive away and then she wraps her arms around his waist and holds on to him, digesting this latest piece of information, feeling how much he didn't like having to say that.

"Are you going back to school today?" he says after a while.

"No. Do you have to work?"

"Nah." He kisses her forehead "Let's drive somewhere."

"Yeah" she smiles up at him happily "just we have to be back by when Danielle gets home from school."

He nods, and she burrows a little closer into his chest, letting the soft air and the spring sunshine knit them back into happiness. She can tell he's happy again by the way his body relaxes into hers, by how he's holding her so easily, and she can't help thinking, finally, this whole mess is behind them and things are going to work out for them.

"Why don't you wait here, while I go get the car" he says, kissing her gently "I just want to talk to Tino for a minute."

#...***oooOOO***...#

"You like that Cherski girl, huh?" Jordan says, as they walk away from the courthouse.

"Sort of" Tino smiles "Yeah, I do."

"Not your normal type"

"Things change" Tino says.

They walk on quietly for a minute and Jordan tries to think of what he really wants to say.

"I was thinking about your dad today" he begins.

"Yeah? That's strange. Me too."

"And I was thinking, how like, I'm gonna help Angela's grandfather at the press now. It seems like a good time to stop, you know, with the ticket scalping and stuff. Maybe you should stop too." Jordan glances over at him "you know, stay out of trouble for a while."

"You think?" Tino grins. "Funny. I was thinking that too."

They walk along in easy silence for a minute.

"My uncle," Tino says "you know, my dad's brother, called me this morning and asked me to work on a construction crew for him this summer."

"Sounds right. Timing and all."

"We're gonna be working men, it looks like, Catalano."

"Well yeah, but we can still keep the loft, huh?" Jordan says, turning towards his car. "Where'd you park?"

"Back there"

They nod at each other and Tino walks on.

Don't fret, my man," he hears Tino call back at him after a few steps. "There'll always be music and girls."

Jordan looks back over his shoulder, mimes a little salute, grins and opens the car door. He's feeling at peace with the world right now, and as he turns the car radio on he thinks Tino's right, for sure there always will be music. But what really makes him smile is the idea that maybe there will always be Angela.

#...************...#

Inside the Chase house, Patti sits up on her bed and looks at the sunlight streaming through the window. Right outside a robin is perched on the far limb of a tree and through the branches she can see sweet peas blooming along the neighbors driveway. All of a sudden springtime is threatening to burst into the house and, curiously enough, Patti doesn't seem to find that a cause for tears.

In the kitchen there's a cup set out for her next to the coffee pot, and as she pours herself a cup of coffee, she looks around at the clean kitchen and knows that something is waking up inside of her. When the doorbell rings, she walks through the hallway and looks out the window at a man, maybe in his late twenties, nice looking, olive colored skin and dark hair, standing there. He's whistling Stairway to Heaven, a song Patti hasn't heard in years.

"Morning" he says smiling, when she opens the door.

"Good morning." She says, surprised to feel herself smiling back.

"One of your daughter's goes to school with my son" he tells her, and she thinks to herself that he doesn't seem old enough to have a child Danielle's age.

"Angela" he says, smiling as if he knows what she's thinking.

"But, how? Patti begins, and then she knows. It doesn't make sense, but then what does, anymore?

"Would you like…." She stutters, looking at the coffee cup in her hands.

"No, thanks" the man tells her, "though that's nice of you to offer. But what I would like is to talk to you. Could we just sit outside here on the porch?"

For the first time in a month, Patti walks out of her front door. She sits down on the porch swing and looks out on the day, feels the fresh air meet her skin, the coffee cup warm in her hands, and the world being born again.

"Nice out, huh" Tino's father says, looking around, seeming pleased by it all, "amazing how it does this every year, right on schedule."

"So, about the kids" he begins, and even before anything else gets said, Patti starts to understand all sorts of things about what he's doing here, and why she's sitting outside talking to him.

#...********************...#

"I've never actually ditched school before" Sharon says, giggling, looking around at the people on the courthouse steps. "I mean I'm just surprised that all these adults aren't looking at us and wondering why we aren't in school right now."

"It is kind of funny." Angela says, smiling serenely before turning to an unusually pensive looking Rayanne.

"What's going on Raynee?"

"This thing with Tino's dad has me like, totally freaked" she scowls, looking across the steps. "I mean why's he here? Is this like some frigging scene out of Our Town where he gets to come back for a day or something? Why can we see him? I wonder if Amber's seen him."

"Tino's _**dad**_?" Sharon's voice hits a high note, and she looks at Rayanne for an explanation, but Rayanne is walking away from them, to the other side of the steps, towards a man who looks like he could be Tino's older brother or something.

"What's she talking about?" Sharon asks Angela, who just shakes her head, looks in the direction that Rayanne is walking and says nothing.

"That man isn't old enough to be Tino's father" Sharon hisses.

A determined look crosses her face and she turns and trails after Rayanne.

Angela watches the three people standing together on the steps, noting the details of the scene as if she was going to paint them somehow, the way the mans outline isn't quite as sharp as a normal persons, how Rayanne and Sharon's outlines begin to soften and beam. It's kind of fascinating, she thinks, because there's a sort of golden gentleness pouring through all three of them, and she can even feel her body tuning into them, experiencing the same thing, being suffused with a sense of sweetness. In the midst of the sweetness she thinks of her mother and how much she loves her, and how even while with all her heart she wants her mother to get better, there's still this cohesive presence of life and the love that runs through it whether people get better or not. She stands there on the steps and it's all running through her right now, this world that she's not separate from.

And then, from outside there's the sound of brakes slamming and the crash of metal, and the feel of everyone on the courthouse steps freezing, turning their attention to the sound. Angela looks around dizzily, and when she looks back towards her friends, the man has disappeared. The three of them look at each other, their mouths opening in shock, and without a word, begin to run in the direction of the crash.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks everybody for reading and reviewing,  
**

**Chapter 28**

"Mom!" Angela almost gasps, coming into the kitchen.

"Morning sweetheart."

Angela gulps, swallows and stares at the sight of her mother sitting in the nook, drinking coffee in her bathrobe.

"I'm going in to see the doctor this morning," Patti tells her quietly, but in a perfectly normal voice, "and then Camille is taking me out to lunch."

"So you must be feeling better then?" Angela says, turning both to pour herself a cup of coffee and to collect herself before she faces her mother again.

"I think so" Patti says softly, sounding a little surprised at the fact herself.

"Oh mom" Angela slides into the nook with her coffee cup "I'm so glad."

She doesn't say anything else because her mothers hand reaches across the table and presses hers and for a minute they just sit there, saying nothing.

"Mommy?" Danielle says coming into the kitchen, up to the table and peering at Patti curiously "are you well now?"

"I'm better, honey" Patti tells her seriously, "how are you doing?"

"I'm okay. Kind of sick of soccer though." She pauses for a second and then adds "Could I get my ears pierced? Amelia's mom is letting her for her birthday."

"We'll talk about it"

"Really?" Danielle says, looking completely surprised.

"Really we'll talk about it. But not now." Patti says, and when she sees the faint smile on her mothers face Angela smiles too.

There's a soft tap at the kitchen door, the sound of it opening and then Jordan walks in and looks immediately confused.

"Oh, um, Ms. Chase, hi," he kind of stutters, "I'm sorry. I should have like, waited for you to say come in or something."

"It's fine Jordan. Are you taking Angela to school?"

"Uhhuh. I mean yeah."

"He does everyday now, mom" Danielle says, and Patti nods.

"Well have some coffee then."

"Um, thanks," he says, still looking confused, so Angela, feeling more than a little weird herself, gets up and hands him a cup.

How's your friend?" Patti says thoughtfully, "Tino?"

"He's okay. I mean his leg's broke and his car's a wreck, but he was really lucky."

"Well, someone must have been looking out for him then" Patti whispers, almost to herself, standing up and starting to drift slowly towards the hallway.

"Have a good day," she adds almost as an afterthought, before turning and heading up the stairs.

"Did you talk to her about Tino?" Angela asks Danielle.

"No," Danielle shakes her head "maybe Camille did."

"Weird"

"So what isn't?" Danielle says sarcastically, grabbing her backpack and heading for the front door "She's out of bed. Did you notice?"

"Yes Danielle, thanks for pointing that out" Angela says, turning back to Jordan.

"I think she's better." she says, almost in a whisper, putting their cups in the sink before they walk out and then closing the kitchen door behind them.

"Looks like it."

"That was definitely kind of strange in there" she tells him, her voice almost back to normal.

He wraps his arm around her, his way of telling her it's all right, so she lets her head rest on his chest, tucked in to him, and doesn't say anything else, but when they get to the curb, outside his car, she looks up at him and frowns.

"This is going to change everything again" she says, looking worried, "I mean, it's kind of like been like my mom's been invisible, I mean, like we've been invisible to her, too. And if we're all going to be visible again…" she pauses and looks down, " it's going to take some getting used to. I mean, I guess I kind of got into it being a parent free house, you know?' she says.

She's totally unprepared for him to pull her up against him and kiss her deeply, but that's just what he does.

"Me too" he tells her, while she's still recovering, just before he opens the car door.

#oooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo

"So you're gonna go to college, huh?" Jordan says to Corey Helfrick, as they're climbing the outside stairs towards shop and the gym.

"Where'd that come from?" Corey laughs, glancing over at him, registering the seriousness of his voice, "Yeah, I guess. I mean I'll probably try to get into art school, see what that's like. Why?"

"You know those tests I took?" Jordan says, looking down at the stairs, "well now guidance – and Foster too – they're telling me I should think about if I want to go."

"So do you?"

"Not really" he shrugs, "I guess I'm like, trying to figure out if there's any reason why I should."

"Some stuff you need a college degree for" Corey says, "like to teach school, or be a forest ranger, for example."

He looks at Jordan and they both kind of smirk.

"Otherwise" he says "I'm just going to do it cause my parents will probably pay for me to live somewhere away from home and I can experiment with different art mediums, you know?"

"Yeah. My parents wouldn't be paying for it. And the thing is, I don't like school much. I mean I don't really get the point, you know?"

"My dad says high school's for social indoctrination and to keep us out of the work force."

"Makes sense" Jordan says seriously.

"He didn't go to college. But who knows?" Corey says, turning his palm up, "my mom's just the opposite. She went to graduate school. She's totally happy studying Shakespeare."

"Uhhuh." Jordan thinks that makes sense too.

"Course you don't need to go to school to do that." Corey adds.

"Right."

They walk up the rest of the stairs in silence and when they get to the top, before they go their separate ways, Corey looks at him.

"Angela will probably be going to college" he says with a slight frown. "It's kind of a socio-economic thing."

"Yeah" says Jordan, quietly, turning to go. "I know." He's never heard the phrase socio-economic before, but he knows exactly what Corey is saying, and it's one of the things that's been bothering him.

#oooooOOOOOooooo#

"So what did she say?" Camille asks Patti the minute they're out of Dr. Peterson's office, walking down the hall towards the parking lot.

"She was really supportive" Patti says slowly. "She thinks I can stop taking the sedatives now, and then she called and got me an appointment for tomorrow morning with a therapist she likes. She suggested taking a little more time off work and then going back gradually. She said I've been through a lot and I need to take it seriously and take care of myself."

"What about the anti-depressants?" Camille asks, as they walk out into the sunshine and blink.

"I'm not going to take them," Patti says "not right now, anyway."

"Okay. Well you seem to have stopped crying all the time."

"I feel like I've survived the flood. Literally.." Patti looks around "and come out different. It's really strange."

Camille unlocks the car doors and looks over at her friend. She is different, Camille thinks, serious and at the same time softer, as if some of her edge has dropped. Her hair has gotten a little longer in the past month, she's wearing casual clothes and she no longer looks like the former clipped, efficient, cool as a cucumber Patti Chase. Vulnerable was never a word you could use to describe Patti before, Camille thinks, but it might be now.

"So, lunch." she says "where to?"

"I feel like this is already plenty of out in the world for me today. But you need to eat, right?"

She looks over at Camille, who smiles and nods.

Let's get some take out" Patti says "I could do a milkshake and we could sit in the park."

"Big Guy and the park." Camille laughs, "just like high school."

"Not quite" Patti says, smiling back quietly.

#ooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooo oooooooooooooo#

"What is going on with you and Corey Helfrick?" Sharon is saying accusingly to Rayanne when Angela walks into the bathroom "and please don't say _nothing_ again, because the way you two look at each other is not nothing, in the like, _normal_ sense of the word."

"Don't ask me" Ricky says in protest, when Sharon frowns questioningly at him, as if he might say something, "I know nothing. Especially about _normal_."

"Well, if it is something, I don't know what it is." Rayanne mutters, "maybe it's a like, flirtation or something, okay?"

"Yeah, well that much is obvious." Sharon scowls "you're always smiling at each other or laughing, okay. Does anything else happen?"

Angela looks at Ricky and then they both just stand there in fascination with their mouths closed. Rayanne has remained silent every time Corey's name's come up and even though they've both been dying to know if there is anything to know, they haven't pushed her for information.

"Nothing physical, if that's what you mean, okay?" Rayanne says in an exasperated voice "no trips to the boiler room, no dates. All between us is perfectly platonic. Satisfied?"

She puts her purse in the sink and starts digging through it, looking for something.

"I think my cherry's gonna grow back soon" she mutters, and when Angela and Ricky both roll their eyes, she makes a pouty face and says "then we can form a club and exclude Sharon."

"Maybe I won't be eligible much longer myself" Angela giggles and then looks totally self conscious as they all stare at her, "I mean just forget that I said that please."

"Oooh, Angelfood" Rayanne chirps "is the big bang finally about to become more than a theory?"

"Maybe" she blushes "if we can ever be anywhere behind closed doors for long enough to get our clothes off."

"I personally, never let that stop me" Rayanne laughs "but you lovebirds need privacy? Let's see now, where exactly could that be? The loft, the car, his house?"

"I don't like, want to like, plot it out" Angela sighs, clamming up a bit and feeling a little uncomfortable with Rayanne so ready to act as their personal party planner, "but we're busy like, every waking minute and then we're alone after Danielle goes to bed, but on the downstairs couch, and ever since my father walked in that time, you know…"

"Say no more, please" Sharon says giggling "I can't even imagine the look on everybody's faces without laughing. You definitely don't want any kind of repeat on that one."

"I think Jordan's permanently scarred" Angela mutters, embarrassed, while Rayanne and Ricky chortle.

"Well, you have Danielle sitters whenever you need them," Sharon says "but you two will have to figure out the rest."

"We believe in you, Angela" Rayanne laughs "you can do this."

"Thanks you guys" she says "I'm, you know, touched by your faith in me."

"Well, part of our faith is in Jordan too, you know" Sharon says grinning.

"Oh right," Angela says, "him." which for some reason hits everyone's funny bone and all they can do for the next few minutes is look at each other, sputter and laugh.

#ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo oooooooooooooo#

"_Angela's not the only one who could use some privacy_," Rayanne thinks, coming onto the stage instead of going to class, and looking at Corey's new sets. Now Maria's bedroom set, she tells herself, is just what they need in real life. Corey is super sweet with her these days and they've certainly become friendly, but pleasant and all as that is, what she wants is something else, and for once she has no real idea how to make that happen. It's not exactly like she's dying to have sex with him, because sex for her is totally anti-climactic, or, to put it more accurately, non-climactic, but none the less, it would still be reassuring to know that Corey wants to have sex with her. And she also imagines that sex is what it would take to move this flirtation thing they have along, into something else. Because like it or not, she wants something else with Corey Helfrick. She doesn't even know what the something else might be, or how to make sense of wanting it, but there it is. She wants him.

She flops down on the bed in the bedroom set, knowing she's not supposed to, and closes her eyes.

"Catnapping?" Corey says with a smile in his voice, walking onto the stage.

"I couldn't like, resist" she says, without opening her eyes, feeling herself smiling back, "Nap time was always my favorite subject. Never could understand why they dropped it from the curriculum in first grade."

She feels the bed shift as he sits down on the edge of it and tenses up a little at his closeness.

"Don't disturb the set" she says a little edgily.

"Right"

He reaches down and touches her hair softly and Rayanne's body sort of just floats up to sitting next to him, all on its own without her telling it to. When he wraps his arm around her she's surprised to find her head has floated onto his shoulder, and then she's surprised by how easy it feels to just let it stay there.

There's a minute of them sitting together like that, like there's no need to say or do anything, like they have all the time in the world, and then there's the sound of doors opening and people pouring in backstage, and he lets go of her gently, smiles, and is gone without a word.

#ooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOoooooooooooooooooooooooo#

"Sharon says Principal Foster has been pretty harsh with Ricky" Camille says, munching on a french fry and staring out at the park from their shaded bench, "He actually threatened to call child services and have him put in protective care if he didn't get right out of Mr. Katimsky's."

"That's horrible" Patti says, looking troubled "I knew he was a strict principal, but I certainly didn't think he was mean. And to be mean to Ricky, of all people."

"He's a completely sweet kid" Camille agrees "even if the eye make up is a little bit of a shocker at first. It's really a shame that nice English teacher is going to lose his job over this."

"He could have stayed with us. Ricky." Patti muses "I wonder why he didn't."

"Graham said he might go talk to Mr. Foster about what a good teacher Mr. Katimsky is" she adds after a minute.

"Sharon likes him. She says they had a hard time finding an English teacher in the first place."

"Maybe you could go in with Graham."

"I don't know about that" Camille says "Maybe we should just let Graham go mano a mano with the principal. I'm not sure I really want to get into it with the ultimate authority figure."

Patti sighs in agreement. "I don't think I'm quite up to it right now either," she says. "I just hope Ricky's going to be okay in this new place. Camille?"

Patti's voice sounds a little shaky, and Camille turns to look at her.

Patti looks at her oldest friend and wonders. She wonders if she should even try to talk to her about what seems really important now, about how she feels changed inside, about meeting Tino's father and how different the world looks to her since then, about how she wonders how to best help their kids and about how she wants to start going to church, not for social reasons but something to do with spiritual ones. About Graham and how she's maybe ready to think about moving on.

"What?" Camille says.

"Nothing, I guess" Patti says, smiling at Camille fondly. "_Some things you don't need to talk about," _she thinks. "Thanks for being such a great friend" she says, instead.

"Right back at ya" Camille says, and Patti thinks again of Graham. That's something he says, sometimes.

#oooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo ooooooooooooooooooooo#

In the kitchen, Graham listens to Halle returning phone calls and making reservations, while he checks the cakes in the oven and then pulls both of them. He'll be really glad when the school play wraps up and Rayanne's back in here to take care of pastry, he thinks to himself.

"No" he hears Halle actually giggling into the phone "not really."

"Okay, tomorrow then" she says, still laughing "after I finish up here."

He tries not to be too interested in her conversation, but she's standing right in earshot, and when she hangs up the phone, still smiling, he looks at her curiously.

"Personal call" she says in explanation "someone I met from the personals, as a matter of fact."

"Someone you like, from the sound of it."

"Well, I'm hopeful. Where there's life, you know."

"Good for you" he smiles at her encouragingly.

"How about you?" she asks "hopeful? Or shouldn't I ask?"

"I don't know," he tells her, shaking his head, "I'm kind of on the one day at a time program right now, so hopeful, resigned and not knowing are all in about equal proportion I guess. Maybe not knowing has a slight lead."

"How's Patti doing?"

"A little better, I think. I talked to her for a minute yesterday."

"Sounds hopeful to me" Halle says, looking at him affectionately.

"One day at a time" he says, shrugging his shoulders.

#ooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOooooooooooooooooooooo#

"Hey," Frank says, coming up to Ricky's locker with a friendly smile on his face, "I hear your room's almost ready at Pride House"

"I hear that too" he says, looking pleased, "Ms. Krazynowski told me. It's looking like I can move in next week."

"Well, good news finally, huh?"

"Yeah. It will be good to be settled somewhere, I guess," he says seriously. "I mean I hope it will work out. I mean, given my like, track record with living situations, I guess it would be kind of naïve to think it's going to be perfect or something."

"I think maybe you'll be surprised." Frank says quietly. "Listen, are you doing anything right now? Cause I was going to hit Big Guy for lunch and thought maybe you could come along. If you want."

"Sure. Big Guy sounds good" he says, wondering again why Frank Repniki is so nice to him.

"I wanted to talk to you about something. I mean Pride House and stuff" Frank tells him.

"Okay" Ricky says, closing the locker behind him and looking curious "let's go then. To Big Guy."

#ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOoooooooooooooo#

"I think Sharon's got a new love interest." Camille says, sounding far away while she sips at her soda, "Tino or Tonio or something like that."

"It's Tino" Patti tells her, smiling quietly.

"Did Angela say anything?"

"No, but I know who he is. He's a friend of Rayanne's. The one who drove Rayanne when she followed after me that night I," she pauses "that night I walked in on Graham and Halle and hit the mailbox."

"I have a good feeling about him" she adds after a minute. "I think he's part of our karass."

"Excuse me?"

"Karass. Group of souls who know each other, are linked in a cosmically significant way. Kurt Vonnegutt. Cat's Cradle."

"Of course" Camille says, standing up slowly and gathering up their take out containers, "our karass."

#oooooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooo ooo#

"Ricky?"

He hears his name being called just as they're walking into the park across the street from Big Guy and turns to see Patti Chase walking towards him.

"Sweetheart how are you?" she says, putting her arms around him and hugging him.

"I'm uh, fine" he tells her, totally surprised both to see her there and to be hugged so affectionately, "how are you?"

"Out of bed. Out of the house," she says, resting a hand on his arm and continuing to look at him fondly "better, I guess."

"I'm really, uh, glad to hear that" he says, a little self consciously, because Frank Repniki is standing right next to him watching it all.

"Ricky, I want to thank you for helping Angela and Danielle so much."

"Oh" he says "I, um, you're welcome."

And I'm so sorry to have made this trouble for Mr. Katimsky. I was just in no condition to answer the phone."

"I know" he says, "Don't feel bad about it, Ms. Chase. It's my fault more than anybody's. I'm the one who left the shelter and showed up on Mr. Katimsky's doorstep."

"That's not your fault, Ricky" Patti looks at him sadly and shakes her head.

"Well," he says slowly and looks at Camille "Hi, Ms. Cherski."

"Hi Ricky" she says, but she's staring at Frank.

"So," he's forced to say "Ms. Chase and Ms. Cherski. This is Frank."

#ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo oooooo#

"Sorry about that" Ricky says quietly, when the moms have said goodbye and are out of earshot, "she was kind of emotional."

"No problem. Mom's are sometimes."

Ricky doesn't say anything, but this time, when Frank lays his hand on shoulder again, in yet another sympathetic gesture, he's not sure he appreciates being the object of so much sympathy.

"Here?" he says, looking down at a sunny spot on the lawn, and sitting down with the take out when Frank nods. "So about Pride House, huh?"

"Look" Frank says "it's not exactly about Pride House. I mean, it's kind of about me, and Pride House" he looks at Ricky, "and you."

"Oh"

A funny little certainty, a happy kind of strange certainty, starts to grow in Ricky, and when he looks at Frank looking at him, he's pretty sure Frank can see it.

"I wanted to, I mean I'm not sure where to start" Frank says, and then he looks at the little smile playing on Ricky's face, "I mean, I guess I'm bi."

"Uh huh." Ricky says, not quite sure of how to respond, "I'm not."

"Right. I mean I figured."

"I'm going to be coaching all summer at Pride House" he says and then he stares at Ricky thoughtfully for a minute before rolling onto his back and shielding his eyes from the sun "and I really like you."

"Okay." Ricky nods, and doesn't say anything, because he senses Frank has more to say but also because he's kind of at a loss for words. He's pretty sure that like you means what he hopes it does, but he's also waiting for Frank to get it all out, to see if another shoe needs to drop.

"I wanted to wait till I got out of here, you know, till I was in Colorado, before like, coming out that way."

"Does anyone else know?"

"No. I mean I barely know. I mean it's always been there. That I'm like, attracted to guys the same way as girls, but it was like, clear that girls were allowed and guys, kind of…"

"Weren't. Yeah" Ricky says it for him, slowly, "I understand, I guess. I never actually said I was gay till a few months ago. It felt strange to finally, like say it, even though I always knew."

"I wanted to leave everybody here, happy like, you know, take Judy to the prom, say good bye to everybody, kiss my parents, and go a thousand miles away. Not hurt anybody. There's just so much like, I mean I don't really want to rock the boat here," Frank continues after a minute "and that seems so lame. But my parents and Judy, they won't be happy to hear about this, to put it mildly. Not to mention the whole frigging football team. I even wonder if people would want me to stop coaching at Pride House, you know, if I like came out with this? Maybe they'd think I was like some kind of sexual predator or something."

"Like what's happening to Mr. Katimsky." Ricky says.

"Yeah."

"So, don't do it. You should probably just, you know, do what you said, wait till you get to Colorado, where people don't have, like, expectations of who you are."

"It doesn't seem fair though" Frank says.

"It's not."

"I mean fair to you. I wanted to tell you, because I thought maybe," he looks at Ricky carefully "I thought maybe you liked me."

"I do."

"I mean, like, you know."

"Yeah, I know. I do."

"Yeah" Frank sighs, but he's smiling again, even if it is a little wryly, "me too."

Ricky's face lights up, and a million feelings he can't even begin to separate flood through him, but mainly he's just incredibly happy. Frank likes him. He feels afraid, but he feels brave at the same time.

"Well, I can live with that" he says, taking a deep breath. "Nobody else has to know."

"Really?"

"Maybe my best friends?"

Frank nods. "I don't have anyone else I can tell" he says, shrugging.

They look at each other steadily for a minute, and get up to go without another word.

"This is good, you know" Ricky says, walking back to the car "liking is good."

Actually, he thinks, watching Frank grin at him shyly, it's pretty great.

#ooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOooo ooooooooooooooooooooooo#

Easing onto the brakes as they near a light, Camille looks over at Patti and grins.

"Frank was cute."

"Camille! I saw you looking at him."

"Do you think he's Ricky's boyfriend?"

"I have no idea. I guess it would be nice for Ricky if he was."

"They're all too young for this. They're baby's" Camille says, looking stricken "Aren't they?"

"They're teenagers, Camille. Turn your mind back and try to remember what it was like, how serious everything was" Patti says calmly "remember how serious we were?"

"I don't want to. I'm so glad high school is behind us."

"Well, the thing is" Patti almost laughs, "that it's not. Not while our kids are in it."

"So, I'm reluctant to ask" Camille says, turning to face her as they pull up to the house, "but what about Graham? Is he still a part of our karass?"

"Of course" Patti replies, totally seriously, "a really big part."

"Well, I guess that means you'll be talking to him soon."

"I guess." Patti says "It's all going to unfold one way or another, just not right now. For now I'm going back to bed. Today was all kind of exhausting."

#


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

"There's lights on. And that's Corey's dads car, I think" Jordan says, a little puzzled, as they pull up in front of the loft.

"Maybe he drove Tino over?" Angela says, looking disappointed.

It's been more than a week now since she told Jordan she was ready and they still haven't um, done it, because between Jordan working all the time, it being the last few weeks of school, studying for finals, the trauma of Tino's accident, plus Ricky and Rayanne not being able to Danielle sit as much because of rehearsals, everything's been insanely complicated.

"Maybe we should just go to your house instead." She looks at Jordan and sighs as he pulls her in close to him. She's been in his house exactly two times since she's known him, and both times he's been nervous about them being there.

"Nah. I'll ask them to leave. It'll be cool."

"Where's that place on Cloverdale when we need it" she mutters, cracking him up. "Seriously."

"Come on" he laughs, taking her hand, pulling and sliding her carefully across the front seat "they'll be gone soon."

#oooooOOOooooo#

"I don't believe this" Angela says, walking into the loft and moaning in despair at the sight of Tino and Sharon sitting on the couch, playing monopoly with Corey and Rayanne "you're playing board games?"

"Can't drive" Tino says, looking at his right leg in a cast and gesturing to a pair of crutches "for sure can't dance. Can't even sit in a movie comfortably. I'm bored out of my friggin mind. So Sharon came up with this Boardwalk and Park Place game.

"What are friends for?" Sharon says, giggling.

"Or Saturday nights" Rayanne says, looking up from the board "you guys want to play?"

Angela shakes her head and looks at Jordan who just rolls his eyes and looks totally appalled. Corey's on a date or something with Rayanne and Tino's with Sharon _and_ on crutches, and there's no way he can ask them to leave now.

"_Shit. Okay. Plan B. Oh right, there isn't one. Okay, make the best of this Catalano."_

"We'll just hang here for a few minutes and leave" he whispers, wrapping his arm around Angela's shoulder and smiling at her emphatic nod.

She flops down in the hammock and he considers joining her, but since he really doesn't want to start kissing her here, in front of everyone, and since he knows that's exactly what would happen if they were to be horizontal in proximity, he walks over and opens up his guitar case instead, sits down and starts to play softly.

He's playing something sweet and bluesy that seems familiar to them all, even though no one recognizes it, and after a minute Tino looks up and nods in approval, Sharon visibly softens, and Rayanne and Corey, who have been strangely shy with each other so far, smile and make sustained eye contact. Angela, lying in the hammock, feels herself relaxing and being grateful for an actual Saturday night out with her boyfriend and her friends, even if it wasn't what she'd had in mind walking out the door a half hour ago. She loves to hear Jordan play, and it's an incredible relief to just lie there and let the music wash through her.

"Move over Chase face" she hears, and feels the hammock shift as Sharon settles in next to her.

"You aren't exactly who I was hoping for" she says sarcastically and then she has to giggle.

"I could tell." Sharon smirks before looking at her apologetically, "Look, I'm really sorry I didn't think about this before. I just got carried away trying to get Corey and Rayanne together and set this whole thing up without thinking you'd probably want to be alone here tonight."

"I have to say, I'm impressed. How did you do it?"

"Asked Corey first. To give us a ride and hang. When he said yes I asked Tino to go along with it for Rayanne, and then I told Rayanne without mentioning Corey. Then Corey asked her if she was coming and she tried to bail, but I talked her down."

Sharon smiles triumphantly and then looks remorseful.

"Really sorry to screw up your evening though" she says.

"It's all right" Angela sighs. We're never going to be alone anywhere, ever again anyhow. I may as well resign myself to like, stolen moments in the boiler room and the back seat."

"Be grateful." Sharon says mournfully "At least he's not wearing a cast" and then the two of them start to giggle and for a while they can't stop.

Tino glances over in their direction and smiles, and then he looks over at Rayanne and gives her a little smile of approval too. She's talking quietly to Corey and no one is looking at the monopoly board anymore, so Tino leans back on the couch and starts to tap out a gentle rhythm on his cast. When Jordan's playing shifts to Nirvana's "Polly", Tino starts to sing along softly and Jordan looks up and nods.

"Try it a little lower?" he says, moving the capo along the guitar neck, and then the two of them start in together, softly at first, and then a little stronger, smiling as their voices find the harmony.

They sing a couple Replacements songs together, and then, when Jordan strums the opening riff to "Here Comes a Regular", Tino leans back.

"Come on Raynee" he says, looking at her affectionately, "we always used to sing this one together" so she puts her voice in with his and Jordan's and blends in perfectly, singing right on top of them, an octave higher.

"Wow" Sharon says, still lying next to Angela in the swing "she can really sing."

"And act. And cook. She's totally talented, if she could just believe in herself."

"I think maybe she's starting to." Sharon says smiling. "Chase face?"

"Yeah?"

"Summer vacation's coming. You're going to have lots of time alone with Jordan."

"I know" she says and grins "that's what he says too."

#oooooOOOooooo#

"Do you think they're maybe doing it right now?" Danielle giggles to Ricky, sitting on the front room couch.

"Danielle" he says "that's nobody's business. Turn the movie on." He has no idea how she's osmosed the idea, but he's definitely not encouraging the conversation, even though he seriously hopes Angela and Jordan do get some privacy.

"Bet that's Brian" she says, when the doorbell rings and Ricky gets up to answer it.

It is, and he ambles over to the couch and sits down without a word, wearing a dejected look.

"Janet dumped me" he says in response to their questioning expressions, "and she says this time it's for good."

"Why?" Ricky asks, frowning at Danielle's smile, "I thought everything was going so well."

"Yeah, me too. And she wasn't even like, mad at me this time. But she said, you know, she's going away for the summer and wants to be free, and that anyhow, my priorities seem to lie, like, elsewhere."

"Too bad. So want to watch the movie?"

"What is it?"

"What difference does it make?" Danielle says, happily snobby "It's What's eating Gilbert Grape."

"You're right" Brian sighs "what difference does it make."

#oooooOOOooooo#

"Take it" Jordan says, handing the guitar over to Corey and standing up. "I'm gonna take Angela and go get something to eat."

Corey takes the guitar and starts to strum it softly, and Jordan tilts his chin up in goodbye to Tino, who has turned and put his arm around Rayanne.

"You sound amazing" Tino tells her "seriously."

"Aw shucks. It was the three of us together."

"That part was fun. But you sound great." He leans back and messes up her hair. "You tell her, Corey" he says, looking over at him.

"He's right" Corey says, looking at her and smiling, "amazing."

Tino watches the smile break across Rayanne's face and reaches over for his crutches. By the time he's got them, Rayanne's kissing Corey Helfrick and the two of them don't even pause or look up when the couch rocks from the way he has to push himself off it to get up.

"Catalano" he says, hobbling over to Jordan, who's standing by the hammock with his arm around Angela, "I think Sharon and I'll be joining you."

"Huh? No. I mean.." Jordan frowns, but then Tino gestures over to Corey and Rayanne and the four of them look at each other resignedly, roll their eyes and head for the door.

#oooooOOOooooo#

"So how's Delia Fisher these days?" Brian says, when they put the movie on pause and Danielle heads for the kitchen to microwave some popcorn.

"What?" he says defensively, a second later when both Ricky and Danielle, turning to look back over her shoulder, scowl at him in disgust, "I'm just asking because I've been seeing her in the hall with Peyton Rawlins. Are they like, together or something?"

"They're dancing together in the play. She likes him" Ricky says "and it seems mutual, so far. I'm happy for her."

"Oh," Brian says, sounding disappointed "that's um, good."

"Yeah, it is good. I don't think you'll ever get another chance with Delia, Brian. You pretty much blew it."

"Yeah." Brian sighs. "So has anything happened with Katimsky?"

"Nothing new" Ricky says sadly "Not since Foster told him he's not coming back next term."

"Is there anyone Foster doesn't have it in for? Don't bother to like answer," he says when Ricky looks confused, "it was an um, you know rhetorical question."

"Our principal is nice. Mrs. Sullivan." Danielle says, walking back into the living room with the popcorn bowl.

"Principals seem to get less nice as you get older, Danielle," Ricky tells her "just wait."

"So you can't stay at Mr. Katimsky's anymore cause of your principal?" Danielle says, sitting down between the two of them, "I don't know why you don't just stay with us, instead of at Rayanne's. I mean you're here all the time anyways."

"And by next week I'll be at Pride House. In the meantime it works for me to stay at Rayanne's. That way nobody gets too sick of me."

"We wouldn't get sick of you Ricky," she tells him "we like you."

"Thanks Danielle. That's really nice."

"Now, Brian on the other hand" she says, looking at Brian and grinning when he rolls his eyes.

Janet's dumped him, he thinks, it's Saturday night, he's sitting on the couch at Angela's house while she's out doing whatever, he doesn't want to think about it, with Jordan Catalano, and her eleven year old sister is flirting with him. It's beyond ironic. And the really ironic part is that it's still it's an improvement on Saturday night alone in his room.

"Thanks Danielle, that's really nice" he says sarcastically, imitating Ricky's voice. "Pass the popcorn."

#oooooOOOooooo#

"Relax." Corey says, ghosting circles around Rayanne's nipples with his fingers.

"Okay" she whispers a little breathlessly, just before his mouth covers hers again. This actually feels pretty good, she thinks, surprised.

They've been kissing – just kissing – for a really long time now, and he hasn't seemed to be in any hurry to do anything else, so Rayanne actually is kind of relaxing. Even though it's highly irregular for her to not just take control and move things through the predictable sequence as quickly as possible, there's a sort of languid feeling that's taken over her body right now, and she finds herself melting into these kisses in an unusual but very pleasant new way.

"Corey?" she says later, when they pause for breath and her brain flickers on for a minute, "normally, I'd um, like want to get the next part over with, you know?"

"Yeah," he says, moving his mouth down her neck like he's getting to know every centimeter of it, "why's that?"

"I kinda go, um, numb down there, usually."

She's never told a guy this before, but she's never really felt someone paying this much attention to her before, either. She just hopes she hasn't killed the whole like, mood with too much information.

"How're you doing so far?" he says softly, without even seeming to pause, his fingers still tracing gently around her breasts.

"Um, good, so far" she says and kind of gasps at the sensations that are streaming through her as he moves his mouth slowly down to her chest.

"Good," he looks up at her seriously, "we'll stop whenever you feel like it, okay?"

"Okay" she says quietly, feeling almost like she might cry, but then the feel of his hands on her pulls her back into her body and her back arches a little to bring her chest up closer to his mouth.

"I think we can figure you out" he says, running a hand lightly down over her belly "it's not really rocket science, you know?"

There's a moment, an hour later, when his mouth is on her sex and his hands are stroking her, where Rayanne almost laughs at the thought that this may not be rocket science, but some kind of lift off thing is definitely going on here. And then, almost immediately, the thought is gone because she's in a whole new world, shooting and tumbling through space and it feels really, really good.

#oooooOOOooooo#

"C'mere" he says, shifting to look at her and pulling her up next to him so he can have his arms around her for another minute before she goes in the house.

"I don't want to go in" she murmurs, leaning her head against Jordan's chest, letting herself settle in as close as she can, feeling his arms surround her.

"Do you think you'll go somewhere far away for college?" she hears him say after a minute, with a carefulness to his voice that let's her know this isn't just some random thought coming out of nowhere.

"I don't know," She turns her head and kisses the base of his throat softly, "It's like, light years away. New York is kind of tempting. I haven't thought about it much though, you know?"

"Ummhum"

"Why?"

"Huh? Oh, just, I've been thinking about it a little. You know, cause guidance told me to. And they said how I should decide before next term, if I want to like, go. Then Foster said the same thing."

He seems nervous all of a sudden and she isn't sure why, except that sometimes he gets like this talking about school stuff.

"But, I think I'm not gonna do it. I mean I know I'm not."

"Okay" she says, feeling a little disappointed. It's not like she'd been planning that far ahead, but there had been a fleeting moment, when Jordan told her about his test scores, where she'd pictured them packed into his car, laughing and driving off to college together.

"You think so?" he says, and he must have heard her disappointment, because now there's an edge to his voice that she hasn't heard there for a while.

"Well, everybody made such a big deal out of your paper" she says, wondering what this is about, "and then your test results, you know? Maybe you shouldn't decide so quick, without thinking about it."

"I hate school, Angela. That's not going to change just because I took some tests, or cause I can like, read better. And I already told you I did think about it" he says, starting to sound agitated. "I mean I could wait till next term to say if I want to try and you know, do college prep classes and stay the two full years and try to bring my grade point up, but I don't like, need to wait. I'm not going to college."

Something's really wrong here, Angela thinks, because he's stopped holding her and he's actually rattling and sounding defensive.

"What do you mean, stay the two full years?" she says, moving away a little and turning to look at him, "Why wouldn't you stay the full two years?"

"Because I can go to summer school and that reading center place this summer, and then graduate next year" he says, sounding frustrated. "Is this gonna be some kind of a problem for you?"

"No!"

For a minute she just stares at him, at how stiff his jaw is, how upset he seems, while he looks out of his window, staring at nothing, avoiding her eyes.

Jordan, why are you talking to me like this, like I'm some like, parent or something?" she says finally, sounding really hurt, "just, you've made these plans you didn't even mention to me and now you're angry because I'm not all excited or something?"

Jordan looks at her and knows he's messing this up. He'd been so ready for her to disagree with him and so careful to not talk to her about it till he'd figured it out, and now he's not even sure why. Mainly he'd been afraid she'd try to influence him. Because of course Angela would want him to go to college, right? She'd think it's what's best for him. Maybe she'd really want him to try and be something he's not. Maybe she'd even push him to be something he's not, if he let her. And he might just let her, because he's so into her.

Angela swallows and tries to keep from crying. More than anything she's hurt that he's closed down and gone on the defensive with her. But she's disappointed too, and not just for him.

"What about us?" she says flatly now.

"What do you mean, what about us? We never thought I'd be going to college before. I mean I never did."

His voice lowers and he starts to sound unsure. "Did you?" he asks.

"I don't know. Maybe when you told me about your tests I did."

For a minute they don't say anything while Jordan stares at the dashboard and Angela tries to keep from crying.

"Is it so important to you, me going to college?" he asks, a little bitterly.

"I just think it's important for you to, you know, do what's best for yourself" she says, "to not, like, limit yourself."

She looks over at a stony faced Jordan.

"So not going to college, would be like, me limiting myself?"

"I don't know" she says, frustrated, "maybe?"

"Yeah. Or maybe me not going to college means you limiting yourself" he says, slowly "maybe you'd better go in."

How can everything be so wrong all of a sudden, she thinks, blinking back tears.

"That's not it. And I don't want to go in while you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad."

"You are too."

"Well, so are you" he says, sounding annoyed.

"I'm not. I just don't understand what's happening."

"What's happening is that you want something I don't want" he says flatly

"Wanting different things doesn't change how I feel. I mean about you" she says, and now her voice is definitely shaky.

He looks at Angela crying and feels torn in two. There's the part of him that would do anything for her and then there's the part of him that has to be true to himself. Up till now it's never felt like those were two different things.

"Maybe sometimes how you feel about people doesn't change how things are" he says, not even knowing exactly what he means.

He watches her eyes get big and scared.

"Okay."

She opens up the car door and now he feels all wrong inside.

"Look" he says, grabbing her hand, "I didn't mean for this to be such a big deal."

"No. You're right. Maybe how you feel isn't always the most important thing."

"Angela" he says helplessly.

"You could have talked to me about this, you know. Just a simple discussion before you decided. It would at least have been, oh I don't know, _considerate_."

Her voice is sarcastic now, and she doesn't care. "I mean it's not like I have anything to do with _**your life**_" she says, bitingly, because now, finally, she is angry.

She shuts the car door and storms up the steps, blinking back tears, while Jordan sits there in the front seat knowing he's fucked up, but not exactly how. After all, he can't go to college just to make Angela happy, right? She should be able to respect that, he thinks.

He turns the key in the ignition and starts to pull away from the house but then he stops. He's just remembered he's driving Ricky home.

#oooooOOOooooo#

"Hi?"

Ricky walks down the front steps, followed closely by Brian, and looks at a clearly agitated Jordan leaning against the car, smoking a cigarette

"Yeah" Jordan mutters, looking down, "hi."

Ricky gives Brian a worried look, and the three of them stand there for a minute, not talking.

"So, you going to Rayanne's?" Jordan says, tossing the cigarette down and stepping on it.

"Um, actually, I was going to ask if you could give me a ride to Louie's."

"Louie's?" Jordan looks up and frowns "Sure. Maybe I'll go in with you. You wanna come, Brain?" he asks, looking at Brian for the first time.

"Uh, okay. Maybe. Maybe I need to go get a jacket, though."

"Come on Brain" Jordan says, a little impatiently, "let's just go if we're going."

"Um, yeah. Okay."

"Here" Jordan says, opening the car door and handing him something, "you can wear this if you're cold."

#oooooOOOooooo#

Louie's is packed and noisy on a Saturday night and Jordan is already thinking how much he doesn't like this place before they've made it halfway through the door. And they're only gone a few steps further when a couple of guys, swinging at each other, back into them, knocking Brian over, and he hits the floor.

"Brain?" Jordan grabs his elbow and pulls him up "you okay?"

"I think so."

The back of his head is wet, and when he reaches his hand up to touch it he wonders, for a split second, if it's going to come back covered in blood, but instead it's clear and stinking of beer.

"This is disgusting" he says, pissed. "Janet dumps me and I end up here, on the floor, with beer in my hair."

"Janet dumped you? What's going on tonight?" Jordan shakes his head.

"Come on Brian" Ricky says, "let's go clean you up."

#oooooOOOooooo#

By the time he comes out of the bathroom, Jordan's leaning up against the wall with a beer in his hand, looking bored while two girls flirt with him frantically.

"You okay?" he says, looking at Brian, thinking how he looks really different with his wet hair slicked back and wearing his corduroy jacket, "where's Ricky?"

"He's um, talking to somebody. Hi," he says, looking at the two girls and noticing the incredibly nice frontal view on one of them.

"Hi" they both giggle "I'm Tessy" says the one he's staring at. "I'm Grace" says the other, and then they turn away and giggle to each other for a minute.

"Are they like, friend of yours?" Brian says, "I mean because I've never seen them at Liberty. And I like, think I would have noticed them, I mean, especially Tessy."

"Catholic school girls" Jordan whispers "seriously. I don't really um, know them much."

"So" Brian says, when the girls turn back to them "is what they say about Bishop O'Dowd girls true?"

"I don't know" laughs Tessy, pointing her chest up at him, "what have you heard?"

"I'll be out in back" Jordan mutters, slipping away, glad when Tessy doesn't even answer or look in his direction.

He walks outside, tucking the beer bottle under his shirt and leans up against the back of the building, thinking about Angela, wondering if this was just a fight or if it was _the_ fight. He'd probably been reluctant to talk to her about it because he knew it would be a big deal, he thinks, looking up at the sky. He knows Angela thinks college is important, thinks school is important, but he's not so sure he sees it that way for himself. He's incredibly glad he's going to be able to read well enough to function normally, but that, and shop and being able to do basic math is about the beginning and end of what he's gotten out of school, as far as he's concerned. Aside from the social side of it, the whole thing's pretty much sucked up till this year. And just because now some tests say he's smart and he's liked some stuff in English doesn't mean he wants to spend an extra second going to school. He can't be somebody he's not, right?

"Jordan"

He looks over at Ricky and wonders how long he's been standing there, stewing about this, because his beer is finished, he really needs a cigarette and now Ricky's walking out the door with Frank Repniki, while right behind him is Brian with a slightly drunk Tessy, hanging onto him like he's some kind of trophy. "_Amazing."_

"I've got a ride with Frank" Ricky says, coming up to him quietly.

"Sure. Later" he says, watching them walk away together, and then looking over at Brian, who seems to be doing just fine with Tessy climbing all over him.

"Brain" he calls, and watches him untangle himself and walk towards him.

"She says she'll give me a ride" Brian says.

"Yeah. Just make sure she pays attention to the road," Jordan tells him "she looks a little, like, you know?" he looks at Brian and he nods "and give me my cigarettes, in the pocket there" he gestures to his jacket, holding out his hand for the cigarettes.

He puts them in his shirt pocket and then takes something out and hands it to Brian.

"And make sure to use these, okay?" he tells him, "she's like, been around, you know?"

Brian looks at him, wide eyed. "Okay?" he says.

He walks back towards Tessy, and Jordan pushes himself off the wall and walks toward his car.

"_Ironic_."

#


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

"_I feel like I've slipped on a banana peel, or been hit by lightning or something, you know? Like a tornado picked me up and put me down somewhere foreign, and I don't understand the language here. Because I really don't understand what happened. I mean, how could he just like, out of nowhere, be so cold with me? We walk out the door planning to finally to, you know, and a few hours later we're practically broken up? Who is he, anyway? I mean, I thought I knew him."_

"So what's wrong?" Danielle says seriously, reaching for the cereal box and looking over the kitchen table at a moping Angela, "did you not like sex or something?"

"You're really too young to be asking questions like that Danielle." Angela sighs. "We had a fight."

"About sex?"

"I am so, never talking to you about sex," Angela tells her " so just stop asking me now. And no, not about sex. Okay?"

"Okay, miss sensitive, okay," she says, slicing a banana into her cereal, "You know Brian's girlfriend dumped him?"

"Poor Brian. Did you see Mom last night?"

"She came down and talked to Ricky for a few minutes about Mr. Katimsky. Then she went back upstairs looking sad. That was it. But she seemed okay."

"She's going to go to a like, therapist regularly, you know? And she says she's going back to work soon."

"Did she say anything about dad?" Danielle asks.

"No, and I don't want to ask her yet." Angela says, staring into her coffee cup.

"So, what did you fight about if it wasn't sex?"

"_Him not_ _trusting me? Him not trusting himself? Some idea he has about something that doesn't make any sense?"_

"I'm not sure" she says and gets up to call Ricky.

#oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooOOOoooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooo#

"I know, Amber" Patti says into the phone "this is just horribly, horribly wrong."

"Rayanne told me he even tried to bully Brian Krackow, back in the fall, into saying he'd seen Ricky do something wrong," Amber snorts "but Brian managed to stand up to him."

"Well, if any kid could, I guess it would be Brian" Patti says, nodding her head in silent agreement with Ambers snort " I mean he's always been such a little smarty pants, and totally sure of himself as well."

"Rayanne thinks that when Katimsky got those tests for Jordan, that's when he signed his death warrant. Foster's always had it in for Jordan, I guess, and didn't want to have him tested. And when it turned out that Jordan's really smart and has some reading problem that should have been dealt with in fifth grade, well, the teachers were all talking about it and saying what a shame it was, and it _really_ pissed Foster off."

"This just gets worse and worse" Patti says. "But we can't just walk in and tell Mr. Foster he's a bully and to lay off Mr. Katimsky, can we?"

"Not really. But I think we should try to do something."

"Graham said he was willing to go in and talk to him. I guess I could do that too. Do you want to go along?"

"Count me in" Amber says "and let's ask Bernice to come in with us. She'll be good."

"You're right, she will be, if she'll come. And maybe Camille, Sharon's mom. But what are we going to say?"

"We'll figure it out together."

"All right. Talk to you soon."

"Right O."

Patti puts the phone down and wonders if there's any hope of influencing the principal. A mental image of parents protesting, carrying signs saying "Gay Rights" and "Keep Katimsky" rises up in her imagination, and then the image is filled with flashing news cameras and an opposing group screaming rabidly to crucify gay teachers. That's probably 's Mr Katimsky's worst nightmare, she thinks. No wonder it's so easy for Foster to get away with this.

#oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooOOOOOOoooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooo#

"Daddy!" Danielle shouts, hurling herself into his arms as he walks into the kitchen.

"Hi Honey" he says, picking her up and then groaning, "You're getting too big for this. Or I'm getting too old."

"Probably too old" Angela says, walking up to kiss his cheek. "Hi dad."

It's the first time they've seen each other since that afternoon in the restaurant, that afternoon really not so long ago when she'd told Jordan she loved him, that afternoon that feels centuries ago now, and she looks at her dad and smiles; a small, sad smile, but still, a smile.

"Hi sweetheart."

He lowers Danielle to the floor and puts his arm around Angela's shoulder, giving her a little squeeze.

"Where's your mother?" he says "upstairs?"

When they both nod he thinks about going up, but then he thinks he doesn't wants to go into that room right now, that room that used to be his bedroom, that "room of gloom," as Angela called it recently.

"She knew I was coming over" he says, looking at Danielle "go up and tell her I'm here, okay honey? I'll wait out on the front porch."

"It's your house too, dad" Angela says, watching Danielle start up the steps "you don't have to wait outside."

"I just want some fresh air," he says, looking at her appreciatively, his arm still around her shoulder "How are you doing, Angela?"

"Oh, dad" she says, and tears up.

"I know honey," he tells her, as she lays her head on his shoulder "sometimes it's just hard, that's all."

"Listen sweetheart," he says, after a pause, "I promise to never mention this again, but I went into Dr. Skolnick's office last week and talked to her. Whenever you decide you need birth control just go get it, okay?"

"I'm never going to need it dad" she says and starts to cry a little harder.

"Right" Graham says, smiling to himself and tightening his arm around her "of course not. But just in case."

#oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooOOOOooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooo#

Graham knows that something major has shifted the minute Patti walks out onto the porch. This isn't the sobbing or collapsed Patti of the past few weeks, but it's not the cold, preoccupied Patti, the brisk, busy, competent Patti, the brightly smiling Patti, or the tightly wound over emotional Patti either. It's none of the Patti's he's gotten used to seeing, and at the same time it's not somebody entirely new. He stares at her and sees a Patti with some of her outer layers peeled off, someone who's always been there, someone slightly subdued and softened, but solid too, someone he's always loved.

She sits down on the swing, where she'd sat last week with Tino's dad, and looks at Graham, standing just where Tino's dad had stood, and something that could almost be the beginning of a smile starts to happen.

"So, hi" she says.

#oooooooooooooooooooooOOOoooo oooooooooooo#

"_New York is kind of tempting..?"_ Jordan thinks to himself, sitting on his front porch with a cup of coffee in his hand, trying to figure out what happened last night, the sting and the irony of handing his condoms to Brian Krackow fresh in his mind. _"I thought…I mean, what did she think, I'm gonna go live in New York and go to college with her? She like knows, I want to live in the mountains. I mean it was practically the first thing I ever told her."_

He guesses she probably wants to end up with someone who does go to college. That's only fair, he thinks. That makes sense. She should be with someone who wants what she wants. He tells himself that they never made plans for the future together, that he never wanted to talk about plans, so maybe they won't end up together in the long term. How he feels about that though….he thinks of being in the kitchen with her every night, of holding her close to him on the couch after and he feels like he wants that for the rest of his life, like he can't stand thinking about the two of them not being together, of her being with someone else.

"_Maybe sometimes how you feel about people doesn't change how things are?" "Where the fuck did that come from, anyhow?"_

"_So maybe I didn't tell her the best way. I told her the like, truth, and if that means we have to break up sooner instead of later, at least I did the right thing."_

Doing the right thing doesn't seem like much comfort right now, though. He remembers everything he's done these last few months, every way he's tried to show her what she means to him, how sure he'd been that she felt that way too.

He shakes his head angrily when his eyes start to fill up with tears. Angela loves him, he knows she does, and he knows how he feels about her, too. Maybe it's better if they do break up now and just get used to it. Maybe they should try and stay together, knowing it's not forever. Maybe he should just think about going to college.

Maybe all three of those ideas suck. Maybe they each break his heart in a slightly different way.

#oooooooooooooooooooOOOoooooo ooooooooooo#

"They're sitting close to each other" Danielle says, coming back into the kitchen "he's holding her hand. But I can't see their faces."

"Stop spying, Danielle."

"Don't you want to know? What's happening? If they're going to make up?"

"It's their business" Angela tells her, and starts to cry again.

#oOo#

"We should probably tell them together" Patti says "I think I saw Danielle peeking out here a minute ago."

"Are you sure about this?"

"I think so" she says slowly. "There is one more thing though."

"What's that?"

"I want to start going to church. I know you don't want to, but I do, and if the girls want to go with me, I want them to."

"Do you think I'm going to argue with you about that?" he asks, puzzled, "Go to church, Patti, if you want to."

"I want you to respect it" she says seriously, looking him in the eye. "Even if you don't respect the church, exactly, or even what it says, I want you to respect the part of me that wants to go."

"You got it," he says, looking back at her, a little startled, "I do."

"So." She takes a deep breath. "We'll start counseling the end of this week, and then we can talk about you moving back in."

She leans back into the swing while Graham leans forward and buries his head in his hands.

"I'm never going to cheat on you Patti. I promise."

"I hope not," she says, "but it's going to take a lot more than that from both of us."

#ooooooooooOOOOoooooooooooooo #

"I get it now" Rayanne is saying that evening, sitting at the head of Angela's bed and waving her arms in the air while Ricky smiles and watches her from the other end "I mean, totally. I _get_ what the big fuss is all about. _Finally_!"

She rolls onto her back and kicks her legs up in the air, and then rolls over onto her side and curls up next to Angela.

"Corey Helfrick deserves the frigging medal of honor" she laughs "the f'ing purple heart."

"So what about emotional involvement?" Angela says, with a smile in her voice "does he deserve that?"

"I don't know." She buries her head in Angela's pillow and then pops back up, laughing. "Maybe. What the hell?"

"Tell her about Brian" Angela says to Ricky.

"Last seen leaving Louie's with a slightly drunk, all over him, Catholic school girl."

"No!" Rayanne squeals.

"Yes" they both say, giggling.

"And Ricky got kissed" Angela says happily, watching him get happy and embarrassed at the same time.

"Nobody can know" he tells them.

"You're really okay with that? Two more weeks of seeing him walk down the hall holding Judy Winters hand?" Rayanne asks him, concerned, "you really think it's fair?"

"I think it's how it has to be right now. He says it's been winding down anyhow and that as soon as school's out, he'll find a way to break up. He doesn't want to hurt her, after all this time. And people can't know about us if he's going to coach at Pride House this summer."

He looks at them both and smiles. "It was a really good kiss" he says. "I'm happy, you know?"

"Okay" Rayanne says "then we're happy for you, right Angelica?"

"Only problem," she continues, "Ricky got kissed but you got missed? Sorry about taking over the loft."

She tries to stay serious but then she starts giggling again. "Not really."

"You can't take this fight thing too hard," she says, looking at a suddenly subdued Angela, "it was probably just frustration or something – the poor guy's been waiting forever."

Angela looks like she's going to start crying again and Ricky grabs her hand "Look, maybe she's right. The two of you love each other. What could college have to do with it?"

"You weren't there. It was like all of a sudden, he just went mean on me. Like it was some argument about his life, and he was just informing me, "_oh, by the way."_ Like it was none of my business but at the same time he was angry at me."

"You'll work it out, Angela." Rayanne tells her "it can't be happening for all of us and not you. And if it doesn't we can have a like, menagerie a trois."

"Menage, Rayanne. Menage a trois." Ricky tells her.

"Right. Whatever. We won't leave you all alone."

"I don't know what I'll do if he breaks up with me" she says, and her voice is shaking, "I think I'll die."

"Just breathe, okay. It's going to be okay" Rayanne tells her, and for a minute no one says anything.

"So what exactly are your mom's doing at Krackows, anyway?" Ricky says.

#oooooooooooooOOOoooooooooooo #

"Brian?" Bernice Krackow says, standing in her son's bedroom doorway and using a voice that makes him think he'd better just go across the street for a while, "is it true that Principal Foster actually threatened your academic career at the beginning of the school year?"

#oooooooooooooOOOoooooooooooo #

"Let him cut it, Brian!" Angela says, standing in her kitchen a half hour later.

"Brain, your hair is holding you back" Rayanne Graf says, grimacing.

"She's right, you know." Ricky says, holding the scissors and shaking his head "That whole thing last night at Louie's? You have no idea how different you looked with your hair slicked back and wearing Jordan's jacket."

Brian stands in the Chase kitchen, blinking in confusion.

"What difference does it make how I look?" he says and watches the three of them roll their eyes in exasperation.

"Listen Braino" Rayanne says threateningly "did you or did you not enjoy yourself with that Bishop O'Dowd girl?"

"Tessy?" he says, blushing up to his eyebrows and thinking that enjoy seems like a pretty tepid word for describing his um, _experience_ with Tessy.

"Tessy?" Angela says, looking actually jealous, "that's who you were with?"

"Don't pay any attention to them Brian." Danielle says angrily "I like your hair the way it is."

That does it.

"Thanks Danielle" he says, and then he looks at Ricky and nods.

"Okay" he says "go ahead."

"After this, we go through your closet" Ricky tells him.

#oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooOO Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooo#

"_There's the strangest smell in the house_", Angela thinks, waking up and blinking in the morning sunlight.

"Mom?" she says, walking out of her bedroom and down the hall in her pajamas, "What's that smell?"

She follows her nose, sniffing at something that reminds her of weed but isn't, through the open door of her mother's room. All the windows are wide open, the morning sunlight is streaming in, and Patti is holding a smoking bunch of dried herb, waving it up and down.

"I'm burning sage" her mom says, "to purify the room. Amber gave it to me last night."

"Really? Maybe it's working. It feels a lot better in here."

"It seemed worth a try," Patti says, smiling a little crookedly, "It's called smudging. Drives out the negative influences and evil spirits."

"Can we try it on me?" Angela asks, sitting down on her mother's bed, "I was thinking about staying home today."

"Are you getting sick?" Patti says, looking concerned, as she turns and wafts the sage stick up and down in front of her daughter.

"I think I just want a personal health day. I can study better for finals if I just stay home."

"Did you have a fight with Jordan?" Patti asks and watches Angela look at the floor and nod.

"Well, staying home isn't always the best way to deal with things, sweetheart" she says seriously "but I don't see how I can say no to that after all my weeks in bed, so okay, just this once. "

"Thanks mom."

"I'm not going to be here today though." Patti says, while she sets the sage down on a saucer and stands in front of her closet, thinking she doesn't want to wear most of these clothes anymore, "I'm going in to the press this morning and then after lunch Bernice and Amber and Camille and your father and I are all stopping by your school to try and arrange a meeting with Principal Foster."

"Are you going to try and help Mr. Katimsky?" Angela asks.

"Yes." Patti says, pulling out an old dress she used to like and holding it up to herself, "Exactly. We're going to try."

"Oh mom" Angela says, getting up and hugging her.

"Well, it's like we said before" Patti tells her, holding her close, "you've got to choose your battles."

"Right. I couldn't agree more."

"So is Danielle up yet?" Patti says "I thought maybe I'd take her out to breakfast and then drop her off at school. A special, mom's finally out of bed, kind of thing."

She looks at Angela a little shyly, "do you think she'd like that?"

"I think she'll love it."

"Do you want to come along?"

"Thanks mom. Another time, okay? I just want to stay home. And I think it will be nice for Danielle to have you to herself."

"Okay sweetheart" Patti says, looking at Angela wistfully, "another time. Promise?"

"Promise" she tells her mom solemnly, nodding and smiling fondly.

#oooooooooooooooooooooooooOOO oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo #

He feels a little sick to his stomach getting out of the car, but he's got to do this, he thinks.

"Jordan" an excited Danielle shouts, running down the steps and up to him "Hi. We're going out to breakfast."

"Oh. Okay." he leans up against the car, figuring he'll wait and say hello to her at least, let her know he showed.

"Jordan" Patti says, coming out the door a second later, walking towards him "I'm so glad to see you. I'm going in to the press this morning. My dad says you've just been an incredible help there."

"I've really, um, been liking it" he says, standing away from the car and looking at her curiously, because this is a different Angela's mom than the one he knew a month ago. For a second, out of nowhere, he remembers Tino's dad, that day at the courthouse, and then the memory is past and he sees Patti, looking up at him, seriously, warmly, and he thinks he sees a little bit of Angela in her face.

"I know you've been an incredible help here too" she tells him. "Angela told me you've even helped her keep the kitchen clean, and driven her around and picked things up. Really I can't thank you enough."

"Uh, sure" he mumbles, embarrassed, "it was no big deal."

"Mom, can we go?" Danielle says, impatiently, and Patti looks down at her and smiles.

"Yes, just a second, okay?" She looks back at him.

"So you're planning on working this summer, right?" Patti asks. "I'll be coming back in, but my dad says he still wants to come in too, at least part time over the summer. He wants to get you set up working letterpress."

"Yeah, if that's, you know, good with you – I'm going to go to summer school and stuff. And your dad said he'd show my friend too. Um, Corey. He wants to work with linoleum cuts and try out using a split fountain."

"That's sophisticated stuff. Beautiful color gradients. Great for invitations and announcements."

"Yeah, well. I kinda like the letterpress so far. And Corey's artistic, like, so.."

"Mom?"

"Okay honey"

"See you later, Jordan" Patti says "Angela's in the house. She's not feeling so well. Wasn't, that is." She smiles at him.

"Oh. Okay. ..bye."

He feels a little confused by it all, especially the idea of working for Angela's mother. He wonders if they'll still want him there if he and Angela break up. Josh will always take him back at the garage, he thinks, but he'd been telling the truth about liking the letterpress and Corey's really stoked about the whole summer thing. He shakes himself out of his thoughts and manages to wave goodbye to Patti and Danielle as they get in the car and then he walks up the sidewalk and the steps, and rings the doorbell.

#ooooooooooooooooooooOOOooooo ooooooooooooooooooooo#

"Oh. Hi."

She stands in the door in her bare feet, wearing jeans and a pajama top, like she's not finished getting dressed yet, and looks at him like she's surprised to see him.

"You're not going to school?" he says, mainly just to say something.

"Not in the mood" she tells him without much expression on her face, and then she stands to the side, letting him know he can come in, so he does, closing the door behind her, following her into the kitchen.

"So" she says coolly, picking up her coffee cup, and gesturing for him to help himself, "are you here to break up with me officially or something?"

He hates it when she's all prickly like this, but of course he should have known it was what he was walking into.

"I'm here to see you" he says as calmly as he can "I was gonna give you a ride to school, I thought."

"Well, I wasn't planning on that, you know. I mean being included in your life, and your car and your drive to school" she says sarcastically "I mean how was I supposed to know I was included in your _plans_?"

"Angela, I don't have any plans. I mean okay, I made a plan about graduating, and I thought it was the right one. I didn't mean to like, shut you out or something. I just wanted to make my own like, decision, you know?"

"Well, yeah" she says, trying to get rid of the mean sound in her voice. She's not sure why she has to sound so mean when what she really wants is to throw herself at him, and as soon as she thinks that, she knows why, because she starts to sniffle instead. _"oh shit!"_

"Why'd you get so angry?" she asks him, and now she likes that wimpy voice even less than she'd liked the sarcastic one.

He seems to like it a little better though, because he stops frowning so hard and reaches out for her hand, which she lets him have reluctantly.

"It's just um, I knew you'd probably want me to go to college" he says, swinging her hand a little nervously and not looking at her, "and that's because you're gonna go to college and you probably want to be with someone who's going too and it makes me like, sorry that I won't be what you want, you know? "

"What?" she says, and when her hand moves a little in his, holding on, it gives him the courage to go on.

"Ange, I hate the idea that we can't be together for like, maybe, you know, a long time, and"

He'd wanted to say forever, but it wouldn't come out.

"Why couldn't we be?" she says, really softly, leaning closer to him.

"Because you should have what you want. I mean college and New York and the kind of life you want. And I couldn't you know, do that with you. Probably."

She almost wonders if this is all some elaborate excuse for breaking up with her, because it just seems so utterly impossible that he doesn't know she'd die without him, but she also knows him well enough now to understand that what he's actually doing is telling her the truth as he sees it.

"You're what I want" she says, leaning her forehead against his shoulder "you're everything I want."

"I know" he says helplessly "me too. But things will change, and I'm afraid"

"Don't be" she says, reaching up and interrupting him with a soft kiss "please don't be."

"_So he just held me for a while after that, and we didn't talk or say anything. We just sort of stood there together until our bodies being close made us like, safe again, and then I think we both kind of realized that we were actually, like alone in the house, you know, together. As in **alone together** in the house, you know?"_

"So did you come over here to break up with me?" she says again, but this time there's a smile in her voice.

"Come on. You know I don't want to break up."

"You should have talked to me about this before you made up some whole story in your head."

"I guess" he says softly, touching her hair, "but you would have tried to get me to stay in school and go to college, I think."

"Probably" she admits, snuggling closer into his body with a little sigh "but at least we could have just fought about that instead of getting all confused about other stuff."

"Yeah. Maybe you're right."

"Yeah?" she grins up at him for a second and then feels everything becoming crystal clear, because all at once she knows exactly what's happening now and what's going to happen next.

"So do you want to go to school this morning?" she says, pushing herself up against him gently and taking little steps forward, walking him backwards, towards the stairs.

"Not without you" he says, pausing at the landing, looking straight into her eyes.

"Me neither," she says, looking back at him, putting her hands on his arms, pushing him backwards up the first stair, "I don't want to go anywhere without you either. Ever."

She watches him take in what she's said, how the smile moves across his face in slow motion.

"Yeah? Good," he says, not taking his eyes off hers, "cause that's what I want too. You think we can keep it that way?"

She feels herself nodding, staring into his eyes, losing herself there and finding something she hadn't even begun to hope for.

"Umhum" she says breathily, feeling him turn them both around and fold his arms around her so that now her back is leaning into his chest while he walks them up the stairs.

"Umhum?" he almost whispers against her ear, and she can feel the whole world spinning around them and how perfect it is to be right here in his arms.

"Yeah, umhum" she says laughing, tilting her head around and up to see him smiling back at her, "as in, like, I do."

#

**The End**

**So for a moment things are hopeful for everyone, which is how I want to leave them. ****I may someday correct my grammatical errors and typos and rewrite chapter one, but then again, maybe not.**

**Thanks to all of you for reading. Special thanks to those of you who reviewed and sent personal messages, letting me know you actually liked it, and extra special thanks to the writers who love these characters and try to write well. **

**Pansy….**

"


End file.
